FANS TO REMAKE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL

HOLLYWOOD – A fan campaign launched today to raise money to finance a remake of the Star Wars Holiday Special.

The Star Wars Holiday Special is going to be remade if a group of fans on the internet have their way. The 1978 TV movie was a science fiction musical extravaganza made before George Lucas realized that YouTube might exist.  Large decried as a low point of the franchise’s history, a group of fans are now trying to raise funds to remake the movie for cinematic release. We spoke to Ginty Meatpants about the project:

We started with the idea that we wanted to remake The Last Jedi because that film was so … [makes vomity sounds]! But then someone said what about Attack of the Clones? and we realized that we should really start there. And then someone else said what about Return of the Jedi. We could take out the bit where Chewbacca pretends to be Tarzan and the fucking Ewoks. So we decided to do that instead. And then someone piped up about the Holiday Special and so we’re going to do that one first.

Wow!

I know. It’s going to take a lot of time and money but I think once we explain to Disney they’ll be fine. After all, we’ve got lots of time on our hands. We don’t have you know girlfriends, or friend friends. So we’ve got time.

So you think that they’ll agree?

Yeah, as long as they don’t ask that bitch Kathleen Kennedy.

But she’s the producer.

Yeah, but don’t tell her.

The Star Wars Holiday Special ReLoaded will be released in 2020.

STAR WARS EPISODE 9: THE LAST JEDI – SPOILER REVIEW

HOLLYWOOD – Star Wars Episode 8 The Last Jedi hits screens worldwide this week.

Rian Johnson’s Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi arrives in cinemas but does it blow up the Death Star or just explode on the surface. Here are FIVE takeaways, but be warned these are SPOILERS.

1 The first hour is a real drag. Star Wars was originally inspired by the Flash Gordon Saturday morning serials and here the Star Wars franchise has become like that. Familiar characters go off and do different things. But none of this quite amounts to the status of story. Time and space are manipulated in an offhand way. Travelling across the galaxy with a deadline counted in hours feels wrong. It minimizes the scale we’ve come to expect. And some of the stories feel like TV episode filler. Especially with Finn (John Boyega) and Rose (Kelly Marie Tran) Go to the thing and get the thing that’ll do the other thing while jeopardy happens that’ll take x hours. As much as Force Awakens lacked originality, it was exhilarating. This felt middle-act-humdrum.

2  In a telling scene, Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) tosses the light saber over his shoulder, mirroring the film’s own dismissive attitude to many elements set up by JJ Abrams’ first instalment. Luke for one was this big reveal in the first of the new films. Here, he spends a long part of the movie refusing ‘the call to adventure’, but it never calls again. Rey (Daisy Ridley) and Luke’s relationship doesn’t deepen. The offing of Snoke was a great scene, but again had a Game of Thrones abruptness. It seemed more intent on wrong-footing the audience than anything else.

3  Leia (Carrie Fisher) flying. I get that Leia is essentially a Jedi, strong in the force. But the moment she flew her character – and perhaps the series – hid in the fridge. I feel toward Star Wars now how I felt toward the Harry Potter films. I’ll go and see them and enjoy them. But I’m not invested. All the characters have ‘moments’, but I’ve lost sight of any real arc.

4 The humor. Force Awakens was funny – in a smart TV show way. The Last Jedi is more funny in a Jar Jar way. Cute/disgusting aliens, some comedy gurning – Finn has become a particular adherent, but Domhnall Gleeson and Oscar Isaac run him a joint second. And then the overplayed winking actually detracts from the movie. When Luke flicks dirt from his robe emerging from the lethal bombardment, I felt that was Mark Hamill doing that; not Luke. I could hear the conversation: ‘Hey what if I wink at C3PO?’ Luke’s character was always the most sincere, the most driven. When did he become this jokey semi-serious granddad?

5 Luke’s death. This was the most baffling moment of the film. Why make the twist that Luke is not actually there – using his force to project himself into the minds of the others – to then make the consequences exactly the same as him being there. I loved the moment that he revealed himself to Adam Driver’s Kylo Ren. It was epic. My highlight of the movie. It seemed to go in a really different direction. No, we’re not going to have the obligatory death.

5 b. Not every film has to have the same emotional beat – and this goes with the action too. We don’t always have to have the clock ticking while two sets of characters have to accomplish two different tasks. The algebra is becoming nakedly predictable. This is movie magic by algorithm.

To be clear, I quite enjoyed the film. Especially the last hour. But Star Wars ought to be great and for me this felt like the beginning of the end of my fascination with the series.

LAST JEDI WILL FEATURE TRIBBLES

HOLLYWOOD – Reports claim Star Wars: Episode 8: The Last Jedi to feature Tribbles.

An old Star Wars favorite the Tribbles are to make a return to the new Rian Johnson film: Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi.

The film stars Mark Hamill, Daisy Ridley, John Boyega, Carrie Fisher and Adam Driver.

A source close to the production told the Studio Exec:

Early in the production Rian introduced the idea of the Tribbles. It was something that JJ Abrams suggested, but Rian agreed completely. Initially, they were going to just have a small role, but they kinda multiplied if you know what I mean. Now they’ve become the  dominant character. I don’t want to give too much away but there’s about five minutes of the film which is about Luke Skywalker and Rey. And the rest of it is Tribbles all the way through.

Is Chewbacca a kind of Tribble?

No. But the Tribbles worship him as a God.

Like in Return of the Jedi.

There weren’t any Tribbles in Return of the Jedi.

Right. Wait, aren’t Tribbles like a Star Trek thing?

Star Trek… Star Wars, what’s the difference?

Star Wars The Last Jedi will be released in December.

5 FACTS WE LEARNED FROM THE LAST JEDI TRAILER

HOLLYWOOD – Star Wars The Last Jedi released a new trailer yesterday.

And now Star Wars The Last Jedi trailer must be analyzed. The film stars Daisy Ridley, John Boyega, Oscar Isaac and Mark Hamill. Directed by Rian Johnson, it is the eighth episode in the Star Wars saga.

We sent the FACT squad into the heart of the First Order to find out what Luke Skywalker was up to.

1 Still no sign of Captain Kirk. This will be Episode 8 of the saga and yet the Captain of the Starship Enterprise has yet to make an appearance. Many fans expressed their outrage and remarked that the absence of Hobbits was also ‘a disturbance in the Force’.

2 However, we do have the sighting of a Tribble. So most Trekkies will be happy with that.

3 They’ve gone to a planet with a color scheme similar to the poster which is convenient.

4 The First Order – like the Galactic Empire – still seem to believe in having walking vehicles rather than, you know, use wheels.

5 Gandalf has a metal hand.

For more FACTS click here.  

JAR JAR BINKS TO BE DIGITALLY RECONSTRUCTED FOR THE LAST JEDI

HOLLYWOOD – Jar Jar Binks digitally inserted into The Last Jedi footage.

Disney execs finally got a look at the some early footage from Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi. And they got a surprise. An anonymous source – Pete Javelin – spoke with the Studio Exec:

We were all psyched and Luke Skywalker looks great. But then Jar Jar Binks turns up. It’s exactly like the moment the Millennium Falcon showed up in the trailer for the Force Awakens. The whole room just burst into screams, shrieks, yelling of ‘OH GOD NO!’ and stuff like that.

The news shocked the Star Wars world as Jar Jar Binks actor Elmo Pedentic died in 2006 from complications, shortly after appearing in Revenge of the Sith. However, it has been long rumored that using the magic of CGI, director Rian Johnson wanted to resurrect Binks.

Pete Javelin, I mean someone, explained:

They’ve used an actor to stand in for Elmo and then have digitally reconstructed Elmo’s face with computers. I think he looks really close. A hell of a lot better than Grand Moff Tarkin in Rogue One.  It’s seamless.

Fans however are divided, with some saying that it is disrespectful to actor Pedentic. On a typical blog post one Binker wrote:

Pedentic IS jar Jar Binks. Assholes.

The Last Jedi will be released in December, 2017.