CAMERON ANNOUNCES TITANIC 2, 3, 4 & 5

HOLLYWOOD – Avatar and Terminator director, James Cameron announces Titanic 2, 3, 4 & 5 will all go into production shortly. The news that James Cameron announces Titanic 2, 3, 4 & 5 means that he will be shooting movies for fifteen years. The Studio Exec caught up with the director on the set of his latest film, Avatar 4: Ably Obtaining The Unobtainable Unobtanium.

Where Did You Get The Idea For Titanic 2, 3, 4 & 5?

As you know, I’m not one for chasing money. Usually I abhor such lavish productions. But I was floating in my gigantic flooded underwater sound studio one day and Boom! I had a little idea. People pay a lot of money to watch any old shit. So I put 2 and 2 billion together and came up with an idea for a Titanic sequel. Actually, a whole fucking series of them.

Can You Tell Us Anything About The Plot?

Of course I can. I’m KING OF THE WORLD! We join marine biologist, Sarah Connor as she travels to the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. There she boards a submarine and joins an underwater oil drilling crew. Together, they will stumble across something that will shock everyone.

It’s Aliens, Isn’t It?

Yeah, but not nice watery ones. These ones come in big slimy eggs. Guess what happens then? Go on, guess. You’ll never get it.

If You Say Chestburster, James Cameron, So Help Me I’m Leaving.

No, I wasn’t going to say that at all. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Don’t Lie To The Exec, James. You’re Full Of Shit.

Honest! I wasn’t going to say that.

Ok Then. My Apologies. Please Continue.

These killer robots are sent back in time to kill Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet and Sarah Connor. And then-

 

This Interview Is Over.

Avatar: The Way Of Water Is Released This Coming December.

MOONFALL IS ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE

HOLLYWOOD – Destroyer of worlds Roland Emmerich has confirmed his new apocalyptic movie, Moonfall is about climate change. The Independence Day director sat down with The Studio Exec to talk about his new blockbuster starring Halle Berry & Patrick Wilson and why Moonfall is really about climate change.

Roland, Can You Tell Us Anything About Your New Film?

Yeah, sure I can. It’s called Moonfall and it’s about the Moon falling out of orbit and on a direct course to hit the Earth. And not just a glancing blow. I mean, destroying the whole f**king world. And then Halle Berry teams up with oil rig worker, Bruce Willis and a bearded Leonardo Dicaprio to save us all. Maximillian Schell is on a beach and Nic Cage keeps having premonitions, or something.

I Think You May Be Mixing Up Your Apocalypses There

Am I? Does it matter when we’re all going to die in a few weeks’ time anyway? Look, the real point of it all is that the movie isn’t about the Moon or space missions. It’s all about climate change. It’s pretty obvious when you stop and think about it.

Can You Elaborate On That?

No problem. We’re all helpless to stop this thing happening, and it’s our own fault. We brought this on ourselves. Just like climate change.

Moonfall Is About Climate Change?

Umm, well not directly, I guess. Or possibly even at all. But the way I see it, if Adam McKay hadn’t played the old climate change card, nobody would even be talking about his f**king film, let alone watching it. So this is my first film all about climate change. It’s really exciting to deal with a new subject, a global concern if you like. We’re all scared about this, apart from those climate change denying assholes, but f**k them. I wanted to talk about this in the best way I know how, and that was by threatening to kill billions of people. It makes such a refreshing change to tackle this subject in one of my movies.

Didn’t You Already Do That With The Day After Tomorrow?

Wait. What? Oh. Shit.

 

Moonfall Is Released In February

LEONARDO DICAPRIO HUNTING RESERVE OPENS

HOLLYWOOD – The Leonard DiCaprio Hunting Reserve opens in the Galapagos Islands, amid outcry from conservationists.

At a cost of $500million the Leonardo DiCaprio Hunting Reserve will be a playground for the rich and famous to come and fill their blood lust, rather than taking it out on PAs and the homeless in dark alleys. The Studio Exec caught up with the star at the Leonardo DiCaprio Hunting Reserve grand opening.

Leonardo, what gave you the idea for this venture?

I love animals and nature and all that kind of shit. So I thought it would be a good idea if I could exploit that to make a shit-ton of money before it all sinks into the ever-rising oceans.

Aren’t the islands a World Heritage site?

Those clowns are even more corrupt than I am. I got dirt on all of them. Photos that would make your shit turn white, know what I mean?

Are you afraid you’ll be shunned by the Hollywood eco-friendly community?

Pah-hahahahahahah, good one man! Let me tell you something, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Jennifer Lawrence and Kristen Stewart love nothing more than emptying an AR-15 magazine into the brains of a few ‘endangered species’. Whatever endangered species means.

How much will it cost to visit?

A standard room for a week, bring your own guns and ammo will set you back 500 hundred large. You want cannons and ammos thrown in, no problem. I gotta guy but it’ll cost you a cool mill. Tips not included. You want a room?

You’re profiting off the deaths of innocent creatures, you sick fuck.

Thank you very much. That’s kind of you to say. Let me introduce you to my associates, Rocco and Knuckles.

Ok, thanks. Bye.