LOST RIVER FREE WITH A HAPPY MEAL

HOLLYWOOD – Ryan Gosling’s Lost River is to be distributed via the McDonald’s fast food chain with the purchase of a Happy Meal.

The movie, which stars Christina Hendricks, Iain De Caestecker and Eva Mendes, debuted at Cannes to widespread critical disdain. The Studio Exec saw it there and has to say it wasn’t that bad. Just David Lynch for people who haven’t seen David Lynch and like music videos.

However, the studio Warner Bros have decided not to risk a critical and commercial shellacking and instead have collaborated with McDonald’s to create an alternative method of distribution. Anyone buying a Happy Meal will receive a DVD and free digital download of the film. A spokesperson for the company said:

We are delighted to offer Ryan Gosling a platform to realize his vision and bring it to a broader public. Everyone loves Ryan Gosling. He’s so adorable. I could just watch him all day. I don’t even care if the film is crap, like Gangster Squad.

But he isn’t in the film?

Isn’t he?

No, he’s the director. And to be honest it isn’t exactly suitable for kids.

It’s not? Are you sure?

No, it’s quite gruesome.

Oh. But then again so are our Happy Meals! Ha ha ha! No actually don’t print that. I’ll do it again. Perhaps we should have watched it. Jeez Louise, what have I gone and done now? Well, hey ho, as we say at McDonald’s.

Lost River is freely available from all participating outlets.

RYAN GOSLING LAUNCHES OWN BRAND VEGETABLES

 HOLLYWOOD – Following the decision to not release his directorial debut Lost River theatrically, Only God Forgives star Ryan Gosling today launched his own line of celebrity vegetables.

Stars have frequently sought to cash in on their brand name launching their own perfumes, fashion lines and even Hollywood themed restaurants, but few have gone for a product so humble as root vegetables.

The Ides of March star explained:

Growing up I was really influenced by Paul Newman, both as an actor and as a man. I was really impressed with him in Cool hand Luke and I studied him. But then in the supermarket my mom would buy Paul Newman’s salad dressing and that made an even deeper impression. I never used any other kind growing up. And then later I began to think, as I got more interested in macrobiotic diet and what not, ‘that’s all very well for the salad dressing Paul, but what about the actual vegetables’. Of course, he was dead by then so I couldn’t tell him personally, so I figured I’d do it myself.

Gosling’s own brand vegetables will be stocked by supermarkets across the country with the guarantee that each vegetable has been touched by Ryan Gosling’s skin.

Check out the gallery below for some tasty nutritional treats.