TERRENCE MALICK IS FILMING HIS NEW FILM ABOUT JESUS IN ROME

ROME – Tree of Life director Terrence Malick starts filming new Jesus film in Rome.

Following the premiere of A Hidden Life at Cannes, Terrence Malick is already working on his new film: a parable telling the life of Jesus. Starring John Turturro in the iconic role from The Big Lebowski, the film tells the story of Jesus’ life through a series of parables. No longer shy of interviews, Malick spoke directly to the Studio Exec via Skype. And yes, he was wearing a hat.

I’ve always loved the work of the Coen Brothers, especially the early funny ones. And I met John at a party and he told me how he’d been trying to get this spin off going for years, but without success. I said that I was free. I read the script and I really liked it. But as usual I’ll be throwing it out the first day of shooting and asking my actors to wander around looking glum as I scribble down words for the voice over.  john turturro

Why don’t you just shoot the script?

Fuck off.

When will the film be about?

The idea is that Jesus is disturbed by losing the regionals to the Dude and Walter so he has a real crisis of identity and he goes to Italy to find God. It’s like Eat Pray Love but with bowling.

No one Fucks with the Jesus is out in 2020.

JESUS, MOHAMMAD AND BUDDHA JOIN COLBERT FOR FIRST LATE SHOW

HOLLYWOOD – Three major religious leaders Jesus Christ, Mohammad and Buddha are to join Stephen Colbert for his premier week of hosting The Late Show on CBS.

Stephen Colbert said he was delighted that his tenure replacing David Letterman as host of The Late Show would get off to such an auspicious start.

I myself am a Catholic and deeply religious so to be joined by Jesus Christ will be a highlight for me. But I’m also interested in hearing the points of view of Mohammad and Buddha, who we managed to book at the last minute because he had nothing on.

What questions are you looking to ask them?

Look, I’m essentially an entertainer. When I was ‘Colbert’, I had license to be very satirical, but as myself I think I can still be entertaining but also perhaps ask some more serious and respectful questions. Particularly with Mohammad. There’s going to be very little joshing there.

How do you feel about your friend Jon Stewart also leaving his post?

I know Jon very well and have done for years. So I know that he is someone who is always eager to find new challenges. I can see him coming up with something really special. A new film or something like that. Frankly, I don’t think his stint on Fox & Friends will last very long. I see that as a kind of mouthwash before he goes on to do something else he really wants to do.

What other guests do you want to have on your show?

The first week of interfaith amazingness is going to be hard to beat, buit what I’m really looking forward to is the moment when the show just becomes a routine thing with people coming on to plug things and shoot the breeze. That kind of familiarity. It really is an amazing privilege.

Since this article was written NBC reported that Jesus, Mohammad and Buddha have been bumped for George Clooney, Amy Schumer and Elon Musk.  

 

JAMES FRANCO REVEALS THIRD ARM

HOLLYWOOD –  How can James Franco be an actor, a novelist, a poet, a model, a screenwriter and a director while also making such wonderful perfume adverts?

It has been a mystery that has plagued Hollywood for years. Well, the answer was revealed today EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec.

Franco beckoned us in close and whispered conspiratorially:

I have a third arm.

What?

A third arm. Right here. See just under my left arm pit and going round toward my back. You want to see?

Jesus Christ. You’re like a Hindu deity!

Ha ha! You ain’t the first person to tell me that.

So this is how you do it.

Yeah. The little sucker is useful. I can be typing away on my novel with my normal hands and my extra arm will be composing a poem or taking a selfie from a real weird angle! Even when I’m directing a film, those little fingers can be scribbling something on a notepad under my shirt or simply scratching places most people can never scratch.

That’s why you always have that really smug expression on your face.

You got it.

Can we take a picture?

F*ck no. I won’t be getting a Hugo Boss contract if I’m a three armed freak, now will I?

I suppose not. But no one will believe us.

Hard shit. Ha ha ha.

And then James showed us three middle fingers before he ran off laughing his head off.

ELI ROTH PRODUCES: JESUS CHRIST: THE LOST YEARS

HOLLYWOOD – News broken early this morning that Eli Roth and Scott Kosar are developing a TV show for the History channel entitled Jesus Christ: the Lost Years, in which Jesus will be seen as a young up and coming maverick exorcist making his bones in the badlands of Galilee.

Eli Roth previously gained notoriety, when as the Tourist Promotion for Eastern Europe, he used his budget to produce and direct Hostel and Hostel: Part 2. He told Studio Exec exclusively:

This is one f*cked up story man. What happens is Jesus is born, flees Bethlehem to Egypt while Herod kills all these babies. That’s our pre-credit sequence right there. Steve Buscemi offing babies like it’s going out of fashion. Then Jesus gets into some heavy necromancy in Egypt comes back to Galilee and teams up with John the Baptist (Danny Trejo) who teaches him the basics about f*cking with the devil and lets him loose.   

Scott Kosar – who has earned the name ‘Mr. Unnecessary’ having been instrumental in the  remakes of The Amityville Horror, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Crazies – said that they were determined to make a ‘very tasteful and carefully researched, albeit speculative, piece of television’:

We know there are a lot of people who are very passionate about Jesus Christ. They even call themselves Christians, for Christ’s sake! So we are 100% gonna get this right. Plus, if you liked The Exorcist, then this is the prequel to end all prequels. Can you imagine the scene? [Begins roaring] “The power of me compels you! The Power of ME COMPELS YOU!”

Jesus has yet to be cast but the current favorite is Zachary Quinto, though some speculate he might be too old.

 Jesus Christ: the Lost Years is due to be broadcast in Fall 2014.