HOLLYWOOD – Anyone who doesn’t like Bill Murray could face a maximum fine of $15,000 and up to six months in prison, according to a new law currently being considered in Congress.

The legislation would criminalize ‘indifference, criticism of and/or contempt of Mr. Bill Murray, including comments that he has “lost it” or “gone off the boil”‘. Congressman Eddie Vargas (D) says that the legislation has been made necessary by a number of lackluster Bill Murray movies which have tested the love for the cult film actor:

Bill Murray is like a protected species. He has an ineffable charm, a weary hangdog expression and he can be both dryly witty and deeply tragic in the same shot, so it is important that we remind the nation of Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day and Lost in Translation and try to encourage them to forget about Saint Vincent.

Opponents of the bill say that coercing people to like Bill Murray will be counterproductive. Jean Backalore spokes EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

I like Murray. He’s a fine comic actor and a charismatic presence. But the internet worship of the actor as an icon has gone too far and does him a disservice, leading to Comic-Con appearances among other things. We have to be honest. Ghostbusters great, Ghostbusters 2 not so much. Groundhog Day great, Meatballs not so much. Rushmore, great. The Life Aquatic of Steve Zissou not so much. But that sentence that I have just said would be considered illegal and I might find myself deprived of my liberty. This goes beyond George Orwell’s 1984.

Do you support the No Bill Murray Left Behind Bill? Speak your Brains!


HOLLYWOOD – Sofia Coppola is to direct a live action version of the Hans Christian Andersen fairy tale The Little Mermaid, promising a darker version of the original tale. Studio Exec has managed to obtain an early treatment written by Shame scribe Abi Morgan but modified heavily by the Lost in Translation director.

The Little Mermaid (Emma Watson-ish) lives in the Sea Kingdom with her father Francis Ford MerKing, an underwater visionary, director of the majorly famous The Codfather but who has lost his powers and takes meds and stuff. The Mermaid has all she wants, spending a lot of her time dressing up in Gucci and Armani and Dolce and Gabana and Valentino and you know clothes, but also kind of I want to say feeling empty inside, like tragic? One day she swims to the surface of the ‘ocean’ I suppose and she says this totes hot guy, who is an older guy perhaps (Jason Schwartzmen?), or maybe a younger guy (Zac Efron) who just doesn’t get her. Anyway she comes out of the water and sings karaoke with the prince to like these rad eighties songs and then does this crazy pole dance and then they get a bit sad (Air montage). Then you know they can’t be together because someone commits suicide, or overdoses on something I’m thinking. The End.

The Rich But Misunderstood Vertically Challenged and Ironically Self-Aware Mermaid will be released in 2015.