KEIRA KNIGHTLEY DOESN’T FLUSH

HOLLYWOOD – Following his comments on Keira Knightley, Begin Again director John Carney has doubled down on his comments in an outrageous attack on the Domino actress.

Irish director John Carney has already provoked outrage with his criticisms of star Keira Knightley given to The Independent newspaper in the UK, provoking other directors who have worked with the actress to leap to her defense. However, despite a note of apology on Twitter, the director has launched another series of complaints about The Dangerous Method star. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, Carney said:

We were doing a read through at my house and Keira, Adam Levine and Mark Ruffalo were there. At one point Keira went to the bathroom – we were having a long session so there was nothing unusual in that – and then we continued. Once they’d gone I went to the bathroom and found the biggest floater I’ve ever seen. This was Cthulhu big! I’m not saying it was Keira, or one of her entourage, it could easily have been Mark and Adam, or even me. But I think it was Keira. I really do.

Jesus!

I know. And another thing. We were at a launch party and they have these plates of finger food going round and everyone is talking and milling about and I see Keira from across the room and she’s dipping this prawn in some sauce, she bites it in half and then she dips again. I didn’t see if she went for a third dip because now my high powered binoculars were shaking with the rage going through my forearms.

The inhumanity of it all. 

You understand, don’t you? Yes, she’s a great actress. Yes she turned up on time and was open to ideas and had some great ideas herself, but she is the kind of person that I’m sure squeezes the toothpaste from the middle of the tube. If you know what I’m saying.

Begin Again 2 will be released in 2018.

BEGIN AGAIN 2 MIGHT BE IN TROUBLE

HOLLYWOOD – The future of the eagerly awaited follow up to the musical comedy- drama hit of 2013, Begin Again 2 looks shaky following a spat between director John Carney and star Keira Knightley.

Fan was left stunned this week, as it became clear that Begin Again 2 was being put on indefinite hold. A source close to the production told the Studio Exec:

We were very excited going forward with the sequel tot he funniest and most moving dramedy to come out of the singer-songwriter scene, Begin Again. The stars were all in close talks about coming back to revisit their characters and John [Carney] had even been talking about a trilogy involving the same characters. However, after John’s comments about Keira and everything that has blown up since, it doesn’t look like it will go ahead after all. We’re all devastated here as we were huge fans of the original film and believed that these characters still had stories to tell.

Speculation has been rife that the film might go forward, with either a different director or a different female star. Mark Ruffalo, who is currently shooting Columbo, took time out to express his own thoughts.

I think it could still happen. We’re all professionals and I know we all some times blow off steam in a way that is inappropriate but when it comes down to it, the story we want to tell is bigger than all the egos and bullshit. So who knows. It would plainly be a disaster tot he future of world cinema if Begin Again 2 was not made.

Begin Again 2 was due to be released in 2018.

ZODIAC 2 ‘WILL FEATURE TED CRUZ’ SAYS FINCHER

HOLLYWOOD – David Fincher has said that Zodiac 2, due to start filming in April, will feature Presidential candidate Ted Cruz.

David Fincher announced today that his long mooted sequel to his 2007 movie Zodiac will feature Ted Cruz ‘in some shape or form’. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, Fincher outlined the approach of his new film about the mysterious serial killer who terrorized the San Franscico area in the late sixties and early seventies.

Everyone liked Zodiac I think and we had some very positive feedback from both critics and audiences, but the one thing that came up again and again was that the film didn’t really have an ending. It wasn’t exactly our fault. After all the police never found out definitively who the Zodiac killer once and although we tried our hardest to give the film a sense of closure it would have been too much to have actually invented an ending. But now with new information we feel that we can say with more or less certainty who the Zodiac killer might actually have been. Or be.

Wow. Tell us more.

Our film will go back to the original crimes and instead of seeing the investigation therough the eyes of Robert Greysmith, played by Jake Gyllenhaal in the movie and the detective Dave Toschi, played by Mark Ruffalo, we’re going to take the whole case from th epoint of view of the actual killer. We’ll also show why he stopped and how that coincided with the political rise of Ted Cruz.

So you’re saying that Ted Cruz is actually…

Hey, you’ll have to buy a ticket like everyone else, SE!

Zodiac will be released in 2017.

SPOTLIGHT – REVIEW

SPOTLIGHT – REVIEW – All the Pope’s Men sees Birdman and the Incredible Hulk lead a newspaper investigation in Boston to bring down endemic child rape in the Catholic church.

Boston has not had a good year in film. First Black Mass reminded everyone of Whitey Bulger and now Tom McCarthy’s Spotlight throws light on the pedophilia scandal that broke in the Catholic church there in the early oughts. Marty Baron (Liev Schreiber) is the new editor of the Boston Globe and is cordially feared as the new broom who has come in to sweep through another series of cuts, but the first in many surprises it turns out that he also wants to gee up the investigative team on the paper, the Spotlight section, and get them doing something relevant to the city. He prods team leader Walter Robinson (Michael Keaton) to have a look at a story of a cover up of child abuse scandal involving a Catholic priest. With the rest of his team Matty Carroll (Brian d’Arcy James), Mike Rezendes (Mark Ruffalo),  and Sacha Pfeiffer (Rachel McAdams) they begin to meticulously uncover a massive systemic problem. As one of the former victims tells them, with over half of all priests violating their vows of celibacy an atmosphere of secrecy and collusion exists where such aberrant behavior can go unchecked. Stanley Tucci also turns up as Stanley Tucci, a lawyer who has been pursuing the church for years and is highly suspicious of the staying power of the journos.

Both a timely reminder of the scandal itself, the aftershocks of which continue to this day and a heartfelt peaen to the kind of investigative print journalism which is becoming ever rarer – the Spotlight team might only do one story a year – Spotlight is an old-fashioned procedural in many ways but it has the heft and the wit to build its own case without histrionics or outrageous villains. The whole of Boston is to some extent at fault and the journalists themselves are left to examine their own consciences rather than run victory laps. A sober and fascinating film.

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FOXCATCHER: REVIEW

FOXCATCHER: REVIEW – Steve Carrell plays Mr. Burns from The Simpsons as he uses his money and influence to help build a wrestling team with Magic Mike (Channing Tatum) and his brother, the Hulk (Mark Ruffalo).

Capote and Moneyball director Bennett Miller continues his love of single word titles and his forensic exploration of the behind the scenes of competitive sport. Based on a bizarre true story, Carrell is John duPont, a multimillionaire whose taste for wrestling  sees him finance and increasingly manipulate the lives of Mark (Tatum) and then Dave Shultz (Ruffalo), two wrestling champion brothers. Mark is the impressionable dolt, raw power, jutting jaw, a decent guy, but exactly the sort of tabula rasa that duPont can lord over. Dave, on the other hand, is a man who knows himself, a  keen study of character blinded only by his wish to see the good in everyone.

Miller’s film is ultimately about the corrosive effect of too much money on almost everything. DuPont is the unhappy man Goethe warned us about, capable of poisoning everything, plagued by delusions of grandeur but with the wealth to bankroll those delusions into traps for other people. The acting is superb, Carrell finds an older, richer variation on his Mike Scott persona, and Tatum shows himself to be a fine character actor and Ruffalo is as charismatic and watchable as ever, as everything DuPont would like to be.

Come Oscar season there will be talk, but that’s trivia. Foxcatcher’s dark satire needs no glitz or affirmation. By they way, [SPOILER ALERT] there is no fox and no one catches it.

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AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON WILL FEATURE THE THUNDERCATS

HOLLYWOOD – It isn’t due out until 2015 but the sequel to the mega-successful Avengers is already lighting up the rumor bots across the Internets and one major news story has come to light: Avengers: Age of Ultron will meet up with the Thundercats.

Joss Whedon – long-time fan of the Japanese/American animated series from the 1980s – was initially involved in the feature film reboot which was put on indefinite hold last year, but with Marvel having published a series of comics based on the series, it seemed to Whedon that it would be a perfect fit. Lion-O and pals Cheetara, Panthro and Snarf humanoid feline aliens from the planet Thundera would it seems team up with Iron Man, Captain America, the Incredible Hulk, Thor, Jeremy Renner and Scarlett Johansson. Scarlett Johansson. Scarlett…

This also gives Marvel the opportunity of making a slew of stand alone films featuring the various Thundercats characters, the first of which – Lion-O – is likely to go into production later this year with Kenneth Branagh both starring and ‘directing’.

While some fans will moan and bitch about the series having absolutely nothing to do with each other and that this is woefully misguided violation of the integrity of what they call ‘the Marvel Universe’, Marvel studio heads have responded by making ca-ching noises and waving hundred dollar bills at fans while they drive past in their souped up Ferraris.

Avengers: Age of Ultron is due for release in 2015.

MARK RUFFALO TO PLAY COLUMBO

HOLLYWOOD – Following a sustained and prolonged 24 hour Twitter campaign, Mark Ruffalo ceded to the will of the people and declared he would be playing Columbo in an upcoming movie, possibly scripted and directed by the Coen Brothers.

Mr. Ruffalo initially was caught off guard by the suggestion made in a tweet by Gary Whitta, a screenwriter famous for Book of Eli. Ruffalo said he had to finish another remake of Woman Under the Influence, in which he will also take on the Peter Falk role. This will be part of Ruffalo’s extended preparation process which saw him play Edward Norton off Broadway before essaying the Hulk in The Avengers.

Ruffalo, who appeared in Foxcatcher as the Incredible Hulk, spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

I’ve always been a huge fan of the television series. I thought Peter Falk was magnificent in his crumpled genius. He is an Everyman often finding crime in places where he is despised. I really can’t wait to get on the rain coat, practice my squint and say the immortal line, ‘Oh I almost forgot, just one more question.’


Columbo will be released whenever Twitter wants.

EDWARD NORTON AND ERIC BANA HELD OVER RUFFALO BULLYING

NEW YORK – Actors Edward Norton and Eric Bana have been arrested by the New York Police Department after a nasty incident of Mark Ruffalo bullying, which initial reports suggested the involvement of both name calling and light physical damage.

According to a police source: 

The suspects approached Mr. Ruffalo while he was fixing his bicycle to some park railings near MoMa. They began chanting, ‘You wouldn’t like it when we get angry’ over and over again. And then pushed him around and tore his clothing. 

Mr. Norton was particularly insistent, according to one bystander, that ‘they go dark’, but fortunately a thirteen year old school girl intervened and chased the actors off. The attacks on Mr. Ruffalo began last yearbut have increased in seriousness and frequency. 
‘I used to get phone calls in the middle of the night,’ Mark Ruffalo told us. ‘I could tell it was Bana because he was always trying to do that generic American accent he uses and it’s so unconvincing. But more recently it got serious and they often sneak into my house and put meat derivatives into my vegetarian casserole.’ 

The motives behind the attacks is and remains a mystery.

Mark Ruffalo will be appearing in the Gruffalo in 2015. 

EDWARD NORTON REVEALS WHY HE LEFT HULK

HOLLYWOOD – Troublesome actor and the not incredible per se Hulk, Edward Norton has announced his retirement from film acting in order to concentrate on developing ever more effective anti-virus software.

The Fight Club organizer said:

It started off as a hobby really. I was a dabbler, writing stuff that detected malware, eliminated Trojans and blocked pop ups. Pretty soon I was providing tools to scan and clean up your registry and supply back up. Before I knew it, the whole thing was industry standard. And so it came to me, do I want to make The Hulk 2 or do I want to throw myself body and soul into the world of Anti-Virus software?

Fan Josephine Applebury expressed dismay:

Edward Norton is what we had before Tom Hiddleston turned up. He’s the dangerous wimp for women who need someone to proof read a bi-annual report or make them a stir fry. And to think he’s gone into anti-virus software writing just shows the depth of his soul. We will miss him. I swear to God.

However, he won’t be the first actor who has turned his back on fame to work in the trenches of computer programming. The once mediocre Orlando Bloom is now spending every waking minute on producing a version of Free Cell that will waste even more time. Norton’s not even the first Hulk to do so. Eric Bana abandoned a flagging film acting career in order to develop the voice activated software which later became Siri used by Apple on their iPad and iPhone.

Whether Norton decision is final, or he is Soderbergh-ing remains to be seen, but one thing is sure, wherever there is a virus or invasive piece of software, Ed Norton will be right behind it holding a claw-headed hammer.

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MARK RUFFALO TO STAR IN THE GRUFFALO

NEW YORK – After his success as one lumbering giant, Mark Ruffalo has signed up to play another, the loveable Gruffalo in a new feature length adaptation of the much loved Julia Donaldson book.

Director Duncan Jones said that many people had suggested Ruffalo ‘just because of the way it would look on the poster, and finally that was convincing enough for me.’
Ruffalo himself seemed enthused by the project:

You know the thing is as an actor, a serious actor I’m always looking for roles that challenge me and rhyme with my name, and unfortunately there aren’t many characters who rhyme with my name. And that’s really all we’re in this for. So when Duncan phoned and said ‘Ruffalo is the Gruffalo’, how could I say no?

The live action film will be filmed over six years and in seven different continents and has been tentatively budgeted at $350 billion, but Jones is confident that the money is in safe hands. ‘Sure we could probably cure cancer with that kind of moolah, but Mark Ruffalo’s name rhymes with the name of his character,’ Jones said. ‘That has to count for something.’

Duncan Jones will next be working on a biopic of chanteuse Sade, which will star Tom Hardy.

The Gruffalo will be released in 2015.