5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT DONALD TRUMP

HOLLYWOOD – Although not strictly speaking a politics blog, Donald Trump is not strictly speaking a politician. In fact he isn’t strictly speaking anything we have a word for.

So we sent the Studio Exec FACT squad to Trump towers to find out all we could about Donald Trump.

  1. Donald Trump first made his money out of a card game called Top Trumps, which he named after himself.
  2. Donald Trump became famous as a celebrity following his appearance on Reality TV show The Apprentice. Although as in a Philip K. Dick novel, some observers are beginning to wonder if the Reality TV show was not actually reality and the reality that we’re living – with Donald Trump riding high in the polls to be the next Republican Presidential candidate – is the Reality TV show.
  3. When Bill Maher compared Trump to an Orangutan and Trump sued him, the case never got to court. Although it is believed that Maher had to settle with the National Society for the Advancement of Orangutans out of court for defamation.
  4. If Donald Trump does win the US Presidential Election, his blueprint for governance is taken from The Hunger Games movies, which Trump says ‘Were full of great ideas, both for entertainment and for how to run a country.’
  5. Several films about Donald Trumps life are currently in production including one starring Damian Lewis from Homeland. What few people know is that Trump himself is going to be starring in a film called No Surrender as a rebuke to his rival and critic John McCain.

For more FACTS click HERE.

FIRST POSTER FOR DONALD TRUMP BIOPIC

HOLLYWOOD – The Studio Exec publishes the EXCLUSIVE first look at the new poster for Presidential Hopeful, tycoon, hair model and Reality TV star Donald Trump’s upcoming biopic, Never Surrender

Donald Trump biopic Never Surrender will star Donald Trump himself in what is being described as a ‘balls out action picture in the style of Sylvester Stallone: not, repeat NOT for losers’.

Donald J. Trump himself had the opportunity to explain the film to Studio Exec in person:

The thing is I’m a testosterone guy. I like walking away from explosions and never turning back to look, or check I’m too close or something. People have criticized me for my comments about John McCain in which I inferred that he was a bit of a pansy for getting captured. They’ve even said that I’ve never actually been in the military or fought in a war. But let me make this absolutely clear, the only reason I didn’t fight in a war was out of a sense of natural justice. It would not have been a fair fight. I would have blown the Vietnamese away: all of them. Including our allies. And Richard Nixon was too namby-pamby to allow that.

Is the new film…?

And I would have used my catch phrase. ‘You’re FIRED!’ as I fire my rocket launcher at their Goddamned RAPIST faces!

So the new film…

Is a masterpiece. In the film I play myself and I do all my own stunts. I wrote and directed the film and I play myself.  It is the future. The United States of America is being invaded by Mexico and Canada led by disappointed presidential candidate John McCain. I am the last American alive. Everyone else has been raped to death. I kill everyone with machine guns, knives and what have you and as I do I shout ‘YOU’RE FIRED!’

Never Surrender will be in cinemas shortly.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

 

JOHN MCCAIN USES KUBRICK TO JUSTIFY APACHE HOLY LAND SALE

WASHINGTON – The sale of Apache holy land brokered by Senator John McCain was justified today by the Republican senator using a cinematic excuse.

The land will be sold to a British/Australian mining conglomerate and was made possible due to a waver of rights appended to the fine print of a military spending bill.  Sen. John McCain told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY that he had a very good reason for what others are calling one of the lowest acts in recent political history, effectively robbing from the Native Americans once again at the behest of a foreign commercial venture.

I know you know my Exec. And if you know one thing about John McCain it’s that he’s a huge Stanley Kubrick fan. And of all the Stanley Kubrick films I love the most, The Shining has to be up there. Perhaps Doctor Strangelove, but that’s a documentary so it doesn’t count.

I fail to see the relevance.

Well, The Shining is so good because it is so true. There are horrors out there and they exist because of what we do and have done to the Native Americans, who we wiped out via gunpowder, alcohol and germs. Now they’re making another Shining film, but it’s been a while since we’ve done the dirty on our old foe, so I figured if we misappropriated some land of theirs, holy land too, that might get the spirits riled and somehow the Overlook Hotel would be once more spookified.

That has to be one of the most nutso things I’ve ever heard.

I know. You see that’s why I had Sarah Palin as a running mate. Her standing beside me, nobody noticed what a fruitcake I was!

The Shining 2 will be released in 2016.

CHUCK NORRIS DEPLOYED TO GUAM

Location of Chuck

  GUAM  – Early this morning Chuck Norris was dispatched to Guam, in the North West Pacific Ocean, and will be ready to be launched in a matter of hours according to our Pentagon sources.

‘This is not an empty gesture,’ said a source close to Chuck Hagel. ‘We are looking at North Korea’s increasingly belligerent stance and Norris is exactly the kind of precaution that any sensible President would like to have at hand.’
The move comes in response to a startling proliferation of nuclear activity on the North Korean border and noises from regional players Russia and China that an attack on US bases in Japan was a distinct possibility. An observer argued:
Got a Horsie Loves to Ride-y

There is very little that we know about what is actually going on inside North Korea. Rumors have it that Supreme Leader, Kim Jong Un, was angered by K.Pop sensation PSY and the popularity of the South Korean singer’s Gangnam Style, when his own single ‘Got A Horsie Love to Ride-y’ languishes at number 78 in the North Korean charts, despite being a totalitarian despot.

 The truth is the song is weak and has a chorus that is instantly forgettable. Some, however, have criticized the Obama administration for deploying Norris without first considering other options. ‘Steve Guttenberg is free,’ said Sen. John McCain.