HOLLYWOOD – Could Roman Polanski be in the director’s chair for Fantastic Beasts 3?
Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald is not yet in cinemas, but fans are already talking about a possible sequel. And the new director who might me taking over the reigns from veteran Potter director David Yates: Roman Polanski.
The fantasy film is a prequel to JK Rowling’s amazingly popular Harry Potter series. The film stars Eddie Redmayne as a wizard and Jude Law and Johnny Depp as other wizards. Buzz is already good and a third entry in the franchise looks inevitable. We spoke EXCLUSIVELY with JK Rowling:
We’re very excited about getting the next film off the ground and quickly. There is already a story mapped out and we want a director who can map what we have already done, and perhaps also go in new directions.
So Roman Polanski?
Yes, we’re in talks. We love what he did with Chinatown and Rosemary’s Baby. I’ve always been a huge fan.
But wouldn’t he be a controversial choice?
No, I don’t think so. Why do you think so?
Because of the rape conviction.
Rape conviction? Shit. I forgot all about that.
Aren’t you worried about a children’s film being linked with such a figure?
It was Johnny Depp who suggested … oh f*ck, shit. Yep. Okay, we’re going to have to rethink this.
Fantastic Beasts: Scamander’s Baby will be released in 2020.
REVIEW – Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is a Harry Potter-themed Pokemon Go for people too lazy to play Pokemon Go.
Following a sex change operation and a bout of Motor Neuron Disease, Eddie Redmayne is back. This time he’s off to New York with a suitcase of magical creatures which he accidentally lets loose. After bumping into a baker. With the help of a magical police woman Porpentina Goldstein (Katherine Waterston) and her telepathic sister, he and Kolawski (Dan Fogler) the baker hunt down the magical creatures while a anti-magic zealot and Colin Farrell vaguely threaten. Jon Voigt turns up and no one looks happy.
There’s something exhausting these days about going to see a film, assured there are four more of these assholes to come. It’s not only do I like this one, but can be bothered watching the others? Short answer: no. Never has magic been more dull, magicians so annoying and a quest, so literally like a walk in the park. JK Rowling can take more blame than usual ass the screenwriter and producer. Also Redmayne is one of the most over-rated actors currently working. His smirking, gurning and blinking oddball is a charisma-free hole where an actor ought to be. Fogler is okay but is asked to do the same thing time and time again. And poor Colin Farrell is shunted aside in a final twist that reveals he was another actor who you’d apparently much prefer to see. At least before he started beating up his wife.
The franchise machine churns on and the sequels are probably already shooting. But this overlong, tedious, unfunny monster hunt fills me with dread. Dread and a wish to die.
HOLLYWOOD – The new Harry Potter film is set to embrace the new political shift in the USA.
Following the election of Donald trump and the rise of the Alt-Right, JK Rowling promised the new Harry Potter movie will reflect these changes.
Harry Potter and the Alt-Right will see a middle-aged Harry deal with the disappointments of his life by blaming black people and gays and women. It isn’t going to be uplifting, but what do I know?
Steve Kloves has been replaced by Stephen Bannon as a writer and Hermione is first discovered penitently attending the funeral of Ron’s aborted sperm. Harry lives in a Nigel Farage-ville having been expelled from England following Brexit. Voldemort has returned and rules the world. Everyone seems to be okay with this.
Harry Potter and the Alt-Right will be released on January 20, 1812.
LONDON – JK Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is being praised for its groundbreaking 3D technology.
Audiences have been wowed by the amazing 3D of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child now showing at only one cinema in London. Fans who saw the film said that the experience was like nothing else they had seen at the cinema. Jenny Biscott told the Studio Exec:
It’s better than IMAX and IMAX 3D because it is so immersive. It’s almost like a hologram because you can see around the characters as they move and the resolution is just unbelievable. The level of detail is remarkable.
The film makers however are keeping the secrets of their technology under wraps, claiming hilariously that the film is not actually a film at all. There has also been criticism from Potter fans that the film is not going to be put into wide distribution, meaning that many are having to pay astronomically high ticket prices to see the show.
In the film, Jamie Parker plays a middle aged Harry Potter who sees his son go off to Hogwarts where he makes friends with the son of his old enemy Draco Malfoy.
Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is currently showing in London.
HOW TO WRITE A SCREENWRITING – Is a new feature that will lead you through the process of writing a screenplay in the tradition of the great gurus Robert McKee, Syd Field and Damon Lindelof.
Part 1. Story – camera – action.
A man walks into a room. That’s a story! A woman eats a peach that’s too big for her small mouth. That’s a story! A dog has worms and keeps rubbing its rear end on your new carpet. That’s not a story. You just need to take the dog to the vet and buy a new carpet. The point is we are surrounded by story. Story is everywhere. It is in the food you eat, on television, in the newspapers, in the conversation of your co-workers. Story is the warp and woof (there’s that dog again) of life, the rich tapestry from whence we all come, the undiscovered country to whence we all go.
But how do I write a story? Which story should I choose? What story do people want to hear? And what’s the difference between a story in a book and a story in a building?
All these questions will be answered in this 23 part on line course on How to Write a Screenwriting. Whether you want to be the next J.K Rowling and die under the weight of all the money, or you want to be the next Charlie Kaufman and die under the weight of everyone going ‘what?’, How to Write a Screenwriting is the ONLY online resource you need as a screenwriter who wants to write a screenwriting.
Of course writing is not easy. Look at the title to this whole course that I’m writing. Have you looked? Okay, the more perceptive among you will have noticed that there is something not quite right, something that the unkind might refer to as ‘wrong’. Of course, I wanted to write ‘How to Write a Screenplay’ but I was also thinking of ‘A Guide to Screenwriting’ and so accidentally I wrote ‘How to write a Screenwriting’, erroneously combining to the two titles because I was hungry and I was thinking about dinner – I’m thinking lasagna specifically. So do I go back and change it? NO. Why not? Well, for one thing it’s more work. But the more important reason is that LIFE DEPENDS ON MISTAKES.
Think about it.
All multi-cellular life comes from errors in replication of DNA. If there weren’t any errors, if everything was perfect, then no evolution. No evolution then no complexity; no complexity, then no us. No us, no cinema. No cinema and we’re out of a Goddamned job, just because the asshole DNA worked too damned well. Perfection is the death of life and the death of story. Do you think Jonathan and Christopher Nolan wanted to write Memento? No, they just kept forgetting the story-line and had to keep going back. Do you think Larry McMurty wanted Brokeback Mountain to be a heart-breaking gay love story? No, the original novel has the two cowboys fighting but a slip of the pen and fellatio as all over the page! Do you think Quentin Tarantino meant to write The Hateful Eight? No, his original screenplay was supposed to be called The Careful Eight, but one accidental slip of the fingers and suddenly he has to write something violent to justify the wrong title.
You NEED to make mistakes. And I promise you if you follow this EXCLUSIVE online Screenwriting course, you will be making tons of them.
HOLLYWOOD – J.K. Rowling’s world of magic returns with Harry Potter spin off Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.
The trailer for J.K. Rowling adaptation Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them hit the internet today, but what do we really know about it? The Studio Exec FACT Squad grabbed their wands and broomsticks and headed to England to find out. Lumos Maxima!
One. It isn’t Star Wars: the Force Awakens and so not really of interest.
Two. Eddie Redmayne stars in it, but he doesn’t have motor-neuron disease or wear a dress, so hopes of another Oscar nomination are thin. He does say the word ‘smidge’ though.
Three. Like all best Harry Potter stories, it’s set in New York. This will please many Potter-heads who were dismayed when the original Harry Potter novels were all relocated to England for tax reasons. As anyone who has read the books can tell you, they were originally set in Arizona.
Four. Eddie Redmayne was in all of the original Harry Potter movies but you can’t see him because he was hiding.
Five. This will be the first screenplay that J.K. Rowling has ever written herself. Talking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec she discussed her unique technique for adapting her book. She said, ‘I cut out all the bits where they don’t speak and where the scene changes I write INT or EXT just beforehand.’
HOLLYWOOD – Eddie Redmayne is to play Albus Dumbledore in the Harry Potter prequel Dumbledore Begins.
Warner Bros made the announcement late Monday and said the film will be released in 3D and Imax on November 18, 2016. J.K. Rowling will write the screenplay and Potter regular David Yates will direct. The official synopsis reads:
Albus Dumbledore is a young teacher, full of ambition and hope. But his ideals are tested when he is sent to a remote boarding school where problem children have been sent. Here he finds himself up against a repressed and restrictive regime as well as damaged children who really don’t know what they want. However, Albus is not to be daunted and by getting the students to stand on their desks, refer to him ‘Captain, my Captain!’ and watch an old VHS of Dead Poet’s Society, while he agrees loudly in the background, he is able to transform their lives as well as coaching the local Quidditch team to take them all the way through to the Regionals! Dumbledore Begins is an uplifting drama that fully explores the meaning of learning and growing in a world of magic and fear.
Dumbledore Begins will be released in 2016.
HOLLYWOOD – In a surprising move, actor Daniel Radcliffe has changed his name by deed poll to Harry Potter.
The diminutive ex-Hogwarts actor spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:
For years, I’ve been fighting against typecasting and trying to escape the shadow of my most famous role. But now I’ve come to realize everyone just thinks of me as Harry Potter, whether I’m blinding horses in Equus or writing beat poetry and having gay sex in Kill Your Darlings, people just keep saying why is Harry Potter blinding horse, why is Harry Potter writing Beat poetry and having gay sex. I spoke to my therapist and she said why don’t you just run with it, so that’s what I’ve decided to do. From now on I will be Harry Potter.
Does this mean there might be a chance you will return to play Harry Potter?
No absolutely not. I’m totally done with that character.
But now you’re called Harry Potter…
Well, exactly. You see? Can you imagine Harry Potter is Harry Potter? It wouldn’t work. It’d be a nonsense. And so there we have it.
Ah, I see. Well thank you, Harry.
Mnnnnnn. Okay. Yes. Harry Potter. Yes.
JK ROWLING steps out of the airport to be greeted by her driver.
What’s that smell? It’s … it’s…
Ah yes. Jasmine.
INT. STUDIO. JACK WARNER’S OFFICE
JACK WARNER sits at a desk anachronistically.
Ms. Rowling. I love your Harry Potter books. We want to pay millions of dollars to turn them all into multi-million dollar blockbusters.
LONDON – News that J.K. Rowling was working on a new script set in the Harry Potter universe was greeted yesterday with skepticism and enthusiasm in equal measure, but today Studio Exec has learned that the film will actually be a continuation of the Harry Potter story.
According to an insider close to the Rowling camp: ‘J. K. is a big Mike Leigh fan and I think Harry Potter and the Grinding Boredom of Domestic Life is going to reflect that.’
The story begins a few years down the line from the end of the last one and Harry’s marriage to Ginny is on the rocks. He’s been having an on off affair with Hermione Granger and is racked with guilt. His best friend Ron knows that Hermione is cheating on him (but not with who) and has become an angry alcoholic prone to bouts of domestic violence. There are some moments of magic but few and far between.
It is yet to be seen whether Mike Leigh will agree to direct the film but our source believed that Sirius Black star, Gary Oldman would make a good second choice: ‘His Nil By Mouth is very close to the spirit of what J.K. is trying to achieve.’
Harry Potter and the Grinding Boredom of Domestic Life will be released in 2015.