EMMA THOMPSON: ‘THE ENGLISH SHOULD DROWN IN SEA OF SH*T’

HOLLYWOOD – Oscar winning actress and tireless charity campaigner Emma Thompson today released another scathing attack on her mother country, England.

Emma Thompson last week provoked ire in her own country by calling England a sad little rainy island full of cake. But now she has reportedly doubled down, having heard the outcry that her previous comments caused. She allegedly told the Studio Exec:

The English are a bunch of sad bum faces who should all drown in a sea of their own sh*t that spouts out of their bum faces on the top of their sad bum heads.

But surely…

Sad bum heads with dirty great sad stupid faces that were only put on this earth to be slammed by the big fat swinging buttocks of stupid bum faces.

And cake?

Don’t get me started on their cake. They eat all this cake but it’s cake that’s made of shit and it goes in as shit and then it comes out of the bum faces as double shit.

This is not the first time that the celebrated actress has been in trouble for her outspoken opinions. When making Remains of the Day with Anthony Hopkins, Thompson called the Welsh actor ‘a Welsh bum face’. After Sense and Sensibility, she referred to Kate Winslett as ‘that bum face woman.’ And she more recently described Tom Hanks during the making of Saving Mr. Banks as ‘buttock face’.

Alone in Berlin will be released in 2016.

STEVE JOBS – SPOILER FREE REVIEW

STEVE JOBS – SPOILER FREE REVIEW – Following the amazing Ashton Kutcher biopic, few could have considered the idea of doing another film about Steve Jobs, except perhaps the creative team of Aaron Sorkin, Danny Boyle and Michael Fassbender.

Did they do the iGenius credit? Or was this a hack job with little to interest those not taken in by the self-proclaiming hype of the Apple founder?

Find out in our SPOILER free review:

There’s this guy.

And some computers.

And he’s called Steve Jobs.

For more Reviews, Click Here.

JAMES CAMERON PREPS TITANICS

HOLLYWOOD – During an AMA on Reddit James Cameron, genius submarine driver, revealed that he is working on a spin off from his Oscar busting commercial success Titanic.

The Abyss director and ‘King of the World’ (TM James Cameron)  declared:

The new film will be a prequel – naturally – and will be based entirely on Billy Zane’s character. I don’t think a day has gone by without someone saying to me: ‘but what about Caledon ‘Cal’ Hockley? What was his life like following the Titanic disaster and maybe even before?’ So we decided to answer those questions.

The Terminator 2: Day of Judgement brain face continued:

 My idea was very simple. What if Cal was struck by huge remorse at having betrayed his notion of honor and escaped the sinking ship. He’s made a vast fortune and although we might have given away something in the script about him killing himself, he actually fakes his death so he can use the money he’s squirreled away to build two brand new Titanics. That’s the title by the way. I always come up with the title first and then try to fit the story into the title and that’s often a challenge. Anyhow unbeknownst to Cal, on the maiden voyages of the Titanics, the Atlantic Ocean has something in store for them – two icebergs – which the arrogant captains are rushing towards believing (mistakenly) that their ships are unsinkables.

Internet speculation has been explosive as to whether Cameron is serious or whether he is telling True Lies.

Titanics will be released in 2031. 

STEP UP 5 GULAG: CAST AND STORY REVEALED

HOLLYWOOD – Following on from the hugely successful dance movie Step up 4: Revolution, comes Step Up 5: Gulag to be directed by David Fincher and starring Jonah Hill, Kate Winslett and Mike Myers.

A plot summary was released to Studio Exec:

The revolution is complete and street dancing  has now been made compulsory throughout the United States of America. Anyone not at least body popping is thrown into the Gulags which have been built in Montana. Everyone is happy until evil hip hopper takes charge of the People’s Democratic Revolutionary Council and starts imposing his frankly mad laws regulate all dancing so that they outlaw robotics (good) and somersaults (aw no, I like somersaults). When a dance off is broken up by the new fashion police force, Frankie (Jonah Hill) finds himself thrown in Montana and mixing with a bunch of assholes who don’t know or refuse to dance, but soon he is joined by a crack team of somersaulters and robotic mimes led by Alexxxxia (Kate Winslett).

‘Smiles weakly to cover his unhappiness and confusion’


Together they plan to escape by putting on a show for the camp commandant (Mike Myers, very camp) Herr Shtizel (and yes they address that). Everything goes well until something doesn’t and they are all forced to dig their own graves and then get shot in the back of the neck. [SPOILER ALERT.]

 Step Up 5: Gulag will be released in 2015. 

NAME KATE WINSLET’S BABY

HOLLYWOOD –  Congratulations to Kate Winslet who has given birth to a son. Mother and child are doing well and the father, Ned Rocknroll is as proud as a father can be, but dash it all if he ain’t a little stumped for a name.

So he called The Studio Exec late last night and asked for our help. We said okay.
Basically, if you have a good name for Kate and Ned’s new son put it in the comment box below and we’ll pass it on. Hurry up. Time’s a wasting. 
Oh, by the way we’ve already given our two best suggestions Webuiltthiscity On and I’luv were both rejected.

KATE WINSLET MARRIES NED ROCKNROLL (SIC) IN SECRET

Winslet pounced

MALIBU – Kate Winslet married Ned Rocknroll (really) in secret last night. In a secret ceremony at an undisclosed location wearing possibly a dress, but there’s no way we can know, the Hollywood star of such brilliant films as The Life of David Gale and Engima tied a knot (we’re not sure whether it was a double reef or a granny knot) with the preposterously named Ned Rocknroll, nephew of well known tie enemy and suicidal rich man, Richard Branson. Studio Exec exclusively got an opportunity to talk to Ned a few minutes ago.

Some kind of knot


Congratulations Ned.

Thanks… I suppose. For why?

On your marriage to Kate Winslet. She’s quite the catch.

Kate who?

Winslet.

The actress from the Life of David Gale and Enigma?

Yes.

And I’m supposed to be married to her?

Yes.

Wow, I suppose. 

You mean to say you didn’t know?

No. But I’m delighted… I think.

What do you think first attracted her to you?

My name. It’s like magic. Get yourself a ridiculous name and good things happen to you. 

Well Done. 

Well, thanks. I can’t wait to meet her.