EXCLUSIVE: WES ANDERSON TALKS THE FRENCH DISPATCH

HOLLYWOOD – Wes Anderson, auteur maverick director of The French Dispatch, took time out to speak exclusively to The Studio Exec.

The Studio Exec was honoured to speak to Wes Anderson about his latest film, The French Dispatch.

– So, Wes thank you for taking time out to speak to us about your latest…

Did you know Harris Tweed originates from the Outer Hebrides and is hand woven by crofters on the Isle of Barra? They only grow to be 4 and a half feet tall. They weave these large jackets and they all have to be exported, because they can never fit into them. It’s tragic, but poetic.

– We really wanted to ask you about The French Dispatch. That’s quite some cast you’ve assembled there.

Thank you, it really is. We’ve got Kyle MacLachlan from Dune and Caroline Munroe from the Bond films in the lead roles. Not bad, eh?

– Do you mean Timothee Chalamet and Lea Seydoux?

The fuck you on about? No, no, no. Their agents assured me that they were, um, hang on. Oh shit. Oh well, too late now. So, we’ve got Timmy Chamalama and Leia Organa and they were just great during the shoot. Because they were so generous, ya dig?

The French Dispatch

– Can you tell us a little about The French Dispatch? What is it about?

Well, I’ll let you into a little secret, come closer. We told those suckers with the money at Indian Paintbrush and American Empirical Pictures that it was about some smart ass paper. Who has time to read any of that crap? It isn’t about that at all. Because Jason Schwartzman has such great eyebrows and cheeks, it’s just 100 minutes of him pouting at the rest of the cast. That’s how I got so many big shots to appear, yet again. Kerching baby!

– Was it an easy decision to cast long time collaborators Tilda Swinton, Willem Dafoe and Bill Murray?

Tilda was cast because she would be great in anything. Willem, because he’s riding high after his critical whammy in The Lighthouse Family. The reason I hired Bill? It’s simple, we have to. All independent filmmakers have to, it’s union rules.

– What do you mean by ‘union rules’?

Jarmusch told me this at Sundance, way back in 1995. We were touting Bottle Rocket around and couldn’t get a sniff from any distributors. He said to me, he said, ‘Wezzy baby,’ that’s what he calls me, ‘Wezzy baby. Bill Murray aint in it, so nobody gives a shit about your movie. You tell them he is, you got a distribution deal. Murray’s got dirt on the union bosses. All us independent schnucks have to hire him on every friggin’ picture we make. Ask Sofia Coppola. You think that’s Kirsten Dunst in The Virgin Suicides and Marie Antoinette?’

I told distributors that Murray was in the picture, as soon as I did, I got a distribution deal. Now, I write him in, no matter what. He’s the first name on the cast list. Who’s laughing now, huh?

– I don’t think that’s right. I think Jarmusch may have been joking.

What? Jarmusch? That piece of shit.

The French Dispatch is due for release in October, later this year.

JIM JARMUSCH TO DIRECT FAST AND FURIOUS 9

NEW YORK – Jim Jarmusch to direct Fast and Furious 9.

Fast and Furious 9 has found its director. The cult New York cineaste of Ghost Dog, Dead Man, Down by Law and  Only Loves Left Alive is well known for his laconic sense of humour and slow meditative paced masterpieces like Down By Law and Mystery Train, the shock haired auteur is at first glance a strange fit for the brain dead adrenaline grease monkey high opera of the Fast and Furious franchise. However, Jarmusch told the Studio Exec that he had been talking about directing a Fast and Furious film for years:

I’ve always wanted to… you know … do a film like … a fast you know and … furious kinda … I don’t know if it was Kierkegaard or Lou Reed who said that a nightmare is just a private fantasy but life can be confusing at times and well… What was the question?

What changes do you envisage making to the franchise?

None, absolutely none. I mean, I don’t see the point in doing a bunch of car chases. I mean that part will go. But these characters, they probably are going to spend a lot of time sitting around waiting and being laconically droll, so we should do that. And all the stuff about criminals and double crossing, that’s going to go too.

Oh!

And the title. I mean Fast and Furious? I think Slow and Droll will be better. Then we don’t need the nine anymore.

Right but people like the action. I mean isn’t that the point.

Yeah, that’s a point. I suppose. But you know, what about something new. I mean why not a film all about people drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. When are we going to see that? Huh?

2003.

What?

Coffee and Cigarettes was made in 2003. People just sit round, drink coffee and smoke cigarettes.

That sounds brilliant. I’ve got to see that.

You made it.

Very possibly. The early noughts are a bit hazy.

Fast and Furious 9 is due to begin filming sometime you know… whenever.

BLACK LIST: SLEEP FIGHTER

HOLLYWOOD – In our continuing series of publishing the best synopses from the hallowed vaults of the Studio Exec Black List, we proudly present Sleep Fighter.

A martial arts action movie, Sleep Fighter would be the perfect vehicle for that Jim Jarmusch – Jean Claude Van Damme crossover we’ve yet to see. Here is the synopsis in FULL:

Joe Varney, a muscle bound man in his fifties with a slight Belgian accent, is a black ops specialist with a martial arts and who has worked in some of the hottest conflict points on the Earth. His prowess in combat is second to none, but during an operation in Central America he is left with a grievous wound to his skull that has the side effect of giving him narcolepsy of life changing irritation. Shipped back to the States, Varney recovers only to find that the Communists and Islamist Terrorists and Russian Mafia have joined together to take advantage of his weakness. Add to this his teenage daughter has a Muslim boyfriend, and they want to set married and move to ISIS!

Unbeknownst to his enemies, Varney is taken to a top secret sleep clinic where he is trained to fight in his sleep, rendering his weakness into a super powerful component of his terrorism fighting prowess. And not a second too late, as CITRM choose the occasion of his daughter’s wedding to attack Varney as he snoozes through the best man’s speech. Will Varney defeat his foes and in doing so impress on his daughter the need to fire a rocket launcher at her new husband and fire him through a plate glass window and into the gravel forecourt six floors down? Will his ex-wife look with new longing at him, having realized her rich new husband is a limp dick douche by comparison?

Read the FULL script of SLEEP FIGHTER and find out!

Would you green light Sleep Fighter? Indicate your enthusiasm or disgust via the comments box or Facebook and Twitter and Tumblr.

JIM JARMUSCH SIGNS ON FOR FAST AND FURIOUS 8

NEW YORK – With a the shriek of engines and the stink of testosterone mixed with engine oil, Fast and Furious 7 has no sooner roared into view than the distant thunder of the revving motors of Fast and Furious 8 can be heard in the distance as Jim Jarmusch is recruited as director.

The cult New York cineaste of Ghost Dog, Dead Man, Down by Law and  Only Loves Left Alive is well known for his laconic sense of humour and slow meditative paced masterpieces like Down By Law and Mystery Train, the shock haired auteur is at first glance a strange fit for the brain dead adrenalin grease monkey high opera of the Fast and Furious franchise. However, Jarmusch told the Studio Exec that he had been talking about directing a Fast and Furious film for years:

I’ve always wanted to… you know … do a film like … a fast you know and … furious kinda … I don’t know if it was Kierkegaard or Lou Reed who said that a nightmare is just a private fantasy but life can be confusing at times and well… What was the question?

What changes do you envisage making to the franchise?

None, absolutely none. I mean, I don’t see the point in doing a bunch of car chases. I mean that part will go. But these characters, they probably are going to spend a lot of time sitting around waiting and being laconically droll, so we should do that. And all the stuff about criminals and double crossing, that’s going to go too.

Oh!

And the title. I mean Fast and Furious? I think Slow and Droll will be better. Then we don’t need the seven any more.

Right but people like the action. I mean isn’t that the point.

Yeah, that’s a point. I suppose. But you know, what about something new. I mean why not a film all about people drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. When are we going to see that? Huh?

2003.

What?

Coffee and Cigarettes was made in 2003. People just sit round, drink coffee and smoke cigarettes.

That sounds brilliant. I’ve got to see that.

You made it.

Very possibly. The early noughts are a bit hazy.

Fast and Furious 8 is due to begin filming sometime you know… whenever.

JOHNNY DEPP RUSHED TO HOSPITAL AFTER ACCIDENTALLY WATCHING HIS OWN FILMS

HOLLYWOOD – It was a quiet evening at the Depp household as Johnny Depp – eccentric actor and nut sack – sat back to enjoy some Football he had recorded earlier. However, either he’d been confused with his programming or the machine had a glitch because instead of settling down to the Sunday Ticket Depp was treated to a film about ‘some doofus paedophile running a candy factory’.

When he complained loudly about it being absolute bullshit an exasperated friend – Elmer Abelard – told him it was actually Charlie and the Chocolate Factory a film directed by his best friend Tim Burton and starring none other than Johnny Depp.

The news came as a terrible shock to Depp as the Dark Shadows actor famously made a point of never watching his films because – as he told David Letterman on the Late Show – it interferes with ‘the process and stuff’. He had always assumed they were fairly decent because they seemed popular enough but now he was struck with a terrible doubt.
Elmer Abelard continues:

We tried to stop him but he insisted. He pulled out all the DVDs that we had and began watching them back to back. Often fast forwarding to his own performance. He watched the Pirates of the Caribbean films, Alice in Wonderland, all the Tim Burton stuff he’s been doing. By the time he finished On Strange Tides he was just gibbering like a crazy person and was unresponsive, so we called the paramedics. 

At St. Clementine’s Hospital of the Sacred Sack Depp was treated for a severe case of shock. ‘He went into a catatonic shut down – which was pretty much identical to his performance in Jim Jarmusch’s Dead Man. Ha ha ha!’ said Dr. Alvarez, glibly. ‘He’s just lying there at the moment. He whispered something to the nurse about being a children’s entertainer but that’s all we got out of him.’

JOHNNY DEPP RUSHED TO HOSPITAL AFTER ACCIDENTALLY WATCHING HIS OWN FILMS



HOLLYWOOD – It was a quiet evening at the Depp household as Johnny Depp – eccentric actor and nut sack – sat back to enjoy some Football he had recorded earlier. However, either he’d been confused with his programming or the machine had a glitch because instead of settling down to the Sunday Ticket Depp was treated to a film about ‘some doofus paedophile running a candy factory’. When he complained loudly about it being absolute bullshit an exasperated friend – Elmer Abelard – told him it was actually Charlie and the Chocolate Factory a film directed by his best friend Tim Burton and starring none other than Johnny Depp.


The news came as a terrible shock to Depp as the Dark Shadows actor famously made a point of never watching his films because – as he told David Letterman on the Late Show – it interferes with ‘the process and stuff’. He had always assumed they were fairly decent because they seemed popular enough but now he was struck with a terrible doubt.
Elmer Abelard continues:

We tried to stop him but he insisted. He pulled out all the DVDs that we had and began watching them back to back. Often fast forwarding to his own performance. He watched the Pirates of the Caribbean films, Alice in Wonderland, all the Tim Burton stuff he’s been doing. By the time he finished On Strange Tides he was just gibbering like a crazy person and was unresponsive, so we called the paramedics. 

At St. Clementine’s Hospital of the Sacred Sack Depp was treated for a severe case of shock. ‘He went into a catatonic shut down – which was pretty much identical to his performance in Jim Jarmusch’s Dead Man. Ha ha ha!’ said Dr. Alvarez, glibly. ‘He’s just lying there at the moment. He whispered something to the nurse about being a children’s entertainer but that’s all we got out of him.’