SIR EDWIN FLUFFER REMEMBERS BETTE DAVIS AND JOAN CRAWFORD

HOLLYWOOD – Sir Edwin Fluffer once again delves into his personal memoirs – soon to be published as ‘Not THAT Kind of Fluffer!!!’ – to recall Bette Davis and Joan Crawford.

Has Hollywood ever produced greater friends than Bette Davis and Joan Crawford? No it has not. I think I’m right in saying that I was married to one or possibly even both of them in the 1950s, and can claim some if not all of the credit for their most famous film. If King Vidor tries to tell you different you just say that Sir Edwin Fluffer calls him a liar. Then knock his hat off and run away.

I was doing a jigsaw puzzle with darling Bette one night when the doorbell rang. I opened it to none other than Miss Joan Crawford and straight away from the look on that famous face I could tell what had happened. Kirk Douglas’s dog, Chaplin, had made a mess on the sidewalk and unlucky Joan had stepped right in it! 

I brought her inside and poured a stiff brandy which I downed in one, then leapt into action. Joan’s shoe was off in a trice, double bagged, and thrown out with the garbage. The poor darling was still in a terrible state of shock so I insisted she sit down while I had another brandy. Then something happened which changed the world forever: while Joan started helping with the puzzle by separating all the blue pieces which we thought were either the sea or the sky, Bette noticed a script on the table. Kirk Douglas had popped it through the letterbox while he was out walking that filthy dog of his by way of an apology for getting me fired from Spartacus. The idea was that we’d play the warring brothers in Whatever Happened To Tiny Terrence? Bette read it from cover to cover, took out a pen, changed the name in the title to Baby Jane and passed it to Joan saying ‘when do you want to start?’ It was then that disaster struck. 
The brandy had all gone by now and as they helped me up I trod on poor Joan’s foot! To make matters worse I insisted she borrow a pair of my shoes to walk home in, and the only thing we could find to match her ballgown was a pair of brogues. 
She said they rubbed a little, but stupidly neither Bette nor I thought anything of it. Two days later it was all over the front pages: Joan Crawford Has An In-Growing Toenail! People tried to be kind, but I knew it was all my fault, and to this day I still can’t forgive myself. George Sanders never spoke to me again. 
The result was that when they came to film Baby Jane, darling Joan had to shoot all her scenes in a wheelchair. 
Even now I can’t watch that picture without wondering what would’ve happened if I’d given her a pair of loafers, or even my moccasins with some spats for extra protection. 
The last time I ever saw her she looked at me and said ‘Neddy, don’t hold it against me’, so I stood back a bit and put it away. I once held it against a young Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell punched me in the face, but that’s another story…

GOLDIE HAWN JOINS KURT RUSSELL FOR GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY 2

HOLLYWOOD – Today the news we have all been waiting for was finally confirmed: Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell are uniting for Guardians of the Galaxy 2.

Everybody knew that Guardians of the Galaxy 2 was going to be good.  The original James Gunn film was a fun, witty and action-packed adventure, but rumors had been circulating that none other than Deathproof, pork chops himself Kurt Russell would be appearing as the Star-Lord’s father. However, it was only today we discovered that he would be reuniting with his wife Goldie Hawn who joins the cast as Star-Lord’s stepmother Joanna.

Director James Gunn told the Studio Exec:

I was so excited about getting Kurt but secretly I wanted the family pack. I am a huge fan of Overboard and this will be an unofficial remake of that film. Obviously we focus a lot on Chris Pratt and the various japes that he gets up to, but there is a whole subplot about Star-Lord’s dad and his step mom and how they met. The chemistry between the two of them is off the chart and I think this is something that really is going to lift the film above the usual sequel problems.

Goldie Hawn said that she was very excited to be a part of the new film.

More than anything it will be a chance for me and Kurt to spend a little time together. What with a hectic schedule it has been really difficult to find any time to sit down and really enjoy each other’s company. On a film set, strangely enough there actually is quite a lot of time to do that. We’ll probably drive each other crazy but that doesn’t matter because it will feed into the characters.

The Guardians of the Galaxy 2 will be released.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT THE HATEFUL EIGHT

HOLLYWOOD – With the release of the new trailer for Quentin Tarantino’s 8th film The Hateful Eight hitting the internet, what do we really know about this so called ‘Western’?

The Studio Exec sent the FACT Squad into the snowy mountains to discover all they could about the new Quentin Tarantino film The Hateful Eight.

1. Although Quentin Tarantino has completed the film, The Hateful Eight will never be seen by anyone. This is because when the script leaked onto the internet, Tarantino promised that he would never make the film and Tarantino is a man of his word. Many wished they’d leaked Deathproof onto the internet instead. After a successful live script read, Tarantino decided he would after all make the film, but no one would ever see it. It is due to be destroyed in December.

2. The Hateful Eight is Quentin Tarantino’s eighth film and it also has eight in the title. There are eight main characters. It was filmed over eight weeks with eight cameras operated by eight camera operators all of whom have only eight fingers and eight toes. There was a tale told of cameramen so motivated to take part in the production they asked Eli Roth to cut off the digits which were surplus to requirement.

3. Kurt Russell’s Mustache is so magnificent that it has not only reversed climate change but is currently defeating ISIS in Syria. There are delegations from the UN pleading with Mr. Russell to keep from shaving.

4. The cast for The Hateful Eight includes many Tarantino regulars, including Tim Roth, Samuel L. Jackson, Bruce Dern, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Michael Madsen and Kurt Russell. According to onset rumors, the entire cast had sex in a massive orgy organized by Tarantino who sat on a tennis umpire’s chair shouting directions through a large cardboard cone.

5. The Hateful Eight is the first Quentin Tarantino movie to feature an original score by the old maestro of Spaghetti western soundtracks, Ennio Morricone. This despite tensions between the two after Quentin asked to do some whistling on the soundtrack. ‘Ennio does all his own whistling,’ Tarantino explained to Comic-Con.

For more FACTS click HERE.

THE HATEFUL EIGHT – REVIEW

THE HATEFUL EIGHT – REVIEW: Quentin Tarantino’s second Western is a bloody locked room mystery of a wide screen claustrophobia and unbridled suspicion and violence.

John Ruth (Kurt Russell at his most John Wayne-y) is a bounty hunter nicknamed the Hangman, because instead of shooting his targets and bringing them to town over a saddle insists on seeing them hang. Escorting notorious female felon, Daisy Domergue (Jennifer Jason Leigh) to the gallows he meets Major Marquis Warren (Samuel L. Jackson), a former soldier turned bounty hunter who has his own bodies to bring to market. Along the way they also meet Chris Mannix (Walton Goggins), a Confederate bushwhacker turned Red Rock sheriff. Why all these characters happen upon one another while running ahead of a potentially deadly blizzard is never fully explained and the mystery gets even deeper when they arrive at the dubious refuge of Minnie’s Haberdashery where they meet up with cowboy, Michael Madsen, Englishman, Tim Roth, Southern General, Bruce Dern and Mexican Bob, Demian Bechir. Minnie, sweet Dave and the other regulars of the place are missing and something is obviously afoot.

What follows is bloody and witty, long-winded, frustrating, violent (obviously) and both overwhelming and underwhelming at exactly the same time. The premise is much more modest than the epic treatment it is given. The Hateful Eight feels like an Agatha Christie inspired bottle episode of Bonanza written by Sam Peckinpah, but why it has to be three hours long  and shot in 70 mm is beyond me. There are performances to relish from the veterans of the cast – and it is a blessed relief to not have to put up with the supposedly brilliant Christoph Waltz any longer. Ennio Morricone’s score is worth the price of admission alone. The opening scenes of the snowy Wyoming landscapes are gorgeous but like many mysteries the initial intrigue leaks out with each ho-hum revelation. Of plot holes there are several and Bob and Harvey Weinstein might do well to employ a tough no nonsense script editor on the final two Tarantino productions.   All of that said, The Hateful Eight is a better film than Django Unchained and Inglourious Bastereds, though it doesn’t reach the early peaks of Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs.

 

For more Reviews, Click Here.

THE MAKING OF THE THING

HOLLYWOOD – In our ‘The Making of…  Series’ we turn our attention to the classic science fiction/ horror remake: John Carpenter’s The Thing.

The Idea

John Carpenter had wanted to make another Science Fiction film following his debut Dark Star in 1974. He made Escape from New York in 1981 and then immediately started work on The Thing I Like About You, a musical comedy written by Burt Lancaster’s son Bill Lancaster. Kurt Russell, who had just finished working with Carpenter playing Snake Pilsen in Escape, was immediately cast as the shoes salesman who becomes hopeless involved with a millionairess and a Sheik. It was obvious to Russell that Carpenter wasn’t inspired by the story:

To begin with, he immediately had us move the production from New England to British Columbia. Before we knew it all the women and the musicians got fired and the script was changing every day. It soon became obvious  that John had an old Science Fiction film in mind but everything was on the hoof. The funny thing was – if you’ll excuse the pun – the title didn’t change. And in fact the first full cut of the film still had the title card the The Thing I Like About You. It was actually a note from a Universal Exec that had us abbreviate it.

Production

Filming in sub-zero temperatures was a challenge for the cast and crew as John Carpenter revealed in his autobiography ‘Everything Looks Like a Nail’:

We would film from seven in the morning and go into the night. But the next morning I would find Kurt Russell had frozen solid. At first we rushed him to hospital but the doctors assured me that he was perfectly preserved and no damage had happened. Apparently it happens all the time in Canada. So it became a thing. We’d send a guy to Kurt’s room an hour early so he could defrost Kurt. Then we’d film and that night Kurt would freeze again. Someone suggested we should move him to room with heating, but what with the freezing and unfreezing Kurt didn’t have to eat for the whole shoot and we saved a lot of money on rice and beans.

The special effects to create the monster were particularly difficult. Stan Winston was called in to do some work:

Most of the work was done before I even got there but there was one particular creature they couldn’t get right. And they were very pushed for time. This was described in the script as a dog. Now I assumed the dog had been taken over by the alien, so that’s what I created, but when I showed John he said no it has to look more like a dog. I went away, had a think and then did it again. By the third or fourth time, I decided as a joke just to show him a real dog. He said that was perfect and in the end that’s what appears in the film. Just a dog!

The ending of the film proved particularly difficult and John Carpenter was forced by the studio to shoot an alternative ending which has Kurt Russell waking up and realizing the whole thing was a dream.

Reception

The film was released in a double bill with E.T. and proved to be both a financial and critical failure. Vincent Canby in the New York Times complained that his seat wasn’t comfy and the popcorn he was given was slightly stale, whereas Roger Ebert wrote: ‘Watching John Carpenter’s The Thing, I had this air current on my neck. I don’t know if it was the air-conditioning or what but by the time I came out I had this really sore neck. It was irritating.’

Now the film is a cult classic and the air-conditioning has been fixed.

The Thing was released in 1982.

For more of The Making of… CLICK HERE.

BONE TOMAHAWK – REVIEW

BONE TOMAHAWK – REVIEW: Kurt Russell, Richard Jenkins and Patrick Wilson star in Horror slash Western, a brutal, bloody but also beautiful and eloquent genre mash up which hacks into my 2015 top ten.

S. Craig Zahler’s debut movie Bone Tomahawk is a whip smart horror western that could slap most genre pretenders red. True, it’s not as if there are a huge pile of horror-westerns – Soldier Blue was brutal and A Man Called Horse introduced body horror into the genre – but even Django Unchained clumsy mess didn’t have a fraction of the affection or originality of this.

When two robbers stray into an Indian burial ground they unleash the ire of a clan of cannibalistic, feral Native Americans. One of the robbers flees to a frontier town where he is jailed by local sheriff Franklin Hunt (Russell). When the clan attack the village, they kidnap a deputy and the wife (Lili Simmons) of Arthur O’Dwyer (Wilson), who is laid up in bed with a broken leg. Hunt leads a posse that includes old geezer Chicory (Jenkins) and Indian Killer and Dude John Brooder (Matthew Fox). Hampered by O’Dyer’s leg and prone to infighting and the attentions of Mexican bandits, Hunt’s Posse takes their sweet time approaching the clan’s caves. But when they do, they might wish they had dawdled a little longer on the way.

Zahler writes the best old West dialogue since Larry McMurty’s Lonesome Dove and he films the landscape with the same appreciation for the land and the failing light as a John Ford. There’s a genuine affection for the genre – for both genres – and the brilliant cast and Matthew Fox play it seriously, witty, but damned serious. They feel real and there is an affection for them that makes you want the time spent with them to go on. This isn’t a playful postmodern take. And likewise when things start to get bloody, and they get ghastly, Zahler takes that gross out mayhem just as seriously.  Bone Tomahawk is the most original Western for years and cracking fun. Kurt Russell has another Western coming out on Christmas Day and if Hateful Eight is even half as good as this it will make for a remarkable year for the Western.

For more Reviews, Click Here.

47 FILMS: 10. OVERBOARD

More 47 Films to see before you’re murdered in your dreams. This episode we dive into the ultimate 80s rom-com, Overboard.

Undoubtedly the best movie about Stockholm Syndrome ever made. Kurt Russell kidnaps amnesiac socialite Goldie Hawn and convinces her that she’s his wife and the mother of his four children. He treats her like a slave, subjects her to water torture and psychological abuse until she accepts that she is destined for a life of domestic drudgery.

Written down on paper that sounds like the premise of a David Lynch film rather than a romantic comedy and you would think that Overboard would be firmly in the top ten of movies militant feminists and anaemic liberals loathe but I know hard, pipe-hitting lesbians that love Overboard and I’ve sat down with card carrying advocates of women’s rights that were extremely dubious at the start of the flick and won over by the end.

You see Overboard isn’t about the battle of the sexes, it’s about class. Goldie Hawn’s character might have been abducted and brainwashed but she deserved it, she’s rich, obnoxious and entitled. She lives in an elite bubble surrounded by people of her own kind. She’s unhappy, but she doesn’t know anything else, she’s never lived in the ‘real’ world and the dubious scheme concocted by Russell’s sweaty carpenter gives her the opportunity to escape from her gilded cage.

It would be easy to say that Overboard advocates traditional gender roles but Hawn has all the power. When she decides to return to Russell at the end she makes a point of telling him, and the audience, that all of the money is hers. Would she have given it all up for love? That question is never posed and not posing it is a screen-writing master stroke.

Hawn, especially, is excellent. It’s her best role as far as I’m concerned and Russell is the perfect foil. If I was drawing up a list of the best romantic comedies of the 80s, Overboard would be a close second to When Harry Met Sally and there is no higher praise than that.

For more of our 47 Films to see before you’re murdered in your dreams CLICK HERE.

FIRST LOOK AT TARANTINO’S NORTHANGER ABBEY

HOLLYWOOD –  Quentin Tarantino’s 8th film – The Hateful Eight – hasn’t hit theaters yet, but already we have the first look at his ninth project: an adaptation of Jane Austen’s Northanger Abbey, entitled Northanger Motherf*cking Abbey Motherf*cker .

Tarantino had already spoken with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY about the project (click here for that), but it was only today that he revealed that he was already filming.

I am editing The Hateful Eight at the moment, but it isn’t exactly rocket science. I’ve got eight people in a cabin. So it’s cut to him then to her then back to him. Easy. So during my lunch break I decided we could get started on Northanger Abbey. I have my paperback of the book, annotated heavily in different shades of red crayon. Keira Knightley is on board and so we have been going for it.

The official synopsis reads:

Young Catherine Morland (Keira Knightley) is one of ten children of a clergyman and his wife. An addict of ‘gothic fiction’, she is invited by wealthy neighbors to accompany them on a visit to the spa town of Bath where she meets the Thorpes and Henry a man with whom she will fall in love. However, Henry’s father, General Tilney (Kurt Russell) disapproves and it looks as if no happy marriage can take place. However, when the Sicilian mafia led by Turko Polito (Samuel L. Jackson) kill General Tilney and his entourage over his gambling debts – the famous blood Bath scene for Austen aficionados – Henry and Catherine go on a murder spree around Europe to hunt down and kill the gang that offed General Tilney.

Northanger Motherf*cking Abbey Motherf*cker will be released in 2016. 

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

TARANTINO TO FILM LONG CHERISHED JANE AUSTEN ADAPTATION

HOLLYWOOD – Even as Quentin Tarantino adds the final touches to The Hateful Eight, rumors are already circulating about his next film being his long-awaited Jane Austen adaptation. 

In an EXCLUSIVE phone call to the Guatemalan office of Studio Exec, Quentin Tarantino was explicit: ‘It’s always been my dream to do a Jane Austen adaptation. I f*cking love Northanger Abbey, and I would costume drama and post-modern irony the shit out of that motherf*cker.’

What attracts you to the 19th Century novelist?

She’s the Elmore Leonard of her time. Just snappy as shit. Tight plotting and strong female characters. I’ve been a fan for years and watched with something like f*cking despair as assholes like Joe Wright and Emma Thompson fuck her up time and time again. 

And who do you see in the film?

I’ve already had long conversations with Samuel L. Jackson about General Tilney. He’d be perfect, cause he has to seem threatening and yet ultimately, well I don’t want to give it away to anyone who hasn’t read the book. By the way Northanger Abbey was published in 1798 and so she wrote that one as an 18th Century novelist. Jamie Foxx would be his son Henry, but as yet I don’t have anyone for Catherine. Maybe Emma Watson. Or Kerry Washington. Or Kurt Russell.

So we can look forward to a radically different Austen, with a black cast and guns and samurai swords and stuff?

Are you f*cking high. No way. Jamie and Sam are gonna white up. I’m not gonna f*ck with the material on this one. No way. The reason I hated Joe Wright’s Pride and Prejudice was cause he went too Bronte on that shit. He Bronte to f*ck out of it. I’m gonna keep it pure Austen. Witty convoluted dialogue and corsets and drawing rooms. The only thing I might change is the title. I kind of like Northanger Motherfucking Abbey Motherfucker which I think is in the spirit of Austen’s anger.  

Northanger Motherf*cking Abbey Motherf*cker will be released in 2017.

FIRST POSTER FOR BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA REMAKE

HOLLYWOOD – The first poster for Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson’s remake of Big Trouble in Little China hit the internet today along with an official statement from the star.

The remake of John Carpenter’s 1986 cult classic Big Trouble in Little China is set to star Dwayne Johnson as hard boiled truck driver Jack Burton, who gets caught up with supernatural goings on in the eponymous Chinatown. The original starred Kurt Russell and Kim Cattrall and was a bit of a flop for Carpenter, who was seeking to cash in on the Romancing the Stone and Indiana Jones action fare of the day. The new version will be written by X-Men: First Class scribes Ashley Miller and Zack Stentz and the approach according to Dwayne Johnson’s statement looks to be reverential:

All too often a remake of this kind of property is too keen to reinvent what doesn’t need reinventing and in the process we lose what was genuinely good about the original. So in this version, I am going to be digitally inserted into the original on top of Kurt Russell’s image and will simply take his place. We’ve hired Ashley Miller and Zack Stentz to update some of the dialogue but as much as we can we’ll leave alone. We want to see Gracie and fight Lo Pan (James Wong). The only casting change is perhaps to get Emma Stone to play Miao Yin.

How fans will react to this is yet to be seen, but Swiss cinema expert Xavier Poulis believes that Dwayne Johnson might have gone one remake too far.

Johnson is a likable personality and he obviously attracts audiences, as the success of San Andreas has proven. But he is finding himself attached to too many sequels and remakes. We’ve already seen him in the Furious films, the Voyage films, and there’s a Baywatch film coming up. And yet there is still no word as to when we will see Southland Tales 2, the film everyone is waiting for.

Dwayne Johnson’s Big Trouble in Little China will be released in 2017.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

KURT RUSSELL’S MUSTACHE REVERSES CLIMATE CHANGE

HOLLYWOOD – No one is quite sure how it happened – the studies are yet to be completed, and scientists squabble over different theories – but one thing is certain: Kurt Russell’s mustache has reversed climate change.

The gestation of Kurt Russell’s mustache has been a long glacial process, emerging from the full beard of The Thing, retracting into the stubble of Escape from New York, and first touching the air as the wonderful clipped beauty of Tombstone. The year Tombstone was released – 1993 – there was a a 35% rise in fertility and fistfights, such was its masculine magic. And now with Kurt Russell persuaded to hedge over his upper lip for Quentin Tarantino’s Hateful Eight the benefits to mankind and planet Earth can be felt everywhere.

Resident ecologist Joaquin Phoenix popped into the Studio Exec Bungalow to explain:

We’re not sure how this is happening but it looks like following the appearance of Mr. Russell’s hairy handle bars that the ice caps have in fact fully re-frozen. Sea levels have fallen and the air quality is delicious.

How is this happening?

Some say that carbon is being captured from the air and sucked into the follicles, is one possible explanation. Or perhaps Mother Earth has just got a glimpse of the kind of man that she’d be missing and has decided to right her ways.

Of course now that the wonderful side effects of Mr. Russell’s lip ‘brella are readily apparent, many are calling on President Obama to legislate to protect the top beard. The White House were quick to quieten such proposals, stating that ‘It would be a brave administration that ever told Mr. Kurt Russell what to do and what not to do with his own face’.

The Hateful Eight will be released in 2016.

REMAKE WATCH: THE NEW POSEIDON ADVENTURE

HOLLYWOOD – A new film based on the Paul Gallico novel The Poseidon Adventure is to begin filming right this minute.

The film is to be directed by Werner Herzog and will star Matthew Broderick as a troubled priest (played in the original by Gene Hackman) who has to put aside his shaky faith in order to rescue the passengers of a luxury cruise ship after it is hit by a tidal wave. Studio Exec had the opportunity to speak to Herzog while dodging machine gun fire.

So a disaster movie, what attracts you to the genre?

Life is a disaster and so for me it stands as the perfect metaphor for the position of the human soul in the abyss of an obsidian darkness that isolates one totally and in which the soul trembles and quakes weeping and beating its chest if a soul can be said to have a chest. 

And what relationship does your film have to the 2006 remake Poseidon?

What remake? I don’t understand. 

The remake starring Kurt Russell and Richard Dreyfuss? Directed by Wolfgang Petersen?

You’re kidding me right. There’s a remake of this film already? You have to be (as they say) shitting me. Seriously. I spoke to Wolfgang yesterday. Now it makes sense why he couldn’t stop laughing. It’s the Bad Lieutenant all over again. Oh, hell.

Well no one actually saw the film.

I’ve been going to meetings, talking to studio heads and no one has mentioned this other film. Wait a minute, did you say Richard Dreyfuss is in it? Because I cast him as the ship’s captain. Why didn’t he say anything? All he wanted to talk about was money.

So what are your plans?

 I’ll make it nevertheless. I mean why not. The money they give me for this I can film seventeen documentaries. Perhaps everyone will have forgotten the other film.  

Ah!

Oh, you’ve been shot. No it’s okay. The bullet went right through, see? You’ll be fine.  

BRITISH JOURNALIST ACCUSES QUENTIN TARANTINO’S FILMS OF BEING “VIOLENT”

LONDON – A British television interview has revealed that the films of auteur director Quentin Tarantino are in fact – as some have long contended – violent. The horror and virulent disgust sent bile waves through the film community and saw trusted moral arbiter Reese Witherspoon declaring from now on the name of Quentin Tarantino would be struck from the record of all film chat and talk.


Kurt Russell – a one time collaborator – shook his head sadly:

As one who defended Quentin time and again, I have to now hold my hand up and say, in the face of this overwhelming evidence, Quentin must be declared a pariah and forced to walk the earth like Kane from Kung Fu. If he appears on my property though, I’m afraid I’m going to have to shoot the violent son of a bitch.

The interview – which seems to have taken place in what the British call a ‘hotel’ – was conducted by an important news journalist, who repeatedly accused Tarantino of making violent films. Mantle Harmony – spokesperson for QTBS a watchdog body devoted to pissing off the Reservoir Dogs director – said:

Though I am grateful to Krishnan Guru-Murthy for having cornered Tarantino so effectively with his shock revelations, I have contended for years that Tarantino’s films contain occasional scenes of violence. Reservoir Dogs has multiple shooting and an ear amputation, Kill Bill is called kill Bill and in Inglourious Basterds an innocent man with a neat moustache is machine gunned in a horrific way.

 Krishnan Guru-Murthy is well known in England for his fearless exposés of nepotism in the British Royal family, the use of violence on battlefields and the dangerous presence of potatoes in packets of what the British call ‘potatoes’.

Please vote in our very first poll, ever and you decide whether they are violent or not, over there on the right. My right.

TARANTINO DISSES SPIELBERG’S SLAVE-OWNING ‘IT’S PLAIN WRONG!’

HOLLYWOOD – Quentin Tarantino has angrily asserted that Steven Spielberg is a disgrace to the directing profession and should have his cap taken off him and given to someone ‘who won’t lose it up his ass.’

The rant was provoked by the news which broke yesterday that Steven Spielberg has been a slave owner since the late Seventies, owning over two hundred Vietnamese slaves in a plantation in Dakota.

‘I’ve always admired Stevie,’ said Four Rooms co-director, flapping his hands in the air. ‘Always, always. Duel and 1941 oh and Always are some of the finest films I’ve ever seen. But Spielberg has been drifting to the right for years now. First of all with his Young Hitler picture Munich which I didn’t see out of protest and now the news that he actually owns slaves.’

Tarantino – who is working on his biopic of Jazz legend Django Riendhart entitled Django Unchained  – says that the slavery issue is very close to his heart. ‘I’ve always wanted to have slaves myself,’ Tarantino said. ‘Hey I’m no puritan. I understand that Spielberg wants to be able to kill people with impunity and get them to do whatever he wants. But there are limits.’

When Studio Exec challenged Tarantino about his friend Kurt Russell who is a vocal defender of slavery, the Dawn to Dusk ‘actor’ got quite irate  ‘Kurt is a great friend and an artist who I admire very much. What he does with human beings who he had bought at market with Goldie Hawn’s money is entirely his business.’

Isn’t that exactly true of Spielberg also then?

‘Yes,’ said Mr T (as he prefers to be known). ‘Yes. I suppose it is. Okay. Forget everything I just said. Let’s talk about my picture where’s the reset button on this thing.’

Django Unchained will be followed by The Hateful Eight.