CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER TO PLAY KEVIN SPACEY

HOLLYWOOD – Christopher Plummer has signed up to play Kevin Spacey in Oliver Stone’s biopic of the disgraced actor.

 

The Studio Exec caught up with Plummer to discuss his latest role.

 

Did you have any qualms about playing such a controversial character?

 

Not at all. I’ve been living as Kevin Spacey for the past three months so i‘ve had plenty of time to get over my early reservations.

 

What do you mean you’ve been ‘Living as Kevin Spacey’?

 

Well I didn’t just replace him in ‘All the Money in the World’ I replaced in him in real life. I’m living in his house, driving his car and browsing his extensive collection of greco-roman pornography on a daily basis. I’m wearing a pair of his silk underpants as we speak, they cradle my balls splendidly.

 

So where is Kevin?

 

I’m Kevin.

 

No, you’re Christopher Plummer.

 

You miss the point, dear boy. There is no Christopher Plummer.

 

Then who is that guy in The Sound of Music?

 

Kevin Spacey.

 

Christ. Okay. Let me phrase the question in a different way. Where is the guy you replaced?

 

Oh, he’s still around but I ignore him. At first that was difficult, you know, when you’re sharing a bed or taking a bath together, it took a few days to get used to but now the only time I notice he’s there is when I hear him sobbing to himself in the middle of the night and when I wake in the morning with this erection poking into my lower back.

 

I see, so what does 2018 have in store for….you?

 

Well after the movie with Oliver I’ll be working on a film called The Usual Suspects 2: The Wrath of Keyser Söze and following that I start work on Spielberg’s Christopher Plummer biopic.

 

Christopher Plummer is playing Christopher Plummer in a Christopher Plummer biopic?

 

No, Kevin Spacey is playing Christopher Plummer in a Christopher Plummer biopic.

 

BUT WHO THE F*CK IS CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER?

 

I have no idea I haven’t read the script. Though I hear he’s a bloody marvellous chap.

 

 

The Kevin Spacey biopic is due 2019.

HOUSE OF CARDS CANCELLED

The Studio Exec managed to jump on a call with Netflix’s chief content officer, Ted Sarandos, to ask about the future of House of Cards in light of the Kevin Spacey accusation.

 

Hello Ted. Obviously this is a difficult day for Netflix. Has the company made a decision about the future of House of Cards?

We’ve decided to leave the story of Frank Underwood and let the audience decide his fate. Netflix is constantly striving to evolve the entertainment experience and providing the consumer with the opportunity to imagine their own conclusion is an innovation we’ve been working on for some time.

 

Oh really? How long have you been working on it.

We have a dedicated and talented team that has been working tirelessly, crunching the data and tweaking the algorithm to ensure we’re providing our audience with the entertainment experience the want and deserve.

 

How long have you been working on it, exactly?

About 12 hours.

 

I see. So you’re saying, in effect, that House of Cards has been cancelled?

We’ve decided to leave the story of Frank Underwood and let the audience decide his fate. Netflix is constantly striving to evolve the entertainment experience and providing the consumer with the opportunity to imagine their own conclusion is an innovation we’ve been working on for some time.

 

Didn’t you just say that?

I’m simply using repetition to reinforce Netflix’s perspective.

 

So you’re not cancelling it because Spacey has been accused of trying to have sex with a 14 year old?

You might very well think that, I couldn’t possibly comment.

 

House of Cards Season 6 will be streaming in your imagination in 2018.