ROUGH CUT: 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY WITH ORIGINAL DIALOGUE

SHEPPERTON – Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: a Space Odyssey is one of the classics of all time, but now an earlier ‘rough cut’ of the film has been discovered in a discarded bin at Shepperton Studios.

The footage comes from the iconic ‘Monkey with bone’ scene and features the previously unheard dialogue originally provided by veteran English stage actor Sir Edwin Fluffer, who recalls:

The script was very rudimentary to begin with – a grunt here and there – but Stanley soon had me doing take after take reciting Wilfred Owen and ad libbing. Imagine my disappointment and embarrassment when I saw the film at the cinema with all my friends to see my performance utterly botched in post. But that was Stanley!

IMDB THEME PARK DUE IN 2018

 

Peggy Sue Got Married Ride

The Internet Movie Database otherwise known as IMDB has announced it’s first theme park will open in Orlando, Florida in summer 2018.

 
The Studio Exec sat down with the owner Col Needham to ask him about the exciting project.
 
Col. Why a theme park?
 
It’s something I’ve been developing for over 10 years. I went to Disneyland Paris and it was so disappointing I thought, we can do better than this.



What didn’t you like about Disneyland?
 
It was just old hat. Boring rides, overpriced hot dogs and those creepy characters in costumes wandering around. I mean, who really gives a shit about Goofy and Pluto? Most kids these days wouldn’t recognize them in a police line-up!
 
So what is IMDB’s take on the theme park experience?
 
Well for one we have an enormous pool of movies to draw from. We also want to give the ticket buyer an experience they never had before so many of our rides are incredibly dangerous.
 
Dangerous?
 
Yeah. In fact there is like a 70% chanced you will be killed or maimed which is why you have to sign a waiver before you enter.
 
Interesting. Can you reveal some of the attractions?
 
Sure. We have TheShawshank Redemptionwhich is an underground log flume through a river of raw sewage. The idea behind Inception isyou’re plugged into the mainframe and you have to kill the other participants in their dreams. Dr Strangelove is a good one that involves you riding an atomic bomb dropped from a plane and there’s also The Schindler’s List Experiencebut we are having some legal issues with that one.
 
Wow. What does that involve?
 
You really don’t want to know. The original concept broke several protocols of the Geneva convention
The Apocalypse Now ‘Never get off the boat’ Ride

 

Sounds great. What would you say is your personal favorite?
 
I like The Apocalypse Nowride. It was designed by John Milius and it’s a kind of Ghost Train on water. We were a bit heavy handed with the napalm last week and several members of our crew were burnt beyond recognition but it all worked out. We had their dental records.
 
Well I must say Col I’m looking forward to it. Thanks for the interview.
 
No problem. It was my pleasure

ADAM SANDLER AND FRANK CORACI: TOGETHER AGAIN

HOLLYWOOD – Celebrations were announced throughout Hollywood and in Pakistan, Israel, New Zealand, Ecuador and Boston, public holidays were declared. The reason? Frank ‘the new Kubrick’ Coraci and Adam Sandler were together again.

The dream team who brought us the depth of The Waterboy, the Nolan-like mind games of Click and the terrifying meditation on aging to rival only Haneke The Wedding Singer were back together again.

A source close to the inspirational font declared:

Frank has been really down since Here Comes the Boom  missed out on the Oscar nominations it had been widely tipped to receive. But he got together with Adam and, after the usual jokes about Frank’s Chariots of the Gods beard, they started thrashing out ideas and it wasn’t long before that peculiar magic began to work.

New York Times critic, Abelard Haverland wrote in an in-depth profile of the pair:

One thinks of the great director / actor pairings, when a peculiar symbiosis creates masterpieces; one thinks of Scorsese and De Niro; Hitchcock and Jimmy Stewart; Woody Allen and Woody Allen. Now we add to that Coraci and Sandler.

The plot outline remains necessarily vague – as with every Coraci film, the maestro shrouds each project in complete secrecy. However, we do know a blind date is involved and will go disastrously wrong, but the mismatched couple will be stuck together probably because they’ve been mistaken for witnesses in the trial of a mob boss or something.

‘This is the audacity Frank has,’ said Haverland. ‘Most people will look at that plot line and think that’s been done a thousand times. It’s a cliche with absolutely nothing surprising to offer. I can close my eyes and see the whole goddam movie. But Frank thinks no you can’t. And he makes it anyway.’

STANLEY KUBRICK, BETTER THAN RATNER

Voting booths closed all over the internet today and the results are in showing clearly that YOU, the Studio Exec reading public prefer Stanley Kubrick as a director to Brett Ratner, who only garnered 3% of the vote.


Brett Ratner
  3 (8%)
Michael Bay
  4 (11%)
Stanley Kubrick
  24 (68%)
Dennis Dugan
  4 (11%)

    

thought he had won



Dennis Dugan and Michael Bay both held the middle ground. Unfortunately Mr Ratner thought he had won when the photograph (on the right) was taken. Film historians said that the result did not come as that much of a surprise and there would be ‘no need to rewrite the history books’ much to our disappointment.

PETER SELLERS: BENEFIT FRAUD

It can finally be revealed that famed comic actor Peter Sellers was actually a benefit fraud who pretended – some say acted – disabled in order to claim government handouts and park closer to the library. This photograph reveals the actor blatantly standing unaided, whereas it appears in fact to have been poor Stanley Kubrick who needed a wheelchair, possibly because he was rendered unable to stand due to Mr. Sellers’ bare faced gall. At the bottom of the picture, another crew member can be seen knocked unconscious by the effrontery of the soon to be Inspector Clousseau. 
British Prime Minister David Cameron revealed that his government would be digging up the remains of Mr. Sellers and dragging them behind chariots, especially made for just such an occasion. ‘We are a nation of strivers,’ said Mr. Cameron. ‘And he has shamed himself and everyone else in the entire country.’
A film historian even pointed out that the character he is playing actually stands up at the end of the film, making his deception all the more perfidious. 
(SPOILER ALERT)

WOODY ALLEN RULES HIMSELF OUT OF STAR WARS 7

NEW YORK – Film director and Oscars fanatic Woody Allen today ruled himself out of the running as director of Star Wars: Episode Seven.

‘I’m going to be too busy with my Batman film,’ said Allen. ‘I’m just, I mean it’s ludicrous. I … I …. I don’t believe it.’

The news came only minutes after the announcement that Zach Snyder will also not be in the mix. In fact, the number of high profile film directors who have been approached and have turned down the job, or feel the need to pre-emptively rule themselves out, grows with ever passing hour. Already J.J.J. Abrams, Guilermo del Toro, Christopher Nolan, Spike Lee, Quentin Tarantino, Sam Mendes, Kathryn Bigelow, Terrence Malick and Steven Spielberg have said they won’t be going to a galaxy far, far away. It’s beginning to look like the franchise is as popular a proposition as car-pooling with Ted Bundy.

Still on the fence are Ken Loach – although he is currently busy with Sex and the City 3: Keeping It Real – and Stanley Kubrick, who sources say is keen on the project, but who might have to decline due to the fact that the shooting schedule would clash with him being dead.

For more on Woody Allen’s Batman CLICK HERE.

For more on Ken Loach’s Sex and the City 3: Keeping It Real CLICK HERE  

THE SHINING REVEALS RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT RISOTTO

Stir occasionally!

HOLLYWOOD – The Shining might not be the best horror movie in the world; it might not even be the best horror movie Stanley Kubrick made (that would be Dr Strangelove), but with its maze like structure and multivalent architecture it has provided obsessives with material for countless conspiracy theories and madly hyper-rational interpretations.
A recent documentary Room 237 (directed by Rodney Ascher) unpicks the loopiest and explores the best, from the holocaust (the suitcases) to genocide of the native American Indians (cans of freshly sliced Indian clearly visible in the larder scene).  However, the film makers have missed the overarching rationale and the inspiration for the whole film. Within Kubrick’s epic poem to snow, isolation and blood glutted elevators, there lies the recipe for the perfect risotto.

Albert Haneke – chair of Shineology at Berkley University, California – argues that Kubrick was an avid fan of Italian cooking and placed a recipe in many of his films, but The Shining has the best and most delicious.

It’s a mushroom risotto, wild mushroom, and the instructions are very precise. The first half of the film represents the preparation of the stock and the second half, as the temperature rises, is the cooking. There are even serving suggestions. 

Here are some of the clues for the risotto which Dr. Haneke tells us is delicious, although the full recipe remains a closely guarded secret.

  • The recipe involves crushing the garlic rather than slicing it. ‘[I’m not going to slice the garlic cloves, I’m] Gonna bash ’em right the fuck in! ha ha ha.’
  • For extra flavor add a little ‘Redrum. Redrum. Redrum.’ to the stock.
  • If you pick the wrong mushrooms, then you get Room 237 like experiences. 
  • The risotto is what Dr. Haneke calls ‘The structuring absence’ of the film. So for instance, in the larder the cook Dick Hallorann mentions all the things you shouldn’t put in the risotto: ‘We’ve got canned fruits and vegetables, canned fish and meats, hot and cold syrups, Post Toasties, Corn Flakes, Sugar Puffs, Rice Krispies, Oatmeal… and Cream of Wheat. You got… (How’d you like some ice cream, Doc?) a dozen jugs of black molasses, we got sixty boxes of dried milk, thirty twelve-pound bags of sugar… Now we got dried peaches, dried apricots, dried raisins and dried prunes. You know Mrs. Torrance, you got to keep regular, if you want to be happy!’ 
  • and finally a drinks suggestion care of Delbert Grady: ‘I’ll just set my bourbon and advocaat down right there.