HOLLYWOOD – Taiwanese director, Ang Lee – fresh off the success of the no-holds-barred action blockbuster The Life of Pi and Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk– has signed on to film an adaptation of another unfilmable book, Paul Wilson’s massive best-seller The Little Book of Calm.
‘It’s vacuous, trite and full of semi-mystical bullshit for people who want religion without the pogroms,’ said Lee. ‘I see it as a direct sequel to Pi.’
Mr. Lee said that he first came across the book when he was playing with himself:
Life can be quite stressful and I used to seek relief by following the example of Onan. Well, I spotted this book in a pile after inadvertently hitting it bull’s eye. I opened it at random and read. ‘When you rest, you are a king surveying your estate. Look at the woodland, the peacocks on the lawn. Be the king of your own calm kingdom.’ That was it. I was hooked.
The film has already signed up Joaquin Phoenix and Christian Bale. Bale said that his recent experience in prison has changed him (for more on that story READ HERE):
I picked up the Little Book of Calm and read: “When you’re feeling under pressure, do something different. Roll up your sleeves, or eat an orange.” All of a sudden everything seemed okay. And Michael Keaton was just a bad memory.
The Little Movie of Calm will be released in 2018.
HOLLYWOOD – Tonight the Academy for Motion Sickness and Something Something caused massive controversy and consternation in the Hollywood world by not doing anything in the least bit surprising.
The brilliant TV movie Argo won best picture; Daniel Day-Lewis won for best ACTOR; Amour won for best no honestly film is an art form and not just a commercial venture; Christoph Waltz for not being a Nazi and instead being a white Martin Luther King and Jennifer Lawrence won because last time she won something her dress fell off.
Life of Pi won for best visual effects, which was especially nice since the people who were responsible for those effects have all since been fired: ‘We couldn’t have done this without the people now outside protesting’. Adele won for Best Song; Anne Hathaway for discouraging girls to go on crash diets; Ang Lee for best director (which he is, but not for this film); Tarantino for best screenplay, which really should have been best two thirds of a screenplay. How we wish wish there was a category for best script editor. Searching for Sugarman, deservedly won Best Documentary although like many, maybe I’m not qualified to judge as it was the only one I’d seen in the category.
In the end one of the triumphs of the night was Seth MacFarlane who proved an astute choice and injected some much needed edge into the proceedings. Sorry we doubted you Seth. Still, Pope Benedict XVI has some really blue material I’ve heard.
To read all of our Oscars coverage CLICK HERE.
As award season approaches veteran ham Sir Edwin Fluffer shamelessly campaigns for the recognition he doesn’t really deserve. Here are just a few of his performances from the last year that the Academy won’t find it difficult to ignore.
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
I took the inspiration for this performance from my dear old friend Alec ‘Gin And Tonic But Not What I’m Working’ Guinness. His portrayal of the elderly Brahmin scholar Professor Godbole in A Passage To India has to be seen to be believed, so I paid tribute to that.
Sadly the director felt it was more of a direct copy than a tribute and we had a slight disagreement about that. In the end I had to agree with him that it was not entirely appropriate for the role I was playing, which was that of one of the patients in the hospital with Maggie Smith. What the script didn’t make entirely clear was that my character had recently passed away from complications caused by pneumonia and emphysema, which is why you only see me lying on a bed with a blanket over my head.
Without a doubt this was one of the most arduous shoots I’ve ever been on, and an actor of lesser experience would’ve found it a lot more difficult than I did! The idea was to pay homage to that wonderful Alfred Hitchcock movie, Lifeboat. Hitch provided his traditional cameo for this picture by appearing in an advert in a newspaper that’s found in the boat and a few of us decided to do the same as a little joke.
We spent a lot longer than we probably needed to getting the photo right, and if I remember rightly that was because I arrived on set slightly worse for wear after a very good lunch. The trouble was that every time we put the newspaper on the raft it kept blowing into the sea, so after a couple of takes we just forgot about it. Sadly I never got to meet the tiger, but I’m assured he was quite charming.
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