ANDY SERKIS TO DIRECT AND STAR IN JEFF SESSIONS MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Jeff Sessions movie will get its star and director with Gollum actor Andy Serkis.

Andy Serkis to play ex-Attorney General Jeff Sessions in a new film. We spoke to Andy EXCLUSIVELY about the new film.

I’m very excited. I’ve been wanting to make the film for ages, but we felt that Sessions need to be fired before we had the arc for the character. We’ll start filming tomorrow.

How much have you had to prepare?

andy serkis

Less than I thought. I basically do Gollum, but the secret with Gollum was there was always a little bit of Smeagol in there. To play Jeff I just take out the Smeagol.

When will the film be out?

We’re aiming to have it out in 2020. But filming will be finished early next year. We’ll need all the rest of the time to do the CGI and render Sessions realistic. It is really tricky. I mean, the man lives in uncanny valley, so how do we do that?

The Sessions will be released in 2020.

OLIVER STONE OVERDOSES ON CONSPIRACY

HOLLYWOOD – Oliver Stone rushed to hospital with a suspected overdose of conspiracy.

Filmmaker Oliver Stone was rushed to hospital last night following a suspected conspiracy overdose. Fortunately this morning he was well enough to talk to the Studio Exec via one of those voice scramblers serial killers use when they taunt the police:

Hey Exec! How’s it going?

Good. How are you Oliver?

I’ve been better. This is a dark period for me. Trump is in the White House. Hillary Clinton is in the woods. The FBI and the NSA are testifying in a hearing. The chairman of the hearing is running round to the White House to tell the President what’s going on. Thereby sabotaging his own hearing. It’s dark times indeed.

Is it as bad as when you directed Alexander?

Let’s not go over the top. It’s bad but nothing can compare to Colin Farrell in a tunic.

So what happened?

As you know I’ve been someone who has been interested in secret machinations of power all my life. Whether it’s Nixon or JFK, or producing my Secret History of the USA documentary. But this stuff is the good stuff. I’ve never mainlined something so pure before. You have Russians, Wikileaks, Roger Stone, Paul Manafort, Sean Spicer, Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin. And I haven’t mentioned Jeff Sessions and Michael Flynn. Or the Christopher Steele dossier or the fact that the Russians mentioned have started dropping like flies. Flies that have been shot and poisoned. Goddamn this stuff is powerful.

Are you going to make a film about it?

I’d love to, but who will believe it. I mean, we’re watching it unfold right now in front of our eyes and we don’t believe. I guess you could just watched Natural Born Killers again. That pretty much sums it all up.

What do you think is going to happen?

I don’t know. The doctors have prescribed that I watch nothing but Sesame Street for a year.

But Trump’s budget is going to cancel that.

Motherfucker!

Oliver Stone’s Secret History of the United States of America Volume Ten Trumped Up will be released in 2018.