CHRISTOPHER NOLAN WON’T DIRECT JENGA

HOLLYWOOD – The next film by Christopher Nolan will not be Jenga, despite an announcement earlier this week.

It looks like Jenga won’t be the next film Christopher Nolan directs. ‘It’s very sad,’ says brother and screenwriter Jonathan. ‘Everything seemed to be in place. I was working on the script, the money looked good. Our sisters were going to do the soundtrack and Liam Neeson was on speed dial. But then we were adjusting one little piece – I think it was hiring the gaffer – and the whole thing came crashing down around our ears and onto the kitchen floor.’

It had seemed like the perfect fit for Nolan, whose interest in puzzles and mazes is now legendary.

‘It’s multi-layered with lots of different levels; like some kind of vertical jigsaw,’ Nolan stated when news of the project first broke.

A close source to the director said that he was in his room ‘weeping bitterly’ and refusing to come out.

Hasbro, who own the rights to the game, have hurriedly suggested any number of other possibilities but rival company Mattel is also offering Ker-Plunk! as a possible alternative. But Nolan is keeping quiet about what his next project might be. 

Buckaroo is in theaters.

RADICAL DEPARTURE AS WESTWORLD SEASON 4 TO MAKE SENSE

HOLLYWOOD – HBO’s hit show Westworld is to make sense for its final season.

Breaking with tradition, Westworld makers today declared that the show will do something totally new in its fourth season: make sense. The last season saw a precipitous drop in viewing figures, which had already fallen after a successful first season. Although the series received praise for its spectacular design, the convoluted plot caused some consternation. ‘Like trying to eat spaghetti with a paperclip,’ the Guardian wrote. ‘Er, what?’ the New York Times agreed. Even star Ed Harris found his face permanently etched with worry lines as he sought to make sense of it all.

Jonathan Nolan and Lisa Joy sat down with Studio Exec to talk Westworld.

So what can we expect from the coming season?

JN: The first and most obvious thing is we’re going to make the show much easier to understand.

LJ: We both knew that when we watched the episodes of season 3, we had gone too far. They were just so hard to follow. What does Maeve want? Who is Dolores again?

JN: That was the biggest problem. We were asking these questions and we’d written the show.

So it’s going to be simplified.

LJ: Absolutely. We’re going to have the villains clearly delineated. And people aren’t going to have these weird backstories that are suddenly revealed.

JN: We have such great actors working on the show, and we just give them this gobbledigook exposition to spout. I mean, Vincent Cassel. Did you know who he was supposed to be?

Great that sound super. 

LJ: What we want to do is reveal and I suppose this is a spoiler but anyway, we’re going to reveal that the audience are all hosts, basically.

Wait. What?

JN: This is the extra layer we needed. Can you imagine people’s faces when they realize we built them so they can watch the show?

Westworld Season 4 arrives in 2021.

WESTWORLD SEASON 3 WILL INCLUDE DINOSAURS

HOLLYWOOD – Westworld Season 3 to feature dinosaurs.

Westworld Season 2 is over, but season 3 is already in production and Jonathan Nolan and Lisa Joy popped into the Studio Exec bungalow to spill the beans.

JN: So far we’ve seen Westworld and Shogun World, but we know there are other parks.

LJ: We also saw the Raj.

JN: Oh, yeah I always forget about that one.

So what does the next season have in store?

LJ: So the next season we want to greatly expand. The idea is that the Hosts escape the island. But they find themselves on another island. An island where dinosaurs have been brought back from extinction.

JN: People were so busy asking if they could do it, no one bothered to ask if they should do it.

LJ: So Jurassic World…

But there’s already a film called Jurassic World.

JN: There is?

Two. 

LJ: It doesn’t matter. It’s not like a world anyway. It’s more like a park.

JN: Yeah, a wildlife park. So we can call it Jurassic Park. 

But there’s…

JN: WHAT?

Sorry. 

JN: Already a film?

Three.

LJ: It doesn’t matter. It has nothing to do with what we’re doing. No one will ever connect the two.

They’re both based on properties written by Michael Crichton.

LJ: Fuck you Exec!

JN: You shitty little cockwomble.

Westworld Season 3 will be on HBO in 2019.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT WESTWORLD

HOLLYWOOD – Don’t know anything at all about Westworld?

Okay. The Studio Exec FACT squad has entered the park where cowboys and slatterns exchange quips and bullets. What could possibly go wrong?

One. The original pilot for the series written and directed by Michael Crichton featured Dinosaurs but it was decided that it would be too expensive.

Two. Rachel Evans Wood, who plays Delores, spent six months being a robot to prepare for the role. She even learned the ‘robotics’ dance style. Later, she said that learning to dance like a robot had been ‘a complete fucking waste of time’.

Three. Anthony Hopkins is almost certainly a robot who killed Arnold and took on his role. Or someone else is a robot.

Four. The sex scenes were the first thing that Jonathan Nolan and Lisa Joy wrote. And then they built the story around them.

Five. The weird British guy has to die. And the weird lesbian. How did they sneak the weird lesbian into the show? At one point did they think we’ll get a lesbian in, but let’s make her weird, because you know, she’s a lesbian?

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

 

HOW TO WRITE A SCREENWRITING: PART 1. INTRODUCTION

HOW TO WRITE A SCREENWRITING – Is a new feature that will lead you through the process of  writing a screenplay in the tradition of the great gurus Robert McKee, Syd Field and Damon Lindelof.

Part 1. Story – camera – action.

A man walks into a room. That’s a story! A woman eats a peach that’s too big for her small mouth. That’s a story! A dog has worms and keeps rubbing its rear end on your new carpet. That’s not a story. You just need to take the dog to the vet and buy a new carpet. The point is we are surrounded by story. Story is everywhere. It is in the food you eat, on television, in the newspapers, in the conversation of your co-workers. Story is the warp and woof (there’s that dog again) of life, the rich tapestry from whence we all come, the undiscovered country to whence we all go.

But how do I write a story? Which story should I choose? What story do people want to hear? And what’s the difference between a story in a book and a story in a building?

All these questions will be answered in this 23 part on line course on How to Write a Screenwriting. Whether you want to be the next J.K Rowling and die under the weight of all the money, or you want to be the next Charlie Kaufman and die under the weight of everyone going ‘what?’, How to Write a Screenwriting is the ONLY online resource you need as a screenwriter who wants to write a screenwriting.

Of course writing is not easy. Look at the title to this whole course that I’m writing. Have you looked? Okay, the more perceptive among you will have noticed that there is something not quite right, something that the unkind might refer to as ‘wrong’.  Of course, I wanted to write ‘How to Write a Screenplay’ but I was also thinking of ‘A Guide to Screenwriting’ and so accidentally I wrote ‘How to write a Screenwriting’, erroneously combining to the two titles because I was hungry and I was thinking about dinner – I’m thinking lasagna specifically. So do I go back and change it? NO. Why not? Well, for one thing it’s more work. But the more important reason is that LIFE DEPENDS ON MISTAKES.

Think about it.

All multi-cellular life comes from errors in replication of DNA. If there weren’t any errors, if everything was perfect, then no evolution. No evolution then no complexity; no complexity, then no us. No us, no cinema. No cinema and we’re out of a Goddamned job, just because the asshole DNA worked too damned well. Perfection is the death of life and the death of story. Do you think Jonathan and Christopher Nolan wanted to write Memento? No, they just kept forgetting the story-line and had to keep going back. Do you think Larry McMurty wanted Brokeback Mountain to be a heart-breaking gay love story? No, the original novel has the two cowboys fighting but a slip of the pen and fellatio as all over the page! Do you think Quentin Tarantino meant to write The Hateful Eight? No, his original screenplay was supposed to be called The Careful Eight, but one accidental slip of the fingers and suddenly he has to write something violent to justify the wrong title.

You NEED to make mistakes. And I promise you if you follow this EXCLUSIVE online Screenwriting course, you will be making tons of them.

MEMENTO REMAKE WILL BE BASED ON GUY PEARCE’S TATTOOS

HOLLYWOOD – The new Memento remake is to be based entirely on Guy Pearce’s tattoos.

News came in today that the amnesia-based thriller, Memento, directed by Christopher Nolan, will be remade, taking as its source the tattoos on Guy Pearce. In the original film, Guy Pearce played Leonard Shelby a man who has a memory span of twenty minutes and must search for the killer of his wife. The remake of the film will be based on the tattoos that Pearce, a notorious method actor, had actually tattooed on his own body when he made the film. Christopher Nolan’s Memento is to be remade. The script will be based on the tattoos that Guy Pearce got when he played Leonard Shelby, a man who has a memory span of twenty minutes. He must search for the killer of his wife. The original film was based on the short story by Nolan’s brother Jonathan Nolan. The film was made by Christopher Nolan in 2000. It is going to be remade. The remake will be based on the tattoos that actor Guy Pearce got in order to play Leonard Shelby in the original movie. Nolan told the Studio Exec:

We said to Guy we can get them done by a great make up artist, but Guy insisted on doing his own. Some with a proper tattoo gun and others he did like a prison tattoo with a needle and a biro. It was intense.

Christopher Nolan made Memento in 2000. It stars Guy Pearce as Leonard Shelby, a man with a twenty minute memory span who must search for the killer of his wife. It is to be remade. I’ve forget why.

Memento will be remade in 2016.

CHRISTOPHER NOLAN ANNOUNCES NEW PROJECT: JENGA

LONDON – Christopher Nolan has chosen his follow up to the Dark Knight Rises: Jenga: the Motion Picture.

Nolan announced his decision in a written statement on beautiful velvety paper (lightly lemon scented) which read:

Ciao world!

I have decided after much consideration to follow up my wonderful Interstellar with a film which will be even more epic and even more personal. It is to be entitled Jenga and before you ask, oh, just like the wooden block puzzle game!? I shall say, exactly like that. In fact, it is identical to it. The film will be scripted by my brother Jonathan and scored by my sisters, Denise, Linda, Coleen and Bernadette with help of Hans Zimmer’s booming trombones.

The story is simplicity itself. A series of interlocking wooden realities are poised to achieve great altitude but the oblong necessities of life pattern require the extraction of rectangular solidity with a fluid and speedy motion, obtaining to the balance of the whole and allowing the sum of the parts to remain the same even as each of those parts in terms of truth value shifts defiantly along a vertical to  table axis. It is a story about balance, architecture, restraint and Michael Caine crying.

I have assembled the most wooden cast I could find, including Jude Law, Ryan Reynolds and Chris Pine, though the latter is purely for punning purposes. Orlando Bloom is also in talks with us.

I know that some will be disappointed by my decision, having kindly compared me to Stanley Kubrick and perhaps expecting me to take on a subject that is deeper, but I should remind such folk that I am a massive genius with a popular touch; a marvelous director, who can take the juvenile stupidity of Batman and create the high art of a Wagnerian opera cycle. I am committed to rendering the popular ephemera of life magical by cinematic art.

Plus Hasbro are going to pay sickeningly large amounts of money.

Signed

Christopher Nolan

Jenga: The Movie is due for release in 2016.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT INTERSTELLAR

HOLLYWOOD – Christopher Nolan’s new science fiction film Interstellar is about to hit our screens but what do we really know about the director’s epic IMAX vision?

The Studio Exec FACT teams is ready to boldly go where Stanley Kubrick has gone before and find out the FACTS about Interstellar!

1. Interstellar is an unofficial sequel to Matthew McConaughey’s 2008 action comedy Fool’s Gold. His character from that film Finn has changed his name to Cooper and has become less free wheeling and more melancholy.

2. Ann Hathaway sung a number of songs during her scenes including When You Wish Upon a Star and another heart-breaking rendition of I Dreamed a Dream, but the songs were cut out because according to screenwriter and brother Jonathan Nolan they ‘were in the wrong film’. Likewise the tiara she wore throughout the film had to be digitally removed in post.

3. A special law was passed in the Senate that will allow Christopher Nolan to stab anyone in the throat who is caught watching the film on their phone/tablet.

4. Although many have commented on the obvious influence of Stanley Kubrick to the look and thematic ambition of the film, Nolan has repeatedly cited Norman Tokar’s The Cat from Outer Space as his main inspiration for the tone of the film.

5. William Devane is in it.

For more MOVIE FACTS Click Here.