CLICKBAIT: THE MOVIE TO STAR BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH

HOLLYWOOD – Benedict Cumberbatch is the latest star to sign up for Clickbait: the Movie, which combines the Marvel, DC and Star Wars universes featuring the music of One Direction.

The movie – directed by Twin Peaks director David Lynch and Steven Spielberg – is based on a George RR Martin‘s lost book in his Game of Thrones saga. The large cast features Scarlett Johansson, Kristen Stewart, Tom Hiddleston, Lindsay Lohan, Tom Hardy, Johnny Depp, Matthew McConaughey, Angelina Jolie, Michael Fassbender, Christian Bale, Jared Leto, Gywneth Paltrow and Brad Pitt. George Clooney is in talks but Bruce Jenner looks set to take on his role. The official synopsis reads:

Based on the life of Justin Bieber,  Miley Cyrus and the 5 most outrageous facts, you’ve ever heard about anything, Clickbait: the Movie was originally conceived when a twelve year old asked Noam Chomsky and Stephen Hawking what is the meaning of life. You won’t believe what happened next!

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, Beyonce and Rihanna! Facebook and Twitter and Tumblr!

ClickBait: The Movie will be released in 2018.

5 MOVIE STARS WHOSE NAMES WE CAN’T SPELL

HOLLYWOOD – The life of a blogger is hard, but it’s made all the more difficult by the fact that some movie stars have names that are difficult to spell.

1. Zach Galifikinikankarsisiikis: Get this on a triple word score  and your Scrabble opponents will weep blood and you will own them and their children for five generations, but try and snap off a witty put down of Hangover 3 without resorting to cut and pasting from IMDb and you are lost. Spelling the name will give you a Goddamn Hangover, or Bore you to Death!

2. Jim Cavieziel: Jesus Christ! you might think as you try to work out how many vowels to use and which way round they go, but at least that way you can remember the role that made him famous. Fortunately, you won’t need to be writing his name that often as the Rick Santorum supporter has not being getting the gigs of late. If anyone needed a resurrection now, it’s Jim Clavicle.

3. Kirsten Stuart: Okay, I admit it isn’t Lupita Nyongo’go’o’go nor is it Saorise Rohan and it isn’t even Mia Wachchacallher, but I always get the name wrong. Mainly because I can’t be bothered. A bit like William Defoe.

4. Quenvanzahane Wallis: She was great in The Beasts of the Southern Wild and hopefully she will follow many child stars, like the easy to spell Jake Lloyd, into obscurity so we don’t have to learn how to spell her name.

5. Jake Gyllenhallaal: He was in Brokeback Mountain and Donnie Darko so we really should learn to spell his name, but he was also in Prince of Persia and Proof so maybe we shouldn’t. Not to be confused with ritually slaughtered animals that Muslims can eat.

For more Movie FACTS CLICK HERE!

TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART 2: REVIEW

Family plus waiting paedophile










A ‘human’ played by Dean Moriarty’s girlfriend and Dracula Jr. have a CGI baby who is immediately the target of the paedophile teenwolf Jacob who wants to ‘protect’ her, as well as a mob of camp Italians led by David Frost and the little screamer from War of the Worlds.
The final part of the teen-angst bag is an oddly twisted and bizarrely entertaining lesson in what happens when you insist that kids don’t have sex before marriage. The guttering frustration of teens is blown up into epic proportions and culminates in the obligatory two bunches of people running towards each other in a field. The most entertaining work of fiction to come out of Mormonism since The Book of Mormon (by which I mean The Book of Mormon).

ON THE ROAD: REVIEW

Joy Division’s lead singer meets up with Tron’s chum who’s in-between a Virgin Suicide and a young nympho vampire. They go ‘On the Road’ where they meet Aragorn and Nucky from Broadwalk Empire and they go on the road and on the road and on the road until Kerouac looks remarkably similar to John ‘Boy’ Walton.

Francis Ford Coppola should be told that when there’s a project that takes decades to bring to fruition there might be a reason it ain’t going smoothly. Walter Salles makes a good fist of it but the film is handsome like an advert for Heineken and Kerouac’s beats come off as irrelevant at best and fucking annoying at worst. Leave aside the homophobia (at least that bit is true to the book), the fact is On the Road has already been made in a thousand songs, novels, Levi’s adverts and Easy Rider.

KRISTEN STEWART TO PLAY ROD STEWART












HOLLYWOOD – Twilight star Kristen Stewart has struck a deal with Paramount to star in Danny Boyle’s Rod Stewart biopic Do ya think I’m sexy?

Kristen will be one of 6 actors who will each play a facet of Rod’s character and although some are already comparing the project to Tod Hayne’s I’m Not There (2007). Boyle insists any similarities are purely coincidental.

“Any similarities are purely coincidental,” said an unconvincing Boyle.

The script, written by frequent Boyle collaborator Alex Garland is being produced by Leonardo DiCaprio’s production company Appian Way and Leo is rumoured to be making a cameo appearance as Ex-Faces and current Rolling Stone Guitarist Ronny Wood.

Boyle has gathered a smorgasbord of acting talent to play the Scottish singer. Justin Bieber, Jake Gyllenhaal, Colin Farrell and Woody Harrelson are already firmly on board and Boyle is chasing Bill Murray to complete the sextet.


Rod himself is said to have given his blessing to the project but his ex-wife Rachel Hunter is worried that his former lovers will not be cast in a flattering light.

“ I’ve heard that I’m going to be played by Karl Urban” said an outraged Hunter. “ I mean what the fuck is all that about?. Still it could be worse I suppose. I hear Eli Wallach has been cast as Britt Ekland!”


Pre-production is due to start early next year with a provisional release date of Christmas 2013.