WASHINGTON – It has been confirmed that Liam Neeson will be the next Republican party candidate for the presidency of the United States.
“We need somebody with a special set of skills.” said party chairman Reince Priebus.
It was a close run contest between Jeb Bush and Liam. Jeb has strong family values and is tough on immigration but Liam can kill terrorists with his bare hands. In this day and age that is exactly what we need from a president.
Priebus went on to say that he didn’t know Neeson was a suitable candidate for the job until last week:
Somebody sent me a documentary about how he took down a gang that kidnapped his daughter. That man is one tough SOB.
A spokesman for Neeson said he was “Flattered” by the nomination but he will need some time to consider the offer:
Liam is currently working in Chechnya as a mercenary and then he goes straight into filming Silence with Martin Scorsese so his schedule is pretty full. I’m not saying he won’t do it, but if a good role in a Farrelly brothers movie comes along, chances are he’ll pass.
Meanwhile Barack Obama questioned Neeson’s eligibility:
“He’s as Scottish as deep fried haggis.” said the Kenyan born President.