RYAN REYNOLDS RULES OUT DEADPOOL 2

HOLLYWOOD – Ryan Reynolds has today announced that there will not be a Deadpool 2, despite a stunning box office performance by the wise-cracking R-rated superhero last week.

‘No Deadpool 2,’ Ryan Reynolds pronounced clearly on Monday evening to a tired but lucid Studio Exec in the Studio Exec penthouse of the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. No doubt fans will be baffled by this move but Reynolds seemed resolute and gave his reasoning in a way that made it seem that he had thought this out clearly.

What do people like about Deadpool? They like that it is refreshing and R-rated and original. Above all original. No one has done this kind of irreverent take on the superhero genre since Kick-Ass and Kick-Ass 2. There was Super as well, which was brilliant though not many people went to see it. And that one with Woody Harrelson which was pretty much the same idea. I mean if you think about it Guardians of the Galaxy and the first Avengers movie are essentially comedies disguised as Marvel movies. But none of that matters, what I was saying is no one has ever seen anything like Deadpool before. So there’s that. That is the thing that is so good about the film. So what am I going to do? Deadpool 2? NO! That would be BS. And everyone would see it for the chicken shit move it would be. We’re going to keep Deadpool as a unique and wonderful experience. We’re going to respect the integrity of the piece, instead of trying to milk it for dirty dollars, as the quality almost inevitably goes down.

Wow! That’s quite a…

Act of heroic artistic vision? Yes, I know. And I’m not going to pretend it’s going to be easy. I’m sure the studios will be trying to put a lot of pressure on me and the director but we’re solid. This is our decision. I’m only sorry that Stephen Lang is going to be disappointed. He’s a great actor and I’d have loved to have worked with him. Maybe we’ll find something else.

But this is also a sacrifice for you personally. I mean Deadpool is your breakout success. You should really think about doing something else with it.

Don’t worry about old Ryan Reynolds. He’s like a cat. And I don’t mean I can lick my own asshole. I mean I land on my feet all the time. Look at that time you said my eyes were too close together. Did I crumble? No. I went to Mexico and had illegal corrective surgery. As long as Nicolas Sparks is writing novels, I’ll be okay. Who knows? We might even do that Green Lantern sequel everyone has been begging me for.

Deadpool 2 will not be released in 2017.

NEXT MARK MILLAR ADAPTATION REVEALED

HOLLYWOOD – The next Mark Millar graphic novel to be adapted into a blockbuster movie will be The Bash Street Kids, it was revealed earlier today.

The graphic novelist/comic book writer Mark Millar has so far been the source for films such as Wanted, Kick-ass and Kingsman: The Secret Service and so it is only natural that producers have been scouring his as yet unadapted work, but the Studio Exec can exclusively reveal that the next Millar adaptation to be brought to the screen will be his extraordinary early work The Bash Street Kids. Although originally a comic strip created by Leo Baxendale for British children’s comic The Beano, Millar reinvented a darker version for his gothic graphic novel The Bash Street Kids: School’s Out Forever.

Here is a synopsis of the novel:

The Bash Street Kids  – Danny, ‘Erbert, Fatty, Plug, Sidney, Smiffy, Spotty, Toots, Wilfrid and Cuthbert – have left school and entered adult life to varying degrees of success. Danny Deathshed Morgan has spent a year in Afghanistan and returned with post traumatic stress. As part of his recovery he returns to Bash Street where he discovers that Plug is now a drug dealer, Smiffy is just out of prison, Fatty has become a fitness freak and pilates millionaire and Wilfrid and Cuthbert run a mini-cab firm. All have a burning resentment for their old foe, the Headmaster of their school. However, when Albanian gangsters threaten the neighborhood and their school, the Bash Street Kids and the Head and the Janitor will need to unite in order to defeat the vicious fury of Nigil Farage.

Speaking exclusively to the Studio Exec, Mark Millar had this to say:

We are already done with the script and we have three of the Kids cast. Mark Wahlberg is very interested but we’re doing our best not to answer his calls. And when he calls round to the offices, we close the curtains and hide behind the chairs until he goes away. Ridley Scott is talking about directing.

The Bash Street Kids will be released in 2017.

MATTHEW VAUGHN IN TALKS TO DIRECT FLESH GORDON

HOLLYWOOD – Kingsman: The Secret Service and Kick Ass director Matthew Vaughn has revealed that he is currently the front contender to direct a new version of popular sci-fi adventure Flesh Gordon.

Originally released in 1974, Flesh Gordon was itself based on a comic strip called Flash Gordon and an early movie serial of the same title. The series also inspired a young George Lucas to start thinking up his own space opera story which later became Star Wars.

Matthew Vaughn is in talks with Fox and the details have yet to be worked out but Vaughn has spoken in the past for his adoration of the work:

Nowadays porn parody films are ten a penny. Some of them get released even before the original film on which they’re based are made, or in the case of 50 Shades of Grey, it’s hard to know where the porn parody ends and the real film begins. But Flesh Gordon stood tall and alone for many years as by far the best exemplar of its kind. I would love to produce something similar one of these days.

Along with Dale Ardor and Prof. Jerkoff, Flesh Gordon travels to the planet Porno which is ruled by Emperor Wang and which has been firing Sex Rays at the Earth. Here they must battle Penisauruses and Wang’s salacious daughter, as well as fight off sex mad robots and a gang of lesbians, before they can destroy the Sex Ray and return home.

Flesh Gordon will be released in 2017. 

MARK STRONG: I’M NOT EVIL

HOLLYWOOD – British actor Mark Strong has asserted today that he is ‘not evil’, despite appearing to be evil in such films as The Guard, Kick Ass, Green Lantern, Robin Hood and Sherlock Holmes.

The actor told the Studio Exec:

I admit I have been typecast as a bit of a villain, but I’m a working actor so I take what I can and hopefully as my career progresses I’ll be offered perhaps a more varied selection of roles and people will see what I can really do.

Does it anger you when people confuse with the roles you play?

No, not at all. I think it’s funny. And after people have talked to me for a few minutes, they realize it’s just all part of the job.

But what if people insist that you’re evil, how do you handle that?

There’s nothing to handle. I mean people are really intelligent. 99% of people understand that it’s pretend and they behave accordingly.

What about that 1% though?

Well, it depends.

What do you mean?

Okay if someone doesn’t get it and after I explain time and again, I might lose my temper a little.

You shout at them?

No. What I do is I find out if anyone would miss them. You know if they were to disappear would there be an investigation. How thorough would it be? Do they live in a building, or in a detached lonely location? Somewhere with no security. Once I’ve captured them, I …

Captured them?

Yes. As I was saying once I’ve captured them I take them over to Tom’s place.

Tom?

Tom Hiddleston, he has this hole in his cellar. I mean I say hole, it’s more like a dungeon really. It’s where he puts people who insist on calling him Loki all the time. 

Ah.

Yeah. It was Tom who told me how to capture people.

 I think that’s all we have time for.

Of course he has amazing drainage. And industrial strength acid.

Mark Strong will be appearing in The Imitation Game in 2015.