STEVEN SPIELBERG CRITICIZED FOR TROPHY HUNTING IMAGES

HOLLYWOOD – Trophy hunting images spark outrage against Steven Spielberg.

Pictures apparently showing Steven Spielberg posing with a trophy kill has caused consternation and fury across social media. One twitterbook personality something Paul told the Studio Exec:

I think it’s completely crazy. I for one love Always and 1941, but this will not stand. How can someone go into the wild and kill these beautiful animals is utterly disgusting.

Martin Havesmith shouted his disgust down an old style telephone with the curly wire.

The BFG filled me with a childlike wonder with a stunning performance by Mark Rylance but how would Mr Spielberg liked it if he was shot and stuffed and then photographed by a bunch of high paid animals? Not very much. That’s how.

The ASPCA announced that a full investigation is ongoing.

It is unclear whether Steven Spielberg has broken any laws. However, we do know that the animal he is photographed with is believed to be close to extinction if not actually now extinct. This is outrageous. It makes me want to sick up.

A spokesperson for Mr. Steven Spielberg told the Studio Exec:

Spielberg made Tintin and the Secret of the Unicorn, he can shoot any fucking animal he wants to, so go fuck yourselves you bunch of whining shits.

West Side Story will not be very good.

JEFF GOLDBLUM GETS A JEFF GOLDBLUM TATTOO

HOLLYWOOD – Jeff Goldblum – star of Jurassic Park and The Fly – showed off a new tattoo earlier today… of himself!

The 61 year old actor and jazz musician Jeff Goldblum said that he’d always wanted to get a tattoo of himself ever since he was a struggling theatre actor over forty years ago.

People told me not to do it because if I ever had to do a nude scene, or even take my shirt off it would be distracting. And that was true when David Cronenberg got me to strip for The Fly he said straight away ‘Thank God you don’t have a tattoo of yourself. That would be really distracting!’ So I was lucky I hadn’t done it, but nowadays no one wants me to take my shirt off so I figure I’m safe. Unless maybe Wes Anderson asks me but in that case he’ll love it. He’ll think it’s quirky.

The reception to the news was predictably explosive with some calling for Goldblum to resign from whatever it is he actually does.

I’ve always been a controversial figure. I uhm tend to provoke a reaction wherever I go. Uhm, you see, I have so much … I guess you’d call it personality. I have a lot of that. When it came uhm to chooooosing a tattoo, my wife, Emily, said, hey! Why not get one of yourself? And as ever she was right. I remembered my dream and here we are. 

Jeff Goldblum is currently appearing.

5 ACTORS WHO MISSED OUT ON THE ROLE OF A LIFETIME

HOLLYWOOD – It’s hard enough to be an actor. Imagine how much harder it is knowing you were THIS CLOSE to that iconic role!

The following actors may have a career now … but they’d be icons had they not been runners-up on some amazing roles.

 


Nedry, JURASSIC PARK. 

Winner: Wayne Knight.    |   Loser: Andy Dick. 

That’s right. Hollywood’s hot mess, Andy Dick, was almost computer nerd Dennis Nedry in Jurassic Park. Andy was the front runner, until he started licking Laura Dern, and sitting inappropriately on prop dinosaur tongues during a call-back.


Jason Bourne, THE BOURNE IDENTITY. 

Winner: Matt Damon.    |   Loser: Gary Busey. 

A fresh-faced (?) Gary Busey was slated to appear in the Bourne franchise. The original script wanted a world-weary, older Bourne looking back on his life, and trying to piece together the conspiracy that made him a killer. Unfortunately, Busey was, at the same time, trying to piece together his own conspiracy and schedules conflicted.


Bruce Wayne, BATMAN. 

Winner: Michael Keaton.    |   Loser: Johnny Depp. 

Tim Burton’s history with Johnny Depp almost had another credit, when Depp was slated to appear as Bruce Wayne. And, that was ultimately the problem. The role required Depp to play both Bruce Wayne AND Batman. Depp was so unnerved at the sight of the Batman suit, he’d retreat to corners of the soundstage to “fear pee”, as one PA put it. So, the roll was recast.


Lara Croft, LARA CROFT: TOMB RAIDER. 

Winner: Angelina Jolie.    |   Loser: Jennifer Aniston. 

Brad Pitt wasn’t the only reason these two actresses don’t get along. Aniston was scheduled to appear as the voluptuous video game star, but at the last moment, Jolie had placed a blood curse on the beleaguered actress, who’s breasts deflated, as a result. The part was taken back from Aniston in favour of Jolie.


Gollum, THE LORD OF THE RINGS. 

Winner: Andy Serkis.    |   Loser: Clint Howard. 

Serkis made history for playing the part of a digitally-created character, but the original plan was to have an actor without visual effects. Clint Howard had a number of outstanding chemistry tests, and won the role. But, the look of him against the backdrop of New Zealand was so unsettling, Peter Jackson decided to go “less realistic” and made the character computer-generated.

For more FACTS click here. 

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT WESTWORLD

HOLLYWOOD – Don’t know anything at all about Westworld?

Okay. The Studio Exec FACT squad has entered the park where cowboys and slatterns exchange quips and bullets. What could possibly go wrong?

One. The original pilot for the series written and directed by Michael Crichton featured Dinosaurs but it was decided that it would be too expensive.

Two. Rachel Evans Wood, who plays Delores, spent six months being a robot to prepare for the role. She even learned the ‘robotics’ dance style. Later, she said that learning to dance like a robot had been ‘a complete fucking waste of time’.

Three. Anthony Hopkins is almost certainly a robot who killed Arnold and took on his role. Or someone else is a robot.

Four. The sex scenes were the first thing that Jonathan Nolan and Lisa Joy wrote. And then they built the story around them.

Five. The weird British guy has to die. And the weird lesbian. How did they sneak the weird lesbian into the show? At one point did they think we’ll get a lesbian in, but let’s make her weird, because you know, she’s a lesbian?

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

 

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT JEFF GOLDBLUM

HOLLYWOOD – Everybody knows that Jeff Goldblum is the best actor in the world and a one man meme generator, but what do we really know about the man who still prefers to be known to his closest associates as Brundlefly?

The Studio Exec FACT Squad were so busy wondering whether they could they never once thought for a second about whether they should.

1 . Jeff Goldblum first appeared in the Charles Bronson 1974 vigilante movie Death Wish, where he was credited as ‘jiggy rapist 2’. He threw himself into the role totally and was arrested twice in New York in the run up to the film. The actor insisted that he had not ever been violent, he was cautioned for the misdemeanor of being excessively ‘jiggy’.

2 . Despite small roles in Annie Hall and Death Wish in the seventies, it wasn’t until the mid-eighties that Goldblum landed his first major role as Seth Brundle in the David Cronenberg body horror remake The Fly. Goldblum was so intent on making the film as authentic as possible that he employed his own acidic vomit and pulled off a number of fingernails to get the shot. ‘I believed the story was already fantastic and so there had to be something real in there for the audience to latch onto. I was that real,’ Goldblum told Gardener’s Weekly radio show in an interview on the original release of the movie.

3 .  The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension exists.

4. When Jeff Goldblum first met Steven Spielberg at a casting session for Jurassic Park, Goldblum wowed the director with his deft understanding of Chaos Theory, Quantum Mechanics and String Theory. It was only later that Spielberg learned that Goldblum had actually made the whole thing up on the spot and at one point was actually speaking Klingon. Spielberg kept some of Goldblum’s own dialogue in the film, so fascinated was he by the exuberance of the man.

5. As well as being an actor Jeff Goldblum also plays jazz flute.

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE!

THE MAKING OF JURASSIC PARK

HOLLYWOOD – In our new series ‘The Making of…’ we go behind the scenes, using previously unseen letters, diaries and documents, of a major motion picture landmark of cinema. This week Jurassic Park!

The Idea

Michael Crichton was working as a doctor in a hospital when he first came up with the idea of theme park with a unique selling point open to the public, but which goes disastrously, murderously when the attractions go haywire and turn against the public. Westworld became a cult classic in 1973. In 1976 the sequel Futureworld was less successful and Crichton was pleased that he had not been involved. However, he wrote to his friend Steven Spielberg in 1981 about other ideas he had:

Dear Steven,

Following on from Westworld I’ve been tinkering with a few more ideas. What do you think? Chivalrous Land: a medieval themed park where the knights go mad and start jousting the visitors to death. Mermaid World: An underwater theme park where the mermaids go crazy and start killing the guests.  Dickensian Land: A Charles Dickens themed fun park where chimney sweeps go crazy and being attacking the guests. Or Gangster Park! Or Zombie Land. Or Dinosaur Land. Tell me what you think.

Dear Michael,

I like the last one, but change the title.

Dear Steven,

T.Rexcellent!

Filming

Hawaiian island of Kauaʻi was used for location shooting but a large Typhoon hit the island the first week of filming. The dinosaurs that Steven Spielberg insisted on using for authenticity proved difficult to control and when one of the handlers was eaten Spielberg came under criticism for editing the footage of the incident into the prologue of the film. Spielberg wrote to close friend Tom Stoppard during the filming and giving an insight into the hectic schedule.

Hi Tom,

The problem is that we have to do everything backwards. I wanted to use kids for the roles of Lex and Tim, but they cost too much money. Luckily Sam Neil knows this New Zealand guy Peter Jackson, and he’s got me a couple of Hobbits to play the kids. They take direction and with a filter and lots of make up can pass for children. The main action sequence is going to be the Brontosaurus attack. I just have to talk with the science people who have expressed concerns and then we’ll be good to go.

Hi Tom,

Turns out the Brontosaurus doesn’t exist, and if it did it’d be vegetarian, so what to do now? I suppose we’ll go with the T. Rex which I was trying to avoid. It’s such a cliché. I know, maybe I can put a Marc Bolan song over it as a ‘joke’.

Post Production

John Williams received the following note from Spielberg before he began scoring the picture.

Hi Johnny,

Here I think we really need an old fashioned matinee score. Something bombastic and awe inspiring. I don’t know I was thinking. Bom-Bah-Bom-Bah-dii-dee-diii-diidddy-deee La-la-la-di-diddy dee, Bom-Bah-Bom-Bah-dii-dee-diii-diidddy-deee La-la-ladee, diddy dee. What do you think?

For more of The Making of CLICK HERE.

 

JURASSIC WORLD: REVIEW

JURASSIC WORLD: REVIEW – Jurassic World broke box office records on its opening weekend to become the biggest opener ever, but how does the fourth film in the Jurassic Park franchise and the latest Chris Pratt – Jessica Chastain (?) vehicle hold up? Read our in depth review.

Continue reading “JURASSIC WORLD: REVIEW”

JURASSIC WORLD: SCRIPT LEAK

HOLLYWOOD – The long awaited new entry in the Jurassic Park franchise, Jurassic World directed by Colin Trevorrow, isn’t due for release until June, 2015 but the Studio Exec has received a leaked draft of the screenplay and we publish it here EXCLUSIVELY.

EXT. Isola Nublar – DAY

A group of visitors enter the now fully functioning Jurassic World Theme Park.

TOUR GUIDE

Welcome to Jurassic World.

GUEST 1
Wow look. Dinosaurs!

T-Rex, veolciraptors etc. romp.

 GUEST 2

Isn’t this dangerous?

LITTLE BOY

Yeah, mister. Didn’t something go terribly wrong about twenty or so years back?

TOUR GUIDE

Ha ha! Isn’t he adorable? No, little fella. There were some incidents right at the very beginning. Teething problems. But they only people who were killed were fat, lawyers or black.

GUEST 1

Thank Gosh.

GUEST 2

But couldn’t it happen again?

TOUR GUIDE

No, not at all. The security systems are fool proof and the only way of deactivating them is if someone were to press this big red button.

LITTLE BOY

This one.

Little Boy presses big red button. An alarm SOUNDS and the fences are all deactivated.

LITTLE BOY

Oh cripes!

Dinosaurs break the fences and eat the Little Boy, the Tour Guide, Guest 1 and 2.

The END.

AN APPEAL FROM STEVEN SPIELBERG

HOLLYWOOD – Hi, my name is Steven Spielberg, director of such great films as Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Jaws, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Lincoln, War Horse, Sugarland Express, Schindler’s List, Jurassic Park, Catch Me If You Can, Saving Private Ryan, Amistad, Hook, 1941, The Color Purple, Empire of the Sun, Munich and Always.

You might also know me from my executive producer credits on ER, Falling Skies, the Transformers series and many other TV Shows and films. Oh, I also kind of directed Poltergeist, but shhhhh. 

But today I don’t want to talk to you as the director of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Tin Tin the Secret of the Unicorn and certainly not as the director of The Terminal … to tell you the truth I always try and forget that one. 

No. I’m here to talk to you as a normal human being. A simple man. Cast from your mind Jurassic Park: The Lost World and Duel. Not to mention the beguiling science fiction fairy tales A.I. and E.T. And let’s not get into my cameo role in The Blues Brothers, or those documentaries I made about the Second World War and President Obama. And what’s the point in dredging up the segment of The Twilight Zone movie and those episodes of Columbo I was involved with? I was a young man, a kid and no one knew me. It just isn’t relevant to the point I want to make and this very important issue which I would like to shine a light on today.

So PLEASE sign the petition and remember to give generously. Thank You.


Steven Spielberg

JURASSIC WORLD WILL FEATURE ‘DINOSAURS’

HOLLYWOOD – A bombshell quite metaphorically exploded over Hollywood this morning, as the world woke up to the thrilling news that the blockbuster dino-franchise Jurassic World will be released sometime in June, 2015, having at some point prior to that date been (hopefully) made and will feature dinosaurs.

The film will not be directed by Steven Spielberg, but he will get a production credit, as he does with any film or television series that someone talks about while he is in the same room.
Although a cast and director, script and storyline have not so far been decided upon two things did become clear:

  1. It will make a lot of money. 
  2. It will feature dinosaurs of some description.  

Mark Protosevich has had several meetings with Steven Spielberg to flesh out story ideas. ‘We said it would be a really good idea if it made a lot of money,’ said the writer of Poseidon. ‘We didn’t put an exact figure on it, but it was clear Steven thought lots of money would be great. John Sayles had offered a story line which didn’t explicitly have anything to do with making a lot of money and although it was an interesting idea we dropped it in the end, preferring the idea of making money.’

Spielberg also insisted according to Protosevich that dinosaurs be included in the plot. ‘I did a draft, just a treatment really, where I used Rhinos, another with librarians, pebbles, small churches, really large mice, bubble wrap, olives. Steven listened patiently for like an hour, then he leaned forward and said something like “try dinosaurs”. All of a sudden the whole thing made sense. Just like that. That’s why he’s Steven Spielberg, I guess.’

Jurassic World will be released in June 2015.

SCHINDLER’S LIST, A ‘TRUE STORY’ CLAIMS EXPERT

Famous and accomplished film director, Steven Spielberg has come under attack from Princeton University history professor Dr. Marcus Grumble who claims in his new book Copycat: How Spielberg Robbed History that the 1941 filmmaker stole the story lines of many of his most famous films from reality.
Dr. Grumble even goes so far as to claim that Oscar winning masterpiece Schindler’s List is nothing more than a copy of stuff that actually happened, but with actors pretending to be people who they are really not.
Speaking in the pipe smoke filled office in the leafy confines of frosty academia, Grumble said:

He is a very good film director and I though – when I began my book – a wholly original one. Space aliens and archaeologists whipping people, and what have you. It was to my horror that I discovered that the story behind Schindler’s List was almost entirely taken from reality and Oscar Schindler did in fact exist and save Jews etc. Spielberg even has the audacity to put the real people at the end of his film walking beside the actors. Talk about hiding in plain sight. 

Continuing his investigation, Grumble noticed also that the D-Day landings were an actual event and not a Hollywood set piece devised by Spielberg to show off his new shaky camera. Likewise, he can confirm that Lincoln is not a fictional character and did indeed emancipate the slaves.

The more I dug the more I found out what a fraud and copier Spielberg was. He makes up very little. Amistad? True event. Catch Me If You Can? True story. Munich? Actually happened. Jurassic Park? True. It’s almost as if he’s taking real life stuff, and somehow reproducing it in a dramatic form with people who pretend to be real people who really lived. Spielberg, or Steal-berg as I call him, is no more than a plagiarist of history.

Steven Spielberg refused to be interviewed thus proving everything Dr. Grumble said to be entirely true.