JIMMY FALLON: ‘I’M NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN COMEDY’

HOLLYWOOD – Jimmy Fallon told Chapeau magazine that ‘I’m not really that interested in comedy’.

The host of the Tonight Show Jimmy Fallon in an interview with Luigi Gris from Chapeau Magazine stated that: ‘He was not really that interested in comedy.’

‘I’m just not that into making people laugh,’ Fallon, 43, said.

It’s just not what I do. I think it’d be weird for me to start doing it now. I don’t really even, you know, care that much about comedy — I’ve got to be honest. Money: I love money more than I love comedy. I’m just not that brain, you know?

Fallon went on to praise the other late night hosts.

I think the other guys are doing it very well. Colbert’s doing great — I mean, that’s what he’s good at. He’s great. He’s always into like, political comedy. I think when it’s organic, I’ve sometimes tried telling a joke and it just has never gone down that well. Parody is about as good  as it gets. And not even parody. Just where we dress up like the thing we’re spoofing and people laugh because I look like Bryan Cranston or something. It’s more Cosplay than comedy to be honest.

Jimmy Fallon will appear in History’s Greatest Monsters on Discovery in 2020.

NO COMEDY: GOLDEN GLOBES BREAK WITH TRADITION

HOLLYWOOD – The Golden Globes are to break with tradition tonight by eschewing the comedy host.

Instead of the usual comic host, Jimmy Fallon will emcee with his tired sycophancy and slappable ass-face. Fallon spoke with the Studio Exec:

2017 is a strange year. After 2016. I can’t believe I tousled that Nazi’s hair and now everyone thinks I’m in dutch with the orange asshole. This thing isn’t on, is it?

No.

So anyhow, the organizers thought we’d go with a somber thing. Dirge like. This whole mess is no laughing matter. And that’s where I come in.

The Golden Globes are on tonight.

HARRISON FORD’S EARRING WRITES TELL ALL MEMOIR

HOLLYWOOD – Han Solo and Indiana Jones star Harrison Ford is facing potential scandal as it was revealed that his earring is writing a scandal crammed memoir about his life with the star.

Harrison Ford’s earring has written a memoir of his life with the star and the Studio Exec has got EXCLUSIVE permission to publish the extracts here.

From Chapter One.

It was an ordinary day in Claire’s Accessories on Lexington Avenue. I’d been poked by a couple of Japanese tourists and discarded by a teenager who – by the ordure from his digits – had just been eating a taco. The other rings and I were gossiping about Tavora, the assistant, when who should walk in but Han Solo and his wife Melissa Mathison. Tavora reads gossip magazines out loud so we recognized the hunk from Force Ten from Navarone immediately. ‘Are you sure about this?’ Melissa asked. ‘Sure,’ Harrison said and without even looking he pointed to me and said ‘That one.’ The piercing was over in a jiffy and Harrison didn’t cry or yelp even. He actually sounded disappointed when he said it didn’t hurt.

From Chapter Six.

The divorce was difficult for all of us. I liked Clarissa, I really did and I do. But you have to understand the position I was in. I mean Harrison never took me out. I heard all the sweet nothings, the moans, the passion and late at night in the bathroom the weeping, the pain and regrets. It was a hard time for all of us. And it was our about then that the fungus infection started. Was it related to stress? I’m no doctor. I’m an item of jewelry, to paraphrase DeForest Kelley.

From Chapter Nine.

Daniel Craig was there and Jon Favreau. The’d been talking for over an hour and I got the feeling Harrison was uncertain to say the least. As was customary, he called time and went to take a leak. In the bathroom, he rubbed me gently. ‘Well, what do you say old Pal?’ he asked. ‘Shall we do it?’ I had been a lucky charm for him and now Harrison was asking me career advice. I told him straight. ‘The title stinks, the plot is uncertain and the characters aren’t well defined,’ I told him. He was angry. I could tell he wanted to do it. He reached up and began to take me out. ‘Noooooooooooooo,’ I shouted, but no one could hear my tiny golden voice.

From Chapter Eleven.

Of course there was no way of knowing how Jimmy Fallon would react and Harrison was a little nervous of doing the whole bit. Live TV is a different ball game but I whispered in his ear: ‘Make sure it hurts!’ And I heard an appreciative chuckle from the pilot of the Millennium Falcon.

Lobe Runner: Tales from Harrison Ford’s Left Ear by G. Ring (as told to Chad Sternberger) is available from all good bookstores.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT THE EMMYS

HOLLYWOOD – It is very difficult to understand everything, what with complexity and nuance and the enduring popularity of Kevin James movies. So the Studio Exec FACT Squad gives you five FACTS that you can take to the FACT bank. The Emmys.

  1. The Emmys are similar to the Oscars and the Golden Globes, because they have an s at the end, but different because instead of rewarding excellence in the film industry or portraying someone dying of Aids, they reward excellence in the television industry, or portraying someone dying of Aids.
  2. The name Emmy comes from Immy which in turn is short for Image Orthicon Tube. Or it’s the nickname Syd Cassyd had for his wife’s vagina. One of the two.
  3. The most awarded show for the Emmys was Knots Landing and the most awarded individual William Devane who won seventeen Emmys, but none – ironically – for Knots Landing.
  4. In order to promote a new sense of seriousness the Emmys for the first time in years will be presented by a none comedian. Jimmy Fallon has been chosen to provide the required sobriety.
  5. The first Emmy ever given was to Germany for its coverage of the Olympic games in 1936.

FACTS FACTS and some more FACTS can be found elsewhere on www.thestudioexec.com which is basically here.

ZACH BRAFF APOLOGY: ‘I’M AN ASSHOLE’

HOLLYWOOD – In  only the latest in a series of celebrity apologies, Zach Braff – star of Scrubs and director of Garden State and I Wish I Was Here – last night prostrated himself before the public and Jimmy Fallon and asked, nay, begged their forgiveness.

The transcript reads:

Fallon:

And I believe there’s something else you want to tell us? No, no, this is serious.

Braff:

Yes Jimmy. Thank you. Erm. Boy this is a lot harder than I thought it’d be. Okay. 

Fallon:

Take your time.

Braff:

Okay. What I guess I want to say, the reason I came here tonight, was to apologise to all the people who I know I have deeply offended over the years. I get it. I’m an asshole, I guess and it must be really hard for many people to even listen to me apologise. They must be thinking what an asshole. But I mean it from the deepest part of my being.

Fallon: 

I don’t understand, have you used racist or homophobic language?

Braff: 

God no! No! Just my very existence has deeply offended and hurt a lot of people. And I want to come here and hold my hand up. And yes a lot of you probably enjoyed Scrubs, but that’s only what makes it so much more painful for you when you had to sit through Garden State and then all that stuff with Kickstarter which was like super-annoying. I understand that just my face, my FACE, for many people is an outrage that causes both shock and offence. It’s not them, it’s me. There’s no excuse. Yes, I come from a background, in New Jersey, where there are a lot of douche bags, but that cannot mitigate the deep pain and agony I have caused with my mere public existence. 

Fallon: 

Well, thanks Zach. 

Braff: 

Was that okay? 

Fallon: 

Yeah, sure I guess. 

Braff: 

As good as Oldman, better than Jonah Hill, right? 

Fallon: 

Jesus, you really are an asshole.

Zach Braff will be appearing in another film in 2015.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE SUPPORTS DEATH GAMES

HOLLYWOOD – Forbes list top 100 header and Hunger Games actress Jennifer Lawrence came out today with a provocative argument for the alleviation of what she calls ‘the number one environmental danger: over-population’.

Continue reading “JENNIFER LAWRENCE SUPPORTS DEATH GAMES”

JAY LENO HANDCUFFS HIMSELF TO DESK

HOLLYWOOD – The final Tonight Show under the twenty plus year tenure of Jay Leno ended with a Presidential visit and an all star cast (and Jack Black) serenading the host, but when the applause died down and the cameras ceased broadcasting it was discovered that Leno had handcuffed himself to the desk and swallowed the key. 

Studio heads were called in to try and talk some sense into the man, but he kept shouting ‘Blah blah blah’ whenever they tried to speak. Jimmy Fallon is understood to have been taken into protective custody following the discovery of a receipt in Leno’s dressing room, apparently for ‘1 Mafia hit – $700 Kimmel Fallon, Jimmy.’ 
Sources in NBC told the Studio Exec:

I think Jay is overreacting. Most of us assumed that Jay would be back on the Tonight Show in three months anyway, six months tops. But I don’t know. He’s hurting and angry and he’s not thinking straight. 

Some blame Oprah Winfrey for the stand off as she apparently now refuses to sing, one of the only weapons they can deploy against Leno. 

The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon and Jay Leno will broadcast on NBC. 

WHO WILL REPLACE JAY LENO?

NBC has announced it will not be renewing gerbil faced former comedian Jay Leno’s Tonight Show contract when it expires in summer 2014.

The Internet is already buzzing with speculation as to who will replace Jay with some media outlets suggesting that imbecile for hire Jimmy Fallon has already secured the gig; but the Studio Exec has received an e-mail from an anonymous source at NBC claiming that Fallon is by no means the first choice and there are a number of other potential candidates for the coveted job.
 
Here are just some of the names on that highly confidential list:

Conan

 
English might not be his first, or even his fourth language but Conan would make up in gravitas and sheer physical presence what he lacks in delivery. Also, Hollywood stars tend to be more open and amiable guests when threatened with the possibility of decapitation.




George W. Bush
 
The Ex president has been making millions on the public speaking circuit but would relish the opportunity to return to a position of power. His witty monologues about how he plunged America into the biggest financial crisis in history and how he conspired with Saudi Oil Barons to plot the destruction of the world trade centre are bound to delight audiences. Make Dick Cheney band leader and you’ve got instant TV gold.
 
 
Jason Sudeikis
 
It makes sense to replace an unfunny, ageing white male mysteriously beloved by millions of American twinkie sucking couch potatoes with an unfunny, slightly younger white male mysteriously beloved by millions of American twinkie sucking couch potatoes. Sudeikis easily fits the template but Bill Hader, Charlie Day or indeed, Jimmy Fallon would also suffice.



Mel Gibson
 
A controversial choice but Mel would not be afraid to ask the difficult questions such as “ Steven Spielberg, why did you kill Christ?”, “Woody Allen, why did you exaggerate the  Holocaust?” and Joe Eszterhas “ Why the f*ck did you send me this S*tty f*cking script you no good Hungarian C*nt!”



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