ANG LEE LINES UP LITTLE BOOK OF CALM

HOLLYWOOD – Taiwanese director, Ang Lee – fresh off the success of the no-holds-barred action blockbuster The Life of Pi and Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk– has signed on to film an adaptation of another unfilmable book, Paul Wilson’s massive best-seller The Little Book of Calm.

‘It’s vacuous, trite and full of semi-mystical bullshit for people who want religion without the pogroms,’ said Lee. ‘I see it as a direct sequel to Pi.’ 

Mr. Lee said that he first came across the book when he was playing with himself:

Life can be quite stressful and  I used to seek relief by following the example of Onan. Well, I spotted this book in a pile after inadvertently hitting it bull’s eye. I opened it at random and read. ‘When you rest, you are a king surveying your estate. Look at the woodland, the peacocks on the lawn. Be the king of your own calm kingdom.’ That was it. I was hooked. 

The film has already signed up Joaquin Phoenix and Christian Bale. Bale said that his recent experience in prison has changed him (for more on that story READ HERE): 

I picked up the Little Book of Calm and read: “When you’re feeling under pressure, do something different. Roll up your sleeves, or eat an orange.” All of a sudden everything seemed okay. And Michael Keaton was just a bad memory.

The Little Movie of Calm will be released in 2018.

MASSIVE OSCARS UPSET

HOLLYWOOD – Tonight the Academy for Motion Sickness and Something Something caused massive controversy and consternation in the Hollywood world by not doing anything in the least bit surprising.

The brilliant TV movie Argo won best picture; Daniel Day-Lewis won for best ACTOR; Amour won for best no honestly film is an art form and not just a commercial venture; Christoph Waltz for not being a Nazi and instead being a white Martin Luther King and Jennifer Lawrence won because last time she won something her dress fell off.

Life of Pi won for best visual effects, which was especially nice since the people who were responsible for those effects have all since been fired: ‘We couldn’t have done this without the people now outside protesting’. Adele won for Best Song; Anne Hathaway for discouraging girls to go on crash diets; Ang Lee for best director (which he is, but not for this film); Tarantino for best screenplay, which really should have been best two thirds of a screenplay. How we wish wish there was a category for best script editor. Searching for Sugarman, deservedly won Best Documentary although like many, maybe I’m not qualified to judge as it was the only one I’d seen in the category.

In the end one of the triumphs of the night was Seth MacFarlane who proved an astute choice and injected some much needed edge into the proceedings. Sorry we doubted you Seth. Still, Pope Benedict XVI has some really blue material I’ve heard.

To read all of our Oscars coverage CLICK HERE.

FLUFFER: LIFE OF PI















Resident inebriate and charmer, Sir Edwin Fluffer gives us a fascinating insight into the making of the years most popular films.
 Without a doubt this was one of the most arduous shoots I’ve ever been on, and an actor of lesser experience would’ve found it a lot more difficult than I did! The idea was to pay homage to that wonderful Alfred Hitchcock movie, Lifeboat. Hitch provided his traditional cameo for this picture by appearing in an advert in a newspaper that’s found in the boat and a few of us decided to do the same as a little joke. 

We spent a lot longer than we probably needed to getting the photo right, and if I remember rightly that was because I arrived on set slightly worse for wear after a very good lunch.  The trouble was that every time we put the newspaper on the raft it kept blowing into the sea, so after a couple of takes we just forgot about it. Sadly I never got to meet the tiger, but I’m assured he was quite charming.

FLUFFER’S END OF YEAR REVIEW: PART 2

For Your Consideration

As award season approaches veteran ham Sir Edwin Fluffer shamelessly campaigns for the recognition he doesn’t really deserve. Here are just a few of his performances from the last year that the Academy won’t find it difficult to ignore.


The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
I took the inspiration for this performance from my dear old friend Alec ‘Gin And Tonic But Not What I’m Working’ Guinness. His portrayal of the elderly Brahmin scholar Professor Godbole in A Passage To India has to be seen to be believed, so I paid tribute to that.  
Sadly the director felt it was more of a direct copy than a tribute and we had a slight disagreement about that. In the end I had to agree with him that it was not entirely appropriate for the role I was playing, which was that of one of the patients in the hospital with Maggie Smith. What the script didn’t make entirely clear was that my character had recently passed away from complications caused by pneumonia and emphysema, which is why you only see me lying on a bed with a blanket over my head.


Life of Pi
Without a doubt this was one of the most arduous shoots I’ve ever been on, and an actor of lesser experience would’ve found it a lot more difficult than I did! The idea was to pay homage to that wonderful Alfred Hitchcock movie, Lifeboat. Hitch provided his traditional cameo for this picture by appearing in an advert in a newspaper that’s found in the boat and a few of us decided to do the same as a little joke.
We spent a lot longer than we probably needed to getting the photo right, and if I remember rightly that was because I arrived on set slightly worse for wear after a very good lunch.  The trouble was that every time we put the newspaper on the raft it kept blowing into the sea, so after a couple of takes we just forgot about it. Sadly I never got to meet the tiger, but I’m assured he was quite charming.

LIFE OF PI: REVIEW

3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286 208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128481 117450284102701938521105559644622948954930381964428810975665933446128475648233 786783165271201909145648566923460348610454326648213393607260249141273724587006

606315588174881520920962829254091715364367892590360011330530548820466521384146 951941511609433057270365759591953092186117381932611793105118548074462379962749 567351885752724891227938183011949129833673362440656643086021394946395224737190 702179860943702770539217176293176752384674818467669405132000568127145263560827 785771342757789609173637178721468440901224953430146549585371050792279689258923 542019956112129021960864034418159813629774771309960518707211349999998372978049 951059731732816096318595024459455346908302642522308253344685035261931188171010 003137838752886587533208381420617177669147303598253490428755468731159562863882 353787593751957781857780532171226806613001927876611195909216420198938095257201 065485863278865936153381827968230301952035301852968995773622599413891249721775 283479131515574857242454150695950829533116861727855889075098381754637464939319 255060400927701671139009848824012858361603563707660104710181942955596198946767 837449448255379774726847104047534646208046684259069491293313677028989152104752 162056966024058038150193511253382430035587640247496473263914199272604269922796 782354781636009341721641219924586315030286182974555706749838505494588586926995 690927210797509302955321165344987202755960236480665499119881834797753566369807 426542527862551818417574672890977772793800081647060016145249192173217214772350 141441973568548161361157352552133475741849468438523323907394143334547762416862 518983569485562099219222184272550254256887671790494601653466804988627232791786 085784383827967976681454100953883786360950680064225125205117392984896084128488 626945604241965285022210661186306744278622039194945047123713786960956364371917 287467764657573962413890865832645995813390478027590099465764078951269468398352 595709825822620522489407726719478268482601476990902640136394437455305068203496 252451749399651431429809190659250937221696461515709858387410597885959772975498 930161753928468138268683868942774155991855925245953959431049972524680845987273 644695848653836736222626099124608051243884390451244136549762780797715691435997 700129616089441694868555848406353422072225828488648158456028506016842739452267 467678895252138522549954666727823986456596116354886230577456498035593634568174 324112515076069479451096596094025228879710893145669136867228748940560101503308 617928680920874760917824938589009714909675985261365549781893129784821682998948 722658804857564014270477555132379641451523746234364542858444795265867821051141 354735739523113427166102135969536231442952484937187110145765403590279934403742 007310578539062198387447808478489683321445713868751943506430218453191048481005…