JULIETTE BINOCHE TO STAR IN MOVIE AGAINST 5G

PARIS – Juliette Binoche is to make a film about the evils of 5G.

News from France rumors that Juliette Binoche will star in a film about 5G. Bruno Dumont will direct and write the film which is going to be called Sotisses.

Speaking with the Studio Exec, a source close to the production had this to say:

Everybody is tres scared of the Coronavirus, but some know that the reason behind all that’s happened in 2020 is because of a few individuals. Juliette reads a lot and she has followed the news closely. She believes that the Coronavirus was created in a laboratory by Bill Gates.

Your voice is very familiar. Are you actually Juliette Binoche?

Oh no! C’est ridicule! No, I am her assistant played by Kristen Stewart.

I see. Bill Gates? 

Oui. He created the virus and then he used the 5G towers to transmit it. And now when they have a vaccine they will inject little mignons…

Mignons?

Oui, like in the movie, Despicable Moi. Mignons. Little yellow people into our blood and they will be able to trace us no matter where we go.

Why do they need to do that?

To control us. They going to enslave us. It is very good. I saw this English philosopher and scientist: David Icke on YouTube and he was very convincing.

But he’s crazy!

He used to be a goalkeeper.

So what is the film going to be about?

I play a woman who is infected with the Mignons. And they control my body. And make me do some very funny things. Like Iì’m in a cake shop and I start throwing all these things. What do you call them?

Cakes. 

Yes cakes. Ha ha. Tres drole.

What has this to do with 5G?

I expose the Gates and the Soros and all those people and what it is they are trying to do. Then they start to hunt me down, but the Mignons I have charmed and they are very happy to help me. And then at the end we sing a song. We sing: ‘Too Shy’ by Kajagoogoo.

But Juliette, why are you doing this? We love you. We loved you in Amants du pont neuf, The English Patient and Three Colors Blue. And so many others. Why are you espousing these nutso conspiracy theories?

Perhaps it is the Mignons. Perhaps they are already inside me. How am I talking to you even now? On a phone. Oh my God. It is a 5G network! I knew it.

Sotisses is out in 2022.

THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING AND ZOMBIES

HOLLYWOOD – Universal announce The Unbearable Lightness of Being and Zombies to start filming in the Fall.

Milan Kubdera’s 1984 novel set in Prague in 1968 is the latest property to get a zombie based reboot in The Unbearable Lightness of Being and Zombies. The novel was filmed in 1988 in an acclaimed version starring Juliette Binoche, Lena Olin and Daniel Day Lewis. All three are expected to return to the new movie to play cameos. Daniel Day Lewis telephoned the Studio Exec bungalow last night with the news:

The new film is going to be a lot of fun and we’re going to play zombie versions of our characters who attack the new generation of intellectuals and lovers. We’re only in it briefly.

The official synopsis reads:

Beloved classic of modern literature – The Unbearable Lightness of Being – gets an original new spin when a malfunctioning military satellite sprays the atmosphere with an unknown form of radiation that causes the dead to rise and attack intellectuals in 1960s Prague. Unfaithful surgeon Tomas and his photographer wife Tereza must unite with Tomas’ lover Sabina in order to fight of the hordes of reanimated corpses that infest Prague as the government uses the undead infestation as an excuse to crack down on dissidents.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being and Zombies will be released in 2017.