AL PACINO REMOVED GLASSES SHOCK

Hollywood – The movie world is reeling today after Al Pacino removed glasses from his eyes upon the heartless instructions of blood thirsty journalists. The incident took place at the New York premiere of Ridley Scott’s latest film, House Of Gucci. Onlookers were stunned as Al Pacino removed glasses, complying with the vicious demands from baying journalists and photographers. Lady Gaga, who is starring alongside Pacino in the movie, tore into the photographers in a four letter-filled tirade of abuse.

Al Pacino Removed Glasses WTAF!

The nightmarish scene played out in full view of movie fans, A-listers and journalists alike. Cuddly Al, was wearing his customary cool shades, so photographers ordered him to remove them. Upon taking his glasses off, Lady Gaga who was with him on the red carpet, unleashed a foul-mouthed rebuke. ‘You put those fucking glasses back on your face Al. Hey you. Yeah, you. Who the fuck do you think this is? He’s Al Fucking Pacino you piece of shit. Why don’t you come up here and let’s go a few rounds. Bafangu, you lousy mook.’

Lady GrrGrr

Lady GaGa then leaped from the red carpeted stage into the crowd of photographers, throwing kicks and punches indiscriminately while shouting, ‘Who wants it? Have it, you pieces of shit.’ Then a group of well-rehearsed publicists pulled her out of the melee. Meanwhile another group of well-rehearsed publicists distributed cash amongst the injured and bleeding paparazzi.

Oh Shit, It’s Jared Leto

Those close by swore they could hear Al Pacino say upon removing his glasses, ‘Wait a minute, is that Jared Leto? Because I thought they said Jay Leno. Was I just in a picture with that wrong’un?’ Then he put his glasses back on and spent the entire premiere sat at the back of the theatre with his arms folded. Those nearby could hear him muttering about his ‘fucking agent’ and ‘Joe Pesci’s got the right fucking idea’.

House Of Gucci Is Now On General Release

THE ODD COUPLE REBOOT IS CONFIRMED

MOVIE NEWS – The long-mooted The Odd Couple reboot gets the green light after spending years in development hell. The Neil Simon classic comedy that originally starred Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau has a fresh script penned by Damien Chazelle and will be directed by Sofia Coppola. The Odd Couple reboot will star Lady Gaga and Adam Driver.

The Odd Couple Reboot Casting

Fans of the original Neil Simon comedy classic will be surprised to see Lady Gaga take on the Walter Matthau role. She will play Maddison Oscar, a divorced journalist enjoying the single life. Driver will play the Jack Lemmon role of Felix Unger, a sensitive soul who has just been dumped by his long-standing partner and is struggling to come to terms with single life. Maddison agrees against her better judgement to take in her best pal until he gets back on his feet. But there are hilarious consequences when chalk and cheese live together. The Exec spoke to Lady Gaga and Adam Driver about their new roles.

Lady Gaga And Adam Driver In The Odd Couple? How Did That Come About?

(AD) ‘We had such a blast working together on Ridley’s House Of Gucci, we knew we simply had to get together on a project as soon as possible.’ (LGG) – ‘Uh, yeah, I guess. The money was right, so I thought, fuck it. Why not?’

Adam, You’re Taking On The Jack Lemmon Role?

(AD) ‘That’s right. We thought it would be such a gosh-darned hoot if we played around with what everyone would expect. People think of me as a bit dour and straight-laced. But what if I played the more liberal-minded Felix role? Wouldn’t that be a whole heap of fun? (LGG) ‘Plus I found it so much easier acting like you constantly annoyed me. That just came real natural to me, you fucking douche-bag.’

I’m Sensing Some Friction Between The Two Of You?

(AD) ‘Oh, that’s nonsense, because we get on like a house on fire. Don’t we GeeGee? (LGG) ‘How many times have I told you not to FUCKING CALL ME THAT?’

The Odd Couple Reboot Starts Shooting In The New Year

BENNY HILL BIOPIC MUSICAL – DAMIEN CHAZELLE DIRECTING

BREAKING NEWS – Wunderkind writer / director, Damien Chazelle’s next film will be a Benny Hill musical biopic. The Exec caught up with Chazelle to discuss his magnum opus.

 

Damien, what was it about Benny Hill that drew you to the project?

 

I’ve always loved that sophisticated English humor, y’know? There’s just nothing funnier than watching a middle-aged, fat, white guy chasing after scantily-clad young women. Especially if you speed it up slightly and put that funny saxophone music over the top. It’s a winner every time.

 

Do you not think that kind of humor is problematic these days?

 

Look, if chasing around after young women with hardly anything on is problematic, then I’m a wrinkly little old man. And you can keep slapping the top of my wrinkly, bold head. Plus, you don’t know who I have playing Benny Hill.

 

So, who is playing Benny Hill?

 

Well, I really wanted to capture that cheeky, everyman spirit that Benny had. Y’know what I mean? So I thought who is around currently who can bring all that. But I also need them to be able to dance. The movie has huge dance sequences, just like La La Land. They also need to be able to carry a decent tune.

 

Come on, who is it?

 

Ok. I’ll tell, But you have to promise to keep it to yourself. Lady Gaga.

 

I’m sorry?

 

Trust me. She has the acting chops to do it. We’ll stick her in a fat suit. Just like the one they used in Shallow Hal. It’ll be fucking dynamite. She’s going to write the music, with lyrics by Tim Rice. It can’t be sexist if we have a woman playing him.

 

Are you sure about that? You’ll still be depicting the same sexist jokes?

 

All we’re going to be doing is objectifying women as play things for middle-aged lecherous white men. How can anyone have a problem with that? We’ve questioned lots of focus groups in England, Florida, Alaska and Texas. They all loved the idea.

 

The Benny Hill Biopic Musical Begins Filming In The Fall.

AMERICAN CRIME STORY 2: THE PEOPLE V ARIANA GRANDE

HOLLYWOOD – Following the success of American Crime Story: The People V O.J. Simpson, producers have already leaked their plans to film a second season of the anthology season this time focusing on another celebrity trial: The People v. Ariana Grande.

American Crime Story 2: The People v Ariane Grande is due to start filming early next month. Starring Lady Gaga as Ariana Grande, the story will recreate the famous donut incident that almost saw the diminutive diva’s career sent into a tailspin.

Show runners Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski dropped by the Studio Exec bungalow to talk about the show:

Everyone remembers where they were when they first saw the video footage of Ariana Grande that fateful day in the July of 2015 in Wolfee Donuts, Lake Elsinore in California. It was our 9/11. Or something similar. Vietnam or JFK getting shot. It was one of those. Or maybe it was all of them wrapped up into one huge media event.

Seriously, Scott? You think it’s that big a deal?960

Yeah. Sure we didn’t have the white bronco going down the freeway but this was TMZ and it was everywhere. There were issues of fairness, celebrity, entitlement, sexism and race. It was explosive. Dangerous.

How is this comparable to the murder of two people, as was the case in the OJ trial?

You have to remember how big Ariana Grande was in 2015. She was huge. And not only did she lick a few donuts she also said that she ‘hated America’ and hated ‘Americans’. Nobody was talking about anything else. The traffic stopped in the streets. Brothers who hadn’t spoken for years, phoned each other up to discuss what the hell was going on. At the MLB all star game Demi Lovato had to rush in and replace Grande when she failed to show. I mean this effected everything.

But there wasn’t actually a trial. There weren’t even charges pressed.

Not a legal one. No. But the donut shop was cited by the department of health and for Ariana, there was a trial in the court of public opinion. And the repercussions are still with us even all these weeks later.

Joining Gaga will be David Schwimmer who play Ariana’s boyfriend Ricky Alvarez and John Travolta who will play the owner of the Donut store.

American Crime Story 2: The People v Ariana Grande will be broadcast in 2017.

 

HART TO HART TO GET GAY REMAKE

HOLLYWOOD – NBC has announced that they are in the process of developing a gay remake of popular detective show Hart to Hart.

A source close to the Hart to Hart production spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

In this new era of marriage equality it is only a matter of time before we start seeing a whole raft of shows featuring same sex couples. In the new show Jonathan and Daniel Hartman, self-made millionaire and his trophy husband will solve a whole series of murders and crimes helped by their faithful manservant Maxine the Butler and their dog Freeway.

The original show featured Robert Wagner, Stephanie Powers and Lionel Stander and speculation is rife as to who will play the leads, but the money is on the renewed pairing of Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman with Lady Gaga in the role of Maxine. Rumors that Freeway will be a Chihuahua have been strongly denied.

There is a good chance that the new Hart to Hart will be only the first in a whole raft of remakes realigned to mirror changes in the acceptance and celebration of our diverse sexuality. Rumors are already circulating of a lesbian Cagney and Lacey, an aggressively gay Manimal and a completely heterosexual Dukes of Hazzard.

Hart to Hart is due for broadcast in 2017.

MILEY CYRUS TO KILL A PUPPY A WEEK ‘FOR LAUGHS’

HOLLYWOOD – Air licker, twerker and DIY enthusiast Miley Cyrus shocked fans worldwide today when she declared that she would be killing a puppy every week ‘for laughs’.

According to Miley Cyrus information distributor IMDb, the former Ms. Hannah Montana, 21, has been psychologically damaged by the loss of her beloved dog Floyd, even singing a song to a twenty foot high inflatable replica during a concert. The site reported that on her mother – Tish – gifting her a new puppy, the Cyrus had tweeted: ‘Woken to Moonie kisses this morning. He’ll never replace my beloved Floyd and so must die. #LOL!’

Animal groups have reported that Miley Cyrus has five rescue dogs at her mercy and has boasted that she would off one every week ‘for shits and giggles’ in what have been described by her entourage as weekly ‘drowning parties’. Some have accused the young star of copying Lady Gaga who has been wearing the corpses of her freshly murdered kittens for years now. 
   
Miley Cyrus’ new film Donkey Dong will be released in 2015.

STAR WARS EPISODE 7 PLOT REVEALED!











Earlier today social media platforms exploded with the news that Disney has bought Lucas Film and plans to make Star Wars Episode 7 in 2015.

We caught up with George in his vault dressed in a bathing suit and swimming in gold coins.

George, how the devil are you?

I’m rich baby, rich as rich can be.

So what made you sign over the rights of your life’s work to Disney?

In a word, money. I’m going to buy a continent, maybe Asia and declare myself Emperor.

Exciting stuff. What can you tell us about the upcoming Episodes 7,8,9?

Well it’s pretty simple. Luke has a son, Luke’s wife is killed, Luke turns to the dark side, Luke becomes Vader, Luke’s son becomes a Jedi, Luke’s son Kills Vader.

Wow, that’s original.

Indeed. Then for 10, 11, 12 Luke’s son has a son, the son’s wife is killed, the son turns to the dark side, the son becomes Vader, the Son’s son becomes a Jedi, The Son’s son kills Vader. Rinse and repeat Ad Nauseam until the end of time itself.

Interesting. Who will be playing Luke’s son?

Well it’s got to be Justin Bieber. He has millions of twitter followers and if we cast him that’s like an extra 500 million in the bank.


A shrewd move..anyone else?

Yeah sure. Ricky Gervias, Stephen Fry, Lady Gaga. Basically anyone with over 2 million twitter followers we’ll throw in there.

Will the original cast be returning?

I should think so. Let’s be honest, Fisher and Hamill need the cash and Ford needs a hit. Anyway, if they turn us down we’ll just get Andy Serkis in to play them all via motion capture.

What do you say to all those people who accuse you of destroying their childhoods by ruining a once beloved franchise with endless sequels.

I say F*ck you. I’ve got more money than China what the hell do I care what a bunch of peasants think?

A good point, well made. So what else are you going to do with your enormous wealth?

I’m going to make a sequel to Howard the Duck .


Star Wars Episode 7 to be released in 2015.