HOLLYWOOD – If you like your lead actors non-descript, not too good looking and with more than a slight hint of vanilla about them, they’re your guys. Having built their whole careers around being able to stare at tennis balls on the ends of sticks, they’ve somehow made it to the top. That’s right, it’s a Studio Exec Pratt v Worthington Mediocrity Matchup. We examine which of them is truly the most mediocre movie meh.
Pratt V Worthington Mediocrity Matchup!
Sam’s big breakthrough role came in James Cameron’s Avatar. A film where he had a team of hundreds animating his face for the vast majority of the film. Chris Pratt rose to fame in Parks And Recreation. He played Andy Dwyer, an unintelligent, loveable rogue. He then expanded his range when he played Starlord in The Guardians Of The Galaxy, an unintelligent, loveable rogue… in space. Few could have predicted his turn in Jurassic World, where he played Owen Grady, an unintelligent, loveable rogue… with dinosaurs.
Sam The Franchise Killer
Sam went on to singlehandedly destroy the Terminator franchise as well as the whole 3D film industry as Perseus in the remake of Clash Of The Titans. His stone cold performance resembled a Medusa victim and made Harry Hamlin look like Daniel Day-Lewis.
The Roles That Got Away
Sam famously lost out to Daniel Craig for James Bond. But then again, we don’t know how close he came to being Bond. I sent in my showreel and heard fuck all back from EON Productions. So does that mean I also lost out to Daniel Craig for the role? And who can forget the rumors that Pratt was being touted to play Indiana Jones. Just imagine Indiana Jones and The Ancient Fart Gag, directed by James Gunn.
Mediocrity Matchup: Winners And Losers
The tagline for Alien Vs Predator was ’Whoever Wins, We Lose’. Well, with this mediocrity matchup, this has never been truer.
AVATAR: AD NAUSEUM Will Saturate Your Multiplex This Coming December
HOLLYWOOD – Zara Young was the best thing in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom and now she has her own film.
You remember Zara Young from Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, right? She was the personal assistant to Claire, looking after the two kids, the Mitchell Brothers. She said, ‘Don’t just stand there!’ to the kids as the dinosaurs broke out of the park. Then a Pteranodon snatched her and took her into the air. She fell out of the Pterosaur’s grip, but another Pteranodon grabbed her before she fell into the Jurassic World Lagoon. As one of the Pteranodons tried to retrieve her, nearly drowning her in the process, the Mosasaurus emerged from the water and clamped its mighty jaws shut on the pterosaur, accidentally killing Zara as well. It was effing hilarious.
Anyway, it turns out that she is to get a new movie in which we find out all about her life and why her phone was so important to her. We find out about Alec her boyfriend and how she got a job with Claire. We also discover what made her hate kids so much. And thus be so deserving of a comically exaggerated death. Katie McGrath is returning to play the role and we asked her how she felt about the role.
I’m so thrilled. We really went into a lot of depth writing a backstory for Zara. How she got her name from a Spanish-based fast fashion outlet. How she had an incident while watching Eastenders which made her terrified of the Mitchell Brothers. And how this led to her downfall. In a way, Zara’s story isn’t just about an uppity PA getting her comeuppance. It’s a tragedy about a woman trapped in history. We always talked about how the character is basically Lady Macbeth.
The film promises to be a further expansion of the Jurassic franchise which began in 1996 with Jurassic Park.
Zara Young: Jurassic Lunch is due out in 2022.