POLICE RAID CINEMA CLUBS ACROSS UK

Police raid cinema clubs across the UK in Fight Club-esque scenes. In shocking scenes across the UK, police raid cinema clubs that have been operating in underground facilities. As police raid cinema clubs around the country in scenes similar to Fight Club, The Exec has this following report:


The First Rule Of Cinema Club

Underground warehouses, bar basements and disused churches have all been raided by SWAT style armed police in the last 48 hours. The raids have been a coordinated effort by the authorities to break up the underground organisation known as ‘Cinema Club’. But who is behind it all? Those arrested have so far remained tight lipped about the organisation and its leadership.

 

The Second Rule Of Cinema Club

Rumours of the mysterious organisation have been rife over the last few weeks as the English government has clamped down on ‘Non-Brexit Approved Culture’, banning the works of European film makers such as Truffaut, Almodovar, Haneke and Fellini. English cinemas are now only allowed to show mainstream Hollywood films about straight white men with guns, the entire James Bond franchise and the films of Guy Ritchie, which are predominantly also just about straight white men with guns.

 

I Am Jack’s Tati

In response to this extreme policy, Cinema Club has been raging cinematic guerrilla warfare by showing European and Arthouse films in unauthorized venues across the country. A disused swimming pool in Manchester that was raided was showing Fellini’s 8 & 1/2. Whereas Jacques Tati’s Playtime was shown in a dilapidated Budgens convenience store in Oxford. Scenes that resemble The Battle Of Algiers as cinema fans runs scared from the police. But in Scunthorpe rather than Algiers, and nobody dies.

 

We Have Just Lost Cabin Pressure

Nobody truly knows who is behind this clandestine cine-ster organization. One theory suggest disgruntled ODEON employees. Some believe it’s a Film Studies grad, rejected too often by Empire. There are even some who believe Mark Kermode and Mark Cousins are behind it and are in fact the same person. Whoever is behind Cinema Club, they are out there somewhere. They’re the hero everyone deserves but not the hero everyone needs right now. Eh? What does that even mean?

 

MORE ON THIS AS IT BREAKS

LOST COLUMBO EPISODE DISCOVERED

HOLLYWOOD – A lost episode of the long running TV Show Columbo starring Peter Falk as the shambling raincoat clad detective has been discovered and is to be released by Criterion on Blu-Ray and DVD.

The episode entitled ‘A Woman Under the Influence‘ was made in 1976 and directed by John Cassavetes.

Film historian Mark Cousins (no relation to Irish Cousins of Story of Film fame) greeted the find with studied indifference. He whined:

The episode broke ground and was ultimately too radical for the TV company to broadcast. It showed for the very first time Columbo’s oft mentioned but never seen wife, who we learn is called Mabel and is played with startling bravery by Gina Rowlands. The format of the show is totally different. There’s no crime and Columbo does no detecting. In fact he seems to work for the water company and most of the episode’s two hour and twenty minutes running time is devoted to Mabel’s distressing descent into insanity.

Although likely to split opinion, die hard fans will at least understand Columbo’s devotion to his work and reluctance to go home.

Columbo: A Woman Under the Influence will be released in 2015. 

ROSEBUD SOLD FOR $25M

NEW YORK – Lot 315/b is perhaps one of the famous props in Hollywood history: the sled that provides the McGuffin for the Orson Welles masterpiece Citizen Kane [SPOILER].

And this afternoon at Sotheby’s in New York it was sold at auction for the some of $25 million to an unknown buyer who many believe to be Jean Claude Van Damme, a famous Kane-head as fans of the black and white media mogul biopic like to call themselves. 

Lot 315/b

Of course anyone familiar with the film will remember that the sled was actually thrown into a furnace at the end of the film, but a pile of ash was verified through spectroscopic analysis to be the remains of the prop as was a small bottle of smoke, collected from the chimney. 

Film historian Mark Cousins said that the sale in classic film props had become out of control. Last year, Marlon Brando’s orange peel monster teeth were sold for $12 million despite being icky.

Citzen Kane will be released in 2015.