HOLLYWOOD – Taiwanese director, Ang Lee – fresh off the success of the no-holds-barred action blockbuster The Life of Pi and Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk– has signed on to film an adaptation of another unfilmable book, Paul Wilson’s massive best-seller The Little Book of Calm.
‘It’s vacuous, trite and full of semi-mystical bullshit for people who want religion without the pogroms,’ said Lee. ‘I see it as a direct sequel to Pi.’
Mr. Lee said that he first came across the book when he was playing with himself:
Life can be quite stressful and I used to seek relief by following the example of Onan. Well, I spotted this book in a pile after inadvertently hitting it bull’s eye. I opened it at random and read. ‘When you rest, you are a king surveying your estate. Look at the woodland, the peacocks on the lawn. Be the king of your own calm kingdom.’ That was it. I was hooked.
The film has already signed up Joaquin Phoenix and Christian Bale. Bale said that his recent experience in prison has changed him (for more on that story READ HERE):
I picked up the Little Book of Calm and read: “When you’re feeling under pressure, do something different. Roll up your sleeves, or eat an orange.” All of a sudden everything seemed okay. And Michael Keaton was just a bad memory.
The Little Movie of Calm will be released in 2018.
NEW JERSEY – When rumours that Joe Pesci was to star in Ang Lee‘s film version of Paul Wilson’s Little Book of Calm were first doing the rounds, many said that it was a perfect fit (for more on that article CLICK HERE).
But it just got even better, with the veteran actor and Goodfellas star Pesci – inspired by the making of the film – publishing his own version of the best-selling anthology of fluffy inspirational wisdom.
Here are some extracts:
When feeling as if the world is on top of you, close your eyes and imagine a beautiful scene; a white beach perhaps, or a tropical island. As calm returns go outside and punch the first person you meet in the throat.
There are two ways of dealing with a tense situation: either accept the stressful contours of life or put someone’s face in a vice.
If life gives you lemons, stab it in the throat with a f*cking pen.
When you rest you are a king surveying your own calm kingdom. Look at the peacocks on the lawn, the fish in the pond, the mounds of recently turned earth.
Try doing something different for a change; like eating an apple, rolling your sleeves up or even not garotting someone for just one day. Strangle them with your bare hands instead. Has that helped?
Joe Pesci’s Little Book of Calm is available from all good book shops and Amazon.