BREAKFAST WITH ASSHOLES: 28. MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY

HOLLYWOOD – Oscar winner, Rust Cole and former Fool’s Gold fool, Matthew McConaughey sat down with the Studio Exec this morning where the True Detective star, tucked into seven glasses of water and gorged himself on looking at an apple for forty seconds.

‘If I look at it for longer, it goes straight on my hips,’ said the Killer Joe actor. 

So Matthew, what is your take on the McConaissance?

A’right, a’right a’right. Well, you see when I was a young man I used to have to look out and around me to see if there were a role model that I could use, someone who might inspire me. I looked and looked and frankly I could see no one worth more than a lick of paint, but one day I was in the bathroom, jerking off or something I don’t recall, and I happened to catch sight of myself in the mirror. And I thought there he is. That’s the one I’m gonna imitate and try to be like.

You?

Matthew McConaughey in person. 

I see.

I won’t deny I spent some time leaning against Kate Hudson on posters, but it paid the rent. Then Kate taught me how to read and I was able to actually see what the films would be like before they got made via these paper things they call scripts (for more on this Click Here).

 So then you made Killer Joe, Mud, True Detective and Dallas Buyers Club.

That’s a’right, a’right, a’right. I mean I didn’t want to alienate my old fans so I also did The Paperboy for Lee Daniels. Just to give them something dumb. And my Oscar speech of course was what I like to call classic McConaughey. I admire myself from the past as well as looking towards my future self for inspiration. When I need me in an emergency, I check out the Matthew McConaughey of today. Any reflective surface’ll do.

 Yeah. You know I think I’m going to be sick.

Oh really? Water a bit strong for you, huh?

Where’s the bathroom?

It’s just down the corridor and then you take a’right a’right a’right.

For more Breakfasts CLICK HERE.

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY LEARNS TO READ

MEMPHIS – When Matthew McConaughey picked up the Golden Globe followed by a Best Actor Oscar nomination for The Dallas Buyer’s Club, the critical establishment opened their windows, leaned out into the night air and shouted ‘What the F*ck?’ 

Anyone following the career of the McConotron (as he prefers to be known) may well have been stumped for an explanation as to his recent run of form.

After years of pouring out ludicrous bile worthy tripe such as Sahara, Fool’s Gold, Failure to Launch, and How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days, the erstwhile crap magnet has managed to string together a slew of decent films. Killer Joe, Mud and Magic Mike all feature McConaughey – as he prefers to be known – in full Thespian flow. The secret – revealed to Studio Exec – is simple: Matthew McConaughey has learnt to read.


It makes choosing scripts much easier,’ M&Ms said recently. ‘Prior to that I’d just weigh them in my hand. Or throw them against the wall, sniff them or something. The I’d say “A-right, a-right, a-right!” and that’s that.’

Matty McC had tried to learn to read in the past, helped by co-‘star’ Kate Hudson, but was hampered by the fact that Ms. Hudson herself didn’t know how to read and was in fact ‘pretending’, guessing at the meaning of the words by the shape they made on the page. In this way she taught McConaughey that the word ‘encyclopaedic’ meant train, because ‘it kinda looks like a train, don’t she’.


McConaughey now delights in the written word, though sometimes he does revert to old methods. ‘When I got the script for The Paperboy, I didn’t have much time so I just licked a couple of pages and they tasted okay,’ the McConatron smiles ruefully. ‘I won’t be doing that again.’


Matthew Mcconaughey’s The Brothers Karamazov will be released in 2015.