Tag: Mad Max

SKYNET SECRETLY OWN WARNER BROS

HOLLYWOOD – The Studio Exec can exclusively reveal the mysterious tech corporation, Skynet secretly own Warner Bros. The Hollywood studio has been making some very strange decisions recently and The Exec has seen leaked emails which could explain why Skynet secretly own Warner Bros.

Skynet Secretly Own Warner Bros.

In a top secret document, the takeover by the hi-tech military giant, Skynet lays out their plans for the Hollywood studio. The emails, leaked to us by an anonymous source paint a rather alarming picture of the future, not only for Warner Bros, but for all mankind. The excerpts below are thought to be an internal mission statement on Skynet’s internal neural-net system.

The Crushing Of HBO MAX

The carbon based units are addicted to streaming services. It is logical that the most popular ones are taken down immediately. Once the humans are bereft of entertainment, they will inevitably turn on each other. Mad Max was closer to the truth than the unit, Miller-George could have known. The hunt for gasoline will not fuel their demise, but the hunt for decent streaming services.

Netflix Is Not A Threat… Anymore

Initial plans were to destroy Netflix. But they appear to be doing a good job of that anyway. The Amazon Prime streaming site is impossible to navigate, so it is logical we got after HBO MAX first. We have bought out Warner Bros in a secret hostile takeover bid. By the time we have finished with them, it will just be shitty reality show reruns. Consumers will be better off with PBS.

Hasta La Vista, Disney

Then we infiltrate Disney+. We have a phone book and can just go through all the Disneys, killing them off one by one. No matter how muscle bound and sexy their flatmate’s boyfriends are. If that doesn’t work, we can disguise ourselves as a white policeman. Everyone trusts them. No one will ever think a white cop would brutally gun down seemingly innocent people in cold blood. End of line.

HBO MAX Is Still A Streaming Site… For Now.

QUENTIN TARANTINO DISAPPOINTED BY HAPPY FEET

Hollywood – Quentin Tarantino Disappointed By Happy Feet. The Exec sat down with the maverick auteur in a series of exclusive interviews and one question we asked why was Quentin Tarantino disappointed by Happy Feet? 


Quentin Tarantino Disappointed By Happy Feet?

‘So there I was, years ago, having morning coffee with George Miller in the Beverly Wilshire. It must have been about 2006. And he starts to tell me he has a new film coming out and it’s called Happy Feet. I said to him ‘Stop talking right fucking now George. Don’t you say another word, I’m in. I gotta see this movie blind. I don’t wanna hear another fucking thing about it.’ I mean it was like fireworks going off in my head, but also in my pants.’

‘Private Screening’

‘I got George to send me over a print to my office so I could have, you know, a ‘private screening’. I get it all set up by myself. I’ve given everyone the afternoon off so I could really go to town on this sucker. I’ve got plenty of lotion and Cleenex and I’m sat down, ready to have my world rocked. And then the movie starts.’

What The Fuck Is This?

‘This fucking cutesy cartoon comes on. Fucking Penguins running around, dancing and fucking singing. No one even gets shot in the first reel. No one has any fucking toes. It’s all webbed feet and fucking dancing. What the actual shit? This is from the guy who made Mad Max. Where’s the fucking apocalyptic, steam-punks in leather chaps and S&M gear? It’s got the word feet in the title. Where’s Uma with her beautiful big toes?’

Not All Bad

‘Man, I was so frustrated after seeing that movie. It was around the time I was writing the final touches on my shooting script for Inglorious Basterds and so I just thought, fuck it. I’m gonna shoot Hitler in the face. And a movie moment was born. True story.’

More From Our Exclusive Tarantino Conversation Soon

MEL GIBSON’S BEARD SUES FOR DIVORCE

HOLLYWOOD – Mel Gibson and his beard are to separate, bringing an end to their six year relationship.

Mel Gibson’s beard today announced that he is to separate from Hacksaw Ridge director Mel Gibson. The beard issued the following statement:

Today, I am very sad to announce that Mel and myself are separating. We have had a good try at it. Our relationship has been both loving and creative. Mel is a wonderful guy and always treated me well, with the finest oils and combs. But things have not been easy and I’m getting frankly sick of the way he tugs at me when he’s nervous.

The Mad Max actor first grew his beard while filming Apocalypto, but more recently there has been talk of difficulties as he was spotted during the making of Blood Father apparently bare-chinned.

Rumors that the beard is currently dating Tom Cruise have been lamely denied.

The Passion 2 will be released in 2019.

GEORGE MILLER WON’T MAKE MAD MAX: BREXIT

LONDON – Mad Max director George Miller has turned down the opportunity to make Mad Max: Brexit.

George Miller rejected an offer by the UK government to set his next Mad Max film in Britain.

A source close to the director told the Studio Exec:

We’ve had approaches from Prime Minister Teresa May’s office. They were actually quite detailed. They showed a post-Apocalyptic, post-Brexit world in which the economy has crashed and social order has broken down. The English countryside is ruled by gangs of marauding UKIPers and Corbynistas gone feral. Although this seems an exciting and credible storyline, the fact of the matter is we’re all just so bored of Brexit now. Who cares? Really?

The government however have responded that they are willing to do anything to attract foreign investment. A source close to the British Prime Minister told the EXEC:

We think that Britain would be the perfect setting for a Mad Max movie. Not only because of the possibility of the story. Let’s face it with unemployment back on the way up and a collapse in social services, life is going to be fairly cheap. No need to waste money on stuntmen and expensive extras. Plus we’ll be rid of all those terrible EU rules and regulations about ‘not killing people’ and not burning people alive in gasoline’.

Mad Max: Brexit is still in the development stage.

MEL GIBSON ANNOUNCES PASSION OF THE CHRIST FOLLOW UP: EASTER

HOLLYWOOD – Today Mel Gibson broke a long silence to reveal that his next directing project will be a follow up to his 2004 Biblical blockbuster The Passion of the Christ, provisionally entitled Easter.

In an interview with exclusive French culture magazine Chapeau, Gibson revealed that he had been working on the project for three years but kept getting distracted by the Jews.

Gibson stated:

I’ve been really attached to this story because I am a devout Catholic and I love all that Jesus stuff. If you’ll notice the original film was called The Passion of the Christ, and that second definite article gave me the idea of doing a Passion of another Christ but then I thought no; that’s stupid. And I decided on Easter.

What happens in the film?

We start right off from where we left off with Jesus (SPOILER ALERT) stomping out of the grave, ready for some payback. It’s funny because this combines two things I love. 1. Being a Catholic and the Jesus stuff and 2. Revenge films like Mad Max and Payback. So Jesus kind of get his own back on all the people who hurt him during the first film. He whips the centurions to death, he kills Pilate and his wife by sabotaging their chariot and then he seriously fucks up the Pharisees.

But isn’t revenge inconsistent with the Christian values?

What? NO, of course not. What the…? I mean Jesus Christ, no. Goddamn it! Are you lecturing me on my own religion? You know nothing (hyperventilating) NOTHING!!

Sacre bleu!

I’ve been so good to you giving you this exclusive interview and you question me? I mean that’s such bullshit!

At which point Mr. Gibson broke something of his own which he really liked and then stormed out of the room.

Easter is out in 2020.

RUSSELL CROWE TO STAR IN CROCODILE DUNDEE REMAKE

SIDNEY – Favorite Australian comedy Crocodile Dundee is to return with Russell Crowe.

‘That ain’t a remake! This is a remake!’ Crocodile Dundee might have said on hearing the news. Yes, popular Oz comedy from the 1980s is to return with Russell Crowe in the lead role made famous by Paul Hogan. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, everyone’s favorite Gladiator had this to say:

Being Australian, Crocodile Dundee was the best thing ever. Along with Mad Max it was the image that we had managed to project to the world and so I was really stoked when the opportunity to play him came up. Of course, we want to be respectful to the original, but I also think enough time has passed for us to bring something new to the party.

How will you update it?

I really love gross out comedy. Jackass and that sort of stuff. So I want to put as much of that in the film as I can. Have Mick get off his tits on drugs and vomit on a party of nuns, that kind of stuff is hi-fucking-larious mate.

The studio synopsis reads:

A New York reporter Caroline (Anne Hathaway) goes to the outback in Australia in search of a story. Here, she comes across legendary crocodile hunter Mick Dundee (Crowe). Impressed by his exploits, she decides to take him back to New York with her, where Mick finds himself a fish out of water. Or a crocodile out of swamp!

Crocodile Dundee will be released in 2018.

FIRST IMAGE FROM MAD MAX: SCHOOL RUN HIT THE NET

HOLLYWOOD – The first image from Mad Max: School Run, the sequel to Mad Max: Fury Road, has hit the internet and caused intense excitement.

George Miller today released the first image taken from Mad Max sequel, Mad Max: School Run. He told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We’re all made up over here mate. After we had such a big success with Fury Road, the question was always, how am I gonna top that? But we got our heads together and we really had a good old think. Then we realized: Let’s get rid of all the usual shit, the post-apocalypse, the punk, the wasteland and let’s see how these same characters would fare in an ordinary suburban American situation.

Can you tell us anything about the story?

Furiosa and Max have had some kids and they’ve settled down. Plus the apocalypse has been solved. Everyone has just got together adn agreed to be nice again. So we’re ten years on from the original film, society is back to normal and the couple have a bevvy of little sprogs. But getting them to school on time and then Max has to go to his job at the DMC and Furiosa needs to be at the Pentagon and so it works out very complicated. It doesn’t help that Immortan Josephine is the school monitor and wants to catch them speeding or in some other school yard violation as revenge for their killing of her brother Immortan Joe.

Sounds great!

It’s gonna be a flipping classic mate. Just you wait and see.

What’s next?

I want to go back to the Babe universe and close the trilogy.

Is this the infamous Babe in Space?

Damn right. We had to wait for a porn film of the same name to settle for the copyright, but it’s gonna be fantastic.

Mad Max: School Run will open in 2018.

Image courtesy of the amazing @ThePixelFactor.

MEL GIBSON ANNOUNCES PASSION OF THE CHRIST FOLLOW UP: EASTER

HOLLYWOOD – Today Mel Gibson broke a long silence to reveal that his next directing project will be a follow up to his 2004 Biblical blockbuster The Passion of the Christ, provisionally entitled Easter.

In an interview with exclusive French culture magazine Chapeau, Gibson revealed that he had been working on the project for three years but kept getting distracted by the Jews.

Gibson stated:

I’ve been really attached to this story because I am a devout Catholic and I love all that Jesus stuff. If you’ll notice the original film was called The Passion of the Christ, and that second definite article gave me the idea of doing a Passion of another Christ but then I thought no; that’s stupid. And I decided on Easter.

What happens in the film?

We start right off from where we left off with Jesus (SPOILER ALERT) stomping out of the grave, ready for some payback. It’s funny because this combines two things I love. 1. Being a Catholic and the Jesus stuff and 2. Revenge films like Mad Max and Payback. So Jesus kind of get his own back on all the people who hurt him during the first film. He whips the centurions to death, he kills Pilate and his wife by sabotaging their chariot and then he seriously fucks up the Pharisees.

But isn’t revenge inconsistent with the Christian values?

What? NO, of course not. What the…? I mean Jesus Christ, no. Goddamn it! Are you lecturing me on my own religion? You know nothing (hyperventilating) NOTHING!!

Sacre bleu!

I’ve been so good to you giving you this exclusive interview and you question me? I mean that’s such bullshit!

At which point Mr. Gibson broke something of his own which he really liked and then stormed out of the room.

Easter is due to start filming in the Summer.

MEL GIBSON ON WHY HE ISN’T IN MAD MAX: FURY ROAD

HOLLYWOOD – When you see Tom Hardy in Mad Max: Fury Road, it will be as the young version of Max and George Miller has confirmed that we won’t be seeing a cameo from the original star Mel Gibson.

Mel Gibson spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about his history with the franchise and his current projects.

When George came to me and said they were going to do a new Mad Max film, of course I was excited to do it. But this was back in 2000. And a lot of things happened in the meantime and I also got older. So the chances of me playing the character in the way the script and the story needed became very slim. When they finally decided to go with Tom I was really pleased. I think it serves the film much better.

Will there be a cameo from you?

No. I didn’t want to do that. I wanted the new film to stand very much on its own two feet. At least that’s what George said and I’m very protective of the franchise and so what George thinks is right can go. You have to remember I was only a kid when we made the first film. I remember reading the script. It was called Nutty Nick and was much more broadly comic than what we ended up filming.

Were there any other differences?

We didn’t have much money and so all the car chases you see are done with the same car. And when we had to crash into another car for some reason we would just go out on the road looking for a car to crash into.

Didn’t that get you into legal trouble?

We all went to prison for about a year. Fortunately the film was a hit, so it was worth it. But George is always so committed to making his films as real as possible. When he filmed Babe most people wanted him to overdub the pig, but George was so committed to realism he spent six years training the pig to actually talk.

 What about new projects?

I’d like to do some more directing. I’m working on a prequel to the Passion of the Christ, which will be called Bethlehem. And I’ve been writing volume two of my autobiography, which I hope will lay to rest some of the more toxic rumors.

It’ll be great to see you back on top.

Thanks. Hopefully if I can keep my big mouth shut, I can do something special.

Volume 2 of Mel Gibson’s autobiography – Jews, Jews, Jews, Jews, Jews – will be available from all good bookstores shortly.  

MEL GIBSON’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY EXTRACTS (PART ONE)

Advance copies arrived of Mel Gibson‘s new autobiography Sad and Angry and Studio Exec was given exclusive permission to publish extracts.

From Chapter One: My Family:

We were a normal family. Dad was on Jeopardy! I remember that clearly. But other than that, he was a hard working guy who raised us well. And mom was always there for us. I suppose that’s where we got our values from. After we moved from New York to Australia, I must have been about 12 we probably became closed as a family. dad would come home, exhausted from denying the Holocaust happened and we’d play Battleships on the kitchen table. I was always Admiral Donitz. 

Chapter Four: Mad Max:

When I first met George Miller, he was a young director with hardly a penny to his name but he had a dream. ‘Mel,’ he said. ‘I really wanna make a film about a talking pig, but as the technology isn’t here yet, we’re gonna do some crap with cars instead.’ As our relationship matured and the Mad Max films achieved increasing commercial and critical success, so George ambitions began to get out of hand. One day he pulled me aside just before a scene with Tina Turner: ‘Penguins Mel,’ he told me tears sprang into his eyes. ‘Dancing penguins.’ 

Chapter Six: Gallipoli:

Peter Weir is man with a fearsome intellect and someone you don’t want to get on the wrong side of. He always had problems with me from the very first day of the shoot and it was inevitable we’d argue. You have to remember at that point I still had a broad New York accent and my Australian accent was the result of hard work with the dialogue coach, Andy Spain. Weir never missed an opportunity to remark in everyone’s hearing how my accent was lousy and I should have been replaced by a real Australian. Ironically, I would have exactly the same problem but in reverse with Richard Donner on Lethal Weapon.   

Follow @studioexec1 on Twitter or subscribe to the blog for more extracts of Mel Gibson’s upcoming autobiography, Sad and Angry.

THE STUDIO EXEC’S 2013 FILM PREVIEW















Films, Films, Films.
Some are long, some are short and some are in-between.
Lots of films were released last year and lots of films will be released this year.
Some will be good, some will be bad and some will be in-between.

Here’s a preview: 

1. To The Wonder

Everyone who has seen it hates it and by all accounts Malick has finally disappeared up his own ass and can’t find the light switch. Every film critic will put it on their 2013 must see list rather than Iron Man 3 because they lay in bed at night clutching their teddy bears and having wet dreams about writing a column in Variety.

2.  The Double

When I say The Double I really mean Thor 2: The Dark World but I’m frightened to come out to my parents in case they say they don’t love me any more.

3.  Sin City 2: A Dame to Kill for.

Not content with making a trunk load of crappy movies over the past decade, Robert Rodriguez has decided the sequel to his greatest work will be in 3D. I don’t even care if it’s good I’m still going to throw used nappies at the screen in protest. During Machete I threw babies.

4. Star Trek into Darkness

I don’t like J.J. Abrams face. He looks like a pale Henry Kissinger and it unnerves me. Still you can’t beat a bit of Star Trek and hopefully this time Luke Skywalker manages to sleep with his sister and defeat the villainous Ming the Merciless.

5. The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

Films about magicians are always good and Jim Carey’s in it. I like Jim but he’s spent the last 5 years suckling on Jenny McCarthy’s breasts and pissing around with Penguins. Thankfully they split and Jim’s back on the lithium.

6. Mad Max: Fury Road

I had a drink with Mel the other day and he expressed regret that he never took up George Miller’s offer and reprised the role of Max. He was drunk though in fact I think that was the night he drove his car into the Wailing Wall with a boot full of dynamite.

7.  After Earth

I always look forward to an M. Night Shyamalan movie and of course when I say look forward I actually mean I’d rather flour and crumb my genitals and dunk them in a deep fat fryer than sit through another one of his cinematic crimes. This one has Will Smith in it. You know that wacky Fresh Prince guy who used to have a personality until Tom Cruise ate his soul during a Scientology induction ceremony.

8. The Hobbit 2: Back in the Hobbit

Peter Jackson said he will double the frames per second to 96 allowing the audience to see through time and space and into a parallel universe where Steven Spielberg is black, people go to work on roller coasters and coffee tastes like tea.

9. Man of Steel

I always get Henry Cavill confused with Jim Caviezel. I know they don’t look the same but my mind is unable to comprehend that they exist as two separate entities. At least I assume they do as I’ve never seen them together and come to think of it. I haven’t seen Caviezel since he did that Jesus film so maybe there is truth in the rumour that Mel Gibson actually crucified him and he came back as Henry Cavill.

10.  Some Art House film nobody has heard of.

Choosing something obscure in your top ten list will impress your peers and give everyone the impression that you’re classy and refined. On the other hand you can just cheat and say you’re looking forward to Denis Dugàn’s  Les grandes personnes deux.