BECKY WITH THE GOOD HAIR IS CARLY FIORINA

HOLLYWOOD – Carly Fiorina admits that she is the ‘Becky with the good hair’ referenced in Beyonce’s new album Lemonade.

Following the release of Beyonce’s video album Lemonade speculation has been rife as to the identity of ‘Becky with the good hair’ referenced on one of the tracks. Many in the Beyhive believed that the song was a snipe at ‘Shake It Off’ diva Taylor Swift but it has been revealed that Ted Cruz’s vice-presidential pick Carly Fiorina is actually the target.

None other than Carly Fiorina herself made the revelation EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

I was very good friends with Beyonce for a long time following my experience at Hewlett Packard where I became famous for firing people with a real panache. We would hang around a lot in the nightclubs after hours and Jay Z would sometimes come round and he would always say ‘wow Becky what great hair you have’, and I’d say, ‘but my name isn’t Becky’ and he would get flustered because he’d see that Beyonce had heard everything so he would make up a lame excuse like ‘No, I was talking to Becky, the waitress. She has really nice hair’. She did have really nice hair as it happened and her name was Becky and I think her and Jay Z had a thing later on, but Beyonce knew that he was really talking to me and the last I saw of the two of them they were heading into an elevator with Beyonce’s sister. She never called again after that.

Beyonce has not commented on the rumors, but Carly Fiorina has declared that Becky with the good hair will soon be the Vice President of the United States of America.

More on this story as it comes in.

BEYONCE AND JAY Z FACEBOOK MEMES: THE MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD –  20th Century Fox have green lit a movie which will comprise of every sh*tty Facebook Beyonce and Jay Z lifestyle meme put together in a montage.

Director David Lynch is keen to oversee the project and had this to say:

I’ve been meditating on this for a long time. How do I challenge the weirdness of Wild at Heart; the deviance of Blue Velvet; the grotesqueness of Eraserhead? Then I saw these memes and I realized this film has just made itself.

So it’s a kind of commentary on … society?

If you like. At first I intended to juxtapose these images with pictures of poverty, the rape of the environment and subtly point towards a theme of how capitalism is going to kill us all. But then I thought f@ck it! What’s the point? We’re all going to die anyway.

Where do these memes come from David? Who does this?

There are no answers, only the bleak certainty of oblivion. Look into Ryan Seacrest’s eyes. You see a void. That void gives me peace now. All is death and silence. Dust, death. Life is an illusion. Love is a dream.

Hold me.

I can’t.

The Beyonce and Jay-Z Shiity Facebook Meme Movie will be released in October, 2016.

BAZ LUHRMANN TO DIRECT WAR+PEACE

MELBOURNE – Baz Luhrmann has announced he is to direct a new cinematic version of the Russian classic Leo Tolstoy’s War and Peace, starring Hugh Jackman as Pierre Bezhukov and Nicole Kidman as Natasha Rostova.

The Strictly Ballroom director said:

I’ve done Shakespeare, definitively with Romeo + Juliet, adding that plus sign just to show I’m not afraid of the bald bastard. I’ve mastered F. Scott Fitzgerald with everyone bar none agreeing my Great Gatsby was a million times better than his ruddy novella. I’ve even done an entire bloody continent with Australia, where I was so bold I cast Nicole as a bloody Pom. So what’s left for me to do? Who can rise to the challenge of being worthy of the Luhrmann? Bazzer the boy? Eh? Eh? It was either Fifty Shades of Grey or Tolstoy and they wanted a Sheila to do the former so I got lumped with beardy.

What changes can we expect?

None. None whatsoever. I’ve decided to be entirely faithful to the book. I know this is a departure for me but on reading the book, or at least on reading the first few pages cause it’s bloody long and Candy Crush isn’t going to play itself, I thought to myself: this is fairly impressive. He’s no J.K: Rowling but he can write a bit this old Ruskie. So I reckon I’ll keep true to the ‘spirit’ of the book, very closely. 

Robin Williams will take the part of Napoleon and the music will be provided by a host of contemporary stars of the music scene, including Pharrel Williams, Ke$ha and Jay-Z.

Leo Tolstoy’s Hip + Hop will be released in 2015.

THE GREAT GATSBY: ‘TOO DOPE FOR WORDS’

Baz Luhrmann’s new epic The Great Gatsby is due out later this year and we’ve got EXCLUSIVE access to the post-production-process, with Jay-Z, the resident composer who along with Huey Lewis (formerly of Huey Lewis and the News) is supervising the soundtrack.

‘We got Spiderman, man, not spidermanman but like Spiderman comma man, dig,’ say-Z Jay-Z. ‘It’s so off the hook, it’s Yah-Yah Biscuits.’
Huey nods vigorously, ‘It’s like when I did “Too Hip to Be Square”, everyone was like this is too much. It’s too Avanty Gurd.’
‘We got the chick from Shameless, An Education, Drive, Never Let Me Go and a million over films and there’s Spidey and the Titanic Gang from New York his good self, Leonardo Da Vinci Code Di Caprio,’ says Jay-Z high fiving me as we walk from the heli-pad. ‘And the Baz-Tard [as he prefers to be know] he’s Mouliny Rougeing the fuck out of this mutha fucker.’
‘Michael J. Fix was like the “Power of Love”, isn’t that too sexually explicit?’ Huey laughs. ‘And I said hell no. It’s all about jizz, but no one will get it.’
‘When we saw the visual-Z the Duhrman was dropping on us, I was like “Woah!” I literally shit my pants,’ Jay-Z snorts.
‘Metaphorically, I think you mean,’ says Huey.
‘No, I sprayed them, babeee!’
We all collapse about laughing our asses off at this beautiful intimacy. ‘So,’ I ask, ‘the idea is that even with the Hip Hop and the CGI and the frenetic editing it keeps true to the spirit of the book?’
Huey and Jay-Z look at each other in a silence that has fallen suddenly.
‘There’s a book?’ they say in unison.