JACKIE CHAN IS WAITING FOR GODOT

HOLLYWOOD – Kung fu master and top physical comedian Jackie Chan has signed on for Kenneth Branagh’s Waiting for Godot.

Based on Samuel Beckett’s smash hit stage play, the Rush Hour and Shanghai Noon star Jackie Chan will play Estragon, one of a pair of old geezers who stand around waiting for Godot – a mysterious figure – to arrive. ‘It’s a hilarious knockabout comedy,’ said Thor director Brannagh. ‘And that’s why I thought Jackie would be perfect for the role.’

The Drunken Master himself high kicked his way into the press conference and seemed genuinely pumped to be part of the cast which will also star Brannagh himself as Vladimir and include a cameo from Jet Li as Lucky:

I love Beckett and I can’t wait to see what Kenny is going to do with it.  I’ve wanted to work with him for years. Back when he was doing Hamlet I was going to play Claudius but there was a scheduling issue. Now I’m more determined and this will happen. The only thing I’m slightly disappointed about is that I didn’t get the role of Godot. That’s a peach.

Waiting for Godot will be released in 2017.

THE EXPENDABLES DEPLOYED AGAINST ISIS

HOLLYWOOD – President Barack Obama has announced that he is to deploy the Expendables to Iraq to join the offensive against ISIS.

The President said that the force led by Sylvester Stallone would be the first troops on the ground, but as they are a mercenary force the move does not represent the return of a US presence. Stallone said that he was psyched at the opportunity:

Me, Jason Statham and Jet Li are going to lead the men into action for the first time. We’re a multi-national force and we’re all highly trained in weapons use and martial arts. Add to this Dolph Lundgren is classically trained in the Stanislavksi method and Mel Gibson is what we call a Berserker. At first the Studio was dead against our involvement, but after our film The Expendables 3 came out, the Studio changed their line. They must have realized how effective we’d be on the battleground. They couldn’t see us go fast enough.

Jason Statham says that the force will be inserted into the north of the country where the heaviest fighting is taking place. He insisted that:

… we are not there as some kind of entertainment troupe. We are there to fight. Many people criticize actors as just pretending all the time. Well, I can tell you, with these guys there’s very little acting going on. It’s all action.

The Expendables are already on route to Iraq where they will be joined by Mel Gibson who is already fighting at another location in the Middle East.

The Expendables 3 is in cinemas currently or available for illegal download.

 

 

EXPENDABLES 3 KILL 6 PIRATES

HOLLYWOOD – In what is being regarded as an escalation in the battle between Studios and online piracy, The Expendables 3 have killed 6 alleged pirates who Lions Gate claim were responsible for uploading a stolen copy of the film and making it available for illegal download.

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