LEONARDO DICAPRIO COLONOSCOPY NFT FLOP

HOLLYWOOD – As news breaks of the Leonardo DiCaprio Colonoscopy NFT prices flopping, it has led many to speculate the bottom has fallen out of the market. The auction held at Christie’s of the Leonardo DiCaprio colonoscopy NFTs was expected to fetch exorbitant prices. But even the most revealing shots went for only ‘a couple of bucks a piece’ according to a Christie’s spokesperson.

Leonardo DiCaprio Colonoscopy NFT Going Cheap

Auction goers were shocked to see hardly any interest in the NFTs of the Inception and Titanic star. An insider told The Exec, ‘It was meant to be a chance for DiCaprio’s fans the world around to get to know him inside out. In an ideal world, he would want all his young fans to know him this well personally. But there’s only so much of Leo to go around. That’s why we were so shocked when nobody paid through the ass for his ass.’

WTF Is A NFT?

For those of you who are behind with the times or just too poor to care and have actual problems to deal with, NFT stands for Non-Fungible Token. It pretty much means it’s a unique piece of digital macguffinary, a whodgiemaflip and flibberty-gibbert. It’s temporarily better than a Bitcoin because trust fund idiots will pay a great deal more for them. Or at least they did until now.

DiCaprio’s Ass Bubble Digitally Bursts

With DiCaprio’s colonoscopy NFTs failing to raise any interest and more importantly, money for the star, many are speculating this digital bubble has burst. Like Bitcoins, Celebrity Nudes and Tamagotchis, these once treasured digital phenomena have been consigned to the tech scrapheap. Nobody gives a digital shit anymore.

Return Of DiCap

But this latest setback isn’t deterring Hollywood from trying to squeeze every last digital dime out of us salivating canine consumers yet. DiCaprio’s people have just announced a new line of HFTs – Highly-Fungible Tokens. These will be pieces of digital art you and your billionaire buddies will be able to buy, at a premium, of course. They will then only exist for a very short time before they self-destruct. And cue the Lalo Schifrin Mission Impossible theme.

DiCaprio’s HFTs Will Be Available Online Shortly

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE TV SHOW CAST CONFIRMED

HOLLYWOOD – The spin off TV show to Tom Cruise’s popular Mission: Impossible franchise came closer to reality today with the first picture of the assembled cast.

Peter Graves, Greg Morris, Peter Lupus, Barbara Bain and Leonard Nimoy are all confirmed to star in the new Mission: Impossible TV show, which producers are hoping will cash in on the success of Tom Cruise’s Mission: Impossible: Rogue Nation. The show has been planned for many years, but has run into difficulties casting the team.

Executive producer Tom Cruise spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec:

The idea of the show was easy. The very structure of the films lends itself to an hour long episodic TV format. I mean it fits like a glove really. The only problem was getting the team together so to speak. First Martin Landau dropped out and then Lesley Ann Warren and Lynda Dey George were circling the same role, before Barbara finally said yes. We’ve got Lalo Schifrin to come up with a variation on the movie’s theme music. Let’s see what he comes up with.

The movie franchise began with the 1996 Brian DePalma directed action film starring Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt. ‘It was so original,’ says Cruise:

I said to Brian at the time, how the hell did you come up with such an original idea? And he just grinned, you know the way Brian does and so we left it at that. But it really launched the second half of my career and gave me freedom to do all those other projects.

The series has included entries directed by the likes of John Woo, JJ Abrams and Brad Bird. The pilot of the television show will be directed by Bruce Geller.

Mission: Impossible the TV series will be broadcast early in the Fall.