THE PHANTOM MENACE REBOOT GREENLIT

GREENLIT – The Phantom Menace Reboot has finally been given the go ahead by Disney. Given that Disney never pander to focus group pressure, they have decided The Phantom Menace Reboot will go into production immediately.

 


The Phantom Menace Reboot Starts The Whole Fucking Thing Again

Because nobody has had anywhere near enough Star Wars content yet, Disney are rebooting the whole franchise from the very start. Beginning with The Phantom Menace Reboot, they will re-tell the whole Skywalker saga all over again. The aim is to correct as many mistakes as possible. Darth Maul will be replaced by Darth Jor-Jor, a relative of the ever popular Jar-Jar Binks. And they intend to really ramp up the awkward racial stereotyping. ‘Just think’, said writer Lawrence Kasdan, ‘imagine two Jar-Jar things in a 30 minute elevator-based duologue. The fans will go fucking nuts for this.’

 

Just When I Thought I Was Out, They Pull Me Back In

The entire original cast are still contractually bound by Lucasfilm and Disney. And both Mark Hamill and Harrison Ford will be returning as their younger selves throughout the saga. This will be achieved by using de-ageing software techniques. These were perfected beyond belief for Martin Scorsese’s The Irishman. Mark is quoted as saying, ‘What the force? They’ve invoked that part of our contracts? Those mother fuckers.’ Echoing Hamill’s delight, Harrison Ford also exclaimed how happy he was to be playing Han Solo once again, ‘I gotta bad feeling about this.’ Was all he kept repeating from the wreckage of yet another successful landing of his aircraft.

 

The Return Of The JJ

As it all went so well last time, JJ Abrams is set to return to helm all 26 Star Wars films which will be shot chronologically. But the director could give no further plans other than, ‘Yeah, well… we’ll make the first one and see how it goes from there. We haven’t planned beyond the first treatment yet. We’ve learned from our mistake of over-planning. We’ve also learned to tone down the ‘women’ in the Star Wars universe. People don’t wanna see strong female characters. Or any female characters in the Star Wars universe, for that matter. They just get in the way of the good ol’ homo-erotic sausage fest Star Wars always has, and always should be. To quote Han Solo, ‘Trust me to beam you up.’


The Phantom Menace Reboots Starts Shooting Next Month

HAN SOLO EMAILS LEAKED ON-LINE

HOLLYWOOD – A slew of emails from the troubled production of stand alone Star Wars film Han Solo have appeared on the internet.

Emails between Lawrence Kasdan and Kathleen Kennedy and Phil Lord and Chris Miller have leaked online. Here are some selected moments of what proved to be a troubled production.

Hi Fellas!

How is everything going with the shoot? 

……………………………………………………..

Hi Kathleen, Hi Lawrence,

Everything is AWESOME.

……………………………………………………..

Hi Boys!

Just some notes on the rushes from the shoot so far. Me and Lawrence got to see them and we want to say on the whole it looks like you’re doing a great job. We do have one or two concerns. I’ve listed them below. 

First off: Do we need the songs? I’m asking myself. 

Secondly: Alden Ehrenreich’s performance is a bit LEGO-y. Is that a fake head?

Then: Having Lando and Han take a psychotropic drug during which Lando gets the idea for Cloud City isn’t consistent with how that happens in the canon. 

Finally: Can we also not have Chewbacca be quite so stoned quite so often? 

……………………………………………………..

Hi Kathleen, Hi Lawrence,

Everything is great (when you’re part of a team)

……………………………………………………..

Yeah about that. We’re thinking that Alden might need some help with his performance. Tell him not to worry about it. We just want someone onset who will contradict everything you tell him.

……………………………………………………..

Hi Kathleen, HI Lawrence,

We’re getting vibes from you guys that the weather isn’t exactly peachy. It feels Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, if we’re to be honest!

……………………………………………………..

Yeah, Fellas!

Enough of the referencing your films in ever single email. You remember when we said we wanted your individual vision and how important it was to us to hear your voices in the movie? Remember how we said we wanted to give you total creative freedom? Well, that was all bullshit. Turns out what we really want you to do is stick to the script and quit with the postmodernism. As in pronto!

Han Solo will be released in 2018.

HAN SOLO NEWS: CHRIS MILLER AND PHIL LORD WANTED TO GO ‘FULL LEGO’

HOLLYWOOD –   fire Chris Miller and Phil Lord from the stand alone Star Wars movie Han Solo because ‘they wanted to go full lego’.

The Studio Exec received the shocking news that comedy directors Phil Lord and Chris Miller have been fired from the Han Solo movie only weeks before filming wraps. According to sources close to the production the firing came after tensions between Kathleen Kennedy and Lawrence Kasdan built up with the Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs duo. An insider told the Studio Exec:

At first everyone was on board with the direction that Phil and Chris were proposing. Kathleen hired them for their off the wall humor and their irreverence. But there was one major stumbling block that was never fully dealt with and that was what finally did for them. They wanted to do the whole film with lego.

You mean like an animated movie?

No, they were filming live action scenes. We went to Italy to film in the Dolomites. All over the place. But when the actors came on set they found these Lego versions of themselves. Chris told them to just voice the characters while Phil and Chris moved the Lego around.

Wow.

I know. At first we assumed they were doing pre-viz. You know that’s the thing now. But when the cast complained then Phil told wardrobe to basically make these huge Lego costumes. The guys run a fun set so we assumed it was a practical joke. But it went on all day and then the next. Kathleen was just fuming. She kept talking to Ron Howard all the time and she always had him on speaker phone so the guys and the crew could hear. She’d say things like ‘I could drop a rock on their heads while they’re sleeping’ and ‘twenty dollars buys me a guy called Luciano and no questions asked’. They began to get scared but they were unerring in their artistic vision. I’ll give them that.

The film stars Alden Ehrenreich in the role of the space smuggler, made famous by Harrison Ford. Donald Glover plays Lando Calrissian.

Han Solo will be released in 2018.

FIRST SHOT OF HAN SOLO STANDALONE

HOLLYWOOD – The first shot of the Han Solo standalone movie hit the internet today.

Han Solo – A Star Wars Story will be the first animated movie in the new Disney run franchise.  Alden Ehrenreich voices Solo and Donald Glover will play Lando. Directors Christopher Miller and Phil Lord dropped in to explain the decision to make the movie a cartoon:

First, we wanted to make the film as close to the original as possible and as good as the cast is they just don’t look enough like the original actors. So we decided to draw them with pencils and color them in with crayons. Plus we’re frankly more comfortable with pictures. It’s going to be Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs meets Star Wars.

Lawrence Kasdan and Jon Kasdan have written the script.

Doing the cartoon gives us a lot of options. There are characters we can include. Jar Jar for instance. He’s a cartoonish character so we’re really going to do this right. And we connect the Clone Wars as well because a lot of those drawings have already been done.

Disney release Han Solo: A Star Wars Story on May 25, 2018.

STAR WARS EPISODE 8: TITLE REVEALED

HOLLYWOOD – Rian Johnson’s Star Wars Episode 8 has a title the Studio Exec can EXCLUSIVELY reveal.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens has only just opened internationally but already Kathleen Kennedy is prepping Star Wars: Episode 8 and she popped into the Studio Exec Falcon to speak about the new installment.

You are already working on Episode 8, is that right?

Absolutely. This is going to be a crazy year. Genuinely non-stop. My husband was producing Jurassic World and I was doing The Force Awakens but at the same time we’re getting ready to start with Episode 8 in January of 2016.

Unbelievable. And you already have the story?

Yes. The story has already been worked out. In fact we’ve got the story right up until Episode 9 worked out. Not the details and the scripts are not locked but we know where we’re going and most of the beats.

Tell us more.

No can do Exec. You know many people haven’t seen Episode 7, so if I told you anything about Episode 8 that would give away spoilers and I don’t want to do that.

You must be able to give us something.

Well, I suppose I could tell you the title we’re working on at the moment.

Great.

The idea is that the next Episode will continue directly on from Episode 7 and so we had the idea that the title should reflect that continuity.

And so…

Star Wars: Episode 8: The Force Has Breakfast.

The Force has Breakfast?

Yeah. You see we thought, if I was the force what would I do one I woke up. Rian said ‘I always have breakfast straight after I’ve woken up’. And so we went with that.

Right.

Of course it wasn’t the only option. But it was the best.

What were the alternatives?

Apparently Lawrence Kasdan has a sh*t as soon as he wakes up. And J.J. Abrams flosses. But they just didn’t scan.

Star Wars: Episode 8: The Force Has Breakfast will be released in 2017.

STAR WARS EPISODE 7 TITLE CHANGE: THE EWOK AND THE DROID

HOLLYWOOD – Star Wars 7 changes title from The Force Awakens to the Ewok and the Droid.

JJ Abrams revealed that they had decided that The Force Awakens was too generic a title, so they decided to go with something more thematically true to the picture. The Bad Robot director told Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY that:

Disney were really looking at films they were making in the 80s when the Star Wars star shone brightly, and the film they’ve come up with as their model is The Fox and the Hound. This links up to the Pixar model of the mismatched companions who learn to become friends. Think of Woody and Buzz Lightyear. Obviously the Star Wars film wouldn’t make much sense with toys playing the parts, or animals for that matter. Star Wars has always essentially been about complex nuanced characters. So they’ve come up with an Ewok who befriends a droid, similar to, but crucially not R2D2 (he’s red). When the idea was first broached in a writer’s meeting, you could hear the cheer go up from the parking lot. 

Abrams also said that the films will – for artistic purposes – primarily be aimed at a young audience with a lot of disposable income and the adults will come for the wiseacre humor and a misguided sense of numb nostalgia.

For further developments on this story and more, watch this space and follow us on Twitter: @studioexec1

STAR WARS 7 WILL FEATURE ORIGINAL FRIENDS CAST

LONDON – The first photograph of the new Star Wars: Episode 7 cast had several surprises in store, but perhaps no surprise greater than the inclusion of the entire cast from Friends: Matt LeBlanc, Jennifer Aniston, Matthew Perry, Courtney Cox, David Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow.

The cast alongside writer Lawrence Kasdan and director J.J. Abrams met for the first time in an IKEA warehouse outside London. Abrams said:

When I was growing up Star Wars was my inspiration, my pole star if you like. But in the 90s when I came of age so to speak, then it was Friends and the doings at the Central Perk that really informed me culturally. So we got talking with Kathleen [Kennedy] and I said why don’t we combine the two? Star Wars – the original films not the prequels – always had that vibe anyway. That ‘I’ll be there for you’ feeling if you like.

The photograph features from J.J. Abrams and working clockwise: Matthew Perry, Courtney Cox, Jennifer Aniston, Peter Mayhew, Matt LeBlanc, Lisa Kudrow, Ben Kingsley, Max Von Sydow, Anthony Daniels, Mark Hamill, Gollum, Llewyn Davis, John Boyega, David Schwimmer and Lawrence Kasdan. R2-D2 can also be seen in a restraining box.

For more Star Wars 7 News Click Here.