KELSEY GRAMMER BUYS A LARGE PILE OF SAND

Frasier star Kelsey Grammer has bought a large pile of sand.

Kelsey Grammer – star of the new Netflix movie Like Father – bought a large pile of sand yesterday. The Frasier star told reporters:

When I was young, we were poor. We weren’t starving or anything like that, but we never had enough money to buy large piles of sand. It wouldn’t have even occurred to us. But when the paycheck came in for my new Netflix movie Like Father, I said to Seth Rogen my co-star, ‘You know what? I’m gonna buy a large pile of sand.

The pile of sand is mainly of domestic origin, though some part of it might have come from China. It’s a naturally occurring granular material made up of finely divided rock and mineral particles. Although generally yellow, colors can vary according to the mineral composition of the sand. We asked Kelsey what he was going to use it for. 

[LAUGHS UNNECESSARILY] You know what, I guess I haven’t thought that far ahead. At the moment we have it in the yard, but at some point it’s going to rain so I guess we need to put it somewhere. Maybe the bedroom. Definitely not the kitchen.

Like Father is available on Netflix.

EDDIE FROM FRASIER TO PLAY CUJO

HOLLYWOOD – Eddie – the comedy dog from Frasier – is to star in the remake of Stephen King’s Cujo.

Eddie – the most comically likeable dog in television history – is to appear in a big screen remake of Stephen King’s Cujo. He spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about the role:

I’ve not had much work after the last episode of Frasier wrapped. It wasn’t easy. I even changed my name. My birth name is Moose.

Why did you change it to Eddie?

A combination of Stanislavsky and cocaine. Then I sobered up and through a series of chance encounters, a bit of serendipity, I got this opportunity. People are going to be really surprised by this role. I’m pushing against the stereotypes. Hopefully, everyone is going to be pleasantly surprised.

But in the novel Cujo is a giant Saint Bernard. How are you going to beef up for the role?

Firstly, I went on a macrobiotic diet, a lot of protein and I have a personal trainer who worked with Chris Evans for the Captain America films. And you know this is exactly what I want to do. People see me and they think, aw how cute. It’s a cage. I don’t want be fucking adorable. I want to be a mean motherfucker and this film gives me the chance to break out and really show that side of my personality.

And how about your former Frasier co-stars?

I’d like to say I see Kelsey now and then, but the fact is we worked for ten years on that show. If I never see him again it’ll be too soon.

Cujo is set for 2019.

 

SCOTT BAIO WELCOMED HOME TO OBSCURISTANIA

HOLLYWOOD – Today Scott Baio returned home to Obscuristania to a hero’s welcome.

Following his appearance at the Republican National Convention in Cleveland, Ohio, Scott Baio has returned home to a hero’s welcome to his home country of Obscuristania, a small sovereign island nation off the coast of Medicoritia. Jon Voigt welcomed Baio home, along with Kelsey Grammer.

It’s amazing to see on of our own go out there and make a real impact on the world. I love everything Scott has done, from Happy Days to Zapped, but this was probably our proudest moment. Many were saying that he should have his passport cancelled – after all we’re not big on exposure here – but I think it will only be a matter of days before he fits right back in.

Scott Baio has been living in Obscuristania since the early 90s.

Scott Baio won’t be seen next in anything much.

KELSEY GRAMMER GETS SPIN OFF ‘BONAPARTE’ MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Kelsey Grammer to get Expendables spin off movie.

Perhaps one of the more surprising inclusions in The Expendables 3 was the more cerebral casting of Frasier Crane actor Kelsey Grammer in the role of Bonaparte. He was a grizzled old mercenary now organizing black ops.

However the character has proven so popular with audiences and critics alike that Lions Gate have decided to give him his own stand alone film titled Bonaparte.

Grammer said:

I was delighted by the reception that my performance garnered. To be frank, I was an incey-wincey bit preoccupied by how my fellow thespians might respond to my rather more elevated, refined if you will, style. You see Sylvester Stallone is a more instinctive actor than I. Which is fine. However, we worked well together and the ensemble as a whole shone. And yet I do look forward to being allowed to spread my wings in the aforementioned Bonaparte. And really spread my Dedalean wings.

The synopsis reveals:

Bonaparte is a prequel to the blockbusting Expendables series. It features one of the most beloved characters the titular Bonaparte, played by Grammy winning actor Kelsey Grammer, in his own stand alone action packed movie. Bonaparte has just returned from a botched attempt to rescue in the small nation of Africistan. While taking a drink at his favorite Boston drinking hole, he considers changing his name and taking up a career in psychiatry, perhaps on the radio. Of course he’d have to relocate, but he hears Seattle is a place where a man can lose himself and the world. Following a successful stint as a leading radio personality, the terrorists are back on his trail and he once more must disappear this time joining a kind of cartoon circus. Disguised as clown, Bonaparte must once again bide his time, but now with the help of a small yellow boy he will seek to turn the tables on his enemies. Bonaparte will seamlessly blend footage from Grammer’s former TV shows, with new material shot especially for the film in a technique which is being called ‘cheap’.

Bonaparte will be released in 2016. 

 

EXPENDABLES 3 KILL 6 PIRATES

HOLLYWOOD – In what is being regarded as an escalation in the battle between Studios and online piracy, The Expendables 3 have killed 6 alleged pirates who Lions Gate claim were responsible for uploading a stolen copy of the film and making it available for illegal download.

Continue reading “EXPENDABLES 3 KILL 6 PIRATES”

THE EXPENDABLES 3 CAST LIST RELEASED

HOLLYWOOD – Ever since the baffling success of The Expendables 2, rumors have been rife about who will be included in the next installment The Expendables 3 of the geriatric action franchise.

The Studio Exec can now exclusively reveal the cast list in full.

Kelsey Grammer, Christopher Plumber, Elia Wallach and Max Von Sydow team up with Sylvester Stallone et al to kick some enemy butt.

Chip

Expendables 3: It is a Country For Old Men sees the mercenaries escape the clutches of evil Nurse Ratchet (Renee Zellweger) and fly away to Thirdworldonia, where the evil warlord Grampus, played by out-of-retirement Kelsey Grammer, is building an army of They-all-look-the-same-to-me-ites. Plumber plays young newcomer to the team, Jock and Eli Wallach will be his younger brother Chip. Max Von Sydow describes himself as the baby of the group, Joey, who is an expert in explosives and cocoa.

Expendables 3: 
It is a Country For Old Men will be made, released and forgotten in 2014.

DAVID ZUCKER’S CONSERVATIVE COMEDY CLUB

HOLLYWOOD – David Zucker – director of such brilliant films as Airplane! and such dire posthumous-smelling tripe as An American Carol – today announced the formation of the Conservative Comedy Club, an organisation which will seek to redress the liberal/left wing bias in the chuckle farm.

Everyone thinks conservative aren’t funny,’ said Zucker. ‘They think we’re a bunch of bigoted fearful haters, who consider Bill O’Reilly an intellectual. But that just isn’t true. The first bit I mean. we’re hilarious. I mean look at Sarah Palin.’

The CCC was welcomed by its charter members Kelsey Gramner and Adam Sandler:

It’s about time that we had someone championing the ‘Right’ to be funny. Did you see what I did there?

For years, there has been a tendency to think of incisive and funny comedy of having almost inevitably an open minded liberal bias. Despite the best efforts of Andrew ‘the Dice’ Clay, many of the best comedians – Lenny Bruce, Bill Hicks, Louis CK, George Carlin, John Stewart, Bill Maher, Sarah Silverman, and Jerry Sienfeld – come from liberal or radical left wing backgrounds, or – like Chris Tucker, Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor – are black. Zucker says:

funny

The CCC will be a place where John Ratzenberger and Kelsey Grammer can sit down and share a joke without being accused of endorsing homosexuality or a Cheers spin off.