DISNEY TO REMAKE THE LION KING AS A CARTOON

HOLLYWOOD – Jon Favreau’s classic live action film The Lion King is to become a cartoon.

Jon Favreau‘s classic 2019 film The Lion King is to get a remake. Disney announced today that it is planning to film a new version of the classic tale as a cartoon. Simba, Mufasa, Scar, Nala, Pumba and Timon will all return. The songs including the hits Hakuna Matata and The Circle of Life by Tim Rice and Elton John will also feature.

Director Roger Allers told the Studio Exec:

We have the utmost respect for Jon Favreau and his team and what they did with the story. In fact, it’s quite daunting to think of following in the footsteps of the guy who made Iron Man 2. But Disney came to us and said, we like this story but do you think it could work as animation? Of course, I was nervous but I tried to hide it. I’ll do my best.

Will you use the same voice actors that Favreau used?

No, absolutely not. Donald Glover undoubtedly made Simba his own and there’s not much we can do to compete with that. So I’d rather try and strike out on my own and present a whole new generation of voices. For instance, Jeremy Irons is thinking of helping us out and the wonderful Matthew Broderick is on board.

Matthew Broderick told the SE:

I’m very excited by this prospect. In a way I feel it’s a return to familiar territory for me.

Because you actually played…

Ferris Bueller! That’s right. And Simba is the same kind of kid as Ferris. He’s witty and breaks the rules. And I can give him that cockiness.

However, not everyone is happy at the prospect. Jon Favreau recently told the New York Times:

This is bullshit. Why can’t they leave well alone. We spent two years creating photorealistic images of big cats and then they’re going to come along and remake it with what? Like drawings? Moving drawings? It’s totally bull crap and I don’t care who knows about it.

The Lion King is due out in 2024.

JON FAVREAU TO DIRECT LIVE ACTION BOJACK HORSEMAN

HOLLYWOOD – Jon Favreau announces live action Bojack Horseman for 2019.

Jungle Book and Lion King director Jon Favreau today announced that a new live action version of Bojack Horseman will be his next project. He spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec about the project.

Yeah, we’ve got Will Arnet and Aaron Paul to reprise their roles and we’re going to use Andy Serkis because apparently you’re not allowed to do anything with motion capture unless Andy is involved.

Why is that?

Fuck knows. It’s a kind of law.

So it’s going to be live action: how will that work?

It’s easy really. We film regular exteriors and interior with the actors, on location or in a studio and then we digitally paint over everything with animation and then we check it with the original until it’s almost exactly like it was on the cartoon. We’re going to be true to the original version as much as possible.

So why make it live action?

I’m not sure. It’s just the way my career is going.

Rough huh?

I honestly thought someone would have picked up Chef 2 by now. I have Anthony Bourdain writing the script, but the fucker’s not returning my calls.

Bojack Horseman will be in cinemas in 2019.

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE FOETUS

HOLLYWOOD – The Latest Texas Chainsaw Massacre film is to go deep into the past. 

Following the success at cinemas this Friday of the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D, Lionsgate have announced a further nineteen films based on the popular abattoir worker/murderer franchise.

‘We think that Leatherface and chums just have so many other stories to tell,’ said Munkus Struttal, Lionsgate CEO. ‘And we’re very eager to cash the cheques and buy the cars and houses that the money those movies earn give us.’

Jon Favreau is directing the first two films in what is already being described as a saga:

We’re going for a Harry Potter style biography of Leatherface from soup to nuts. I’m directing the first two films in the series: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Foetus and Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Baby. In the first film there’s a fantastic scene, kind of like a Caesarian section, which is ironic because the very first chainsaw was designed for exactly that. Not from the inside out though obviously.

Doesn’t the making of sequels of dodgy genre properties represent a dip in your career?

Are you kidding me? After Cowboys and Aliens I’m just glad anybody will hire me. 

 Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Foetus will be released in 2019.

DANIEL CRAIG SAYS NO TO COWBOYS AND ALIENS 2

HOLLYWOOD – Daniel Craig announces that he won’t star in Cowboys and Aliens 2.

It’s official. Cowboys and Aliens 2 – the sequel to the 2011 blockbuster and critical success  Cowboys and Aliens – will not star Daniel Craig. Produce Lou Dobster spoke with Studio Exec:

It’s painful but it seems Daniel has chosen to take another road. We were all excited about the possibility of exploring the Cowboys and Aliens universe and the public were rabid in their demand for a new film. But apparently Daniel has other fish to fry. I’m not sure if there’s another Stieg Larsson book to adapt, or perhaps he wants to be in Steven Soderberg’s new male stripper film. But the result is that he’s not coming back to reprise the role of Jake Lonergan.

You sound upset.

Not for myself but the fans. I know how much they were invested in the film. But it’s wasn’t to be. Now, I’ll have to start making phone calls. The hardest will be Harrison. He’s been phoning me up every single night. When are we going to do it? When? he says. Jon Favreau at least can make Chef 2 or go back to political speech writing, but Harrison … I don’t think he has anything else in his life except Cowboys and Aliens.

Has this got anything to do with Craig’s decision to return as James Bond?

Who’s James Bond?

Cowboys and Aliens 2 will star Hayden Christensen.

JON FAVREAU TAPS RON PERLMAN FOR LION KING

HOLLYWOOD – Sons of Anarchy star Ron Perlman has been chosen by Jon Favreau to star in his live action adaptation of The Lion King.

It’s the circle of life, every item has started with reporting this news, including this one, as Jon Favreau begins to firm up his plans to make The Lion King live action motion picture. Following a suggestion by the Studio Exec, Jon Favreau has confirmed that Ron Perlman will indeed be playing Mufasa, the father of Simba. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Eexec, Favreau had this to say:

I’ve always admired Ron as an actor. He’s a talent who has great presence but at the same time manages to vanish completely into the character. As soon as I saw your tweet I thought, ‘Wow! that’s a great idea’ and I got him on the phone. I asked him if he still had his make up from Beauty and the Beast. He said he did and the deal was done.

As for the rest of the cast, Christopher Walken and Bill Murray are set to return from working with Favreau on The Jungle Book to take the parts of Pumba and Timon.

The Lion King will be released in 2018.

DANIEL CRAIG TO BE PART-TIME 007

HOLLYWOOD – In a ‘turn up for the books’, James bond 007 actor Daniel Craig has revealed that he is to go ‘part-time’ as the most famous British secret agent.

Daniel Craig spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about his decision to dial down his commitment to James Bond.

I’ve been a full time James Bond for eleven years more or less. The hours are killing me. So I talked to Michael Wilson and Barbara Brocoli and we decided that I could ease off a bit.

How does that work?

I’m going to do three days a week and that will leave me more time to write my Scandinavian crime novels, do a bit of gardening and start prepping Cowboys and Aliens and Pirates with Jon Favreau.

Sounds great.

The screenwriters are going to put in a new character called Timmy Mallet and he’ll take up the slack for me. He has a large mallet and hits people on the head with it to hilarious effect.

That explains the title.

Yeah. So I’m sorry Mr. Hiddleston and Mr. Elba. You’re going to have to wait a little while longer.

Bond Meets Mallet will be released in 2018.

MAGNIFICENT SEVEN FANS CONCERNED GLOSSY HOLLYWOOD REMAKE BETRAYS SPIRIT OF ORIGINAL GLOSSY HOLLYWOOD REMAKE

HOLLYWOOD – Fans of The Magnificent Seven have voiced concerns that the new Hollywood remake of the classic film will betray the original 1960 Hollywood remake.

As the first images and trailer dropped of Antoine Fuqua’s new film The Magnificent Seven starring Denzel Washington and Chris Pratt, voices have been raised concerned that the remake will betray the spirit of the original 1960 remake starring Yul Brynner and Steve McQueen.

President of the Magnificent Seven Appreciation Society Johnny Applecart explains:

The untouchable beauty of the original John Sturges film is that it was so new and fresh. You had these wonderful actors at the height of their game and a magnificent score. A brilliant director also. But perhaps more than anything you had the fact that the while film was based on a movie by Akira Kurosawa, The Seven Samurai. So there was this frisson between East and West, high art and popular genre, cowboys and Samurai to quote Jon Favreau.

But doesn’t that just mean that the original was not original?

Yes, but it was not original in an original way. It was taking something from far away and there was a real sense of daring and adventure in that. Here we will be watching a remake of a cowboy film that is also a cowboy film. Watch Battle Beyond the Stars and that’s essentially The Magnificent Seven in space. Robert Vaughn plays essentially the same character. Even the sequels mix it up a bit, but with this new one it just feels like the same thing again with Parks and Rec thrown in.

What do you tihnk about the remake of The Magnificent Seven? Uh huh. Interesting. Now write it in the comments box so we can all enjoy.

HARRISON FORD’S EARRING WRITES TELL ALL MEMOIR

HOLLYWOOD – Han Solo and Indiana Jones star Harrison Ford is facing potential scandal as it was revealed that his earring is writing a scandal crammed memoir about his life with the star.

Harrison Ford’s earring has written a memoir of his life with the star and the Studio Exec has got EXCLUSIVE permission to publish the extracts here.

From Chapter One.

It was an ordinary day in Claire’s Accessories on Lexington Avenue. I’d been poked by a couple of Japanese tourists and discarded by a teenager who – by the ordure from his digits – had just been eating a taco. The other rings and I were gossiping about Tavora, the assistant, when who should walk in but Han Solo and his wife Melissa Mathison. Tavora reads gossip magazines out loud so we recognized the hunk from Force Ten from Navarone immediately. ‘Are you sure about this?’ Melissa asked. ‘Sure,’ Harrison said and without even looking he pointed to me and said ‘That one.’ The piercing was over in a jiffy and Harrison didn’t cry or yelp even. He actually sounded disappointed when he said it didn’t hurt.

From Chapter Six.

The divorce was difficult for all of us. I liked Clarissa, I really did and I do. But you have to understand the position I was in. I mean Harrison never took me out. I heard all the sweet nothings, the moans, the passion and late at night in the bathroom the weeping, the pain and regrets. It was a hard time for all of us. And it was our about then that the fungus infection started. Was it related to stress? I’m no doctor. I’m an item of jewelry, to paraphrase DeForest Kelley.

From Chapter Nine.

Daniel Craig was there and Jon Favreau. The’d been talking for over an hour and I got the feeling Harrison was uncertain to say the least. As was customary, he called time and went to take a leak. In the bathroom, he rubbed me gently. ‘Well, what do you say old Pal?’ he asked. ‘Shall we do it?’ I had been a lucky charm for him and now Harrison was asking me career advice. I told him straight. ‘The title stinks, the plot is uncertain and the characters aren’t well defined,’ I told him. He was angry. I could tell he wanted to do it. He reached up and began to take me out. ‘Noooooooooooooo,’ I shouted, but no one could hear my tiny golden voice.

From Chapter Eleven.

Of course there was no way of knowing how Jimmy Fallon would react and Harrison was a little nervous of doing the whole bit. Live TV is a different ball game but I whispered in his ear: ‘Make sure it hurts!’ And I heard an appreciative chuckle from the pilot of the Millennium Falcon.

Lobe Runner: Tales from Harrison Ford’s Left Ear by G. Ring (as told to Chad Sternberger) is available from all good bookstores.

WORLD BEGS HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS TO MAKE MORE MOVIES ABOUT CHEFS

HOLLYWOOD – The entire world has issued a plea to all the major Hollywood studios to please make more movies about chefs.

The plea came with tension in the Middle East rising, a refugee crisis heading into winter and fears of terrorism reaching epidemic proportions with a subsequent rise in racist attacks. The whole world joined together and for once forgot its differences as everybody shouted in one voice: ‘More films about chefs please, Hollywood!’ The Secretary General of the UN Ban Ki-moon addressing the General Assembly said:

In this time of crisis what the world needs is some more dramatic comedies – dramedies if you will – about top flight chefs who are a bit arrogant and lose sight of what they do but are also artists when it comes down to it and come up trumps at the end, reconciling with a son or daughter or someone.

Despite tensions between Russia and Turkey President Vladimir Putin and Tayyip Erdogan issued a joint statement to all studios to make something else ‘like Jon Favreau’s Chef, which was a delight.’

Bradley Cooper responded instantly to the crisis, rolling up his sleeves and offering to do a sequel to Burnt. He spoke with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY in the special Studio Exec kitchens:

I think in this time when so many people are losing their lives, over four million people have been displaced by the Syrian civil war alone, what everyone really wants to see is an acerbic but charismatic perfectionist, a temperamental genius who has gone to the wall because of drugs and alcohol or just arrogance and then comes back and redeems himself by cooking really nice food for a bunch of rich bastards. I think that is what the children who are dying under the bombs would really want us to be doing.

President Obama has told Congress that he wants a bill on his desk by Monday morning that will force the studios to begin making a minimum of six films about chefs every calendar year. But Universal has already announce a remake of 2007 Catherine Zeta Jones comedy No Reservations and Pixar are in talks to do a sequel to Ratatouille.

Burnt is currently in theatres.

BARACK OBAMA TO GUEST HOST SNL

NEW YORK – Following President Barack Obama’s hit turn on Jimmy Kimmel Live – reading nasty tweets – it has been revealed that POTUS will guest host Saturday Night Live some time later this year.

Showrunner Lorne Michaels told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We’ve been trying to book Barack now for years. He has a fine comic talent. His corrsepondent’s dinner speeches are classics of stand up and when I saw him on Kimmel, I won’t lie I was mad as hell. He’d always told us he was too busy with affairs of state to come over and do some hosting for us. So I got him on the phone and this time there was no backing out.

President Obama himself issued a statement confirming that the long awaited comedy turn would happen.

I am leader of the free world and one of the most powerful men in the Western Hemisphere. I’m Commander in Chief and I have the powers of the NSA, CIA, FBI and a number of drones at my beck and call. But what I really want to do is make people laugh. I enjoyed my time with Jimmy Kimmel and I am really looking forward to joining the SNL cast and kicking back with some hilarious sketches. I’m particularly eager to team up with Sarah Palin, who I hear is as funny a gal in real life as she is on television.

The news comes as rumors circulate about a possible prime time spot for Barack Obama in his post presidential career. The show that has been touted will be written by Jon Favreau and will be titled Barack Obama’s Laugh In.

Barack Obama presents SNL will be broadcast sometime in April.

 

JON FAVREAU DENIES WRITING SPEECHES FOR OBAMA

HOLLYWOOD – Iron Man and Cowboys and Aliens director, Jon Favreau has angrily denied that he has been writing speeches for President Barack Obama and is in fact a member of the White House staff.

‘No,’ he shouted down the phone EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec. ‘That’s another guy with the same name.’

Undeterred by such a denial, we asked Harrison Ford if he believed that the flop of Cowboys and Aliens might have been partly due to the director being distracted by having to pen State of the Union drafts and addresses to the United Nations. 

‘It might have had something to do with it,’ said a sleepy sounding Indiana Jones. ‘Was he really doing that?’

Robert Downey Jr. or someone who looked very like Robert Downey Jr. told us:

Jon was constantly on his Blackberry and the only other person who owns a Blackberry in Northern America is the President. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Yesterday, Fox News told us over the phone that this could be bigger than Benghazi, but ‘not geographically’ they added helpfully. Jon Favreau meanwhile is working on the long awaited sequel to Cowboys and Aliens.

Cowboys and Pirates will be released in 2015 and President Obama will be addressing the Affordable Care Act later this week. 
  

IRON MAN 3 TO GET CANADIAN VERSION

MONTREAL – Iron Man 3 will be released in three separate versions.

There will be the international release, a version that will only be released in China and now – Marvel have announced a Canadian version as well. Collectors will no doubt be examining each different version frame by frame to catch the alternate scenes, shots and dialogue. However, Studio Exec has managed to get a note from the studio detailing the changes that have been made for the Canadian version. Read the full note after the jump.

IRON MAN 3//// MEMO: 2 CANADIAN VERSION
Re: changes for Canada release. 
Circ. 23145633343.

  1. Change stars and stripes to maple leaf. (Digitally). See figure 1.
  2. Title change: from Iron Man 3 to Homme de Fer Trois.

  3. figure 1.
  4. Main villain actor should be Ben Affleck. Check availability. Digital face replacement should do the trick.
  5. Change Pepper Pot: to Poivrière
  6. Add dialogue: Poivère: ‘Who helped rescue the hostages from Iran?’ Homme de Fer: ‘Why it was Canada! Canada of course! Who  else?’  
  7. Have every line of dialogue repeated in French.
  8. Breakfast scene: Maple syrup on pancakes. 
  9. Replace Jon Favreau with everyone’s favourite Canadian: Jim Carrey.

   

COUNTDOWN BEGINS TO 2014 OSCARS

HOLLYWOOD – The day is almost here and it’s time to preview the rapidly approaching 86th edition of the Oscar awards announcements  which is set to take place in February, 2014. Studio Exec – as ever – is first with the predictions and the results and the gossip.

Hosted by Paul Rudd after the disaster of Seth McFarlane’s on stage bong smoking last year, the ceremony is a pared down version of the usual razzmatazz and is sponsored by K-Mart and JC Penny. And the award goes to…

Best Actor – Robert Downey Jr. for Iron Man 3 

Not because of the acting but the fact he has managed to maintain his reputation as a great actor while at the same time not acting, and making the least amount of effort. Whether it’s playing Tony Stark, a performance he Skypes, or playing Sherlock Holmes and being basically Tony Stark in different clothes, Downey Jr rakes in the cash in a very entertaining fashion. He will be amusingly self-deprecating in his speech (but not enough). 


Best Actress –  Molly Ringwald for Pretty in Purple 

No one saw this coming. The upset of the year with a daring re-imagining of the Eighties favorite. Molly will cry and thank a long series of names who will later turn out to be her cats. 

Best Director – Jon Favreau for Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Foetus

Again a surprise career resurrection, after the disaster of Cowboys and Aliens Favreau will shout ‘I’m king of the world (as well)’ and then host Paul Rudd will vomit on him prodigiously.

Best Film – The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug 

No surprise here. Peter Jackson was told by the academy if he agreed to make this film his last they would give him an Oscar to go with the seventeen he has already.  

PLUG PULLED ON MORE COWBOYS AND MORE ALIENS

HOLLYWOOD – More Cowboys and More Aliensthe ill-fated sequel to the ill-fated Science Fiction Western mash up, has been shot in the head with a six shooter after first being frozen in the blue glow of a zap gun.  

The sequel to Cowboys and Aliens was to feature the return of Daniel Craig as the pitiless outlaw who suddenly finds his humanity killing aliens and Harrison Ford as the sadistic ranch owner who suddenly finds humanity killing aliens, along with a cast of new stars who all find humanity while killing aliens. Jon Favreau the “Director” said: “Ultimately, no one could be bothered.”

Sam Rockwell who played Doc in the original film – a cowardly man who suddenly finds his humanity by killing aliens – expressed relief that the sequel would not go ahead. “The first film began with all these high hopes.”, said Rockwell, “It’s going to make Wild Wild West look like Jonah Hex, but that didn’t make the slightest bit of sense.”
He added – “I would pay money not to have to appear in that film.”

More Cowboys and More Aliens will be released in 2015.