JUPITER ASCENDING 2 ‘WILL HAVE SMALLER BUDGET’

HOLLYWOOD – Following the high profile flop of Jupiter Ascending, few thought that a sequel was likely or desirable but a scaled down Jupiter Ascending sequel is now on the cards.

The Wachowski Sisters are to direct a sequel to last year’s Jupiter Ascending, it has been revealed, but with a much reduced budget. Mila Kunis will not return as Jupiter Jones, the Earth woman who takes on the villains, nor will Channing Tatum as the hybrid man-dog Caine Wise. They have been replaced by Lindsay Lohan and Hayden Christensen.

The Wachowskis slipped into the Studio Exec bungalow to talk EXCLUSIVELY about the new pic.

Lana said:

We really roasted the studio on the last one and there was no way in this solar system that they would put up the money to take a bath on the sequel as well. And yet we still felt that we had a story to tell. A truly compelling story.

Lilly: Yeah, there was no way they were going to help us out unless we cut the money right back. Mila and Channing were really cool about it. We showed them what we intended to do about the story and how we couldn’t afford them anymore and they seemed really happy.

Lana: True professionals.

LIlly: So then we got Lindsay Lohan and Hayden Christensen.

So they were cheaper?

Lana: $5000 each.

That’s amazingly cheap!

Lilly: We felt bad asking them for more.

Oh, they’re paying?

Lana: Er, yeah.

And the story?

Lilly: What story?

Lana: The story is a continuation, but instead of having lots of expensive effects it’s going to take place in a garage that needs tidying up.

Lilly: We do have some exteriors of lawns being mown and basic landscape gardening being done. And the style is going to be a lot more handheld.

Lana: As if filmed on a phone.

Lilly: And we’re changing the title.

Jupiter Descending will be released in 2020.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

BLADE RUNNER 2050 SCRIPT LEAKS

HOLLYWOOD – Someone just leaked the script for Blade Runner 2050 onto the internet.

Did you love Blade Runner 2049? Do you want to see the sequel Blade Runner 2050? Well, there’s a good chance you never will. But we’ve managed to get a copy of the script after it leaked onto the internet. So here it is.

INT. CLOSE UP. 

Extreme close up of an eye blinking. Hans Zimmer blows his electronic TUBA.

EXT. CINEMATOGRAPHY. NIGHT

Cinematography as far as the eye can see. J (Hayden Christensen) pilots a Spinner, a futuristic flying car over the miles and miles of cinematography, until he lands on the roof of a magnificent ziggurat. 

INT. ZIGGURAT. NIGHT

J descends in a strobing lift and enters a magnificent hall, where he is greeted by L (Lindsay Lohan) and an OWL.

L

Welcome to the Production Design.

J

Thank you. I’ve come from the cinematography.

Do you like the production design?

J

Yes. 

L

You could at least look at it.

J

I did look at it. Is that owl artificial?

L

Of course it is.

J

It must be very expensive.

We put it in the production design budget. 

J

I’ve come to see if you’re human. 

L

I’m not. Neither are you. 

J

Is anyone human anymore?

OWL

I am. 

FIN

 

For more Script Leaks, Click Here. 

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT LINDSAY LOHAN

HOLLYWOOD – Troubled child star turned pregnant jail bird, Lindsay Lohan is perhaps the actress most vulnerable to lies and calumny so prepare your FACT welcoming face for some FACT happy FACT slapping.

Lindsay Lohan FACTS follow:

1. She’s pregnant.

2. She’s not pregnant. 

3. She’s in jail.

4. She’s not in jail.

5. She is/is not pregnant and / or in Jail.

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

DAVID DUCHOVNY BRINGS BACK RED SHOE DIARIES

HOLLYWOOD – First we hear The X-Files is coming back and now David Duchovny has revealed that popular nineties erotic anthology show The Red Shoe Diaries are also coming back.

Of course everyone is excited about the return of Twin Peaks and some even more so about the imminent revisiting by Mulder (David Duchovny) and Scully (Gillian Anderson) in “The X-Files”, but for some of us David Duchovny will always be the gate keeper to television erotica that was “The Red Shoe Diaries”. Running throughout the 90s and directed by Zalman King and Raphael Eisenman, the anthology show featured Duchovny in the role of Jack Winters, a man whose lover has committed suicide and who asks women to write in letters describing their knocking off experiences in a quest to understand the mystery that is woman.

The Californication star dropped by the Studio Exec hot tub to talk EXCLUSIVELY about what had got the creative juices flowing once more:

You know how it is, you get to a stage in your career and you simply don’t want new challenges. You want to go back to the old challenges and see if you can do them over and better. I was in Aquarius and that was quite good and Californication, but really I wanted to get back to the X-Files and once I was doing that I thought why don’t we do Jack Winters again. I’m really curious to find out, where is Jack today and what, in the age of internet pornography, is he doing with himself.

And what’s the answer?

He’s been spending a lot of time in his room and he’s lost weight! No, I’m only kidding you. The fact of the matter is the more we  allow a free run of our desires – 5 Shades of Grey etc. – the more mysterious the become and the more alienated we become from them. It’s the paradox of our time that we have all these freedoms and what do we fantasize about? Being tied up and told what to do. It’s as if capitalism had a direct through line to our id.

What everybody loved about the original – apart from the cinematography and music – were the high end cameos. Who have you got lined up for the new show?

Kristen Stewart, Jennifer Lawrence, Amy Adams, Jessica Chastain, Scarlett Johansson and Mila Kunis…

Wow!

…are just a few of the actresses who have turned us down. But I’m hoping to pull some strings and maybe we can persuade Lindsay Lohan and Tara Reid to make an appearance. Steve Buscemi is definitely in for the pilot. Which ironically is going to be about a pilot! Ha!

The Red Show Diaries will be broadcast early next year.

CLICKBAIT: THE MOVIE TO STAR BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH

HOLLYWOOD – Benedict Cumberbatch is the latest star to sign up for Clickbait: the Movie, which combines the Marvel, DC and Star Wars universes featuring the music of One Direction.

The movie – directed by Twin Peaks director David Lynch and Steven Spielberg – is based on a George RR Martin‘s lost book in his Game of Thrones saga. The large cast features Scarlett Johansson, Kristen Stewart, Tom Hiddleston, Lindsay Lohan, Tom Hardy, Johnny Depp, Matthew McConaughey, Angelina Jolie, Michael Fassbender, Christian Bale, Jared Leto, Gywneth Paltrow and Brad Pitt. George Clooney is in talks but Bruce Jenner looks set to take on his role. The official synopsis reads:

Based on the life of Justin Bieber,  Miley Cyrus and the 5 most outrageous facts, you’ve ever heard about anything, Clickbait: the Movie was originally conceived when a twelve year old asked Noam Chomsky and Stephen Hawking what is the meaning of life. You won’t believe what happened next!

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, Beyonce and Rihanna! Facebook and Twitter and Tumblr!

ClickBait: The Movie will be released in 2018.

QUENTIN TARANTINO’S TOP FIVE HERBIE MOVIES

HOLLYWOOD – Quentin Tarantino is not only a screenwriter, director and actor, he’s also an inveterate list maker.

Following his now famous top ten lists and compilations, the Studio Exec is delighted to bring you Quentin Tarantino’s top 5 Herbie films, featuring the loveable VW bug.

1. Herbie Goes Bananas: “Although a late addition to the franchise – released in 1980 – Herbie Goes to Bananas for me stands above everything. The reason is simple. It’s political. A Marxist deconstruction of the US’s involvement in South America, as portrayed by John Vernon and Alex Rocco’s thieves. Liberalism’s inept attempts to co-opt the workers power into the state is shown in Captain Blythe’s (Harvey Corman) execution of Herbie. The agricultural workers as represented by Paco in an alliance with Herbie overthrow the combined powers of the repressive state apparatus and a new future feels assured.”

2. The Love Bug: “The first time the racing Beetle “Herbie” appears on the screen is the 1968 comedy The Love Bug. This is that most unusual of films, a counter-cultural children’s movie. The Beetle was actually a late addition to the film, with no particular make of car specified at the script stage. An audition was held with lots of other makes of car vying for the role, but it was the VW that got the part, some cynics contending because of its lax German morals. The film was remade in 1997 as a TV movie.”

3. Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo: “The third film in the series but the first to be directed by Vincent McEveety, HGMC is a cross country race film which later was remade as The Cannonball Run. Apparently Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo was Burt Reynolds’ favorite film of all time and he ordered the writers of his 1980 film to study the movie and use it as their bible.”

4. Herbie Rides Again: “Following the triumph of the Love Bug the idea of making a sequel seemed obvious. But these were sad days. Walt Disney had worked closely with English director Robert Stevenson on the original film, as his last live action movie. Stevenson returned to Herbie for the follow up but the production was so difficult because of Herbie’s increased drug intake that the director swore he’d never work with him again.”

5. Herbie: Fully Loaded: “Many believed that Herbie was far too old to make a comeback and the youth who made up such a large part of his audience had now moved on to bigger flashier stars. However, inspired by the resurgence of his friend Sylvester Stallone’s career, Herbie cleaned up, went into rehab and produced some of his best work. For the first time in his four decade career, Herbie was finally sober and producing some of his finest work. Unfortunately, co-star Lindsay Lohan and Herbie had a brief affair following the production and there began a torrid drug fuelled affair which continues to this day.”

For more FACTS click HERE.

NICK NOLTE DONATES FACE TO THE SMITHSONIAN

WASHINGTON – Veteran screen actor Nick Nolte has donated his face to the Smithsonian Institute to be a permanent exhibit.

Smithsonian director Richard Gervais said that the museum appreciated Nolte’s generosity: 

He has a face like Mount Rushmore. It is like one of John Ford’s Monument Valley landscapes and we are very pleased to have it.

His face will be part of a larger exhibition entitled ‘What the F*ck is That?’ which will also include the top of Grace Jones head, Christopher Walken’s eyeballs and Lindsay Lohan’s liver. Gervais says the exhibition would obviously be planned for the distant future ‘when the owners of the exhibits will no longer have use for them’ as Gervais tactfully put it.

A confused Nolte turned up at the Smithsonian this morning ready, as he put it, ‘to get it on.’  Rumors are also rife that Nolte’s head will later be transported to Mount Rushmore well it will ‘beef things up’.

Nick Nolte’s new film A Walk in the Woods will be released in 2015.

CANNES 2014 JURY ANNOUNCED

PARIS – The jury for the 67th Cannes Film Festival was announced this afternoon in Paris, France.

The nine member jury will join Jury President Jane Campion in sifting through the competition on the Croisette and awarding the coveted Palme d’Or. 

Film makers, actors and mathematicians Will and Jaden Smith will join Kevin James and Lindsay Lohan to represent the best Hollywood has to offer. Dutch shock master Tom Six and persona non grata Lars Von Trier are going to be there to represent misogyny and anti-Semitism. South Korean pop sensation PSY and Xi Ling the Chinese director of the seven hour epic A Film You Only Pretend (You Have Seen) will also be in attendance. And representing Palestinian, Iranian, Iraqi and Israeli cinema will be former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, who apparently elected himself spokesperson for the region in all matters.

The Cannes Film Festival runs from May 15th to the 25th and we will be there. 

CHARLIE’S ANGELS PREQUEL ‘RETURNS TO ORIGINAL BRONTE NOVELS’

HOLLYWOOD – Jane Campion – the writer and director of the new Charlie’s Angels prequel Charlie’s Angels: Danger but Pray, with Decorum – has pledged that she will return to the original spirit of the novels, written one hundred and fifty years ago by Charlotte Bronte

Campion was chosen by producers to helm the reboot because of her successful handling of similar period material, particularly with her Oscar winning The Piano and more recently Bright Star. The new film CA: DBWD returns the franchise to its original source material a series of six novels written by Charlotte Bronte in the mid-Nineteenth Century, some scholars suggest with the collaboration of her sisters, Anne and Emily. The New Zealand born director spoke exclusively to Studio Exec:

In the original novel, Charlie is actually short for Charlotte the matriarch of the Angels – Emily, Catherine and Anne – all of whom are in need of a husband with 5000 a year and substantial property, or a vicarage. They each have a separate skill – piano playing, sewing, singing madrigals – which they use to solve crimes. They are women of their times and not the sexual objects of the TV series or the galumphing fools of the last two films. We need actresses of subtlty and keen intelligence to play these nuanced roles.

Miley Cyrus, Selana Gomez and Lindsay Lohan have all been confirmed, with Paris Hilton cast as Charlotte.

Charlie’s Angels: Danger but Pray, with Decorum will be released in 2015 .


LINDSAY LOHAN RETIRES

HOLLYWOOD – The Herbie Fully Loaded star, Lindsay Lohan has called it quits today. ‘I’m basically famous for being a f*ck up,’ she told Ellen DeGeneres. ‘And no sane person wants to continue to facilitate that story.’

The Canyons star said that she would no longer be appearing in reality shows, films or television chat shows:

This is my last public appearance. And my last public utterance. I won’t do interviews, appearances, fashion shoots. To paraphrase Richard Nixon, you’re not going to have Lindsay Lohan to kick around anymore.

The retirement – which takes effect immediately- seems to have taken the media completely by surprise and footage from the Ellen Degeneres Show was immediately excised and deleted. All reference to the retirement has been expunged from public record and mainstream media outlets such as Variety and Hollywood Reporter are refusing to cover the story. 

Rumors already abound that Ms. Lohan will be replaced by a replicant who will fulfill the public need for a young rich waster with a car crash of a life to gawp at and will never be satisfied, as the real Lyndsay Lohan is quietly moved to Canada. 

LINDSAY LOHAN JOINS PUSSY RIOT MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Penal commitments permitting Lindsay Lohan is to star in Pussy Riot: the Motion Picture. The casting news is coming quick and fast on the pic with Lohan, who plays Maria Alyokhina, joining Amanda Seyfried and Mila Kunis as Nadezhda Tolokonnikova and Yekaterina Samutsevich respectively.

Director Jane Campion insisted that the film will be respectful to the punk band members who were arrested following their performance of a Punk Prayer in the Moscow Cathedral on February 20th, 2012. 

All we want to do is pay our respects and communicate the story of these outstanding young women and their energy and bravery in standing up to what I believe to be one of the most dangerous intolerant regimes in the world today.

Mila Kunis (or Amanda Seyfried) – who plays Yekaterina Samutsevich – agrees:

I’ve always been influenced by feminists in my work, from Mary Wolstonecraft to Miley Cyrus. And I’m totally cool doing lesbian (should the role justify it).

The latest confirmed cast member Lindsay Lohan also spoke of her own experiences:

I see a lot of myself in Maria. She stood up for what she believed in and she spoke out, loudly and rebelliously. As a result she was incarcerated. I too was sent to prison. Condemned, just because I was drunk or high and driving at 100 mph in a stolen car. In a way, we’re almost the same person.

Responding to criticism that the film will somehow water down the story, Campion said, ‘This isn’t about stars, or Hollywood. The important thing is we don’t compromise the anger and the beauty of what these women have done.’

Pretty Riot will be released in 2015.

JAMES GANDOLFINI’S HARPSICHORD HITS

NEW JERSEY – Tony Soprano actor and classical music guru, James Gandolfini launches a new album entitled ‘A Treasury of Harpsichord Favorites’.

James Gandolfini explained to Studio Exec his continued passion for the keyboard string instrument:

Ever since I started acting, anyone will tell you, there’s a lot of waiting around. Some read philosophy and do long division like Lindsay, others get into drugs like Hanks, but I learnt harpsichord and studied tonality in music. 

The album includes many of James’ personal favorites, including ‘The Fall of the Leaf’, ‘The Queen’s Book’, ‘Wolsey’s Wild’ and ‘I Don’t Wanna Be Called Yo Nigga!’ by Public Enemy.

I’ve been talking to Bruce Willis because he wants to make a come back as a singer. And he asked me if he could do some singing while I tinkle, if you know what I mean. I have absolutely no intention of doing it, but you know, I keep stringing him along for shits and giggles.

LINDSAY LOHAN NOT ARRESTED

HOLLYWOOD – Hollywood today was in a state of shock as news spread that Lindsay Lohan had not been arrested today. Some stood in the street and stared at the sky; others resorted to churches or quiet places in the woods to contemplate the new order of the universe.

How could it be? was the question on everyone’s lips. Lindsay Lohan had not been arrested, nor had she appeared before a judge, nor had she been photographed leaving a courthouse. It is the 29th of March, 2013. There is no need to mark it down. History has already done so.

Jason Pearl – veteran Lohan watcher and author of the study Lohan’s Run – said that it was bound to happen one day:

Just the laws of probability said it would. This is no real mystery but still… it is one thing saying an asteroid might hit the Earth, it is something else when that happens.

Some have argued that the rehab lock-down that Lindsay is due to undergo in May might have had an impact on her behavior  Charlie Sheen – a close friend of Ms. Lohan – believes that Lohan’s recent anomalous behavior is down to her switching her reading from Nietzsche to Wittgenstein: ‘She’s abandoned the superficial railing of egocentric existentialism for something more structured and logical.’