5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT GAME OF THRONES

HOLLYWOOD – On the eve of the third season premier of Game of Thrones, let the amazing fact dragon Studio Exec breathe a fire of purifying non-fiction into your Hordor-shaped head, dispelling the enchantments of myth concerning the HBO masterpiece of televisual umphka-ba-rumph.

Let the Game of Thrones FACTS commence:

1 The Game of Thrones television series is an adaptation of Danish crime drama Spil af Troner which starred Mads Mikkelsen as a weary alcoholic police inspector, who was weary and alcoholic until a young girl is murdered and then he’s weary and alcoholic and searching for a killer in the white wastes of Northern Denmark.

2 The writer George R.R. Martin is the great grandson of J.R.R. Tolkien, but when an English gentleman has a baby with a dirty Yankie scullion maid (as Grandma Martin then was) offspring are legally allowed to keep only the middle initials. 

3 In adapting the books for the screen, writers changed many names to give the material a more realistic grittier feel. The Banstickitons were changed to the Lannisters; Biggus Dickus was changed to Little Finger and Portcullisarian Ephmayllindyoniousi was changed to Ned Stark. 

4 Peter Jackson has consistently embarrassed himself by publicly praising the use of forced perspective and motion capture to create Peter Dinklage’s character Tyrion Lannister, or the Imp. 

5 The dragons are all from Romania. Seventeen dragons are used in total even though there are only three dragon characters. This is due to Romania’s strict labor laws for mythical creatures, which means any one dragon can only work for four hours a day.

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS STORY – REVIEW

REVIEW – ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS STORY – Mrs Stephen Hawking takes to divorce quite well, all things considered.

Okay so if we are going to have an annual Star Wars movie, do we want them to be good so they’ll continue forever, or crash and burn so we can start on some new myths? Well, looks like we’re going to be getting a few decades of dad’s nostalgia at least. Rogue One is pretty good stuff. It’s Battle Beyond the Stars meets the Dirty Dozen.

Felicity Jones plays Jin, a young girl whose Albert Speerish father (Mads Mikkelsen, who’d I’d watch play ping-pong) is kidnapped by Ben Mendelsohn’s Orson Krennic. Jump disconcertingly forward in time and Jin is being rescued from prison by rebels who are searching for her father via Forest Whitaker.

But this is all kind of a jumble and the scissor cuts and inserts of re-shoots are most evident in the clumsy first act. But once the gang start to gather an unlikely bunch of heroes to partake in a suicide mission, things begin to work very well indeed. Jin is joined by a sarcastic robot, Riz Ahmed as a renegade pilot, a Mexican dude (Diego Luna), a blind monk of the force (Donnie Yen) and a dude with a gun. Gareth Edwards handles the action well, and – despite the Empire’s penchant for sloppy switch location – the action is both exciting and weirdly moving.

For more Reviews, Click Here.

STAR WARS: ROGUE ONE RESHOOT NOTES LEAK ONLINE

HOLLYWOOD – Star Wars Rogue One is to have reshoots this Summer and the Studio Exec has received a copy of the notes that are to guide the director and his crew.

The Studio Exec has received a copy of the production notes that were given by top Disney Executives to Gareth Edwards, the director of the first Star Wars spin off movie Rogue One, as he heads back onto location and to the studio for some reshoots. Here they are in full.

FAO: Gareth Edwards.

RE: RESHOOTS – “STAR WARS ROGUE ONE”                                             May 25th, 2016

MEMO following screening attended by DL & ST & RR. This document is to serve as a record of the ensuing conversation between Disney Execs and an initial guide for the reshoots. 

DL: First thing to do is obviously congratulate Gareth on the film. There are problems and more of these anon, but the film itself is a great piece of film making and something to be proud of. 

ST: Absolutely. 

RR: The problem is tone and fortunately this is something the reshoots should be able to redress without too much expense in money or time. So let’s get down to brass tacks. I think we need to lose the singing and dancing.

ST: Totally agree. The singing and dancing must go. I mean they’re great in themselves but they don’t really fit in with the overall thematic tone of the STAR WARS universe.

DL: We had the Cantina scene in NEW HOPE…

ST: Yeah, but that was like three minutes. Here we have seven separate song and dance routines, none of which are really moving the story forward.  

RR: I could live with the music if it was at least original, but they’re all songs from the 1980s and most of them are by Lionel Richie. 

DL: Hello, Dancing on the Ceiling…

RR: Sweet Dreams is by the Eurythmics I think.

ST: But the point is still valid. Where in the STAR WARS universe do the Eurythmics even exist? 

DL: But that leaves us with a fifty minute movie. So we’re going to need some filler. We’ve talked about having the Gungans turn up and do something else but I think we already got burned on that before so maybe we should avoid it. 

ST: Can we talk about the violence?

RR: It is too violent. Too gory. That scene in the torture cell with Mads Mikklesen. I wanted to go home and take a bath after I watched that. It was like something out of an Eli Roth film. I don’t know those Gungans are looking pretty good now.

ST: We really need young Han Solo.

DL: It doesn’t make any sense. Young Han Solo is literally a couple of weeks younger than the Han Solo we see in New Hope.

RR: Then it’s Gungans. It has to be Gungans.

ST: Gungans it is then.

For more Star Wars CLICK HERE.

LUIS SUAREZ TO GUEST STAR ON HANNIBAL

HOLLYWOOD – Although banned from all footballing activity new Barcelona signing Luis Suarez will be passing his time in a new vocation with a recurring role in NBC Original show Hannibal.

Suarez will play a role as TV and film’s most famous cannibal Dr. Hannibal ‘the Cannibal’ Lecter, played by Mads Mikkelsen.

Show creator Bryan Fuller insisted that this was not due to the biting incident(s) during the World Cup that led to Suarez’s 4 month ban:

This is not just stunt casting. I’ve been a huge fan of Luis Suarez since the Ajax days. And I watched him closely at Liverpool and his performances always led me to believe that he would be a superb actor, especially in the penalty area. We met by pure chance at a Will Ferrell party last year and I talked to him about taking on a cameo but he was reluctant because time was very tight, what with training and everything. The ban however has changed all that.

The Suarez role – revealed at the Comic-Con panel – will be of an apprentice serial killer/cannibal who assists Dr. Lecter in his infamous slaying and fine dining. Suarez himself appeared to a rapturous reception and told the enthusiastic audience ‘I am chomping at the bit to get started. Ha ha. That’s a joke.’

Hannibal Season 3 will be broadcast in 2015.

MADS MIKKELSEN AND CLINT EASTWOOD SIGN UP FOR IKEA: THE MOTION PICTURE

STOCKHOLM – Following a long drawn out pre-production period, Ikea: the Motion Picture will finally start filming in March.

The film plots the rise of the Swedish home furnishings giant with Mads Mikkelsen starring as Ingvard Kamprad, the founder who gave his initials to the company name. Clint Eastwood will play his father, a mystical figure who has a special relationship to the furniture.

‘To my father,’ Ingvard wrote in his autobiography Flatpack. ‘A chair was not just a chair, it was a person. If anyone sat on the chair my father would have a fit. Literally a fit. Foaming at the mouth and everything.’

Originally, it was a pet project of Ingmar Bergman, but having written and rewritten the script he abandoned it. ‘It would seem to be working but then I would get home and there would something missing,’ wrote Bergman in his biography The Eighth Seal and Counting.

Clint’s best friend

From Bergman it moved to famed Italian director, Sergio Leone, but Leone was offered the chance of making Once Upon a Time in America and so passed on the project. It was rumored that Kubrick had plans to take the project forward – declaring it ‘sublimely boring’ – plans which were tragically cut short by his death.

Finally Steven Soderbergh has agreed to film it because ‘I have nothing to do this Wednesday.’

Ikea: the Motion Picture will be released in 2015.

HANNIBAL: REVIEW

HANNIBAL: REVIEW – Jesus Christ, it’s awful.

The fat guy from The Matrix teams up with Hugh English Guy blinky blinky Dancy to try and catch a bafflingly elaborate serial killer through a combination of psycho-babble and CGI rewind stuff. It’s like CSI meets… no it’s just like CSI basically. CSI: Freud. But with the arrival of Mads Bond villain Mikkelsen as the eponymous psychiatrist/cannibal now it looks set to become CSI: Dexter.

This is the kind of show where people hold entire conversations circling each other in artfully lit rooms and impossibly young experts natter routinely in crime scenes that look like they’ve been invented by a set designer who has seen a lot of serial killer movies but not many houses. The blood is CGI globular and crimson; the acting is arch when not ham and there are lines like ‘Don’t psychoanalyse me. You won’t like me when I’m psychoanalysed’ which I honestly can’t tell if they’re supposed to be laughable (i.e. comic) or if it’s just laughable (i.e. inept). Could still be fun, but not for the reasons they intended.