CHARLIE SHEEN TIGER KING AUDITION – ‘ERRATIC’

With the Joe Exotic dramatization soon to stream on NBC’s service Peacock, details have leaked about others who auditioned for the lead role. An insider at NBC has confirmed the Charlie Sheen Tiger King audition was ‘erratic’ at best. We spoke to a NBC insider about the now infamous Charlie Sheen Tiger King audition.

What Can You Tell Us About The Charlie Sheen Tiger King Audition?

It was the damnedest thing I’d ever seen. He came staggering in through the doors talking real loud on the phone to his agent. He was yelling about his residuals for The Wraith Part 3, which I’m pretty sure doesn’t exist. And he kept changing the name of who he was speaking to and what language he was speaking in. It was fucking bizarre.

Perhaps He Was Trying To Make An Impression?

He sure did that. He carried on with the ‘call’ for about five minutes. But then with no warning, he threw what turned out to be a plastic phone right at my head. Luckily it missed and smashed against the wall behind me. He laughed, took a bow and said, “Aaaaaand scene! How about that for acting? I don’t even have an agent, she fired me months ago.”

That Sounds Pretty Weird

That aint the half of it. He was dressed in a scruffy purple suit with a green waistcoat. His hair was also dyed green and he had smudged white face paint and smeared lipstick on his mouth. I said to him, “Charlie, I think you may be a bit confused. We’re auditioning for Joe King, not The Jo-ker.” And he stared back at me like I was an idiot. “What the fuck are you talking about? I know this is for the part of Joe King. This is what I always wear to auditions, ever since The Wraith back in the 80s. It’s my lucky suit.” I then said to him, “But what about the makeup?”

And…?

Do you know what that crazy motherfucker did then? He walked over to the window, looked at his reflection and studied his face, real close. About a minute later he said in all sincerity, “What makeup?” He then made ringing noises and mimed taking a phone out of his pocket. He apologized and said he had to take this and walked out of the room. We never saw him again.

Jesus.

You said it man. I keep my doors double bolted at night now. Crazy fucker scared the shit out of me.

JOE EXOTIC STREAMS ON NBC’S PEACOCK CHANNEL SOON

JOKER WINS NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

STOCKHOLM – Todd Phillips’ Joker has won the Nobel Peace Prize.

The Nobel Prize Academy announced today that Joaquin Phoenix and Todd Phillips’ new film Joker has won the Nobel Peace Price. Following the Golden Lion, this is the second major prize picked up by the film. Hangover director Phillips told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

This is only what we deserve. After all, our film is not just a comic book movie, it’s like Anna Karenina, or something. You know classic.

Joaquin Phoenix appeared unsure of what exactly the Nobel Prize was but nevertheless expressed his delight.

I’ve not had a fight in like three weeks, so it’s about time someone gave me a prize. No but really. This film is about the oppressed of the world. Thin white men without girlfriends who live with their mothers. And so if we can raise awareness of that problem then I think we have done our job.

A spokesperson for the Nobel Academy told the SE:

We didn’t see the film but when we saw it won the Venice prize we thought why not?

Joker is out in October.

WOODY ALLEN TO PLAY JOKER IN JOKER ORIGIN MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Woody Allen is to play the young Joker in an origin movie of Batman’s most famous villain.

The Studio Exec can confirm that Woody Allen is in talks to play the Clown Prince of Crime in a new Warner Bros. movie about the origins of the Joker. The Hangover director Todd Phillips will direct and co-write the script with Scott Silver (8 Mile). He spoke EXCLUSIVELY with Studio Exec about the casting of Allen.

We were looking at first at a lot of young actors but the fact of the matter is they’re all shit. Some of them were funny but couldn’t act; others could act but weren’t funny. But Woody Allen could do both. I mean he’s amazing.

But isn’t Woody too old?

He isn’t that old.

He’s 81.

Oh. Shit. Erm. We can digitally de-age him. I think. That won’t be a problem. Anyway, he’s very excited about the project. We’re asking him to help with the script as well. When you have a gag writer like Allen, it’d be stupid not to use him.

Why not just use Jared Leto?

Ha ha ha ha ha. That’s great Exec. Oh wait, you weren’t joking.

Everything You Always Wanted to Know about the Joker But Were Too Afraid to Ask will be released in 2020.

MICHAEL CERA IS THE JOKER!

HOLLYWOOD  – Holy Insipid, Batman! Michael Cera is joining Batman Vs. Superman to play the clown prince of crime himself: The Joker.

With the internet still reeling from the Studio Exec exclusive that Facebook inventor Mark Zuckerberg will be Lex Luthor (CLICK HERE for more), now we can confirm that Arrested Development and Scott Pilgrim ‘star’ Michael Cera is to take over from the defunct Heath Ledger as Batman’s arch-nemesis. Cera himself called to give us his first reaction:

Well, it’s rad if you don’t mind me cussing. I’m gonna play my xylophone during the interview if that’s okay? It’s got, I don’t know, a sweet tone. Jason Bateman just said do it.

 Jason Bateman told you to take the role?

No, he told me to play the xylophone. This one as a matter of fact.

Go ahead, so where were you when you got the call?

I was wearing a tweed waistcoat, that’s for sure, possibly a vintage Thundercats t-shirt, I wanna say? Maybe.Do you know how many jokes we got out of that one word in Arrested Development? 31. I counted ’em. Kept a note book, matter of fact.

Given how iconic the late Heath Ledger’s performance was in the seminal Dark Knight movie, do you feel any pressure taking on this role?

I love pop tarts, okay. And I once met Jack Nicholson who once played the role, right? And I said, do you think the Joker would like pop tarts? And do you know what he said to me.

 No.

He said get this f*cking kid out of here. So that was like ‘an answer’.

So you’re not nervous about taking it on?

No, I think I’ve got range. I mean did you see that film when I was like the nice guy and the nasty guy? Youth in Revolt?

No.

No, no one did. That was a problem actually. But I got range. I can play this ukulele, okay? I am so multi-talented. I wrote this song about Mary Elizabeth Winstead. It’s called ‘I’m Gonna Break You in Two’.

The Man of Steel Vs. the Dark Knight Vs the Social network Vs Argo Vs Scott Pilgrim’s Ball Sack by the Pale Moonlight is currently filming in Detroit.