NEW YORK – Idiot rapper, Kayne West is embroiled in another scandal today after immigration papers revealed that he has purchased a white slave for his daughter, North West.

3 year-old British national, Timmy Jenkins was sold to West by his parents, Keith and Angie Jenkins in exchange for tickets to Kanye’s next UK tour.

“We really love Kayne. His beats are so fat and his lyrics make me really horny”, said Angie.

According to a source, Timmy has already been introduced to North and the pair are getting along famously.

“North looked a little puzzled at first but she soon worked out the benefits”, said a member of Kayne’s entourage:

She’s got the boy fetching his toys and he’s riding on his back around the room. Probably the cutest thing is when they play outside. Timmy picks cotton and sings nursery rhymes whilst North ambles around playing with a toy gun shouting ‘Pick faster!’.

Amnesty International questioned the legality of the purchase but West’s lawyer Rosyton Eezee claims Kanye suffered an allergic reaction to some moisturiser which effected his decision making abilities:

Kayne was out of his mind and he bought a lot of crazy things that night; An Indian elephant, the Shroud of Turin, the bones of Colonel Sanders.  He even bought the complete discography of Beck which proves he wasn’t mentally sound. He will be sending Timmy on a first-class plane back to the UK immediately with a goodie bag, a signed poster and all of the cotton he managed to pick.


NEW YORK – Eccentric rapper Kanye West has revealed he is to write and compose the soundtrack for the new series of Twin Peaks.

“Lynch called me up and said, ‘Kanye, this is gonna be the biggest series of all time and I need the greatest rapper of all time,” said a humble West.

I said ‘D, I got irons in the fire ready to be forged into musical swords. I’m designing my own threads and looking out for my baby momma. I ain’t got time to bleed for you.’ but as I was turning him down these shapes and words started formin’:

♫Peak to the twin/Twin to the peak/

My lady’s got a log and she telling me it speaks./

Laura Palmer’s dead but don’t bother the state trooper/

Just pour a cup of coffee/ call that n*gger Agent Cooper ♫

Lynch was all over it, in fact he started crying down the phone and calling me a genius. I took it well.

West went on to say that after he’s completed Twin Peaks he’s keen to score more TV shows:

Kim was watching Orange is the New Black, she loves that shit and I was chilling next to her checking my twitter account when suddenly, these shapes and words started formin’:

♫ Black to the Orange/Orange to the black/

My woman is in prison cos she dealt a lot of crack./

Bitch is in her jumpsuit chasing round a chicken/

then playing house with Alex Vause and doing lady licking ♫

New episodes or Twin Peaks are due in 2016.