MARK WAHLBERG HALLOW APP BOUGHT BY AMAZON

BREAKING NEWS – Bezo’s bookstore bankrupting company, Amazon have purchased the Mark Wahlberg Hallow app from the Catholic Church for an undisclosed sum. The Christian based app will now come as an additional perk for those who have Amazon Prime membership. Soon Prime subscribers will be able to pray online for Mark Wahlberg’s numerous racially aggravated assaults to be forgiven. We caught up with the hard hitting, hard praying star for his feelings on this acquisition.

 

How Do You Feel About the Mark Wahlberg Hallow App Being Bought By Amazon?

I’m so buzzed for it man, praise the lord. I’ve seen the light, and the color of that light is green. All the way to the bank baby, praise be. I want everyone to drop to their knees, like good god fearing, penitent consumers and download the mother fuck out that app. Then get praying for my forgiveness for those trivial little racially charged beatings I dished out. Only 99cents per pray. Can I get an amen?

Do You Not Feel Monetizing People’s Faith Is Cynical?

The Vatican literally has a bank, you dumb mother fucker. If the church just gave up all its wealth to help the poor, needy and starving, what would happen to the holy bankers? What would happen to the ordained actuaries and the reverend risk managers? I think you’ve been hitting the blood of Christ a bit hard. You know what I’m saying?

Do You Ever Think This Might Harm Your Acting Career?

Let’s face facts man. I was in a Martin Scorsese Best Picture Oscar winner with The Departed. I told Martin Sheen, Leonardo DiCaprio AND Matt Damon to go fuck themselves. And you know what, I was ok in it. It aint ever gonna get better than that. I know what I am and I know I peaked back then. And I peaked the fuck out of it baby. So I’ll make this slushy religious garbage because those suckers can’t invest their god-given money quick enough.

The Mark Wahlberg Hallow App Is Available To Download

CHARLIE SHEEN DONATES HIS HARD DRIVE TO THE SMITHSONIAN

HOLLYWOOD – Hot Shots Part Deux star Charlie Sheen has donated his hard drive to the Smithsonian.

Wall Street and Platoon star Charlie Sheen is more famous today for ‘winning’, having dragon’s blood and once being married to Denise Richards. However, he has affirmed his place in American history by donating his hard drive to the Smithsonian Institute.

A spokesperson for the Smithsonian told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

As an institution, we are utterly stoked about Mr. Sheen’s endowment. The digital resources we will receive include his hard drive, but also his search and browsing history. Mr. Sheen being Mr. Sheen he never used incognito or any of the other disguised browsing methods and so his behavior online will be transparent and visible as will his archive of images and videos which we believe to be extensive and to include some of the less famous actresses of recent years.

But how historical is all this?

Erm. On a scale of Napoleon’s diary to yesterday’s shopping list, this is must closer to a bag of cat biscuits and a quart of orange juice than ‘la liberté ou la mort’.

Charlie Sheen himself declared that he was happy that his life would not be a complete waste of everyone’s time, lost in a haze of hedonism and lost promise. ‘Finallly, my dad can be proud of something when he sees how much time I spent on PornHub,’ he said.

Charlie Sheen’s new film Slags comes out Tuesday next.

THE MAKING OF PLATOON

HOLLYWOOD – In our new series ‘The Making of…’ we go behind the scenes, using previously unseen letters, diaries and documents, of a major motion picture landmark of cinema. This week Platoon.

The Idea.

The original idea for Platoon came to Oliver Stone when he was a schoolboy in 1956. He writes in his unpublished autobiography A Stone’s Throw:

I was a dreamy kid. I’d look out of the windows and wonder about movies I’d like to make. I don’t know if it was seeing something on television but I really wanted to make a film about a young marine who goes to a South East Asian country and becomes torn between two rival Sergeants. Of course Vietnam wasn’t going to get going for some years, but when it did I knew that this was the perfect opportunity for me to research the script that I still intended to write and so that’s what I did.

Casting.

Martin Sheen was originally approached to play the role of Chris Taylor but after several years had passed with Stone unable to secure financing Sheen pulled out. This is the letter he wrote to Oliver Stone:

Hey Ollie,

I’m sorry it has to end this way but I simply can no longer commit to the role of ‘Chris’ in your film, Platoon. I’m getting too old for the role and as written it resembles too closely my part in Apocalypse Now. I feel guilty about leaving you high and dry so I have a suggestion to make and I hope you will take it in good spirit. I have a son who is a very accomplished actor and physically resembles me in some way. I wouldn’t want to be accused of nepotism so I’d insist you audition him properly, but it might be a solution for you. I’ve included Emilio’s address should you want to go with that.

Production.

The filming took place in the Philippines which was then under the rule of the dictator Marcos. Condition were tough and Tom Berenger, who played Sergeant Bob Barnes complained of Oliver Stone’s commitment to realism in this letter to his girlfriend Lisa Williams:

Ollie is one tough son of a bitch. He sent us through basic training so that we would move like soldiers and achieve a basic sense of realism, but now we’re doing the fight scenes, we’re beginning to worry. He wants to use live ammo! He says squibs always look fake. I have to shoot Willem [Dafoe] and goddamn it, if he doesn’t actually want me to shoot him! When I questioned him, he yelled at me to ‘respect his process’ as he reloaded my MK 47. What could I do? I’m not going back to the soaps! I aimed to miss vital organs, but give Ollie his due, the dailies look great and we’re all very happy. Willem has been flown back to the states for surgery. Apparently the bullet is lodged in there quite tightly.

Post-Production.

Music would play a fundamental role in the success of the film and Stone commissioned Georges Delerue to score the picture. However, the composer of such iconic French films as Jules et Jim and Le Mepris would run into difficulty with his American director. He wrote to Francois Truffaut:

These Americans! Sacre Bleu! as we French say all the time. The emotional core of the film is when the Sergeant is shot but reappears chased by the enemy and dies in a Christ-like pose. M. Stone told me to write something like Samuel Barber’s Adagio. It’s a saccharine piece of twaddle but what am I going to do. I try my best but every time I play him my work, he says ‘no! I want it like the Barber piece’. Finally I told him to just use the Barber piece and that’s exactly what he ended did. I should have stayed in Paris, but now at least I’ve got the job of doing the music to Three Men and a Baby.

Platoon was released in 1986.

FIRST LOOK AT BILLY ZANE AS BRANDO IN MAKING APOCALYPSE

HOLLYWOOD – First photographs of Billy Zane as Marlon Brando in Todd Haynes’ new movie ‘Making Apocalypse’ released.

Billy Zane stars as Marlon Brando in new movie Making Apocalypse. The film tells the story of the filming of Francis Ford Coppola’s Vietnam epic Apocalypse Now. Director Todd Haynes spoke with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We focus on the arrival of Marlon Brando. Coppola had shot much of the film but he needed Brando for the third act. He’d only managed to secure the actor for a number of days and at huge expense. When he arrived Brando was out of shape and didn’t know his lines, so Coppola sat with him and read him Heart of Darkness the Joseph Conrad novel that the film was based on.

How did Billy approach the role?

In many ways, Billy Zane is our Brando. If you look at his work in Titanic or Dead Calm, basically any of the films when he’s in a boat and he is superb. Take him onto dry land and I agree he struggles.

Right.

Here the challenge was obviously enormous. But Billy wanted to respect Brando and so he decided to follow in Brando’s footsteps.

He employed the method?

He ate a lot, refused to learn his lines and charged us an arm and a leg.

The film also stars Seth Rogen as Francis Ford Coppola and James Franco as Dennis Hopper. Although Charlie Sheen was originally cast to play the role of Martin Sheen, the role has since gone to British actor Michael Sheen.

Making Apocalypse will be released in 2020.

FAN WRITES LETTER TO TERRENCE MALICK ASKING HIM TO STOP

HOLLYWOOD – A fan has written Terrence Malick a letter asking him to stop making films.

With the release of Song to Song, Terrence Malick continues his race to the bottom with another star-studded wander fest. 75 year old Ayrton Conseesee – a lifelong Malick fan – felt moved to write the following letter:

Dear Mr. Malick,

I have been with you from the beginning. I remember the excitement I first felt when I saw your debut movie – Badlands – starring then unknown Sissy Spacek and Martin Sheen. What amazing talent is this!? You turned a tawdry tale of a serial killer and his girl into a meditation on life and childhood and nature and America’s innocence. With Days of Heaven, we were once more in a period of American history and following the little known Richard Gere into a world of almost Greek tragedy. The film was stirring in the lyricism of its images and the beauty of the soundtrack.

Then came the hiatus at which point your reputation grew. The Thin Red Line showed that your power had not diminished. And even The New World gave us a new version of American innocence and its loss.

The problem seemed to start when you decided to swap history for autobiography and your innovations staled into traits.

Tree of Life was visually unbelievable but one occasionally longed to stop the ever moving camera and to allow the characters to actually speak to each other. To have dialogue. Without conventional blocking, your actors actually became more stilted as they wandered about not knowing quite where to stand.  Instead of bringing in fresh faces you were now able to command true star power with Brad Pitt. This didn’t always benefit the film. To the Wonder had Ben Affleck in it! Knight of Cups starred Christian Bale. It was like you were collecting Batmans. 

Song to Song has followed swiftly on and this is with a documentary in the middle, which I also saw. It looked like a reel they put in a TV store to convince you that 4K is worth selling a limb to buy. 

And now Song to Song. Please Mr. Malick would you stop making films. It’s like supporting a terrible football team. You know they’re going to lose but you have to watch anyway. Or buying a Bob Dylan album in the 80s. Which gives me hope. Maybe you can come back. Maybe you can do it again. But you need to ditch the voiceovers, block your actors and write a fricking script this time. 

Yours Sincerely.

A. Conseesee.

For MORE Malick, Click HERE.

DANNY DEVITO NAMED MOST FAMOUS MAN IN THE WORLD

HOLLYWOOD – Danny DeVito has been named the most famous man in the world, according to a recent poll.

Danny DeVito is officially the most famous person in the world. The poll was conducted by the Kevin Pollak Society and took in the largest number of respondents and the most geographically dispersed of any poll known to man. People were polled in places as far afield as Iceland, Afghanistan, the Democratic Republic of the Congo and San Marino as well as every country in Europe and the American continent. The figures were overwhelming with Kevin Pollak himself announcing the results from his headquarters in New Jersey:

I’m very happy for Danny. He won by a huge margin. The next nearest person was Martin Sheen but he was way down the field. The most famous woman was revealed to be Alison Brie from Community and Mad Men.

Danny DeVito first came to fame in the TV show Taxi. He has had a highly successful career as a film actor, starring in such hits as Romancing the Stone and Throw Momma from the Train. He moved into directing with Hoffa and has recently moved back to television with It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

The poll, which tested facial and name recognition, was based on science.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT TERRENCE MALICK

HOLLYWOOD – Everyone knows Terrence Malick is a genius, but no one knows why.

The Studio Exec FACT Squad have spent the weekend listening to whispering voice-overs and cavorting around wheat fields during the magic hour. The Terrence Malick FACTS are as follows:

1. Between the release of Days of Heaven (1978) and The Thin Red Line (1998), Terrence Malick opened up a meat providing business called Malick’s Meats, which provided restaurants with high quality meat substances, pastes, salami, burgers and sausages. However, in 1995 Malick sickened by the stench of blood and endless killing – which he would participate in personally donning a special slaughtering apron that made his torso look like the Venus di Milo – he decided to return to film making.

Malick (1982)

2. Although he has a reputation as a recluse, Terry is actually a party animal whose favorite tipple is Jagermeister. His contract stipulates a constant supply of Jagermeister which he drinks via a feeding pipe that is hidden in his hat. His love of hats is legendary, with the director appearing as April in a free calendar given to French readers of the January 1985 edition of Chapeau.

3. Malick’s reputation as a philosopher is unearned. He doesn’t like reading and when asked about Heidegger told the interviewer that he didn’t watch much soccer.

4. Many actors credit Malick with offering them valuable career advice. Richard Gere, Sissy Spacek and Martin Sheen all won early fame in Malick’s films. Jim Caviezel would pester Malick incessantly about what role he should take after The Thin Red Line. ‘Jesus Christ!’ the director finally exploded and Caviezel took him at his word.

5. The quality of each Terrence Malick film goes down in inverse proportion to the number of editors who work on the film. Badlands = 1 editor. To the Wonder = 5 editors. Knight of Cups = 243 editors.

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

THE KANYE WEST WING FIRST LOOK

HOLLYWOOD – No sooner had Kanye West at the MTV VMAs declared his candidacy for Commander in Chief, the President of the United States of America, than the poster for his new TV show The Kanye West Wing was released onto the internets.

Kanye West’s reboot of the NBC drama series The West Wing which ran from 1999-2006 and starred Martin Sheen as President Jed Bartlett is coming soon, retitled “The Kanye West Wing”.

The official NBC synopsis reads:

 

VMA Vanguard honoree Kanye West takes on the role of the First Black President Kanye West, who with his Chief of Staff Pharell Williams, tries to steer his top team of political advisors through numerous crises domestic and foreign. Secretary of State Miley Cyrus is good at her job, provocative and original, but her toxic relationship with Nikki Minaj (Secretary of Defence) and her jealousy of the first lady Kim Kardashian is proving too destabilizing. Can Kanye bring peace to the Middle East? Can Kanye cut the National Debt and cut unemployment? Yes he Kanye!

Initially Aaron Sorkin was hired to write the show, but Kanye and Sorkin fell out, with Kanye complaining:

He can’t write how I speak. No one can write how I speak. The only person who understands the words coming out of my mouth is me! So that’s who is going to do the writing and everything. Me!

 

Star-packed and full of great musical numbers The Kanye West Wing looks like being the best thing to watch until 2020 when we will get the real thing.

The Kanye West Wing will be broadcast this Fall.

mage courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

THE MAKING OF PLATOON

HOLLYWOOD – In our new series ‘The Making of…’ we go behind the scenes, using previously unseen letters, diaries and documents, of a major motion picture landmark of cinema. This week Platoon.

The Idea.

The original idea for Platoon came to Oliver Stone when he was a schoolboy in 1956. He writes in his unpublished autobiography A Stone’s Throw:

I was a dreamy kid. I’d look out of the windows and wonder about movies I’d like to make. I don’t know if it was seeing something on television but I really wanted to make a film about a young marine who goes to a South East Asian country and becomes torn between two rival Sergeants. Of course Vietnam wasn’t going to get going for some years, but when it did I knew that this was the perfect opportunity for me to research the script that I still intended to write and so that’s what I did.

Casting.

Martin Sheen was originally approached to play the role of Chris Taylor but after several years had passed with Stone unable to secure financing Sheen pulled out. This is the letter he wrote to Oliver Stone:

Hey Ollie,

I’m sorry it has to end this way but I simply can no longer commit to the role of ‘Chris’ in your film, Platoon. I’m getting too old for the role and as written it resembles too closely my part in Apocalypse Now. I feel guilty about leaving you high and dry so I have a suggestion to make and I hope you will take it in good spirit. I have a son who is a very accomplished actor and physically resembles me in some way. I wouldn’t want to be accused of nepotism so I’d insist you audition him properly, but it might be a solution for you. I’ve included Emilio’s address should you want to go with that.

Production.

The filming took place in the Philippines which was then under the rule of the dictator Marcos. Condition were tough and Tom Berenger, who played Sergeant Bob Barnes complained of Oliver Stone’s commitment to realism in this letter to his girlfriend Lisa Williams:

Ollie is one tough son of a bitch. He sent us through basic training so that we would move like soldiers and achieve a basic sense of realism, but now we’re doing the fight scenes, we’re beginning to worry. He wants to use live ammo! He says squibs always look fake. I have to shoot Willem [Dafoe] and goddamn it, if he doesn’t actually want me to shoot him! When I questioned him, he yelled at me to ‘respect his process’ as he reloaded my MK 47. What could I do? I’m not going back to the soaps! I aimed to miss vital organs, but give Ollie his due, the dailies look great and we’re all very happy. Willem has been flown back to the states for surgery. Apparently the bullet is lodged in there quite tightly.

Post-Production.

Music would play a fundamental role in the success of the film and Stone commissioned Georges Delerue to score the picture. However, the composer of such iconic French films as Jules et Jim and Le Mepris would run into difficulty with his American director. He wrote to Francois Truffaut:

These Americans! Sacre Bleu! as we French say all the time. The emotional core of the film is when the Sergeant is shot but reappears chased by the enemy and dies in a Christ-like pose. M. Stone told me to write something like Samuel Barber’s Adagio. It’s a saccharine piece of twaddle but what am I going to do. I try my best but every time I play him my work, he says ‘no! I want it like the Barber piece’. Finally I told him to just use the Barber piece and that’s exactly what he ended did. I should have stayed in Paris, but now at least I’ve got the job of doing the music to Three Men and a Baby.

Platoon was released in 1986.

 

MICHAEL SHEEN DISOWNS BROTHER CHARLIE

HOLLYWOOD – Masters of Sex star Michael Sheen shocked friends and family today when he disowned his brother, tiger blood owner and a self-proclaimed master of sex Charlie Sheen.

Speaking to Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY, the star of The Damned United and Frost/Nixon said:

Charlie Sheen? No, he’s not my brother. We have the same last name but that’s as far as it goes.

So you’re not on speaking terms?

No. I mean I’ve not had the opportunity.

How does your father Martin Sheen feel about this estrangement?

Martin Sheen is not my father.

Wow! So you’re disowning your father as well?

I’m not disowning him. I’m just telling you that we’re not related. There’s no blood relation. He’s just – again – got the same name as me.

Emilio Estevez…

No relation. Not even the same name.

What caused this rupture? I mean, I can understand Charlie’s a bit of a loose cannon but Emilio and Martin? They seem to be fairly nice people.

Look I see where you’re going with this but it really is a complete waste of my time, your time and your readers’ time. Why aren’t you asking the real questions a journalist should ask.

For instance?

Why Patrick Stewart has refused to acknowledged his daughter Kristen Stewart all these years.

Already done Michael. Already done (and for more on that story click here).

Okay. Fair enough, I’ll tell you. I was the youngest of the Sheen litter. From day one Charlie and Emilio were held up to me as shining examples and I was disgraced because due to a genetic defect I was born with this weird British accent. Martin Sheen might be a wonderful president on the West Wing, but as a father he was cold and distant, often refusing to communicate with me except via registered post. If I put something on Facebook about how well I’m doing he always comments ‘dislike’. And you ask me why I don’t talk to them? Do you know what last Thanksgiving was like? They’re talking about Apocalypse Now, Repo Man and Wall Street. I try to say something about Underworld and they all do that weird shrill scream I did in Twilight until I stopped talking. Is that your definition of a family? So there’s your answer.

Masters of Sex is on Showtime.

HARRISON FORD’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY: PART 1

HOLLYWOOD – Han Solo, Indiana Jones and Force Ten From Navarone star Harrison Ford has written his autobiography A Humble Carpenter: Like Jesus and the Studio Exec is proud to publish EXCLUSIVE extracts.

From Chapter One.
I’ll never forget the first day my dad gave me a hammer. It was a proper tool, not some toy.
While he was working, I would sit in his workshop surrounded by the smell of sawdust, wood chip and glue and I’d hammer nails into a block of wood.
Years later I would be hammering a nail into a door frame as I renovated Francis Ford Coppola’s office in San Francisco when the big man would say to me, ‘Hey would you like a part in my new movie, Apocalypse Now?’
I looked at him for five seconds, then I said, ‘Can I finish this first?’
Of course Apocalypse Now was an incredible film to be involved in.
I still wasn’t thinking of myself as an actor. Money from my carpentry was putting the clothes on my children’s backs and I was loathe to start pursuing a dream I had tried and failed to achieve once already. Harvey Keitel was supposed to be the star but something went wrong and Marty Sheen was brought in to replace him. Then Marty had a heart attack. Then there was a typhoon and the stage for the Playboy bunnies sequence was swept away.
Suddenly Coppola grabbed me.
‘You’re a great actor,’ he said. ‘But now I need a carpenter.’
I looked at him for five seconds, then I said, ‘I’ll get my tools.’
From Chapter Two.
As good as it was to get some acting work with Francis, Apocalypse Now was not going to get the phone ringing. My role was small and I was basically an exposition vehicle. Still, Francis is a loyal friend and when I got back to San Francisco he promised he would help me find work.
There was a young director he knew from film school who was going to make a very exciting film about the birth of rock and roll in small town America.
I thought that this might be the chance I needed and I was very excited when George – that was his name – phoned and said he wanted to see me. I went out to his house the next day and he showed me into a room. There were piles of books on the floor.
‘You see these,’ he said. ‘I don’t know what to do with them. I keep tripping up on them, there in the way.’
I pointed to an alcove. ‘I could put some shelves up there.’
‘Shelves?’ he said, suspiciously.
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘Book shelves.’
He thought for a moment and then began to nod excitedly, ‘Yeah book shelves! That sounds terrific.’
I was so happy to have got the job, I drove straight home and told my wife. ‘But what about the movie?’ she said.
Women! Always thinking of something else.

Harrison Ford’s A Humble Carpenter, Like Jesus is available from all good book stores.