JOSS WHEDON TO DIRECT HORRIBLE BOSSES 3

HOLLYWOOD – In the publicity wake of his interview where he spoke out against accusations of bullying and abuse, Joss Whedon is to direct Horrible Bosses 3. The Avengers and Buffy helmer has announced he will be writing the script based on his own ‘experiences’. The Exec sat down to talk with the controversial director about his latest project.

Joss Whedon To Direct Horrible Bosses 3? How did that come about?

If you print anything bad about me, I’ll destroy whatever pathetic career you have. Got it?

Woah There Joss! I Just Asked You A Civil Question.

What? Oh, you must have mis-heard me. I didn’t say anything bad. I guess it’s understandable, English isn’t your first language.

Yes It Is. I’m English. It’s The Only Language I Speak.

I’ll speak slowly so you understand, comprende? What a f**king idiot. Who thought it was a good idea for you to interview me?

I Can Understand Every Word You’re Saying Joss. And It’s Recording. I Can Play It Back To You.

You didn’t say this was going to be recorded, you devious hack. What kind of game are you playing here?

I’m Trying To Interview You. Of Course It’s Recorded. I Want To Ask You About Horrible Bosses 3.

That? I don’t where they got the idea I would be suitable to write and direct this but I’ll give it a go. I’m just going to write about all the times I’ve ever had healthy disagreements with actors. It’ll be really funny. I’ll write about how funny it is when I threaten their careers, shout them down on set in front of the whole crew. I’ll show that really I’m just a good guy who has been misunderstood. Misunderstood by pretty much everyone I’ve ever worked with. They all think I’m an asshole.

Who Are You Going To Cast?

To be honest with you, I’m having trouble getting in touch with actors and their management. They’re all real busy I guess as they never return any of my calls. How crazy is that?

‘Horrible Bosses 3: Aint I A Stinker’ Is Currently In Development

5 THINGS WRONG WITH THE JUSTICE LEAGUE

HOLLYWOOD – The Justice League hit theaters and was immediately hailed as a masterpiece of its genre.

The New York Times called it ‘The Casablanca of Superhero movies’ and Variety said ‘Eat your heart out Christopher Nolan.’

But – as rebellious as ever – The Studio Exec is not fully convinced.

So here are our five minor problems with Zach Snyder/ Joss Whedon’s new movie:

1. It’s shit.

2. Everyone looks tired and depressed. First, Ben Affleck looks like they CGIed Ryan Reynolds head onto Dave Bautista’s body. Second, Amy Adams looks like she’s performing under duress. As if someone is just off camera with a cattle prod, blocking the exit. She looks so bored and they used a crayon to color in her hair. Then Diane Lane is too obviously happy just to get work. Finally, Gal Gadot looks confused that she can be in such a bad film after having been in such a good one. Weirdly, Henry Cavill shines.

3. The film is as visually interesting as an infomercial. As much as I hated Batman V Superman and Man of Steel, those films had a certain visual pomposity that was compelling. Here, not only is the CGI like mid-90s Star Trek, but every shot, hero entrance, etc etc looks like a rush job for a poorly funded advertising agency. Take the iconic moment towards the end where Clark Kent becomes Superman. It looked like a TV advert featuring Superman. Nothing momentous happens.

In rushing to be the Avengers, they threw out the epic with the dourness.

4. Which leads us to: the humor wasn’t funny. It’s like sitting at a wedding reception with that guy who is really funny and then someone else tries to go toe to toe with them, but they don’t have the material. Unfunny humor isn’t just not funny, it is deeply depressing. They label every joke ‘JOKE’. The Flash (Ezra Miller) is annoying. Really annoying. It is like they took Zach Snyder’s sense of humor and mixed it with Joss Whedon’s visual flair. And that line is funnier than anything in the movie.

5. The Avengers. Anything DC does feels like catch up. And that’s a pity. Aquaman sounds like Thor, Superman like Captain America, Batman like Tony Stark, Flash like Peter Parker. The getting the team together to beat a CGI thing with the blue light from the sky and the cubes… whatever. Do we really want anymore universes? What was a neat idea ten years ago is beginning to look lazy bloated franchise think. Isn’t it time to finally give up?

 For more FACTS click here.

JOSS WHEDON: ‘NEXT AVENGERS MOVIE WILL BE A NOVEL’

SAN DIEGO – Marvel have announced that the next Avengers movie will be a novel, Joss Whedon revealed at Comic Con today.

Joss Whedon spoke to a packed hall about his current projects and his changing relationship with Marvel:

This is a totally different approach to the cinema experience. We came to a conclusion that no one was really happy with what happened to Avengers: Age of Ultron, so we decided that the next time we were going to do it different and that’s where the idea of the novel came in.

As well as writing the novel, Whedon will be designing the cover:

After all, cinema is a visual medium so it’s important to have an attractive cover and twelve color illustrations. The audience will be given a copy of the novel as they enter the cinema. Then they’ll sit there and read it until they’re done. The 3D version will involve pop up illustrations and the IMAX experience will be available for the visually impaired. This is pushing technology in a way we haven’t seen since… I honestly don’t know.

The Avengers in the Rye will be released in 2019.

EXCLUSIVE: JOSS WHEDON’S MYSPACE PAGE

HOLLYWOOD – Joss Whedon returns to the social media circus with a new MySpace page.

The internet has been in mourning for two days since Joss Whedon militant feminist and Avengers Age of Ultron director abandoned twitter, but today our dedicated Joss Whedon FACT squad were able to reveal EXCLUSIVELY that he is in fact hiding on MySpace.

Our resident tech expert Sharron Pattern ate Cheetos and said:

My God, I haven’t seen one of these since the late nineties! The workmanship is beautiful. Looking at the ancient markings.

Can you tell us what it is Sharron?

It is an archaic social media platform from the very beginning of the internet. The actual origins are lost in the mists of time, but some say young people used to use this around the time the cuneiform alphabet was in use. Whedon has gone into the deep net. Possibly to avoid criticism, possibly as part of a new film project. We do know that there are Lovecraft-like horrors living in the lower depths of MySpace. Maybe he’s going for that.

Joss Whedon’s new film MySpace in the Woods will be released in 2016. 

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor

AVENGERS AGE OF ULTRON: REVIEW

AVENGERS AGE OF ULTRON: REVIEW – The Avengers return in Joss Whedon’s slick screwball comedy.

Crash, Bang, Wallop – what a picture! There’s wit – fan service – action scenes and other stuff, but to be honest I’m getting a bit tired of Marvel and superhero pictures in general. There’s nothing wrong with the picture. Far from it. The gang are back together and fighting Hydra in some snowy mittel-European Ruritania, providing The Avengers with a nice ‘elsewhere’ setting in some exciting punch ’em up scenes: the hero shot comes early! And then we have a glowing blue doo-hah which must be protected because it’s so powerful. But Tony Stark/Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.) can’t help but fiddle with it in an attempt to create an artificial intelligence defense system which would effectively render the Avengers obsolete.  Oopsy-daisy! Ultron turns into a super villain intent on wiping out humanity.

Despite the clear intelligence of Whedon as a filmmaker, his actually characters are whoppingly stupid, none more so than the ‘genius’ Stark, who frankly gets off incredibly lightly for his potentially genocidal error. There’s some soap opera with the Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) and Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson). Thor (Chris Hemsworth) and Captain America (Chris Evans) grab some of the funniest lines, proving that occasionally it’s the straight men who can snatch the laughs when the self-knowing wit of RDJ grows wearisome. Elizabeth Olsen, Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Paul Bettany are new heroes, the former seems to be spending this phase of her career tripping through rubble (see also Godzilla).

So it’s fun and all that. But I can’t say I care as much as perhaps I’m led to believe by score etc. that I should. I don’t care about Hulk and Black Widow. I’m unconvinced by the moral conundrums, when no one seems to want to take responsibility for their actions. Doctor Banner is supposed to be the conscience of the group but after he wreaks havoc through a city center his only solution seems to be to run away. And perhaps I’m weighed down by the prospect of another two Russo brothers directed movies: The Avengers: Infinity Wars Parts One and Two, but I’m beginning to suffer from a genuine fatigue with this sort of thing, regardless of its quality. It’s going to go the way of the Western. There are simply too many and no matter how good an individual film might be – and this is a stand out entry – there are only so many times you can watch a city destroyed, a blue doo-dah purloined, a bunch of costumed sociopaths ruminate on morality before you begin to think it might be time for the whole sub-fascist circus to be wrapped up and put away.

For more Reviews CLICK HERE.

JOSS WHEDON PLEDGES UP-TO-DATE SEXISM

HOLLYWOOD- Joss Whedon has promised postmodern sexism in his new film Avengers: Age of Ultron, released world wide.

The Buffy the Vampire Slayer creator spoke exclusively with The Studio Exec:

If there’s one thing I hate in modern movies it’s when they have that lazy 70s sexism. I first noticed it in the clip we saw of Jurassic World but once you see it, it’s like f*cking beards, you see them everywhere. Chris Pratt is the force of nature and Dr. up-tight is needs a laminated itinerary to go on a date. There’ll be a scene later on where he takes her glasses off and unpins her hair to let it fall free. It’s crazy.

So you would stop sexism?

Oh God no. Are you high? Who would want that? No, we can’t stop it, we just have to update it. Look at my new film – competing directly with Jurassic World for publicity at the moment coincidentally – Avengers: Age of Ultron. It’s an amazing superhero adventure with a diverse cast including a white male billionaire, a white/green male scientist with anger issues, a white male archer and a white male Nordic looking thunder god and a hot chick with a fantastic ass. I mean you should see it.

But how is that not sexist?

Because it’s ironic and knowing.

A ha.

And Scarlett Johannson knows she’s sexy and she isn’t uptight or anything. She’s going yeah, I’m sexy but I’m also equal. And God, she scores well with all the demographic data we get.

That’s fantastic.

I know. Being sexist is fantastic and profitable. You just have to be clever and cast Scarlett Johansson or Gwyneth Paltrow. It won’t work with Megan Fox.

Avengers Age of Ultron will be released this week.

STEVE JOBS TO STAR IN AVENGERS AGE OF ULTRON

HOLLYWOOD – Former Apple chief and certified genius Steve Jobs will have role in Marvel’s Avengers Age of Ultron, Idris Elba revealed today.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, Elba confided:

I can’t say too much because I’m already in hot water with Joss Whedon and Kevin Feige for shooting my mouth off. However, if you promise not to tell anyone I can tell you about the surprise star of the film, Steve Jobs.

Wow!

Yeah. Steve has been taken up by Ultron (James Spader) and his death faked and he’s been helping Ultron and his plans for world and indeed inter-galactic domination.

Who plays Jobs?

What do you mean who plays Jobs? Jobs. It’s Steve Jobs. The actual guy.

I don’t understand.

Just the same way Ultron faked Steve’s death, so Kevin Feige and the cats at Marvel did the exact same thing for the real Jobs and now he’s paying them back by appearing in the latest Avengers. This will be the best resurrection since Jesus or at least Bobby Ewing.

That’s whack!

I know. But Marvel is now an all powerful organisation.

So Jobs is like an evil henchman?

At the beginning yes. He’s like the brainy guy, but what he really does is take all of Ultron’s original ideas and spins them from a design point of view and then takes all the credit. Like in the trailer when Ultron says ‘No strings on me’, Steve gives him that line. He is a branding genius.

How does Steve feel about Christian Bale pulling out of the Aaron Sorkin scripted biopic?

That was all Steve’s doing. You see he has always wanted to play himself in the film, so he would appear at Christian’s bedside every night growling and cursing until Bale gave in. Now Steve will appear, but for the sake of secrecy they’ll say it’s Daniel Day Lewis or Michael Fassbender. Steve’s psyched about the movie because he loves Seth Rogen.

Avengers Age of Ultron will be released in 2015.

 

AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON WILL FEATURE THE THUNDERCATS

HOLLYWOOD – It isn’t due out until 2015 but the sequel to the mega-successful Avengers is already lighting up the rumor bots across the Internets and one major news story has come to light: Avengers: Age of Ultron will meet up with the Thundercats.

Joss Whedon – long-time fan of the Japanese/American animated series from the 1980s – was initially involved in the feature film reboot which was put on indefinite hold last year, but with Marvel having published a series of comics based on the series, it seemed to Whedon that it would be a perfect fit. Lion-O and pals Cheetara, Panthro and Snarf humanoid feline aliens from the planet Thundera would it seems team up with Iron Man, Captain America, the Incredible Hulk, Thor, Jeremy Renner and Scarlett Johansson. Scarlett Johansson. Scarlett…

This also gives Marvel the opportunity of making a slew of stand alone films featuring the various Thundercats characters, the first of which – Lion-O – is likely to go into production later this year with Kenneth Branagh both starring and ‘directing’.

While some fans will moan and bitch about the series having absolutely nothing to do with each other and that this is woefully misguided violation of the integrity of what they call ‘the Marvel Universe’, Marvel studio heads have responded by making ca-ching noises and waving hundred dollar bills at fans while they drive past in their souped up Ferraris.

Avengers: Age of Ultron is due for release in 2015.

JJ ABRAMS SIGNS ON TO DIRECT JAMES BOND AND AVENGERS 2

JJ Abrams 

HOLLYWOOD – News came in yesterday that JJ Abrams has signed on to direct the next James Bond as well as The Avengers 2. The man who thought the final episode of Lost was ‘neat’ said, ‘I’m going to be busy. I’m directing Star Trek Into Darkness and the next Star Wars episode, but I’d like to put my stamp on the 007 franchise and the Marvel universe.’
Fellow director and arch-nemesis Joss Whedon said that Abrams ‘is power crazy. He won’t be happy until he’s taken over the world. He’s already got Mission Impossible and Star Trek and Star Wars and now he’s going to have all these other things as well. If I was Peter Jackson, I’d hold onto my Hobbits as tightly as I legally can.’
When we put Mr Whedon’s objections to Abrams, he swivelled round in his high-backed throne and continued slowly stroking his white cat.

That’s a very interesting point of view. But surely these are the ponderings of a paranoid mad man. I am simply interested in promoting the use of camera flares wherever I go. Soon camera flares will be everywhere. EVERYWHERE I SAY! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Live and Let Lens Flare will be released in 2015.