5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT GAME OF THRONES

HOLLYWOOD – On the eve of the third season premier of Game of Thrones, let the amazing fact dragon Studio Exec breathe a fire of purifying non-fiction into your Hordor-shaped head, dispelling the enchantments of myth concerning the HBO masterpiece of televisual umphka-ba-rumph.

Let the Game of Thrones FACTS commence:

1 The Game of Thrones television series is an adaptation of Danish crime drama Spil af Troner which starred Mads Mikkelsen as a weary alcoholic police inspector, who was weary and alcoholic until a young girl is murdered and then he’s weary and alcoholic and searching for a killer in the white wastes of Northern Denmark.

2 The writer George R.R. Martin is the great grandson of J.R.R. Tolkien, but when an English gentleman has a baby with a dirty Yankie scullion maid (as Grandma Martin then was) offspring are legally allowed to keep only the middle initials. 

3 In adapting the books for the screen, writers changed many names to give the material a more realistic grittier feel. The Banstickitons were changed to the Lannisters; Biggus Dickus was changed to Little Finger and Portcullisarian Ephmayllindyoniousi was changed to Ned Stark. 

4 Peter Jackson has consistently embarrassed himself by publicly praising the use of forced perspective and motion capture to create Peter Dinklage’s character Tyrion Lannister, or the Imp. 

5 The dragons are all from Romania. Seventeen dragons are used in total even though there are only three dragon characters. This is due to Romania’s strict labor laws for mythical creatures, which means any one dragon can only work for four hours a day.

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

GAME OF THRONES PREQUEL WILL SHOW GEORGE RR MARTIN STEALING JRR TOLKIEN’S INITIALS

WESTEROS – Details of the new Game of Thrones prequel have emerged.

George RR Martin and Jane Goldman have revealed one of the main story-lines for the Games of Thrones prequel. Martin came into the Studio Exec bungalow this morning to drink some mead.

So the idea is we’re going right back to the beginning to the late thirties, England. JRR Tolkien is sitting in his study napping when … what’s this? … a svelt looking George Martin sneaks into the Oxford don’s office and steals his initials.

His initials?game of thrones

And his notes.

Wow!

I know. Then we return to Middle Westeros thousands of years before the beginning of the original series and we see the creation of that world. We find out about the dragons and the Hobbits and the …

Hobbits?

Okay maybe not Hobbits. People say I steal from Tolkien but that’s just not true. Sure, we’ve all been inspired by him, but I would never try and just rip something off. I don’t have Orcs, I don’t have Ents. I don’t have a magic ring. So it’s totally different.

George RR Martin’s The Millmarillion will show on HBO.

PETER JACKSON TO REBOOT LORD OF THE RINGS

HOBBITON – Following the universally despised The Hobbit Trilogy, Peter Jackson reveals he is to return once more to Middle Earth to realize his dream project: a complete reboot of The Lord of the Rings.

If you thought you’d seen the last of Middle Earth, think again as Peter Jackson is currently preparing a remake of his own trilogy.

The Lovely Bones director swung round the Studio Exec Hobbit Hole to speak EXCLUSIVELY about the project:

I was finishing up the last effects shots of The Hobbit and we’d been in discussions about what to do next. Fran reminded me of the Tin Tin film, but frankly I haven’t heard from Steven since 2013, so I think we’ve both decided to write that one off. Then it came to me why not go back to the Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring.

A remake?

Yes. I’m very proud of those films, but re-watching them I realize there’s so much that I had to leave out.

Like Tom Bombadil?

Exactly like Tom Bombadil. There’s a whole musical number to be done there. Look at the start of The Hobbit. We kept the music in that film and I think everyone can see that it really worked. Not to mention the fact that there’s a whole generation who have yet to see them. And who wants to see an old man like Orlando Bloom when we can get Andrew Garfield in. We can show these films 25,000 frames per second and in 3D IMAX.

Will there be any significant changes?

As I say the originals do hold up, but I’m going to divide them into three films each, because there’s a lot of material in the appendices. And who doesn’t love appendices?

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship will be released in 2018 with Lord of the Rings: Of the Ring due in 2019. 

PETER JACKSON ADMITS THE HOBBIT WAS SH*T

WELLINGTON – Peter Jackson just admitted that The Hobbit films were absolutely sh*t.

In a revealing DVD extra documentary Peter Jackson comes clean about making of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug and The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies. An obviously emotional Jackson speaks candidly about the process of making the Tolkien trilogy:

When Guillermo del Toro dropped out of The Hobbit, I had to step and I didn’t have the time to prepare for the shoot that I had had for Lord of the Rings. We had a three year pre-production on Lord of the Rings and here I was straight in to shooting 21 hour days and trying to catch up on everything as I went along and I have to say I was winging it. I mean the reason we ended up doing three movies was essentially because I need time to think, so it was like when you don’t know what to say next so you just go erm erm erm erm erm until something pops into your head. Desolation of Smaug was my erm.

But come on Peter the films were well liked. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.

The films weren’t liked. Even the people who liked them didn’t really like them. It was like a form of self-hypnosis. The critics saw through them pretty well. And I rewatched them all recently and I have to say, they are all sh*t.

That’s very strong.

Not just sh*t, they’re unwatchable garbage marathons. Festering piles of digitally manipulated cat turd, laced with tedious word blancmanges in a CGI universe of stunning mediocrity. It’s drivel, appalling, filth, vomit and dribble. Abhorrent, boring, dumb, fantasy ass wash.

But…

Steaming great piles of undigested Tolkien farts. Complete and utter bollocks.

The frame rate…

F*ck the frame rate. It just made the moronic, inept, dreadful, hopeless, violent stupidity all the more clear for everyone to see. Oh but it was bad. Oh so so bad.

Peter Jackson’s Silmarillion: The Unexpected First Age will be released in 2019.

 

JEFF BRIDGES SIGNS UP FOR TOM BOMBADIL

WELLINGTON – Peter Jackson’s post-Hobbit project, The Adventures of Tom Bombadil, seems to be confirmed as Jeff Bridges announces his next project will be to star as the Tolkien forest dweller and mushroom muncher.

Speaking from his Malibu home, Jeff Bridges said that he was ‘looking forward to entering the world of Middle Earth and inhabiting a much loved but sadly neglected character.’

Bridges went on to say:

I spoke with Peter Jackson over the phone and we had this long conversation about the way Tom should look and how he behaves. We think he should be a laid back ‘Dude’ if you will. You know chilling in the forest. Strumming on a Middle Earth type of guitar. “It’ll be a stretch for me,” I told Peter “but I’ll see what I can do.” The other thing that really excites me is the musical element, and Pete is really keen to make this the first full blown musical set in Middle Earth.

The soundtrack is currently being written, as we speak, by Kanye West, although Bridges said:

There’s going to be a lot of trash talk and drugs speak but I’ll be insisting on putting a bit of country in there as well. I loved what I did with Crazy Heart and I would love to do some more. We’ve got a version of ‘Mr. Tambourine Man’ which will be far out.

Jackson himself has long talked about the movie as a dream project. He spoke to the Studio Exec on the phone:

Cutting Bombadil out of The Fellowship of the Ring was one of the hardest decisions of my career. I knew that he was a much loved character because I loved him as well. But the fact of the matter is that Tom Bombadil is an anti-narrative element. He slows everything down to his own pace. He sings endless songs and goes off into reveries and doesn’t seem to be fully there. By giving him his own movie we’ll give him a lot of space to do that and this is also going to be the greenest of all the Middle Earth movies.

Are there any other Middle Earth movies in the pipeline?

I don’t think so though I’d dearly love to see The Silmarillion brought to the big screen. I did write a treatment, but when we looked at the story and the epic breadth of it, I soon realized this would have to be at least fifteen movies.

The first installment of The Adventures of Tom Bombadil: I Hate the Eagles is due out, December 2016.

GAME OF THRONES GUIDE FOR NOVICES

WESTEROS – So everyone has been talking about Game of Thrones and now Season 5 is on and you’ve not watched, or read the 23,467 pages of the George RR Martin novels Songs of Fire and Ice.

Especially for you the Studio Exec FACT squad has prepared a quick catch up guide so you won’t look like a complete fool as you watch the new Season of Game of Thrones with your ‘friends’.

1.  When watching the character called the Imp (Peter Dinklage) DO say ‘He’s my favorite’; DON’T say ‘Elijah Wood’s aged.’

2. If there is a scene of sexiness DON’T say ‘I didn’t know this was porn’; DO say ‘What a refreshing take on Tolkienesque fantasy tropes!’

3. If you really like a character and storyline DON’T say ‘wow this is an interesting storyline and fascinating character’; DO say ‘They’re going to die horribly’.

4. When watching an apparently unrelated story taking place somewhere hot involving someone called Daenerys Targaryen, DON’T say ‘This bit is dull’; DO say ‘What a lovely pair of dragons!’

5. When confused by the mass of characters, the number of strange almost normal names, the weird places, the way everything seems to be happening but nothing ever actually happens, the apparent arbitrariness of the plot and the endless, endless wandering about, DON’T say ‘This is bullshit’; DO say ‘what a wonderfully complex almost Tolstoyan reinvention of the fantasy genre’.

For more FACTS click HERE.

FRACKING TO BEGIN IN HOBBITON

MIDDLE EARTH – An application to start a ‘fracking‘ operation in Hobbiton to exploit natural resources of Shale has has been provisionally approved by the Hobbiton and West Farthing Regional Authority.

The application has been hotly disputed by local environmental groups who believe that the open cast mining technique which release gases by pneumatically pummeling the earth is environmentally unsound and can even cause earthquakes. 

Sam Gamgee head of the ‘Frack Off Out Of It! Campaign’ spoke to the Studio Exec earlier today:

It’s just not right, is it? I didn’t walk all the way to Mordor and back for this. They’ve used this technique in Moria and in those lands in the East but it has no place, round here and people won’t stand for it. Imagine what it’ll do to the crop!

However, Pippin is a strong supporter of hydraulic fracturing (or fracking for short) and is one of the signatories of the application.

What people don’t understand or refuse to understand is that fracking is actually environmentally beneficial. Natural gas released from the Shale is a much cleaner source of energy than the wood burning and coal burning that currently is responsible for heating 80% of the homes in the Shire. Not to mention the fact that the drilling operation will create hundreds of jobs and some much needed investment in an area which has been stagnant for way too long.

What do you think? Please feel free to COMMENT your head off, in the box provided below. 

BREAKFAST WITH ASSHOLES: 25. PETER JACKSON

WELLINGTON – Today in an intimate conversation with Studio Exec, Peter Jackson revealed his longing to move on from the works of Tolkien on completion his The Hobbit quadrology.

‘I’ve been working on J.R.R. Tolkien for almost fifteen years,’ Mr King Kong said. ‘With the making of The Hobbit trilogy six of my films will have been based on Tolkien’s work, seven if you count The Lovely Bones. So I’m really looking forward to wrapping up The Hobbit, so I can go on to fresh horizons and new challenges. Hell there’s a whole world of literature out there.’

So what do you have lined up?

The Silmarillion. 

But…

Which of course we won’t be able to do justice to in just one movie, so we’re thinking of splitting it up into four, no five, no six films. Nine movies tops.

Isn’t that another…

And then I’m going to make a stand alone Tom Bombadil movie. People were saying they missed Tom Bombadil in the Lord of the Rings, but really I didn’t think we could do justice to the singing and dancing hippy by having him just be there as a bit. So he’s gonna get his own musical. With all those wonderful songs.

So more Tolkien?

Come again?

J.R.R. Tolkien? Wrote the books?

I haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about. Anyway, busy busy. I just found out Tolkien wrote a few shopping lists and a letter to his landlady about her cat doing his business in the back garden.

The Silmarillion will be released in 2018 and for all the Breakfasts CLICK HERE..