REVIEW – KONG: SKULL ISLAND

REVIEW – KONG: SKULL ISLAND –  Loki and Captain Marvel explore Peter Jackson land but discover that the main enemy might be comparisons with Apocalypse Now.

For big dumb fun, you might do no worse than a big dumb movie. Everyone’s favorite monkey returns with Kong: Skull Island, a visually sumptuous and occasionally darkly witty piece of entertainment. Jordan Vogt-Roberts does a great job of orchestrating the various action scenes, which feature a nice variety of over-sized creatures emerging from the depths of the hollow earth.

Having had such a good time, it seems churlish to wish that equal care could have been exerted to make the characters similarly life-like. Alas Brie Larson‘s photo-journalist has as much three dimensionality as a character from Cluedo. She’s a photographer, with a camera and she takes pictures ALL the time. The only character to go further than cardboard is John C. Reilly’s Hell in the Pacific leftover. He’s funny and occasionally exhibits the only emotion that isn’t simply awe or terror.

This is a promising beginning to a new monster universe which is set to include Godzilla. Hopefully, it will stave off the beginning of any new or original idea for some more years to come.

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FIRST IMAGE OF JOURNEY WITH LARA CROFT TO JUMANJI KONG

HOLLYWOOD – The first image has been released from Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s new film, the multi-movie mash-up: Journey With Lara Croft to Jumanji Kong.

The photograph shows the cast in costume posing in the jungle on Skull Island.  Dwayne Johnson plays Dr. Smolder Bravestone and Kevin Hart his dumbass sidekick Moose Finbar. Karen Gillan is seen in the role of Lara Croft and Jack Black reprises his role as Carl Denham. Jack Black spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

You could look at the picture and say what happened to Jack Black? I mean, the guy used to star in movies and now he’s playing third fiddle to a wrestler and Kevin Hart, but that isn’t the way I look at it. I see it as the opportunity to pay tribute to three or four great movie franchises. Jumanji, Lara Croft, Journey to the Whatever and King Kong. Oh, and Central Intelligence as well I suppose. I have to say that last one or Kevin gets pissed and tells everyone not to give me food.

Journey with Lara Croft to Jumanji Kong will be released in 2017.

SIR EDWIN FLUFFER REMEMBERS KING KONG

HOLLYWOOD – Sir Edwin Fluffer once again delves into his personal memoirs – soon to be published as ‘Not THAT Kind of Fluffer!!!’ – to recall King Kong.

After Hedda Hopper every actor’s worst enemy is typecasting. 

I lost count of the number of friends who enjoyed a big hit only to see their careers go straight down the lavatory never to work again. Just look at King Kong.  Don’t get me wrong, he thoroughly enjoyed all the trappings of his success, the mansion house, the fast car, the women, but deep down I think he would’ve swapped the lot for another shot at the big time. 
We all tried our hardest for him, but nothing seemed to work out. Chuck Laughton managed to wangle him a few days on Mutiny on the Bounty, but King got seasick and it affected him quite badly. He kept climbing to the top of the mast and swatting at the seagulls as they flew past and in the end they had to let him go. 

It was a similar story on Casablanca. Every time Bogie tried to say goodbye to Ingrid Bergman at the airport King would run in, pick her up, and start attacking the plane. For me his finest performance will always be when he played Rod Steiger in In The Heat Of The Night. The Academy Award was the industry’s way of saying thank you for trying, but by then his best years were behind him. He saw out his last days on the golf course with Bing Crosby, and although there was some talk of an album of duets I don’t believe that anything ever came of it. He read for the Cookie Monster on Sesame Street and roles like that, but by then he’d got mixed up with the Scientologists and there was a furious row with Big Bird about his addiction to prescription painkillers. 
But that’s another story…

BREAKFAST WITH ASSHOLES: 25. PETER JACKSON

WELLINGTON – Today in an intimate conversation with Studio Exec, Peter Jackson revealed his longing to move on from the works of Tolkien on completion his The Hobbit quadrology.

‘I’ve been working on J.R.R. Tolkien for almost fifteen years,’ Mr King Kong said. ‘With the making of The Hobbit trilogy six of my films will have been based on Tolkien’s work, seven if you count The Lovely Bones. So I’m really looking forward to wrapping up The Hobbit, so I can go on to fresh horizons and new challenges. Hell there’s a whole world of literature out there.’

So what do you have lined up?

The Silmarillion. 

But…

Which of course we won’t be able to do justice to in just one movie, so we’re thinking of splitting it up into four, no five, no six films. Nine movies tops.

Isn’t that another…

And then I’m going to make a stand alone Tom Bombadil movie. People were saying they missed Tom Bombadil in the Lord of the Rings, but really I didn’t think we could do justice to the singing and dancing hippy by having him just be there as a bit. So he’s gonna get his own musical. With all those wonderful songs.

So more Tolkien?

Come again?

J.R.R. Tolkien? Wrote the books?

I haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about. Anyway, busy busy. I just found out Tolkien wrote a few shopping lists and a letter to his landlady about her cat doing his business in the back garden.

The Silmarillion will be released in 2018 and for all the Breakfasts CLICK HERE..

PETER JACKSON TO BE SUED BY KING KONG ‘ACTOR’

Giles Haversmith










WELLINGTON – Animal murderer Peter Jackson is to be sued by Giles Haversmith, the performer who brought the famous monster monkey King Kong to life for Mr. Jackson’s forgotten 2005 film. Mr. Haversmith – who is a giant ape – said that Mr. Jackson and his company were guilty of ‘mistreatment and extreme emotional damage’ citing ‘prodding at his genitalia and laughing’ as well as ‘falsely claiming he was CGI creation, created with a combination of Andy Serkis motion capture and Alec Baldwin’s back hair.’
Dr. Haversmith – who has a Ph.D in French Romantic Literature – said in a statement:

Post poo

What you see up there is me. All me and that has never been fully recognised. I put my soul up there on the screen. Pete Jackson said that this was going to do for giant talking apes, what Philadelphia did for gay men and Forrest Gump did for dumb asses. In fact in the film all my lines were cut. I just looked like an idiot.   

The claims comes in a week which saw Jackson assailed by claims that the 48 FPS rate of The Hobbit was causing pregnancies that some feared would lead to the creation of a cute Orc army. However, Mr. Jackson poo-pooed the allegations (by which we literally mean he literally did a poo poo on Dr. Haversmith’s written statement.)