LAST KNIGHTS: REVIEW – Morgan Freeman and Clive Owen star in a load sword and shouting rubbish for money.
The times are dark and unspecific, Games of Throne-y but without dragons. The realm is an Empire stretching across national boundaries in a way that coincidentally reflects the multinational co-producers who came together to finance this film. The men are a band of amazingly cool at fighting knights who are also racially, ethnically and religiously diverse in a PC way to appeal to as many markets as possible as inoffensively as possible. The men are bound by a strict code of honor about killing lots of people in the most generic way possible.
Old Baron Bartokles (Morgan Freeman) is bored of good acting and so decides to ham it up and enjoy himself. He is a nobleman who in his autumn years has decided to disavow the hereditary principle, the idea of an aristocracy, corruption and all the things he’s been fine with for the previous years. Being a bit grumpy, he rubs the Emperor and his ministers the wrong way and soon finds himself on the sharp end of a beheading. His loyal servant Rickleshin (Clive Owen) and his unmerry men are scattered and apparently hopeless, but will they manage to get revenge, or will Rickleshin go back to his old bad drinking ways?
Yes, they’ll get revenge. Shit, I’ve said it. SPOILER! Oops, but believe me I’ve saved you two hours of your life. The dialogue seems to have been written for translation into another unearthly language, a kind of filmic Esperanto and it is spoken with the conviction of actors who look happy to be overdubbed. The action is okay, but has none of the kinetic madness of 13 Assassins, which is obviously an influence, and the story plods along in a caperish way, hitting fairly predictable beats and asking you to care for a bunch of characters who are little more than ciphers – young man, older man, etc. By far the best thing about the film is the title Last Knights, because it has a pun of the quality not seen since Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruise ruled the multiplex together.
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