HOLLYWOOD – Batman Vs Superman has its new villain as super-creepy Mark Zuckerberg has confirmed he will be taking on the role.
‘I crushed MySpace,’ laughed the curly haired mastermind. ‘This Man of Steel and Man of Bat will be no match for me!’
News came in also that Alfred will be played by people marrying horses advocate Jeremy Irons, who said he was delighted with the role:
One is absolutely over the moon with the role. First one’s thoughts leaped to one of the trains in the Thomas the Tank Engine books but apparently Alfred is some kind of a majordomo in some other type of children’s book. One wishes to get ‘down’ with the kids as modern parlance would have it. What! What!
Ben Affleck also responded saying that he was looking forward to getting to grips with the Zuckerberg and perhaps punching him in the face repeatedly, if that was all right with the director, Zach Snyder. Zuckerberg, on being asked on what qualified him for the role, was very forthcoming:
Think about it. I mean, I have all these algorithms, and I’ve convinced everyone to put all their personal data on computers and now I’m monetizing that and who knows what I’m up to with the NSA. Even the NSA don’t know. Ha ha! Plus I have this other villainous thing where I only eat what I personally kill and butcher. Oh, yeah and if there’s like a meeting I have to go to with Batman and Superman, I don’t know maybe we all have to give depositions, I’m gonna turn up in my pajamas and they’ll all be so like What? He’s in his pajamas. Wow. What a villain!
Batman Vs Superman will be released once we’re heartily sick of hearing about it and only then.