PETER JACKSON WAKES UP AND REMEMBERS HE’S GOT A TINTIN FILM TO MAKE

WELLINGTON – Peter Jackson – director of King Kong, The Lovely Bones and the entire contents of JRR Tolkien’s head – awoke in a cold sweat with the realization he still has a Tintin movie to make.

Peter Jackson turned to his wife (Fran Walsh or Philippa Boyens I can never remember) and gasped. ‘Shit, I’ve just remembered I promised Steven Spielberg I’d direct the second Tintin film.’

Jackson told reporters:

My wife mumbled something like “Go back to sleep, you can do it in the morning.” To be honest I don’t think she was really awake. But I couldn’t go back to sleep. How was I going to find out what my deadline with Steven was without letting him know that I’d forgotten all about it.

Fortunately, Jackson’s muse and house boy Andy Serkis was awake in the garage. ‘It looked like he was trying to get out off a glass box, which confused me,’ said Jackson. ‘There isn’t a glass box in the garage. And then I realized, it was his physical theater that had created the illusion.’ 

Jackson explained his problem to Serkis and the Gollum star was already half into his motion capture suit.

Serkis said:

I must obey Peter. He has my children.

The two men started to work and by ten o’clock when Jackson’s wife finally emerged from her slumber, they had the first two acts in pre-visualized: ‘Only seven more to go,’ said a clearly relieved Jackson.

Tintin and the Something Something will be out in 2022.

ALEJANDRO JODOROWSKY TO MAKE EDGAR WRIGHT ANT-MAN DOCUMENTARY

HOLLYWOOD – Surrealist director Alejandro Jodorowsky will direct a documentary chronically the ill-fated Edgar Wright Ant-Man film.

Famed El Topo director Alejandro Jodorowsky turns his attention to another filmmaker in a new documentary about Edgar Wright’s unfinished Ant-Man movie. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec, Jodorowsky had this to say:

I love cinema. But more than cinema even I love the impossible cinema of the incomplete. No film is more pure than the unmade film. This was seen already with my version of Dune. Then there was even Rob Schneider’s version, which I would have loved to have seen. Edgar’s version of Ant-Man is another of these invisible visions. A silent echo of a master imagination, which we now only hear hushed voices speak of. edgar wright

Edgar Wright signed on to direct Ant-Man for Marvel and he and Joe Cornish wrote a screenplay. However, when Marvel wanted to have a rewrite Wright wrote it couldn’t be rewritten. Jodorowsky continues:

Wright had worked on Ant-Man for eight years. It was a project close to his emotional core. The vision he pursued looked to change the history of cinema as we know it. Imagine what Paul Rudd, in the hands of a master such as Wright, could have become. How he would mould him. Change him. Instead Peyton Reed came along and just made yet another Marvel film. I was sick to my stomach when I saw it.  It is a missed opportunity to put beside Stanley Kubrick’s Napoleon movie and Steven Spielberg remake of The Human Centipede.

Alejandro Jodorwsky’s next film is Barnacles.

RIDLEY SCOTT WILL NOT DIRECT LEVITICUS

HOLLYWOOD – Despite the massive critical and commercial success of Exodus: Gods and Kings, Ridley Scott will be taking a back seat on the sequel, tentatively titled Leviticus.

In the running to direct are Denis Villeneuve or Joe Cornish or possibly Darren Aronofsky. A spokesperson for Scott’s production company shed some light on the development of the project:

Christian Bale is on board and we have a script. The film begins with Moses (Christian Bale) having rescued his people from the Pharoah and taken them towards the promised land. As anyone who knows the Bible will tell you Israel was a lot further from Egypt than it is today so they spent years getting there. In that time the people need guidance and so Moses sits down and writes out a series of very complicated laws governing rituals and diet and what not.

Why did Ridley decide to forego directing?

As you can tell from even the must cursory of readings of Leviticus, it isn’t a very cinematic book. It doesn’t ahve any of the set pieces that Exodus has – the plagues, the parting of the Red Sea – but when we got the rights we also had the sequel rights and no one had read the book. We’ve been working on a script for some time, but there is a hell of a lot about cubits and seafood. So we think perhaps a younger director might be able to bring something to the mix.

Leviticus: Rules and Regulations will be released in 2017.

LOKI GETS STAND ALONE MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – After another movie-stealing turn in Thor: The Dark World, Tom Hiddleston has confirmed that he will be playing Loki in a new stand alone Marvel feature provisionally entitled Loki: The Darker World

Attack the Block director Joe Cornish is one of the names currently in the running but some have even suggested Oliver Stone might be the surprise choice. Stone was at pains to say he had heard nothing officially but did suggest that he would be willing to take the job if it was offered. 

I’m a huge fan of the Marvel universe and Tony Hopkins told me that Thor was a lot of fun to make and I believe him. As for Loki, sure why not?  He’s by far the most interesting character and I love the way Tom plays him. 

Hiddleston himself said he would be delighted at the opportunity to fill a whole movie with Loki. “There’re a lot of issues to explore, so yeah sure,” said the English actor. 

However, some believe the maverick actor would be a risk for the studios, given his recent history of swan killing and his membership of the British ex-pat club The Jolly Bastards.  
One thing is for sure: with his huge online army of Loki fans to placate, Marvel will have to pull out all the stops to make it a good one. Here’s Loki-ing at you kid!

Loki: The Darker World will be released in 2016.