HOLLYWOOD – Fans of The Magnificent Seven have voiced concerns that the new Hollywood remake of the classic film will betray the original 1960 Hollywood remake.

As the first images and trailer dropped of Antoine Fuqua’s new film The Magnificent Seven starring Denzel Washington and Chris Pratt, voices have been raised concerned that the remake will betray the spirit of the original 1960 remake starring Yul Brynner and Steve McQueen.

President of the Magnificent Seven Appreciation Society Johnny Applecart explains:

The untouchable beauty of the original John Sturges film is that it was so new and fresh. You had these wonderful actors at the height of their game and a magnificent score. A brilliant director also. But perhaps more than anything you had the fact that the while film was based on a movie by Akira Kurosawa, The Seven Samurai. So there was this frisson between East and West, high art and popular genre, cowboys and Samurai to quote Jon Favreau.

But doesn’t that just mean that the original was not original?

Yes, but it was not original in an original way. It was taking something from far away and there was a real sense of daring and adventure in that. Here we will be watching a remake of a cowboy film that is also a cowboy film. Watch Battle Beyond the Stars and that’s essentially The Magnificent Seven in space. Robert Vaughn plays essentially the same character. Even the sequels mix it up a bit, but with this new one it just feels like the same thing again with Parks and Rec thrown in.

What do you tihnk about the remake of The Magnificent Seven? Uh huh. Interesting. Now write it in the comments box so we can all enjoy.


HOLLYWOOD – It was revealed last night that the star of The King and I and The Magnificent Seven, Yul Brynner, is not – as has been widely reported  – dead.

Yul Bryner had allegedly died in 1985 of lung cancer, but sightings of him since have been sporadic, although those who have gone public with such claims have usually been dismissed as the kind of crackpots who believe Elvis is still alive or that Pink Floyd lyrics ‘mean something’. However, recently incontrovertible evidence in the form of a video has been obtained by the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY.

This video appears to show a solemn looking but very much alive Brynner dressed in his trademark cowboy garb with his signature bald head trying to kill a man with a mustache in some kind of western styled theme park. The video is incomplete and the audio isn’t very good but it is the first definite proof that Brynner is alive.

The Brynner estate have of course denied the authenticity of the video claiming that it is ‘a film which Yul made in 1973 called Westworld, long before his fatal illness. It’s a Michael Crichton piece and quite a good one at that.’

Others have pointed out that the the man who appears to be Yul Brynner is in fact a robot, built to resemble the Russian born film and stage actor.

However, such ludicrous answers only beg more questions. Why would anyone build a Yul Brynner robot? Was it Yul Brynner who died in New York or was it the robot Brynner? What does big tobacco have to say about this? And did anybody see Futureworld or did I dream that film?

If you have any answers to these questions or more questions please avail yourself of the comment box below to spew your nonsense.