THE ARTIST REMAKE WILL BE IN COLOR AND A TALKIE SAYS DIRECTOR KEVIN COSTNER

HOLLYWOOD – Kevin Costner to remake 2011 Oscar winning comedy The Artist in color and sound.

The Artist is a lovingly recreated pastiche of the silent movie era. Written, directed, and co-edited by Michel Hazanavicius and starring Jean Dujardin and Bérénice Bejo, the original film won hearts and awards and then sunk without trace never to be seen again. No one watched The Artist after 2012.

Kevin Costner however has decided to direct a remake, starring Matt Damon and Alicia Vikander.

We want to make the film because it was a very funny movie about making movies and there aren’t enough funny films about making movies.

But you’re making it in color?

Yes, exactly. When I saw the film originally I thought there was something up with my television. First of all, it was in black and white. I tried to adjust my set. I went through all the menus but it made no difference. Then someone told me that was how it was supposed to be. Oh and the volume on my television also didn’t seem to work.

But it is supposed to be silent.

Yes, well, that’s stupid. Who wants to go and see a silent black and white movie? This film remember won loads of awards. Tons. Just imagine how many awards our remake is going to win when everyone sees that it is in color and we can actually hear the characters speak!

It’s supposed to be a tribute to the great movies of the Twenties! A loving recreation of the golden age of cinema!

Yeah. Screw all that. I made Dances with Wolves. Was it in black and white? No! Could you hear me speak when I spoke? Yes! So there.

The Artist will be released in 2020.

REVIEW – HIDDEN FIGURES

REVIEW – HIDDEN FIGURES – Waiting to Exhale meets The Right Stuff.

We’ve all got used tot he images of NASA over the years. Buzz cut aw shucks heroes like Sam Shepherd, Tom Hanks and Dennis Quaid – blasting off into space and the only maths you hear is 5-4-3-2-1. And the only black faces you see are… well you don’t see any.

Octavia Spencer plays Dorothy Vaughan, the leader of a section of computers – this was when computers were actually people who did the math. Janelle Monáe is Mary Jackson, the sassy engineer. Taraji P Henson plays Katherine Johnson, promoted to a role in the Space Task Group. She is essential for sending John Glenn into orbit as part of the Mercury program. They have to deal with the hard sums, but also the institutional racism and the snidey snips of Kirsten Dunst, among others.

Taken from Margot Lee Shetterly’s book Hidden Figures is a great watch for Black History Month. A reminder of the contribution Afro-Americans have made and how that contribution has been systematically erased. The only problem with the movie is that to make the struggle against racism familiar, the actual history is twisted. Desegregation took place at NASA three years before the film even begins in 1961. And the various promotions and achievements also don’t tally with the chronology. This allows Kevin Costner to be a white knight and Dunst to have a learning curve. But there is uplift and not only from the launchpads. A timely reminder of how much we can do when we work together.

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OLIVER STONE NEW JFK THEORY: OSWALD DID IT!

DALLAS – Snowden film director, conspiracy theorist and eyebrow pioneer, Oliver Stone has a new theory regarding the assassination of John F. Kennedy and it’s crazy! 

The JFK director phoned the Studio Exec early this morning, careful to disguise his voice:

For years, I’ve been convinced that President John Kennedy was shot by someone shooting from the direction of the grassy knoll. Possibly, two shooters. On the Zapruder footage, the head clearly goes back and to the left. Back and to the left! And given the speed of the car and the direction it was travelling through Dealey Plaza, that seemed like the only logical conclusion. However it has come to my attention that there was also a man in the Book Depository Building which had a clear view of the square and a marksman, someone trained in the marines for instance, could have taken the kill shot from there. And what is more damning is the nature of that building. A ‘Book’ depository building? Books? in Dallas, Texas? I don’t think so.

I think we…

Now, it so happens a man was arrested and quite conveniently shot the following day, before he could fully confess. That man’s name I’ve learned was Lee Harvey Oswald. So I asked myself could this be the man who shot John F. Kennedy?

But…

Of course, I couldn’t be sure, but then I got a photograph of Oswald and he is the spitting image of Gary Oldman. That sealed the deal. 

But this is the accepted official version of events.

Exactly. It’s reverse psychology, you see. They know I’m always onto them. So they give me the truth knowing that I’ll head off arm in arm with Kevin Costner to dig up any species of bullshit and discredit myself and my friends, when all along the real conspiracy was right there in front of me all the time. You have to hand it to Richard Nixon, the Mafia, Cuban right wingers and the CIA, they almost got away with it this time.

Oliver Stone will be revealing a JFK: the Director’s Cut in 2017, as soon as he has completed his three week version of Alexander: the Seriously This Is It Cut.  

HIDDEN GEMS: 14. THE SEARCHERS

Hidden Gems brings to light little known film gems which have somehow slipped through the collective cinematic consciousness. This week, The Searchers. You’re welcome.

If you think about cowboys the chances are you think about Clint Eastwood, or Kevin Costner, or maybe even Clint Eastwood. But before Eastwood donned a poncho there was another cowboy called John Wayne!

Never heard of him? I’m not surprised all his films but one were destroyed in a fire but fortunately the surviving film The Searchers is one of his best. Directed by little known Irish American car maker John Ford, The Searchers is an intense revenge drama which accurately portrays the Old West when the evil dark skinned savages all but exterminated the poor white settlers…. wait, but… never mind.

Ethan Edwards (Wayne) comes home from the wars to his brother’s homestead in Monument Valley, but a party of Indians destroys the house, murders his brother and his wife and kidnap the children  with them. With a posse of locals, Ethan goes after the war party, but the search proves long and he is left with Marty (Jeffrey Hunter – the first Captain of the Enterprise), an eighth part Cherokee and the vague hope of racial inclusive to set against Ethan’s seething hatred.

The magnificent scenery is set against the equally beautiful studio shots. The relentless mission of revenge and the way it consumes if not completely destroys lives is set against an almost Shakespearean world, a rich texture of domestic life going on, struggling but just about making it. A life from which Ethan will always be shut out.

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ELI ROTH: GREEN INFERNO FIRST OF THREE COLORS TRILOGY

HOLLYWOOD – Horror maestro and Mr. Eyebrows 1997, Eli Roth today announced that Green Inferno was but the first in a ‘Three Colors Trilogy’, in imitation of Krzysztof Kieslowski’s famous Three Colors Trilogy.

Eli Roth, director of Hostel and Cabin Fever, revealed today that his latest film – The Green Inferno – is just part one of a projected Three Colors Trilogy. Slipping into the Studio Exec Bungalow ealry this morning, he sat in the dark watching us sleep before announcing his presence.

The first film is of course The Green Inferno, partly because of the green of the rainforest and also because of the ecology, the politics of the young people who go there and find themselves embroiled in a terrible fight for survival as they are beset by cannibals. The second film in the trilogy is going to be The Blue Inferno. Here, we have some oceanographers who are researching the famous plastic bottle island. Again there is a sense of environmental responsibility but now it is a group of mutants who attack them and rend their flesh. The twist here is that the mutants were originally extras working on Kevin Reynolds Waterworld, starring Kevin Costner, who were left behind when the movie wrapped and went feral.

What about the third film?

The third film is going to be called The Red Inferno.

Ah! Because of blood?

No, because it is going to be set on Mars. A group of ecologists are taking it to the next level. They are worried about not only saving the planet but saving all planets. Worried abvout a spike in temperatures on the planet Mars they travel there in an attempt to draw attention to global warming on Mars. But unfortunately they are captured by Tim Robbins and Gary Sinise who are still there following Brian dePalma’s tragic Mission to Mars.

Jesus!

I know.

And how does this tie in to Kieslowski’s Three Colors Trilogy?

Kieslowski has been an influence on my whole career. Look at Hostel: Part 2 and you’ll see it’s basically a remake of A Short Film About Killing. I always wanted to match the maestro’s breadth, but until now I was unable to find the subject matter that would suit such scope, but now with Green Inferno, Blue Inferno and Red Inferno, I think I’ve got it.

The Green Inferno is on general release.

TOM SELLECK TO REMAKE WATERWORLD

HOLLYWOOD – In what is being seen as an outrageous excess of gall, former Magnum PI star Tom Selleck is to remake Kevin Costner’s hit movie Waterworld.

Three Men and a Baby star Tom Selleck is to remake Kevin Reynold’s 1995 movie Waterworld. Although originally considered a massive flop at the time, plagued with a number of logistical and ego-derived problems, Waterworld actually went on to make a modest profit in ancillary sales. Tom Selleck came around to the Studio Exec bungalow to speak about what he called his dream project:

I love the original. I love the scale of it. Kevin Costner and Kevin Reynolds were both coming off a massive hit, but even so their combined vision is unbelievable. I’ve always been considered a TV actor and that’s okay with me. But at the same time I’ve longed to have a true break out movie on the big screen and I mean big. A real four wall blockbuster. So This is what I hope to do with Waterworld.

What attracted you to Waterworld in particular?

It combines two themes I am really interested in. First of all the future. I care about the future as anyone who has seen my hedge fund portfolio can tell you. But the other passion I have is water. I love water. I love drinking in it, swimming in it, taking baths and showers and God, watering my lawn. That is a genuine pleasure. I am a firm believer also in the health benefits of water. I think you should drink it down. I really do. So to make a film in which water has become the entire world… That’s a dream come true.

But what do you say to people who say that – considering the water shortage – this film choice is tactless, perhaps even a provocation?

I don’t understand how people could even dream of thinking like that. I’m not a scientist bu the California water shortage is exactly that: a water shortage. I water my crops and fill my pool. I’m using water. How is that a shortage? I’m drinking water right now, look [glug glug]. See!

But the shortage means the more you use the less everyone else has?

I don’t understand that. Surely if there’s a water shortage we should encourage people to use as much water as possible and I am for that. But this is all by the by. In the future the world will be water and my film Waterworld will show the way. In the film an evil government tries to stop rich individuals from using all the water they want to water golf courses and the like. They want to steal rich people’s water and give it to all these so called ‘thirsty’ people. But Magnum (that’s me) part man, part fish, comes along and saves the day.

Waterworld will be released in 2016.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

JAMES CAMERON TALKS AVATAR SEQUELS

HOLLYWOOD – James Cameron has been talking exclusively to Studio Exec about his Avatar sequels due to start filming later this year and will – he confirmed – be filmed in 125 FPS ‘as a kind of fuck you to Peter Jackson’.

‘So the Avatar sequels?’ James Cameron leans back in his chair and says:
When we did the first film, I was really inspired by Kevin Costner’s work in Dances with Wolves. I remember seeing that film and thinking how much better it would have been if it had been in 3D, on another planet and most everyone had been blue. So when I sat down to start my script on A2 I figured let’s got to the well again.

So can you give us any details?

Well, let’s just say that we’re on Pandora again with Jake (played by Sam Worthington), but now he’s down on his luck. Neytiri (played by Zoe Saldana), on the other hand, has actually become a really famous pop star – they now have pop as part of their culture – anyways, she’s a famous pop star and ironically it turns out that Jake becomes her phantteeveezi or what we call a ‘bodyguard’.

Wow. That’s kind of similar to…

I know, I know. Isn’t it great? But everyone’ll be blue and it’ll be in 3D and on Pandora.

And there are rumours you’re prepping Avatar 3, is that true?

Yeah, we want to film them back to back for budgetary reasons. We haven’t completed the script but I already have a treatment for A3. I don’t want to give away any spoilers.

Okay but broadly?

Well, Jake’s a bit older. And he now works as a lawyer. When the Na’vi President J’ohn Fi’rld Knn’di is assassinated, Jake begins to suspect a conspiracy.

Don’t you worry Kevin Costner might sue you?

No, Kevin’s a sweet guy and dumb as a stump. Did you see Tin Cup? Sheez. 

Avatars will be released in 2017.

JACK RYAN VS JACK REACHER

HOLLYWOOD – You want to watch a movie with Jack in the title but do you choose Jack Reacher or Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit. Here’s our handy FREE cut out and keep 5 FACT guide.

1. In the CIA or out of the CIA? Jack Ryan is in the CIA, I think and Jack Reacher is out of the CIA, an ex-Military Policeman or something. Ryan is played by Tom Cruise, the Scientologist, whereas Reacher is played by Captain Kirk, or the other way round.

2. Motorcycle or car? Jack Reacher drives a car fast as a way of not being boring. Jack Ryan drives a motorcycle fast, proving also that he’s not boring either. Jack Ryan however has more to prove as he is also an information analyst, someone who can download information to a USB stick quickly and is attracted to Keira Knightley. During the making of neither film did the director shout ‘Action!’ Oh, incidentally, Jack Ryan is so boring that Kevin Costner’s appearance actually ADDS excitement!

3. Herzog or Branagh? Dodgy accents ahoy! But only one of them is also an actual accent. Jack Reacher’s Werner Herzog is zee villain of choice. In Jack Ryan, or Reacher, Kenneth Branagh looks bored, as if he is regretting not doing Thor 2.

4. And the villains want to destroy the world? More dodgy real estate (Jack Reacher) or market fiddling (Jack Ryan). Of course both of these ends require snipers (Jack Reacher) or terrorist attacks (Jack Ryan) but none of it makes much sense and it’s probably best you don’t actually think about it too much, because the thinking thing with the ideas stuff gets in the way of the technical stuff.

5. Based on books? Jack Reacher is a character from a series of books by Lee Child, a British author (real name Jim Grant) who supports Aston Villa football club. Anyone who knows Aston Villa football club will understand the excitement of Jack Reacher. Jack Ryan is the creation of the late Tom Clancy, who is to literature what wet paint is to dry paint.

 For more FACTS click HERE.

NICHOLAS SPARKS ADAPTATIONS LINKED TO ‘INSTANT DEATH’

HOLLYWOOD – The American Medical Association published a report today which revealed that viewers of Nicholas Sparks’ adaptation – such as the recent The Best of Me – are 60% more likely to die of instant death than Sparks free individuals.

The report – entitled ‘Nicholas Sparks Adaptations Unequivocally Make It More Likely That A Person Will Die of Instant Death’ – concluded that exposure to cinematic versions of Sparks’ particular brand of sentimental offal has been responsible for over 964 deaths in the past six months.

Co-author Dr. Miller Snipes told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Whenever a new Nicholas Sparks movie comes out we noticed a spike in the instant death figures. One showing of Dear John in Manhattan was responsible for 13 deaths alone. Message in the Bottle and Safe Haven have also registered statistically significant fatalities. Interestingly, reading the books and not watching the film versions actually increase longevity, but that is really something we don’t want to shout about.

Sparks himself responded to the claims through a statement issued through his agent:

I am very proud of the work I do. And I am very proud of the beautiful films that many including Ryan Gosling and Kevin Costner have brought to the screen based on those novels. And if some of the viewers thereby die of instant death, then I can only say that that is a price worth paying.

The Best of Me is available for extreme cinema goers everywhere.

KEVIN COSTNER’S WORLD OF FENCES

HOLLYWOOD – Hey everybody, my name’s Kevin Costner, star of such films as Waterworld, Robin Hood Prince of Thieves and Open Range.

But what you might not know about me is that I’m also a certified fence expert and have been collecting fences since 1981 and I’m proud to have this opportunity to introduce the uninitiated to the wonderful and surprisingly exciting world of fences. 



Here you can see the first fence I acquired. I got it from Provence which is situated in France. It’s a ramshackle and rustic little fella and probably none too efficient at keeping your livestock separate, but I think you’ll agree, he’s mighty charming.  

This example now is what you might – if you’re looking for a

handle – call a maximum security fence. It ain’t pretty I’ll grant you that, but it will do the job when it comes to keep felons in or intruders out. Note the razor wire, a common feature.

Finally, this is one of my favorite fences. Gifted to me by the film director and top flight fence expert David Lynch. David used this fence in the opening scenes of his wonderful romantic comedy Blue Velvet, a film I’m ashamed to say I’ve yet to see. It’s always on so darned late. David has a collection of sixty three fences, a collection rivaled only by his dear friend Billy Crystal. 

GOLF: THE MOTION PICTURE, A PREVIEW



HOLLYWOOD – Kevin Costner‘s epic movie Golf: The Motion Picture is due out in February, 2013 and Studio Exec have been given an exclusive access to his six hour long labor of love.
Starring Costner, Robert Duvall and Danny Glover, Golf tells the story of the Greenridge Golf Club, during an ordinary day. ‘Golf has become very popular with super stars like Tiger Woods bringing many new fans to the sport,’ The Postman star said. ‘But in a way I think it has become too exciting with competitions like The US Masters and the Ryder Cup giving entirely the wrong impression. Golf is generally much slower and boring. My film tries to reflect that’

The film looks beautiful, with a stirring score by Philip Glass. It hasn’t a story as such. Greens man and part time player, Joe Buckle (Costner) cuts the grass and worries about mole hills. Bill (Duvall) and Jeff (Glover) slowly and ineptly complete their usual 18 holes.  The pace is as pedestrian as they are. Costner said:

We want the reality of golf to be seen on the screen. Anyone expecting the high octane excitement of Wyatt Earp or the frenetic story telling of Open Range are going to be disappointed. This is going to be long and involves a thirty minute scene of Jeff and Bill looking for a ball in the rough.

‘It’s like Caddyshack without the jokes,’ said Glover. ‘Actually it’s like Caddyshack.’

Golf: the Motion Picture is out February 23rd, 2013.