SEASON 2 OF QUEEN’S GAMBIT WILL FEATURE KER-PLUNK

HOLLYWOOD – Hit Netflix show The Queen’s Gambit will feature Ker-Plunk in its second season.

Netflix announced today that Season 2 of The Queen’s Gambit will ditch chess in favor of Ker-plunk. Director Scott Frank spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec over a couple of Old Fashions and a chequers board. He sounded excited:

The big mistake when it comes to doing a season two of any show is that you end up repeating the first season. Everyone knows what to expect. They’re familiar with the characters and material and there’s no edge left. No danger. So for our second season we had really long discussions about what could stay and what should go.

And so?

The first thing was obviously the period. We were going to move with Beth Harmon, played by Anya Taylor-Joy, into the 70s and 80s. This means we get rid of the old music and in with the new. Expect a lot of Led Zeppelin and disco dancing. The second thing was to change games. The show won’t be about chess.

 

What? You’re going to make a show about a chess prodigy who doesn’t play chess any longer? That’s fucking nuts, Scott. Are you stupid?

No listen SE. It ain’t stupid at all. The arc of the last series took Beth to the heights of the chess world. Where else do we go? But what if she became interested in another game? A game that involved a different skill set, and totally different challenges. Remember how in Rocky III Rocky has to fight Hulk Hogan? Like wrestling instead of boxing. Like that.

What’s the game?

So the game is Ker-Plunk.

You’re high. 

It’s brilliant. Visually exciting, tense, emotionally draining.

I can’t even…

Man don’t be so negative.

But it just sounds like it’s going to suck a dog’s cock. 

For fuck’s sake SE, keep a civil tongue in your head.

And you’re still going to have Anya Taylor-Joy in it?

Yeah. She’s at Ker-Plunk training camp right now, visualizing it all on the ceiling.

The Queen’s Gambit: Ker-Plunk will drop in 2022.

CHRISTOPHER NOLAN WON’T DIRECT JENGA

HOLLYWOOD – The next film by Christopher Nolan will not be Jenga, despite an announcement earlier this week.

It looks like Jenga won’t be the next film Christopher Nolan directs. ‘It’s very sad,’ says brother and screenwriter Jonathan. ‘Everything seemed to be in place. I was working on the script, the money looked good. Our sisters were going to do the soundtrack and Liam Neeson was on speed dial. But then we were adjusting one little piece – I think it was hiring the gaffer – and the whole thing came crashing down around our ears and onto the kitchen floor.’

It had seemed like the perfect fit for Nolan, whose interest in puzzles and mazes is now legendary.

‘It’s multi-layered with lots of different levels; like some kind of vertical jigsaw,’ Nolan stated when news of the project first broke.

A close source to the director said that he was in his room ‘weeping bitterly’ and refusing to come out.

Hasbro, who own the rights to the game, have hurriedly suggested any number of other possibilities but rival company Mattel is also offering Ker-Plunk! as a possible alternative. But Nolan is keeping quiet about what his next project might be. 

Buckaroo is in theaters.

STANLEY KUBRICK

ENGLAND -The first time I met Stanley Kubrick I was walking down a corridor at Shepperton and I saw the Master approaching from the coffee machine. ‘Hello, Mr. Kubrick,’ I said.

‘Come again.’ ‘Hi,’ I said. ‘One more time,’ he changed angle. ‘Good morning?’ I said. ‘Again.’ – The bastard kept me at it for another 59 takes and in the end he used the first one.

This was to be my relationship with the Stanley-oid, as he loved his friends to call him. It was close, intense, fiery and highly competitive. George C. Scott had already warned me that Stanley was a great chess player and had trounced him (and Scotty is no slouch) all the way through the making of Dr Strangelove.

Of course, I was not much good at the game but I knew I had somehow to keep in hand while we were making the 90 minute caper film The Silly Irish Sausage for Warners. So I brought along a game I knew he couldn’t resist Ker-Plunk. What I didn’t know was just how seriously Stan the man, would fall for the game even ringing Mattel and getting them to send over their best Ker-Plunk designer to talk about a movie version. Again and again we played while vital decisions about the progress of the film were often offered up as bets on the outcome.

And that is how The Silly Irish Sausage became Barry Lyndon

(This extract was taken from the forthcoming book Lunches with Assholes: How Films Get Made due out for Xmas