DAVID O. RUSSELL DIGITALLY RECASTS THREE KINGS

HOLLYWOOD – Following the success of American Hustle and The Silver Linings Playbook, David O. Russell has announced that he is to digitally recast his old movies, beginning with Three Kings, with Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence and Robert deNiro.

Three Kings is expected to be only the first of several of Russell’s older works to get the treatment:

Spanking the Monkey and I Heart Huckabees are both films that I would love to see Bob, Bradley and Jen be a part of. They’re such great actors and now that I’ve got them digitally, who wouldn’t want them in your movie?

How did you get them digitally?

It’s a very technical process, but basically you just film them saying all the sounds in the phonetic alphabet and going through a routine of gestures and facial expressions. Was a time it would’ve taken years, but now we can do it in about half an hour. Jennifer Lawrence took seven minutes.

What about the ethics of replacing actors who have performed for you?

Oh, that isn’t a worry. They were paid for their work and if you want to see George Clooney in Three Kings, there’ll be old DVDs knocking around somewhere. But in this version it’s fresh faced Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence instead of Mark Wahlberg. How can you possibly object to that? Plus to create continuity I’m also going to do the Fighter with Jennifer taking over Wahlberg’s role and Bradley Cooper as Christian Bale’s part.

Three Kings: Redux will be released in 2016.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

JUPITER ASCENDING: REVIEW

JUPITER ASCENDING: REVIEW – Jupiter Ascending – directed by the bafflingly employed Wachowksis – is a film that aspires to the grandiose adventure, excitement, well written dialogue, fully fledged characters and kinetic direction of Star Wars 2: Attack of the Clones. And fails.

Mila Kunis plays Jupiter ‘Ascending’ Jones daughter of an astronomer who is shot by Russian gangsters. Don’t worry, that he is an astronomer doesn’t matter nor that he is shot by Russian… who are they anyway? Gangsters? Burglars? Again don’t worry that’s just random event number one in what is going to be a tiring journey through the plot equivalent of chaos theory. Jupiter cleans toilets and her mother – originally a mathematician we are told, has now become a drudge and her Russian family have happily become semi-racist stereotypes. She’s not happy cleaning toilets and has decided to raise money selling her ovaries so that she can buy a golden telescope because her father was an astronomer – oh so it is important, an astronomer by the way who spends his time peering through the telescope in the middle of a city or in the living room. But don’t worry by random chance all her DNA is exactly the same of the old Queen of the Universe and so she is now hunted by the Queen’s children – including silly Eddie Redmayne – to be variously exploited and/or killed. To the rescue comes Channing Tatum as Teen Wolf/Albino/ pixie/Birdman/Starlight Express wannabe. Although not to the rescue because he’s working for one of the siblings. Oh and bees love her, or at least don’t sting her, which you have to say, as a perk for being Queen of the Universe, is pretty modest.

Do you remember that idea of the room full of monkeys with typewriters and infinity typing the complete works of Shakespeare? Well, this is the first draft. It’s nods to other films – Brazil, The Fifth Element, Blade Runner and Attack of the Clones – only make you wish you were watching other films. Yes, even Attack of the Clones. The dialogue is cloth-eared; the humor flat; the characters motivated by stunning dumbness. Jupiter makes you realize how fantastic a character Katniss Everdeen is. Where The Hunger Games is about a young girl becoming a rebel and a fighter, Jupiter is wetter than Dale Arden, endlessly rescued from her own stupid decisions. It’s as if  the Wachowskis are hell bent on giving young women a role model of domestic acquiescence who in the end learns to get up early and clean toilets cheerfully.

When Warner Bros. denied they were burying Jupiter Ascending in February (from a Summer Blockbuster spot), no one really believed them. It’s only a pity they couldn’t have literally buried the film somewhere where it wouldn’t have been found.

For more Reviews CLICK HERE.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT THE HUNGER GAMES

HOLLYWOOD – As Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part One hits cinemas, the Studio Exec FACT squad rappelled into Panem, fired FACT arrows into the  Capitol and sounded the clarion call for revolution in all the districts.

1. The Hunger Games are based on a real life fight to the death that takes place ever year in the Netherlands, a country in Northern Europe which most Americans believe to be mythical. Dutch children are starved until they are willing to kill each other for the prize. Proceeds from television rights pay for socialized medicine. Endemol, the company responsible for running  The Hunger Games, also produce Big Brother.

2. Katnis Everdeen is played by Jennifer Lawrence, an actress.

3. The author of the original novels, Suzanne Collins is an avid collector of Germans. So far she has a little over 17,000 which she keeps in a special compound.

4. Although Suzanne Collins only wrote three novels – The Hunger Games, Catching Fire and Mockingjay, following a suggestion from Peter Jackson Lionsgate have decided to split the final novel into three films: Mockingjay Part one, Mockingjay Part One (b) and Mockingjay Part Two (at least at time of publication).

5. Although Philip Seymour Hoffman reportedly finished his scenes before his untimely death, some scenes showing his character Plutarch Heavensbee will be played by Oliver Reed from Gladiator.

For more Movie  FACTS CLICK HERE!

JACK NICHOLSON TO RETURN AS THE JOKER

GOTHAM – Jack Nicholson is set to reprise his iconic performance as the Joker in the new DC Comics film Suicide Squad.

News broke over Gotham late last night, putting paid to the notion that Jay Leno and Jared Leto had both been approached about the role, simply because they had the same initials.

David Ayers, the director of the super villains team movie said that he was  delighted to have Jack Nicholson on board:

Nicholson is, was and will be a great Joker. This is going to make things really interesting, because he will bring with him the memories of the Tim Burton Batman films, but at the same time, now he’s a little longer in the tooth, there’s also the sense that this is a maturer Joker, a Joker who has perhaps learned a few lessons, a Joker who… Who am I kidding? This is Jack Nicholson, right? He’s going to be crazy!

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to Studio Exec, Jack Nicholson explained his thinking behind his decision:

At first I didn’t want to play the same part. I thought Heath Ledger did a splendid job, truly splendid. But then when David came and showed me the script, I thought this is truly wonderful. But still I can’t do it, I’m too old for this. Then I called Jennifer Lawrence and she said she loved comic book movies and next day I was in costume.

Suicide Squad will be released in 2016.

APPLE RELEASE PICTURE OF JENNIFER LAWRENCE’S HACKED CLOUD

CUPERTINO, CA – In an attempt to repair some bad publicity, Apple have released a photograph of the Cloud hacked  early last week and from which naked ‘selfies’ of hundreds of celebrities, including Jennifer Lawrence, were ‘untimely ripped’.

A spokesperson for the tech company walked Studio Exec through the photo:

As you can see the Cloud isn’t as big as many people assume. We’ve always believed that size is not particularly important when it comes to security, but perhaps we were wrong. If you look at the image closely, on the far right a little bit of the Cloud has detached and that is a result of the hacking.

What happened?

We’re trying to reconstruct what happened even now but our latest hypothesis is that hackers went up to the Cloud in helicopters and then lowered each other towards the Cloud using ropes. Here they used ordinary hacksaws to breach the Cloud and snatch the nude pictures. This is totally uncool and we are absolutely bummed here at Apple, but if they were ever to make a movie out of it I think Kathryn Bigelow would be like a rad choice.

Apple have assured its users that a new Cloud is being constructed and all the data and selfies and what not will be rained onto that Cloud and absorbed. They have also confirmed that they have installed a new app which can detect anyone typing the words ‘Jennifer’ and ‘Lawrence’ and ‘nude’ and ‘selfies’ in any particular order and electrocute the typist with like a million volts of electricity. The same will also go for anyone typing Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Kirsten Dunst or basically any girl’s name.

For more of this rare quality news just click around the site at random, and tell your friends. If you have any.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE SUPPORTS DEATH GAMES

HOLLYWOOD – Forbes list top 100 header and Hunger Games actress Jennifer Lawrence came out today with a provocative argument for the alleviation of what she calls ‘the number one environmental danger: over-population’.

Continue reading “JENNIFER LAWRENCE SUPPORTS DEATH GAMES”

NEW HUNGER GAMES ATTRACTION HAS SAFETY ISSUES

HOLLYWOOD -It was revealed yesterday that the new Hunger Games Experience at Disneyland, California might be having some teething problems in terms of safety issues.

Based on the Suzanne Collins authored film franchise, The Hunger Games, the attraction was opened in February of this year and so far has claimed 251 lives and left 578 people needing hospital attention. The Anaheim Police Department said that they had received several complaints but were reluctant to pursue the matter because ‘we don’t have anything concrete yet’:

We often get a lot of complaints when a new ride opens. People feel dizzy, people get anxiety attacks. Usually – I’d say 9 times out of 10 – it’s just some jackass looking to bring a suit and earn themselves some money. This time, it is true, there have been a number of fatalities, but ultimately isn’t that a quite reasonable price to pay for what otherwise is wholesome family entertainment.  

The Hunger Games Experience occupies a wild patch of wooded land the other side of Space Mountain. Ten members of the public enter the land from different ‘portals’ and race across open ground to a stash of weapons. Then they can choose to fight or run. Only one contestant is allowed to leave. The architect of the attraction – Joely Morris – went on the offensive against the critics:

We want to give the public the most authentic experience of Katniss Everdeen’s world and in a world full of fakery I believe we have actually managed to do that. And at Disney world!

But what about safety issues?

There is a height restriction. 

Jennifer Lawrence was unavailable for comment.  

ENDER’S HUNGER GAMES OF THRONES ANNOUNCED

HOLLYWOOD – In what is sure to be a massively popular move, Paul W.S. Anderson director of such classics as Aliens Vs. Predators, Resident Evil and The Master has announced his next project: an Ender’s Game, Hunger Games, Game of Thrones mash-up to be entitled Ender’s Hunger Games of Thrones.

Anderson commented:

I am a huge fan of all these films, books TV shows … erm, products? Anyway, I always wondered what would happen if you take these things and put them all together. Can you imagine all the money, I mean the possibilities to such an idea.

The official synopsis reads:

Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence, or someone who looks a bit like her) having won another Hunger Game and got bored is recruited by Colonel Hyrum Graff (Harrison Ford, or Michael Ironside) to become part of a child army defending the world from the White Walkers who threaten to attack from beyond the Wall. Here she meets Ender Wiggin (Asa Buttefield) and Danaerys Tagaryan (Emilia Clarke). After some unnecessary doggy fashion sex (add joke about a real Ender’s Game) during which plot points are made clear, the three are sent into battle only to find that Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) has stolen all the vowels from their names. Can Ktnss Vrdn, Ndr Wggn and Dnrys Tgryn find him and restore their vowels or must the world be saved by a bunch ridiculous sounding cnts?

Ender’s Hunger Games of Thrones will be out just as soon as it can be.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT JENNIFER LAWRENCE

HOLLYWOOD – Following American Hustle, Winter’s Bone and The Hunger Games, Jennifer Lawrence – or Jafflepants as her fans know her – has become one of the most sought after and popular actresses of the Hollywood firmament.

But what do we really know about this Katniss Everdeen? Studio Exec fires some FACT arrows at the oligarchy of post-apocalyptic thing.

1. Jennifer Lawrence can’t walk for more than five steps without falling over, because she’s a terrible drunkard.

2. Her fans, who are devoted to her and frequently murder babies in her honor, know her as Jafflepants, a name that comes from repeating Jennifer Lawrence over and over again very fast while falling down a well.

3. Jafflepants’ trademark is her unpretentious ‘naturalness’. This is absolutely ‘Genuine’, a subsidiary of ‘Authentic’.

4. When Jack Nicholson approached her at an Oscar party while she was giving an interview, what he whispered to her was: ‘Do you want to come round to my house and look at my engravings?’ An invitation, Jafflepants accepted only to be surprised by the fact Nicholson’s engravings collections was so extensive.

5. Jennifer Lawrence almost never got the role of Katniss in the Hunger Games, because the director originally wanted William Shatner, but the author Suzanne Collins insisted that the then less famous actress was much more suitable for the role of the teenage girl, than the octogenarian fat man.

For more FACTS Click Here. 

STEVE MCQUEEN SIGNS ON FOR MOCKINGJAY PART 2

HOLLYWOOD – Following his award winning  and critically acclaimed slavery drama 12 Years a Slave, British director and conceptual artist Steve McQueen has signed on to film Hunger Games: Mockingjay (Part Two).

Francis Lawrence – who is directing the first part and was supposed to be directing the second part – expressed his dismay in a statement issued exclusively to the Studio Exec: 

Apparently the studio called Steve McQueen in for a meeting and basically said they wanted him to work with them and they would let him have the pick of projects. He immediately chose Mockingjay: Part Two. My understanding is they tried to dissuade him but he was determined and said it was that or nothing.  

Although not an obvious choice, McQueen explained: ‘I am a concept artist – do you understand that? – yes, and the Hunger Games is a concept. I wish to work with that concept. But … as an artist.’
Fans of the franchise reacted with overwhelming enthusiasm. On Twitter @ILuvJLawMoreThanMy10MonthOldBaby wrote:

McQueen is Totes Amaze in Great Escape!!! #KickingNews

Hunger Games: Mockingjay (Part Two) will be released in 2015.

 

AMERICAN HUSTLE: REVIEW

AMERICAN HUSTLE: REVIEWS – Christian Bale is FAT Robert de NiroBradley Cooper is Mean Streets Robert de Niro, Amy Adams is hot English female Robert de Niro and David O. Russell is Martin Scorsese in American Hustle.

Although set in recognizable Goodfellas territory, Russell’s crime caper is actually a hugely enjoyable romp with none of Scorsese’s dark anguish. The music, the costumes, the hair and the hair pieces are turned to eleven. The ensemble cast (including yet another out of the park performance by Jennifer Lawrence and an against type Jeremy Renner) are given freedom to quirk up their characters and bounce off each other. Hustle is jam packed with ‘nailed-it’ cameos (comedian Louis C.K. is particularly good) and moments of eccentric fun. If there’s one criticism, it’s that Russell is so intent on making his maverick cops, corrupt politicians and con (wo)men loveable, that the film becomes not only un-edgy but positively squishy. That said it’s sexy and witty and well done. 

HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE MAKES MONEY

HOLLYWOOD – The second film in the Hunger Games franchise – Hunger Games: Catching Fire – has, according to initial reports, made money.

Many believe that the money it has made will be more than the money it cost to make and the difference between this money and that money will be quite large and therefore people will be happy, especially people who put money into the making of the film that money made. 

Money internet sites, such as IMDb and Deadline, were remarking on the money that the Jennifer Lawrence (who was paid money) starring science fiction film made over the Thanksgiving Weekend as being the most money a film has made over said weekend before, making it a record money maker. Other money films include Avatar, the Lord of the Rings and the Harry Potter films. Some of the money made from the film will going into making other films, some money will be spent on large yachts and the rest of the money will be used to feed the hungry/ to buy cocaine.


THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE: ON SET REPORT

HOLLYWOOD – The Hunger Games: Catching Fire directed by Francis Lawrence and starring Jennifer Lawrence is one of the most eagerly awaited sequels of this year.

Due out this Fall, Studio Exec got exclusive access to the set when cameras started to roll. Based on Suzanne Collins’ best selling trilogy, filming began late last year and we caught up with the production in Hawaii where I greeted the director, ‘Hi Gary! Sorry Francis, Francis.’
‘Don’t sweat it,’ Francis said and slapped me on the back. ‘I get that all the time. It’s my own fault. I’m very superstitious and I’m proud of what Gary did with the first film. So I decided I’d wear his clothes as a good luck thing. I even had plastic surgery to make me look a bit more like him. What do you think?’
‘You look great,’ I told him.
During a breaking from filming the Arena fight scene, Jennifer Lawrence is relaxing, listening to her iPod but she smiles when she sees me and manages to walk all the way across to where I am without once falling over or any of her clothes falling off. She explains the plot quickly to me.

The Hunger Games are over for the year and Catnip Evergreen – that’s me – and Peet Malarkey, Josh’s character, we go on a victory tour of Pamdiddley and sense that there is rebellion brewing in the Snicks, especially in the district I’m from, District 12. The Quack is declared by President Snow and Catnip and Malarkey with help from Haymitch AbernathyBeetee and Plutarch Heavensbee… What?

I’m sorry but you’re just making this stuff up. Those aren’t the real names.

Yes, they are. Stanley Tucci returns as Ceasar Flickerman … What?

No sorry. Go on. 

Look, this is an important piece of young adult literature and we’re telling a tale that is a political allegory, as well as the story of a young woman coming into her own. 

Catnip Evergreen.

That’s right. I’ve just won a Goddam Oscar.

The rest of the interview was largely unusable but during the shooting of the subsequent scene Ms. Lawrence revealed her emotional state by breaking the jaw of a stunt double with a well timed head butt.

Hunger Games: Catching Fire  is out in November, 2013.

WOODY HARRELSON SMOKES JENNIFER LAWRENCE’S HAIR

HOLLYWOOD – On the set of Hunger Games: Catching Fire, something else has caught fire: Jennifer Lawrence‘s hair. According to sources close to the production, inveterate practical joker and co-star Woody Harrelson shaved the Oscar winning actress’ hair while she was sleeping and ‘smoked it in a huge bong’.

covering her bare noggin

Harrelson confirmed that Jennifer Lawrence’s hair had tasted like cherry oak and had psychotropic properties roughly the equivalent of top drawer magic mushrooms.

For a while I was flying, actually flying, and it wasn’t because I was flying, like in a dream, it was because in a way we are all flying through space and only after I smoked Jennifer Lawrence’s hair did I realize it as an actual fact.

Meanwhile, Lawrence herself was said to be over then moon with the joke. A friend close to the Silver Linings Playbook star said:

Jenny loves Woody and they share a sense of humor which is rad. When she looked in the mirror and saw her hair was all gone and he’d nicked her quite badly with the clippers, she couldn’t stop giggling, hysterically, and screaming ‘look what he’s done to me?’ Ha ha!

It is thought that Lawrence – herself a practical joker – will be cooking up a good one of her own. ‘She’s going to neuter Woody is what I’ve heard,’ said a mutual friend. 

Hunger Games: Catching Fire is due out in 2014.