CHIEF BRODY JAWS PREQUEL GREENLIT

BREAKING NEWS – In an announcement that has shocked Hollywood, Steven Spielberg’s Amblin Entertainment have announced a Chief Brody Jaws Prequel has been greenlit, with Spielberg himself set to direct the picture. The film will follow his mainland career as a cop on the edge and on the take. The Exec spoke with Amblin development executive, Emelia Shnart to talk about the project.

So, A Chief Brody Jaws Prequel Is In The Works. This Sounds Exciting.

We’re all very excited about the project. We were in a production development meeting and to be honest with you. We were shit out of ideas. Indy IV is in the can. Schindler’s list II is a non-runner, so I’m told over and over again. And the Jurassic World franchise is in the shitter. We had nothing left.

Where Did You Get The Idea For A Chief Brody Jaws Prequel From?

Did you know Spielberg is an ideas fountain? He just shits out ideas all day and all night. The man is a machine. The trouble is, the vast majority of these ideas are garbage. I mean, they are ass gravy, the loosest stool water ever. So we employ someone to write them down, tell the him how great they are and throw them all in a big friggin container.

You Got Desperate And Opened The Container?

Yep. We trawled through shit idea after shit idea and eventually we happened upon this little nugget. We only ran with the concept. His idea was for a cop who was friendly, inclusive and relatable. That shit aint gonna fly these days. We’ve all seen too many videos of cops beating and shooting decent people of color. So we got to work.

So Brody Is Going To Be Corrupt and Racist?

Damned straight he is. There’s a reason he got transferred onto an island full of white people. Why do you think he seems so content in the movie? He fucking loves it there.

Do You Have Anyone In Mind For Role Of Brody?

Casey Affleck. He can do morally dubious assholes better than most, know what I mean?

And What About The Part Of Ellen Brody? Originally Played By Lorraine Gary.

Florence Pugh. Why not? She’s in everything at the moment.

You’ve Given This Some Thought.

Nearly a whole afternoon’s worth.

Chief Brody Begins Filming This Fall.

PRATT V WORTHINGTON MEDIOCRITY MATCH-UP

HOLLYWOOD – If you like your lead actors non-descript, not too good looking and with more than a slight hint of vanilla about them, they’re your guys. Having built their whole careers around being able to stare at tennis balls on the ends of sticks, they’ve somehow made it to the top. That’s right, it’s a Studio Exec Pratt v Worthington Mediocrity Matchup. We examine which of them is truly the most mediocre movie meh.

Pratt V Worthington Mediocrity Matchup!

Sam’s big breakthrough role came in James Cameron’s Avatar. A film where he had a team of hundreds animating his face for the vast majority of the film. Chris Pratt rose to fame in Parks And Recreation. He played Andy Dwyer, an unintelligent, loveable rogue. He then expanded his range when he played Starlord in The Guardians Of The Galaxy, an unintelligent, loveable rogue… in space. Few could have predicted his turn in Jurassic World, where he played Owen Grady, an unintelligent, loveable rogue… with dinosaurs.

Sam The Franchise Killer

Sam went on to singlehandedly destroy the Terminator franchise as well as the whole 3D film industry as Perseus in the remake of Clash Of The Titans. His stone cold performance resembled a Medusa victim and made Harry Hamlin look like Daniel Day-Lewis.

The Roles That Got Away

Sam famously lost out to Daniel Craig for James Bond. But then again, we don’t know how close he came to being Bond. I sent in my showreel and heard fuck all back from EON Productions. So does that mean I also lost out to Daniel Craig for the role? And who can forget the rumors that Pratt was being touted to play Indiana Jones. Just imagine Indiana Jones and The Ancient Fart Gag, directed by James Gunn.

Mediocrity Matchup: Winners And Losers

The tagline for Alien Vs Predator was ’Whoever Wins, We Lose’. Well, with this mediocrity matchup, this has never been truer.

AVATAR: AD NAUSEUM Will Saturate Your Multiplex This Coming December

JURASSIC WORLD’S ZARA YOUNG TO GET SPIN OFF MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Zara Young was the best thing in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom and now she has her own film.

You remember Zara Young from Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, right? She was the personal assistant to Claire, looking after the two kids, the Mitchell Brothers. She said, ‘Don’t just stand there!’ to the kids as the dinosaurs broke out of the park. Then a Pteranodon snatched her and took her into the air. She fell out of the Pterosaur’s grip, but another Pteranodon grabbed her before she fell into the Jurassic World Lagoon. As one of the Pteranodons tried to retrieve her, nearly drowning her in the process, the Mosasaurus emerged from the water and clamped its mighty jaws shut on the pterosaur, accidentally killing Zara as well. It was effing hilarious.

 

jurassic world

Anyway, it turns out that she is to get a new movie in which we find out all about her life and why her phone was so important to her. We find out about Alec her boyfriend and how she got a job with Claire. We also discover what made her hate kids so much. And thus be so deserving of a comically exaggerated death. Katie McGrath is returning to play the role and we asked her how she felt about the role.

I’m so thrilled. We really went into a lot of depth writing a backstory for Zara. How she got her name from a Spanish-based fast fashion outlet. How she had an incident while watching Eastenders which made her terrified of the Mitchell Brothers. And how this led to her downfall. In a way, Zara’s story isn’t just about an uppity PA getting her comeuppance. It’s a tragedy about a woman trapped in history. We always talked about how the character is basically Lady Macbeth.

The film promises to be a further expansion of the Jurassic franchise which began in 1996 with Jurassic Park.

Zara Young: Jurassic Lunch is due out in 2022.

 

CHRIS PRATT TO PLAY THE NEW LARA CROFT

HOLLYWOOD – Popular video game heroine from the 1990s Lara Croft originally played by Angelina Jolie is to be revived in a new film of Tomb Raider starring Chris Pratt as the pneumatic adventurer.

Chris Pratt has confirmed that he will be playing Lara Croft in a new film starring the Tomb Raider.

Chris Pratt spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about the new film:

Initially, Alicia Vikander was tapped to play the role but following the success of the casting of Tilda Swinton as the Ancient One and the girl power Ghostbusters, the filmmakers thought they would go with a revolutionary new choice. Me! I was great in Jurassic World and fantastic in Guardians of the Galaxy and so Lara Croft was like a slam dunk with my affable way.

Director Roar Uthaug told the Studio Exec, ‘We’re really pleased to have Chris. Originally, we were thinking of Daisy Ridley and Alicia Vikander. They’re great, they’re women, and the British accent wouldn’t be a problem, but Chris took a piece of shit like Jurassic World and made that baby fly.’

Lara Croft will be released in 2018.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

 

JURASSIC WORLD 2 GETS NEW DIRECTOR

HOLLYWOOD – Just months before it goes into production, Jurassic World 2 has a new director taking over from Colin Trevorrow.

Jurassic World 2 is to be directed by Terrence Malick, sources within Universal Studios have confirmed. The Tree of Life director is to take on the follow-up to the surprise hit of last year and stars Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard are also confirmed to return. Terrence Malick took a break from a punishing round of promotional interviews surrounding the release of Knight of Cups to talk about his new job.

This is fantastic. I love dinosaurs always have. I’ve wanted to add a dinosaur to all my films but thus far have only been able to slip a couple into the Tree of Life. We had one in The Thin Red Line but Sean Penn made me take it out.

You had a dinosaur in Thin Red Line?

No, wait, dinosaur, no I meant Mickey Rourke. Ha ha ha! Boom goes the Malickian dynamite!

So this is the first time you’ve taken on a big entertainment style movie. How are you going to approach it?

I’ve tried in the past to do entertainment blockbusters. I even had Ben Affleck in To the Wonder because I thought it might make it work better but Olga wouldn’t stop dancing for five minutes and so we couldn’t find anywhere to get the terrorist kidnapping subplot in. This time around it’s going to be different. This time I’m going to write a script.

Wow! A script!?

I know. It’s radical. I’m already working on it and we’re going to tell the story of how the dinosaurs escape onto the mainland. So far, with the exception of the end of Jurassic Park 2, all of these films have been confined to islands but I want to see what a T.Rex would do to a large urban area. And I’m really looking forward to working with Chris Pratt and Jessica Chastain.

Bryce Dallas Howard!

Whatever. The important thing is they give good voiceover. Anything else I can cut around. I’ve started writing the voiceover already.

Is it the first thing you do?

It’s the first, the last and the middle bit of what I do. Here listen: ‘Who are you that calls to me from across the millennia? You who stand before me. Oh! You’re beside me as well. Clever girl!’

Jurassic World 2 will be released in 2018.

THE MAKING OF JURASSIC PARK

HOLLYWOOD – In our new series ‘The Making of…’ we go behind the scenes, using previously unseen letters, diaries and documents, of a major motion picture landmark of cinema. This week Jurassic Park!

The Idea

Michael Crichton was working as a doctor in a hospital when he first came up with the idea of theme park with a unique selling point open to the public, but which goes disastrously, murderously when the attractions go haywire and turn against the public. Westworld became a cult classic in 1973. In 1976 the sequel Futureworld was less successful and Crichton was pleased that he had not been involved. However, he wrote to his friend Steven Spielberg in 1981 about other ideas he had:

Dear Steven,

Following on from Westworld I’ve been tinkering with a few more ideas. What do you think? Chivalrous Land: a medieval themed park where the knights go mad and start jousting the visitors to death. Mermaid World: An underwater theme park where the mermaids go crazy and start killing the guests.  Dickensian Land: A Charles Dickens themed fun park where chimney sweeps go crazy and being attacking the guests. Or Gangster Park! Or Zombie Land. Or Dinosaur Land. Tell me what you think.

Dear Michael,

I like the last one, but change the title.

Dear Steven,

T.Rexcellent!

Filming

Hawaiian island of Kauaʻi was used for location shooting but a large Typhoon hit the island the first week of filming. The dinosaurs that Steven Spielberg insisted on using for authenticity proved difficult to control and when one of the handlers was eaten Spielberg came under criticism for editing the footage of the incident into the prologue of the film. Spielberg wrote to close friend Tom Stoppard during the filming and giving an insight into the hectic schedule.

Hi Tom,

The problem is that we have to do everything backwards. I wanted to use kids for the roles of Lex and Tim, but they cost too much money. Luckily Sam Neil knows this New Zealand guy Peter Jackson, and he’s got me a couple of Hobbits to play the kids. They take direction and with a filter and lots of make up can pass for children. The main action sequence is going to be the Brontosaurus attack. I just have to talk with the science people who have expressed concerns and then we’ll be good to go.

Hi Tom,

Turns out the Brontosaurus doesn’t exist, and if it did it’d be vegetarian, so what to do now? I suppose we’ll go with the T. Rex which I was trying to avoid. It’s such a cliché. I know, maybe I can put a Marc Bolan song over it as a ‘joke’.

Post Production

John Williams received the following note from Spielberg before he began scoring the picture.

Hi Johnny,

Here I think we really need an old fashioned matinee score. Something bombastic and awe inspiring. I don’t know I was thinking. Bom-Bah-Bom-Bah-dii-dee-diii-diidddy-deee La-la-la-di-diddy dee, Bom-Bah-Bom-Bah-dii-dee-diii-diidddy-deee La-la-ladee, diddy dee. What do you think?

For more of The Making of CLICK HERE.

 

JURASSIC WORLD: REVIEW

JURASSIC WORLD: REVIEW – Jurassic World broke box office records on its opening weekend to become the biggest opener ever, but how does the fourth film in the Jurassic Park franchise and the latest Chris Pratt – Jessica Chastain (?) vehicle hold up? Read our in depth review.

Continue reading “JURASSIC WORLD: REVIEW”

JOSS WHEDON PLEDGES UP-TO-DATE SEXISM

HOLLYWOOD- Joss Whedon has promised postmodern sexism in his new film Avengers: Age of Ultron, released world wide.

The Buffy the Vampire Slayer creator spoke exclusively with The Studio Exec:

If there’s one thing I hate in modern movies it’s when they have that lazy 70s sexism. I first noticed it in the clip we saw of Jurassic World but once you see it, it’s like f*cking beards, you see them everywhere. Chris Pratt is the force of nature and Dr. up-tight is needs a laminated itinerary to go on a date. There’ll be a scene later on where he takes her glasses off and unpins her hair to let it fall free. It’s crazy.

So you would stop sexism?

Oh God no. Are you high? Who would want that? No, we can’t stop it, we just have to update it. Look at my new film – competing directly with Jurassic World for publicity at the moment coincidentally – Avengers: Age of Ultron. It’s an amazing superhero adventure with a diverse cast including a white male billionaire, a white/green male scientist with anger issues, a white male archer and a white male Nordic looking thunder god and a hot chick with a fantastic ass. I mean you should see it.

But how is that not sexist?

Because it’s ironic and knowing.

A ha.

And Scarlett Johannson knows she’s sexy and she isn’t uptight or anything. She’s going yeah, I’m sexy but I’m also equal. And God, she scores well with all the demographic data we get.

That’s fantastic.

I know. Being sexist is fantastic and profitable. You just have to be clever and cast Scarlett Johansson or Gwyneth Paltrow. It won’t work with Megan Fox.

Avengers Age of Ultron will be released this week.

JURASSIC WORLD: SCRIPT LEAK

HOLLYWOOD – The long awaited new entry in the Jurassic Park franchise, Jurassic World directed by Colin Trevorrow, isn’t due for release until June, 2015 but the Studio Exec has received a leaked draft of the screenplay and we publish it here EXCLUSIVELY.

EXT. Isola Nublar – DAY

A group of visitors enter the now fully functioning Jurassic World Theme Park.

TOUR GUIDE

Welcome to Jurassic World.

GUEST 1
Wow look. Dinosaurs!

T-Rex, veolciraptors etc. romp.

 GUEST 2

Isn’t this dangerous?

LITTLE BOY

Yeah, mister. Didn’t something go terribly wrong about twenty or so years back?

TOUR GUIDE

Ha ha! Isn’t he adorable? No, little fella. There were some incidents right at the very beginning. Teething problems. But they only people who were killed were fat, lawyers or black.

GUEST 1

Thank Gosh.

GUEST 2

But couldn’t it happen again?

TOUR GUIDE

No, not at all. The security systems are fool proof and the only way of deactivating them is if someone were to press this big red button.

LITTLE BOY

This one.

Little Boy presses big red button. An alarm SOUNDS and the fences are all deactivated.

LITTLE BOY

Oh cripes!

Dinosaurs break the fences and eat the Little Boy, the Tour Guide, Guest 1 and 2.

The END.

JURASSIC WORLD WILL FEATURE ‘DINOSAURS’

HOLLYWOOD – A bombshell quite metaphorically exploded over Hollywood this morning, as the world woke up to the thrilling news that the blockbuster dino-franchise Jurassic World will be released sometime in June, 2015, having at some point prior to that date been (hopefully) made and will feature dinosaurs.

The film will not be directed by Steven Spielberg, but he will get a production credit, as he does with any film or television series that someone talks about while he is in the same room.
Although a cast and director, script and storyline have not so far been decided upon two things did become clear:

  1. It will make a lot of money. 
  2. It will feature dinosaurs of some description.  

Mark Protosevich has had several meetings with Steven Spielberg to flesh out story ideas. ‘We said it would be a really good idea if it made a lot of money,’ said the writer of Poseidon. ‘We didn’t put an exact figure on it, but it was clear Steven thought lots of money would be great. John Sayles had offered a story line which didn’t explicitly have anything to do with making a lot of money and although it was an interesting idea we dropped it in the end, preferring the idea of making money.’

Spielberg also insisted according to Protosevich that dinosaurs be included in the plot. ‘I did a draft, just a treatment really, where I used Rhinos, another with librarians, pebbles, small churches, really large mice, bubble wrap, olives. Steven listened patiently for like an hour, then he leaned forward and said something like “try dinosaurs”. All of a sudden the whole thing made sense. Just like that. That’s why he’s Steven Spielberg, I guess.’

Jurassic World will be released in June 2015.